Cowboy Kind of Reckless

by Becca Turner

  “Put the clothes down.”

  He didn’t bother to ask why. They fell to the tile.

  Jody curled her hand into the soft fabric of his t-shirt and tugged. He willingly followed her into the shower, t-shirt, jeans, and all.

  Steam curled around them and the spray hit his back, but Nolan lowered his face to hers and captured her lips. His hands went to her waist and he pulled her tight against his body.

  She peeled his t-shirt up his chest as she rose on the balls of her feet. His bare skin burned against hers. Nolan tasted like coffee and smelled like some fancy aftershave that made her blood rush faster.

  “You make me insane,” he whispered in her ear. “I’m in the shower with my clothes on.”

  “We can do something about that.” She pulled the t-shirt over his head and dropped it on the shower floor. He made her a little insane too, but she liked it.

  “You know you’re gonna be very, very late for work.”

  She laughed against his shoulder. “If Peach knew what I was doing, I don’t think she’d disapprove.”

  Jody wished she knew what she was doing. Telling him one thing and doing another. That was insane.

  When his hands slipped down her hips, she couldn’t talk herself out of being with him. No room for common sense in her lust-addled mind.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nolan circled Jody in his arms. Sunlight streamed through his half-closed window shades, but he wanted to ignore it for the rest of the day. Jody fit perfectly against him and seemed content to remain beside him for now. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, because the second the outside world broke in, she’d probably run like a scalded dog.

  Her dark hair tickled his chest and smelled like his shampoo. He’d never given much thought to the scent, but it was his new favorite simply because Jody had used it.

  “Where did you get this mattress? I want one.” Jody snuggled closer to him. “I didn’t even know they made mattresses like clouds.”

  “You want it? It’s yours. Some conditions may apply.”

  She turned her face so she could see him. “Oh? Such as?”

  “You have to let me sleep in it and I have to be the only other person who gets to.” It was a nice mattress, but Jody was the reason he liked it so well at the moment.

  “Wow, those are big conditions coming from a guy who went through a girl a month.”

  “I didn’t. I have been single before. For longer than a week, even.”

  “Two weeks?” She laughed and rolled over to face him.

  “Ha, ha. You’re hilarious.” He brushed hair off her forehead. “You sound like Austin.”

  “Oh, don’t want that. So, did Tiffany pick out this mattress? These sheets?”

  She’d gone for indigo, like the little buntings that had flocked to the bird feeder Tiffany hung in the yard. He didn’t mind the color. Hadn’t had the energy to give the house a makeover despite Jody’s advice about having a yard sale.

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “The hell with her and California.” Jody pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Although she has sensible taste in mattresses. There might be a future in sales for her.”

  He smiled, but his heart wasn’t in Jody’s joke. “We worked on it together. Whatever else you might believe about her, Tiff was good with her hands. It took us months, but we were able to do the remodeling mostly on our own.”

  “Oh.” Her humor faded. “This is kind of like her house then. It’s got features she wanted. No wonder you were so drunk the night we met. Who would want to come back to this?”

  “I do, but I don’t. It’s the house I grew up in. It’s mine, through and through.” Even on days when it seemed too big and empty.

  “It’s a nice house,” she murmured.

  “It wasn’t always so nice. We grew up kind of poor. Dad ran a dairy, but he wasn’t great at it. For years, we wore clothes from the church donations box. Back then, the oil prices plummeted and the fields around here dried up. Everybody was struggling a little. We sure felt the pinch.”

  She nodded. “I know what you mean. Dad worked on a line for a while, but he liked to drink too much to stay sober and stick with it.”

  “It sucks.” He hugged her tighter. “I wanted to build something so I would end up raising kids with values like my folks had. I wanted something my family could be proud of. It’s taken time, but Austin and I have the ranch. We’re making money. Maybe not a ton, but it’s enough. We all made it through the rough patches, though, didn’t we?”

  “Sometimes I wonder.”

  “Well, you’re here on the heavenly mattress another woman picked out for me, so you can’t be doing too bad.”

  She smiled. “Okay, it’s not all terrible. So, you grew up poor, but you look like you’re doing pretty good now. I mean, there’s that dumb sign in front of your house. National champions and all.”

  “Dumb?”

  Jody nodded. “So dumb.”

  “I like my sign, thank you very much. And national champions twice.” He held up two fingers. “That warrants a sign.”

  “I think you like seeing your own face every time you turn up the driveway.” She ran her hand over his cheek. “It is a nice face.”

  “Take a picture. It’ll last longer.” He nipped her thumb when it passed across his mouth.

  Her dark brown gaze roved over his face, as though memorizing every detail. Normally, he liked grabbing a woman’s attention, but Jody’s face was so serious.

  Her expression softened. “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone the way Austin found Natalie and my dumb brothers found their wives. Somebody won’t be able to walk away from all this. From you.”

  A knot tightened his throat. “Why not you?”

  She lowered her gaze to his chest. “You want a family, don’t you?”

  “Sure, but right now I’m thinking more along the lines of just getting a wife. No need to rush into anything.” Realization slapped him hard. “We didn’t use a condom in the shower.”

  She scooted away from him. “You don’t have to worry about that.”

  “Birth control?”

  Rather than brighten her face, the smile she gave him darkened it. “I couldn’t give you a kid if I wanted to. It’s just one of the many shitty things that’s happened in my life.”

  She took his hand and traced the scar across her lower abdomen.

  “How’d you get it?” He didn’t want to ask, but she seemed to expect it.

  “I had a tumor when I was nineteen. Like a small cantaloupe they told me. It wasn’t malignant, but apparently it was hellbent on destroying my reproductive system. To simplify, it was easier for the doctors to yank it all.” Her voice held an edge, even though she tried to keep her tone light. Her voice, like her hands, trembled.

  It took him a moment to think of a response. “I’m sorry, Jody. That’s…rough.”

  “That’s one way of putting it.” She tucked the sheet around herself. “It’s better this way anyhow. I wouldn’t have the first clue when it came to raising kids.”

  Her mouth told one story and her eyes another. What could he say to ease her sadness? Not a damn thing he could think of. “At least you’ve got Will and Luke’s kids. I love hanging out with Casey. At the end of the day, I get to hand her back. It’s a good arrangement.”

  She studied him. “But you want kids.”

  “I wouldn’t say no to having them, but it’s not a deal breaker.” He meant it, but there was doubt on Jody’s face.

  “You have this house that’s all but begging for a swing set in the yard. At some point, Tiffany was probably thinking about filling this house with cute little replicas of you two.”

  “She didn’t, though, did she?” He scooted closer to her. “That’s all in the past. I’m ready to move forward.”

  “I bet there’s a woman out there who would gladly slide into Tiffany’s spot. Just keep looking for her.” She rolled to the edge of the bed, dragging the sheet with her. “As much fun as
the conversation is, I have to get going. Peach must be wondering where I am.”

  He raised himself on his elbows. “Is that why you hate going to see your brothers?”

  “What?” She yanked his t-shirt over her head.

  “Because Faith and Luke are having a baby?”

  Her gaze skittered away. “No. Of course not.”

  “You haven’t mentioned this to any of them?”

  “Why would I? It’s not exactly polite dinner conversation.” She moved toward the bedroom door. “I’m not actively avoiding my sister-in-law because she’s having a baby. Cross my heart.”

  Like he believed that. “You’re running. Again. Don’t you get tired of it?”

  “I have a job to do and I’m late. You probably have things you should be doing too. I need my clothes.”

  “What’s the problem? You walk around like you’ve got some big shield protecting your heart and when someone cracks it, you head the other direction.”

  She froze and frowned. “So what if I do?”

  “You’ve tried getting rid of me, but you keep coming back. So stay this time. Nothing you said to me changes the way I feel about you.”

  She arched an eyebrow. “How do you feel?”

  He grinned. “I’m not in love with you, but the line’s so fine, I wouldn’t bet my life on it.”

  She looked down and hair fell across her face. “You don’t want to fall in love with me, Nolan. It would be the biggest mistake you ever made. You have no idea who I am.”

  “I think I do.” He sat up, then walked to her. “You’re funny, smart, wounded—but who isn’t? You’re not sure why you’re in Swells or what you hoped to accomplish by coming here, but you got a family whether you wanted them or not. A family who might appreciate you not acting like an asshole when you see them. They only want to help. And maybe, just maybe, you picked up a drunk guy at a bar who’s a lot nicer than those other jerks you dated in the past. A real good guy. Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

  She stopped mid-roll and folded her arms. “It’s not that simple.”

  “Make it simple.”

  “I can’t. Some of the things I’ve done are unforgivable.” She hung her head. “Sorry.”

  “You kill someone? Steal a little old lady’s life savings? Define unforgivable for me.”

  She met his gaze head-on and fire replaced her sadness. “It means I can’t talk about it. There are things I’ll take with me to my grave. If there’s a part of someone you can’t know, then they aren’t worth your time. So move on and find Miss Perfect, wherever she is, because I guarantee I’m not her.”

  “No.” He crossed his arms. “I can be as stubborn as you. There’s nothing in the world that could make me change the way I feel about you.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  “Then surprise me.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “I…I know this person who…” She pinched her lips together. “What if someone thought you could help them, but you can’t? You physically have no way of helping and by getting involved, it would mess up that person’s whole life? And maybe that person doesn’t have a lot of time left, so it would just take away from any good days sh—they had.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t understand.”

  Her hands balled. “I hate myself because someone needs my help and I can’t do it.” Jody’s eyes filled with tears. “I want to, but I can’t. And because I can’t, it’s going to destroy a family.”

  Nolan pulled her into his arms. She believed what she was saying and it was tearing her apart. But to help, he needed more detail. Getting the truth out of her would be harder than lifting a car with his bare hands. “Maybe you could explain a little more?”

  “You can’t understand because family means something to you. All it ever meant to me was that I would be disappointed if I trusted my dad. And I’m no better than him.” She pressed her cheek against his bare chest. “I wanted to do the right thing, but all I did was mess up again.”

  “I’ll bet you’re nothing like your dad.” He rested his chin on her head. “I don’t know how to help you if you can’t tell me what’s going on.”

  “I’ve really got to go.” She wiped her eyes with her palms.

  “I’m your ride, remember?”

  Jody’s hands fell to her sides. “Oh.”

  He took one of her long-fingered hands in his. “Tell me when you’re ready. I’ll wait. And don’t say I can’t again.”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it.

  He’d give anything, the ranch included, to take the sorrow from her expression.

  * * * *

  “Those the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?”

  Will’s mischievous half smile didn’t do a thing to lighten Jody’s mood.

  “So what if they are?”

  The smile didn’t fade. “Easy there. You don’t have to take my head off. Just an innocent question.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Innocent my left foot. You’re meddling.”

  “I have to keep myself entertained somehow when Jessi and Bear aren’t around.” His gaze roved over to the pasture where Peach’s horses had spent the night.

  Maybe he wished he was down there with Luke and Nolan instead of stuck on the porch with her. “Did Luke say anything else about keeping Splash?”

  “Nope. You’d have to ask him what he wants to do.”

  “I told Nolan not to load him.” She’d taken a bathroom break to distance herself from him and gotten waylaid by her brother.

  “You don’t want the horse at Nolan’s?” Will’s gaze settled on her. “He giving you trouble?”

  “No, he is not, and don’t start that lame ass threatening you were doing last time.”

  “You’re blushing.” He tipped his head back and laughed. “You still sleeping with him? I thought you’d have booted him out of your bed by now.”

  Her skin went hot on her cheeks. “Shut up.”

  “You like him, then.”

  “I’m not having this conversation with you.” She folded her arms and glared at him. “Mind your own business.”

  Will rested his chin in his palm. “I see. When’s the wedding?”

  She groaned. “You are impossible.”

  “So they tell me.” His eyes sparkled with laughter. “You make it easy.”

  “Why?” She faced him. “Why do you bother teasing me? Why waste your time on someone you know won’t stick around?”

  His humor died. “What’s got you in a twist?”

  Dad. Joy. Danica’s letter. The knot in my boob. Every bad choice I ever made. Nolan. Especially the way Nolan talked this morning. “Nothing. I’m my usual cheerful self.”

  “Cheerful like a mad dog.”

  “Says Mr. Ray of Sunshine.”

  His somber gaze pinned her. Like he could see into her soul.

  “Stop staring at me. It’s creepy.” She turned away from him. “Don’t get attached, okay? I don’t want you to cry a river when I leave.”

  “You don’t have to leave. You know that.”

  “Everybody leaves, Will. In one way or another.” She probably didn’t need to tell him. Finding their mom dead of a drug overdose had taught him that much.

  “You’re so damn cryptic. It gets on my nerve.”

  “Nerve?”

  “Yeah. Luke used up most of them, so there’s only one left. Normally it’s reserved for Jess, but now I’ve got you too.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I have to go talk to Luke about Splash.”

  “You’d miss us. If you really left. Seems like you don’t know what to do with us, but in our annoying way, we’ve already gotten under your skin. Do me a favor and stop with the leaving crap. I’m not buying any.”

  “You don’t have to buy it. It’s the truth.” Anxiety squeezed her ribcage. What would it be like to die? To die alone? She’d been at her dad’s side, holding his hand, even though he hadn’t deserved it. But she didn’t
want to put Will or Luke through that. It wasn’t fair.

  “Yeah, sure it is. At the risk of sounding mushy, if you need someone to talk to, I keep my phone on all night. You just call and say whatever you’ve got to say.”

  The anxiety worked up a knot in her throat. She cleared it. “Thanks.”

  “Any time.”

  “I wish… I wish Mom and Dad hadn’t been so selfish. Things could’ve been a lot different for all of us.” She twisted her pendant. “Sorry for being such a grouch.”

  “I’ve been there. I could write a book on bottling up your feelings. By the way, Nolan likes you. Likes you, likes you.”

  Her shoulders stiffened. “No, he doesn’t.”

  “Then why has he looked over here like ten billion times? He ain’t lookin’ at me, sis.”

  She got up the nerve to look toward the pen. The horses, minus Splash, were loaded. Luke and Nolan leaned against the fence railing, talking. “He’s probably annoyed because I didn’t help. I’m wasting time with you.”

  “Family time is never wasted. Shame on you.”

  That, from the world’s surliest cowboy. “You’re a dope.”

  “You’re a brat.”

  She smiled. “Yeah, maybe.”

  “Stop.”

  Jody shook her head. “It’s not that easy. I’ve spent years perfecting my brattiness. You can’t expect me to change overnight.”

  Will rubbed his chin. “You’d be surprised what love can do for you.”

  Her brother, waxing philosophical. “You writing Hallmark cards now or something?”

  “Might be. You never know. Go on, admit you like Nolan.”

  “He deserves someone way better than me.” She closed her hand around the horse head. “I’m just leading him along for now. He knows that.”

  “You think I don’t know Jessi deserved someone better than me? But she accepted me like this anyhow, baggage and all. She made me happy. If Nolan makes you happy, then why not—”

  “Stop. Please don’t say anything else. It’s not that simple.” How many times would she have to repeat that?

  “Only because you won’t let it be. So you’re a terrible person. He doesn’t care. I’m a terrible person and Jessi married me anyway. The crazy woman had a baby with me. And Luke, oh boy, has Luke done some shitty things. He’s maybe an okay person, but he’s done his share of horrible things. He’ll tell you that. Maybe it’s because of our parents and maybe it’s because we made bad choices on our own, but you can still move forward. Leave all that behind if you try.”