Damned and Desolate

by S D Hegyes

  “Yeah. When I leave, I want to make it so they can’t bring me back, can’t find a way to pull me back in.” She shrugged. “Plus, my father will probably disown me, and if he does, I don’t want anything reminiscent of him.”

  “Including his name?” Abaddon guessed.

  Sorsha snapped her finger, pointing at him. “Right. You got it.”

  “What are you planning on changing your name to?”

  “My mother’s maiden name.” She remembered she’d introduced herself to him as Phantom, which wasn’t her name. . . yet. She sighed. “Currently, my name is Sorsha Johnston, but I plan on changing Johnston to Phantom, as I told you my name was.”

  He grunted. “You lied about your name?”

  “So did you,” she pointed out and was surprised when he flinched.

  “I didn’t lie,” he said in a low voice even as he bent over the steering wheel as if trying to curl in on himself. “I stretched the truth a bit.”

  “Well then, so did I. I’m not a Phantom yet, but in another year or so, I will be, so it wasn’t a lie.”

  He grunted. “Depends on your viewpoint, but I get your point.” He grinned at her. “I also understand why you’re doing it. I hadn’t thought of changing my last name.” He rubbed at his jaw, considering. “Maybe I should do the same. Might make it harder for—” He stopped, glancing at her. “Nevermind.”

  “You mentioned before that you escaped a bad situation?” Sorsha kept her voice low, afraid he might clam up and not answer her questions.

  Abaddon sighed. “Yes. A bad situation with a bad person. Not someone you’ll ever meet in this lifetime.”

  She held up her hands with a grin. “Whoa there. I think you’re moving a little fast. I never said I was interested in meeting the family yet.”

  It had the effect she wanted. He laughed, the sound boisterous and loud in the small space of the car, but infectious as well. She joined in and a few seconds later, neither seemed to understand why they were still laughing.

  Then Abaddon sobered. “Do you love him?” he asked.

  The question seemed out of the blue, and Sorsha wasn’t sure who he was talking about. “Who?” She’d told him about being engaged to Preston. Was that who he was talking about? Or her father, who was marrying her off in the first place?

  “Whoever it is you’re supposed to marry. Do you love him?”

  She recoiled, her lip curling in disgust. “No. Not just no. Hell no.” She shook her head. “When I first met him, I had a crush on him. He fixed that right up for me and has become my biggest tormentor. He’s the reason the others call me a freak.” She frowned. “Not that they’re wrong, but that doesn’t make it any better.”

  He nodded. “Tell me about him.”

  “Preston?” Why did he want to know about Preston? “What’s there to know? He’s the son of the preacher. He’s a prick. The end.”

  “Well, why did you have a crush on him?”

  She sneered at him. “You really want to know this.”

  Abaddon gave her a solemn look. “I do.”

  “He’s cute. And, when I first met him, he was sweet. Really sweet. He told the others to leave me alone. I guess he didn’t believe I had magic or something. Or maybe it was the fact that he couldn’t split me in half and share the joke with his friends while still keeping me at the same time.”

  “You mean, like he plans to do now when he marries you?” Abaddon interrupted.

  “That’s right.” She turned toward the window again. “It’s kinda one of those ‘if I can’t have her, no man shall’ moments honestly. He wants me, despite his knowledge that he shouldn’t.” She gave him a knowing glance and flipped her hair back with sarcastic flair. “I mean, come on. Look at me. What’s not to like?”

  Abaddon gave her a cursory glance, like she wanted him to, before he turned his attention to the road. She knew she was attractive. Long, dark hair. Plump lips. Gorgeous gray eyes. She had a pretty face and a curvy body. What’s not to like, indeed.

  “Absolutely nothing,” he answered her honestly.

  She smiled at his compliment. “You’re pretty yummy-looking yourself.”

  He barked a bitter laugh. “We’re not doing so good at not making this something it can’t be, are we?”

  She shrugged. “Well, we’re not screwing each other’s brains out.”

  His mouth twitched at the corner, and his hands tightened around the wheel. She turned to the window before he could see her knowing smile. “You know, I get the feeling we’re a little more alike than you care to admit. You said you were getting away from an abusive him. My parents aren’t really abusive. I mean, I’m fed and clothed and I have a safe place to stay if you think about it. The trouble lies in that I’m afflicted—” She spat the word, wishing she could destroy it rather than say it. “—and because of that, I’m impure. Different. Not worth having around.” She sighed. “I can’t help but wish I were normal every once in a while.”

  The pain in her voice made her heart ache more. It was something she never wanted to admit out loud, but she wanted acceptance, wanted love. Maybe that was why she was willing to hang out with someone dangerous who’d never once cast her in a bad light. She wasn’t certain, and she didn’t know if she wanted to know.

  Abaddon mumbled something about teeth that she didn’t quite understand.

  Out of the corner of her eyes, Sorsha saw Abaddon’s jaw tighten and his hands shifted on the steering wheel.

  “You alright?” She leaned forward to get a better look at his face, eyebrows raised.

  He gave her a quick look before he shook his head. “I’m good. Just got caught up in my own thoughts for a moment there.” He smiled at her without revealing his teeth.

  Was there something wrong with his mouth? He’d never smiled that way before. It was as if he were hiding something.

  “Open your mouth?”

  “Why?”

  Sorsha watched him as he spoke, noting how two of his front teeth had elongated. They were more alike than he cared to reveal.

  Tilting her head to the side, Sorsha considered him and returned his smile, although she revealed her teeth. Another similarity.

  Abaddon’s eyes trailed to her teeth, to the extended canines. They’d always been longer than the rest of her teeth. Not by much, but enough, and they’d always had a defined point as well. She’d learned quickly over the years how not to bite her tongue with them.

  “Yes,” she said, more to herself than to him. “We’re alike in that regard too.”

  “What?” he asked, his mouth dropping open in confusion.

  Her head tilted back as she laughed. “Our teeth are the same I’ve noticed.” She shrugged. “It’s not like it’s rare to have longer canines. I don’t even remember mine half the time anymore.”

  “Oh.” He turned his attention back to the road, mumbling again, but she could see the regret on his face. She wasn’t supposed to see his teeth, she knew.

  She looked out the sedan’s front windshield, a knowing smile on her face. “Yes,” she said. “Maybe driving’s more important right now.”

  He swore.

  The man sitting across from Sorsha frowned at her and leaned forward until his elbows were on his desk. “So,” he said and cleared his throat. “Let me get this straight. You never finished school and don’t have a diploma?”

  She shook her head.

  “You don’t have a driver’s license?”

  Once again, she shook her head.

  “You don’t have any of your personal information either? No birth certificate? No social security card?”

  She started to shake her head, but then paused. “I’m pretty certain I can get those, but I don’t have them at the moment, no. Also, I do have a GED.”

  Almost too late, Sorsha remembered Abaddon wasn’t behind her. She started to turn toward him and apologize for a wasted trip. Then she remembered he’d told her he had a place to go since they were in town and left her and the car at the re
cruitment office.

  The man across from her shook his head. “I’m sorry, but you can’t join unless you can provide documentation.”

  She sighed and her shoulders sank. “It was worth a shot,” she said, and she smiled at him. “At least I can say I tried.”

  He watched her for a moment and then said, “Are you serious about joining the service?”

  She studied his face without speaking, trying to gauge whether his question was serious or not. Was he another man who believed a woman’s place was in the kitchen?

  His face gave away nothing. “I am. I need a way to get out of a situation I’m in. Maybe joining the military isn’t the best way, but it’s my only option currently.

  He nodded his head and sat back in his chair. “Then here’s my advice. I don’t know what you’ve got going on. Frankly, it’s none of my business. However, you seem to have your mind set, so I’m going to let you know a couple things now. First, no matter where you go or what you do, you’re going to need some ID. It doesn’t have to be a driver’s license, but you do need some kind of identification. State ID, passport, green card. Doesn’t matter. You’ll need it.”

  She nodded her understanding. That wasn’t what she’d expected at all, but she liked it.

  “Second, get all your documentation if you don’t have it already. You seem young, like you’re seventeen? Eighteen?”

  “Eighteen.” She nodded. “Thought you had to be eighteen to enlist.”

  “You do.” The sergeant nodded. “Some sign enlistment forms early so they’re ready to hit the road as soon as they turn eighteen.”

  “Makes sense.” She rubbed at the knuckles of her right hand. “What else should I be prepared for?”

  He glanced around the office before leaning forward once more. “Start studying. You’ll need to pass the ASVAB to enlist.”

  “ASVAB?” She’d never heard of it before.

  “It’s an acronym. Stands for Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery. You can find practice tests on the site and it’ll tell you more about it. Basically, it will tell you whether you qualify to enlist or not and to which branch if you do.”

  “Oh. That makes sense.” She grabbed the card he passed to her with a smile.

  “Once you’ve done all that, come back and talk to me again, alright?” He held out his hand.

  “Sorsha.” She grasped his hand.

  “Sergeant Braun. Sorsha? From Willow?”

  “Yeah. My mother was a fan. As luck would have it, my mother says I’m a lot like her too.”

  He chuckled. “I believe it.”

  “Right? Anyway, I’ll be sure to come back, Sergeant Braun. Once I have everything in order. It might be a while, but I’ll get it done.”

  He smiled at her. “I’d like to see that. You seem to have the gumption to join, even if you lack the credentials at the moment. I look forward to hearing whether you get them.”

  She gave him a feral grin. “I’ll get them. You can bet on that.”

  He chuckled and shook his head. “I have no doubt about that. Something tells me you’re a force to be reckoned with once you’ve set your mind to something. Maybe it was the stare-down you gave me when I asked if you were serious. Maybe it was the fact that you admitted you weren’t ready without hesitation.” He tilted his head from shoulder-to-shoulder. “It doesn’t matter in the long run. I’m interested to see how far you’re willing to go to escape your situation.”

  “Pretty far,” she told him.

  “Good luck, Sorsha.”

  “Thanks.” She gave Sergeant Braun one last warm smile before she stood and stepped outside the recruitment office. She’d expected to see Abaddon waiting for her, but the car was still parked outside the storefront, and he wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

  Sorsha put her hands on her hips as she looked both directions down the strip of stores and businesses. She didn’t even know where he’d gone to. He’d mentioned he had something to do in town and taken off, telling her he’d meet back up with her.

  She hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but she realized she didn’t have any way of contacting him. She didn’t have a phone, and even if she did, she didn’t know his phone number.

  Should I wait for him? She shook her head. She wasn’t going to wait. She had things to do, places to be, people to see. She had a lot of work ahead of her if she planned on getting out of Shaded Glade it seemed.

  Decision made, Sorsha turned around and returned to Sergeant Braun’s desk. “Do you have a paper I could use, Sergeant Braun? And a pen?”

  He blinked in confusion before he nodded and pulled a sheet of computer paper from the printer behind him. He passed her a pen with it.

  “Thanks.” She jotted a quick note to Abaddon before she handed Sergeant Braun his pen back.

  He gave her a curious look as he took it, but said nothing.

  She returned to the car, folded her note, and stuck it under one of the windshield wipers. “There,” she said aloud. “Now he’ll know where to find me.”

  She gave one final nod of satisfaction before she headed off toward the courthouse, the next stop on her ever-growing list of things to do.

  She had less luck at the courthouse. Sorsha had never looked up what she needed to do to get her name changed. She’d been under the impression she only had to fill out some paperwork, sign her name, and that would be it.

  Oh, how wrong she’d been.

  The woman at the counter helped her as much as she could. She told Sorsha about the process and how everything would work out. In the end, Sorsha decided it would be best to wait to have her name changed until she had all the same documentation she needed for the recruitment office.

  Sergeant Braun hadn’t lied when he’d mentioned everything she’d need in life. Not that she’d thought he had, but the reality of it all hit her when she stepped inside the courthouse looking to change her name.

  “Are you getting married?” the woman at the counter asked her as she looked over the paperwork.

  “Trying not to actually,” Sorsha gave her a wan smile, her sight blurring at the number of forms she had to fill out.

  The woman clicked her tongue. “I’m sorry dear. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

  Sorsha shook her head and thanked her, handing the blank forms back to her. The woman had been nice enough to answer as many questions as she could think of.

  Outside, she took a deep breath and released it with a loud huff. It had been a huge day of disappointments and eye-opening realizations so far, but she hadn’t really expected it to be as easy as it seemed either.

  “Alright,” she said with a huff. “Next stop, library,”

  The library was a plethora of information. It was how Sorsha continued her education after her father decided she’d known enough to make it in Shaded Glade. Of course, her father didn’t know Sorsha had continued studying. She'd read books about science and history, struggled through math and reading problems. She had her mother had kept that as quiet as they could.

  It was a reason to appreciate her mother. Her father didn’t like the way she behaved. Her mother didn’t mind at all.

  “Be true to your gifts, no matter what,” she’d said on more than one occasion, and Sorsha believed her. It was one of the reasons she fought her father so often about her power’s existence. Why it irritated her when he treated it like an illness that would go away if handled correctly.

  She didn’t want to be handled correctly. She had no desire to be handled at all.

  There were plenty of books on the ASVAB, and Sorsha could use the computers to take a handful of practice tests. She struggled with it. No surprise there. However, she did better than she thought she would when she saw the first questions and realized it was a timed test.

  She couldn’t take any of the ASVAB books home. However, she could make copies, and although she didn’t have any money for copies, she had a starting place, which was all she cared about.

  Shelvin
g the books once more, Sorsha let out a sigh. She hoped Abaddon hadn’t abandoned her in Hardin. She didn’t think he had, but as she thanked the librarian, she couldn’t help but wonder.

  The walk from the courthouse to the library had taken less than five minutes, sure, but she’d been in the library for a couple hours already.

  The sun blinded her as she stepped out the front door. She hissed and held her hand to block the light blinding her.

  A low chuckle caught her attention. “You some kind of vampire or something?”

  Sorsha blinked a couple of times and looked at Abaddon, leaning against the wall in front of her. “Hey, Abaddon. Thought you said I was a phantom.” She tilted her head to the side and grinned at him.

  With a grunt, he pushed himself off the wall and stalked toward her. She felt a thrill run through her with a wave of fear that passed when he smiled and held up the paper she’d left under the windshield wiper.

  “Got your note.” He glanced down at it before looking up at her again. “Sorry it took me so long. I was getting a few things.” He held up a bag in his other hand before bringing it close to him. He dug through it with his free hand and pulled out something.

  “What’s this?” She looked down at the object he handed her.

  He chuckled. “It’s a phone. What’s it look like?”

  She rolled her eyes at him. “Let me rephrase my question. Why are you handing me a phone?”

  “So you have a way to talk to me.” He winked at her and reached into the bag once more. “That took me the longest to get set up. Sorry. Had to pretend to be your cousin to get it done.” He shook his head and pulled a postcard from the bag.

  She took the postcard when he stretched his arm out to her. There was information about a PO box on it.

  “Abaddon,” she said, hesitation in her voice. “What is all this?” She raised her gaze to his, confusion clear in her eyes.

  He reached forward and took her hand in his. Her power flared inside her, and when she looked down, yellow smoke swam around their joined hands. Her power ate up the chance to expose itself.