Damned and Desolate

by S D Hegyes

  “So they’re taking away my ability to make my own choice about the matter.” It sounded like something Shaded Glade would do. “Trap me here forever and make me bend to their will.”

  Her mother’s frown deepened. “I wish I could say that wasn’t true, but it is.” She reached forward and squeezed Sorsha’s hands. “This is the life for me, the life I’ve chosen, but I understand it’s not the one for you.” She shook her head. “That said, I don’t know how you’re going to get what you need.”

  Sorsha sighed. “Neither do I.”

  Pulling her back into her arms, her mother gave her another hug. “You’ll figure it out. You’re smart and resourceful.”

  “Thanks, Mom.” A small smile crossed her face. “So, how come Father isn’t in here to punish me? I’ve been gone all day.” She held up her hands. “Not that I’m complaining, but I did think it was odd he wasn’t in the living room ready to scold me.”

  Her mother smiled at her, her eyes twinkling. “I told him you were sick. You’ve been throwing up all day and I’d demanded you stay in bed.”

  That would do it. Sorsha nodded. “Makes sense. I’ve done that before.”

  “It helped that his stomach was a little queasy after dinner the night before. I told him it must have affected you worse than him.”

  Sorsha tried to remember the last time she got sick but couldn’t.

  “Can magical beings get sick?” she teased her mother. She sat on her bed and invited the older woman to join her.

  Her mother pondered that for a moment. “We’re the only magical beings I’ve ever met,” she confessed, “so I don’t know.”

  Sorsha nodded. “It doesn’t matter really.” She twisted her hands the way she’d seen her mother doing not long prior.

  “Something on your mind?”

  For a moment, Sorsha hesitated, but when she glanced up at her mother, she knew she couldn’t lie to her. “I met someone. That’s where I was today.” She shrugged one shoulder. “Well, that’s not where I was today. He took me to Hardin so I could do some research. I talked to a recruitment officer and a woman at the courthouse.”

  Her mother’s eyes widened. “What did you find out? Who is this person you’ve met?”

  “Which do you want to know first?”

  “I think I can guess what you learned from the courthouse and the recruitment officer. That’s why you need all your personal information.”

  She nodded. “Yes.”

  “Tell me about the man.” Her mother twisted in her seat, bracing one foot on the ground while the other bent at the knee in half a criss-cross and supported her on the bed.

  Sorsha mirrored her position. “His name is Abaddon, or so he tells me. I don’t believe it for a minute, but that’s fine.”

  “Why would he lie?”

  “I did too. I told him my last name was Phantom.”

  At that, her mother’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in a large O. She covered it with her hands. “So you’ve decided?”

  She nodded. “I have. I want to change my name to Sorsha Phantom when I leave here. It won’t really make a difference, but it will to me.”

  Her mother wrapped her in another hug. “I’m honored you’ll be taking my maiden name. Thank you.”

  When they parted, Sorsha continued. “He’s similar to me, but claims he’s not a phantom. Knows a bit about them though.” She proceeded to explain what Abaddon had told her about the difference between ghosts and spirits.

  “Vampires?” her mother said, eyes wide.

  “Crazy, right?” Sorsha laughed.

  Her mother didn’t. In fact, Sorsha would’ve guessed that her mind whirled and she was piecing together other bits of information together like a puzzle.

  “Anyway, so he offered me a ride to Hardin and I accepted.”

  She knew Melinda Johnston was no fool. When her mother studied her face, she knew she wasn’t hiding how attracted she felt toward the man, knew her mother could see it.

  “You like this man? Abaddon?”

  “I do,” Sorsha said, nodding. “We’re not taking it anywhere because both of us are leaving soon, but we’re hanging out together.”

  “You’re being careful.”

  “Mom, I honestly feel safer with Abaddon than I’ve ever felt around Preston. That says something. I know Abaddon’s dangerous. I know it. But I still feel like I’m safer with him than I am with Preston.”

  Her mother chuckled at that. “I imagine that’s not that hard to do honestly. Preston gives me the creeps as well. There’s something. . .” She shook her head as her words trailed off. “There’s something not right about that young man.”

  “You mean, other than the fact that he thinks he and I will have sex often enough to give him twelve children?” Sorsha huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. “And people call me crazy.”

  “That is pretty crazy.” Her mother smiled. “So, what does Abaddon look like? Tell me all about him.”

  “Will you tell Father?” It was the one reason she’d been scared to talk to her mother at all, but she knew she couldn’t do anything less after her mother covered for her.

  “If he doesn’t ask, I won’t tell. Since he believes you were sick, he probably won’t ask.”

  Sorsha nodded. She guessed it made sense. She told her mother what Abaddon looked like, although she left out the fact that his eyes had a tendency to change colors and his teeth could lengthen.

  “And he’s been good to you?” Her mother’s voice was soft, as if she was afraid to ask.

  “Yes,” Sorsha said with a sigh. “He is, actually.” She was silent for a moment, studying her mother before she made the decision to tell her about the fair. “We’re going to the fair together Friday.”

  “You are?” The woman’s eyes widened. “How are you planning on getting there? That’s in Hardin.”

  “I know,” Sorsha said. “I can hitch a ride. Or I can walk. It’s not a big deal.”

  Her mother shook her head. “I’ll take you. I’ll tell your father I need to pick up some groceries. It wouldn’t be a lie. It’ll take you hours to get there if you walk.”

  Sorsha shrugged. “I’d been prepared to walk, but thank you. I appreciate it.”

  “Do I get to meet him?”

  She opened her mouth to answer and then shook her head. “Not this time, Mom. Like I said, we’re not making this anymore than a couple days together. He’s leaving over the weekend. I don’t want you to make it more either.”

  “That’s a shame. He sounds good for you.”

  “He has been so far,” Sorsha admitted. She remembered the phone and postcard in her pocket, but she didn’t tell her mother about either. Not yet. Better to wait until after she had a plan in place to get out of Shaded Glade before she told her about either. Better to wait until she’d left Shaded Glade behind completely if she were honest.

  “That’s good, dear.” Her mother patted her leg. “It’s about time someone’s good to you, even if it is only for a short time.” She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand. “Well, it’s late. I’ll be going to bed now.” She leaned forward and kissed Sorsha’s forehead. “I’ll see you in the morning. Unless you plan on going out again tomorrow. I can make it so you’re still sick.”

  Sorsha shook her head. “No. I’ll be home. I’ll help you clean tomorrow.”

  Her mother hugged her. “That’s alright, honey. You figure out a way to get a hold of your documents. I don’t know how you’re going to convince Andrew you need them.”

  Sorsha shook her head. She didn’t either.

  16

  Moving to Shaded Glade changed a lot of traditions in the Johnston household. Women in the community were supposed to care for the rest of the family: cook, clean, and raise children.

  Sorsha’s mother hadn’t been any exception to that rule, and Sorsha had to admit that her mother accepted her role with little complaint. She even taught Sorsha how to do everything she did so that when Sorsha married,
she would be prepared.

  In many ways, Sorsha was like the rest of the young women in the community. She could cook any meal her father wanted, wash and fold laundry any way required, and knew the basics of raising a child. Her mother had taught her that around her homeschooling lessons.

  Thursday, the day after Sorsha and Abaddon spent all day in Hardin, Sorsha helped her mother deep clean the house. They scrubbed windows and washed what felt like every piece of laundry in the house. It all got folded and put away as well. Floors were swept and mopped or vacuumed as well.

  “You know,” her mother told her, squeezing her shoulder when they’d finished. “Even if you didn’t leave, you’d make Preston a fine wife.”

  Sorsha sneered. “Yeah, right.”

  “No, really. You do match the ideals of the community, Sorsha.”

  “I couldn’t do this. Not the way you do, Mom. Not day in and day out. This is all you do.”

  “It’s not,” her mother protested, pointing to her knitting. “I do other things as well.”

  Sorsha nodded her head. “When you’ve finished, just like we have, yes. Never before. Never instead of. Don’t you miss teaching?”

  Her mother thought about that for a minute. “Sometimes, but I find enjoyment from this too.”

  “I don’t.” Sorsha shook her head. “This is work. And not the kind I enjoy doing.”

  They both laughed at that, their heads pressing together before her mother released her.

  The two of them pulled away from one another when someone knocked on the door.

  Sorsha glanced between the clock on the living room wall and her mother. “Expecting someone? It’s a little early for Father to be home, and he wouldn’t knock.”

  Her mother shook her head. “No. Not that I know of.” She walked toward the door and opened it, leaning back a little in surprise when she saw who was at the door. “Oh. Hello, Robert. This is a pleasant surprise. Can I help you?”

  Curious, Sorsha looked about her mother to see who was at the door.

  Everyone called Robert Bobby. Except her mother, it seemed. Sorsha wondered why she hadn’t ever noticed that.

  Bobby and Preston were as thick as thieves, and anything Preston wanted done without getting his hands dirty fell to Bobby.

  Once upon a time, his loyalty impressed her. Now she despised it.

  Bobby was not a small young man. He was large, built like a tank, with thick, corded muscles. When he spotted Sorsha with his brown eyes, they narrowed just short of being menacing.

  The large man might have scared Sorsha, except she knew she terrified him. He’d complained to Preston on more than one occasion, when he thought she couldn’t hear of course, how often he had nightmares about her. From the way he talked sometimes, one might have thought she was the bogeyman.

  She didn’t do anything to allay his fears on that one. If anything, she encouraged it, trying to do anything spooky she could while in his presence.

  “Can I help you?” her mother asked Bobby, yanking Sorsha from her thoughts.

  Bobby lowered his head. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnston. I’m here to see Sorsha, if you don’t mind.”

  “Sure,” her mother said, stepping aside and allowing him inside. “Come on in. Can I get you something to drink?”

  The young man didn’t step inside. He took a step back and lowered his head again. “Actually, Mrs. Johnston, is it alright if Sorsha and I go for a walk around the community? I'll bring her back before dark, I promise.”

  Her mother glanced at her, as if seeking her permission, but Sorsha couldn’t give her anything more than a shrug.

  While Bobby had never hurt her in the past, there was a first time for everything, and she couldn’t shake the sudden feeling of dread bubbling in her stomach. She had no idea what Bobby could want, but she found herself intrigued that he was there.

  He must be here on Preston’s orders. I can’t see any other reason he might be here.

  “I guess that would be fine. I was about to start making dinner. Should I expect you to join us?” her mother asked Bobby.

  “No, ma’am. I need to talk to Sorsha, and then I’ll be on my way.”

  “Alright then.” Her mother turned and looked at her. “Sorsha?”

  “Right.” Sorsha pulled on her shoes and snagged her jacket, throwing it on as she stepped outside. She closed the door behind her, telling her mother she’d be back soon, even though her unease grew even as she did so.

  “Where do you want to go?” Sorsha asked Bobby by way of conversation after she straightened.

  Bobby watched her, fear and unease clear in his brown eyes. A breeze rustled his brown hair, and sent a shiver down Sorsha’s back. The temperature was dropping.

  It was still too early for snow, but Sorsha wondered if they might get it soon after all. She tucked her arms together and waited for Bobby to answer her.

  “Hello? Earth to Bobby? Where do you want to go and what do you want to talk about?” She pulled one hand from her armpit and waved it in Bobby’s face.

  Bobby blinked and jumped back with a gasp as if Sorsha had bitten him.

  “Jeez,” Sorsha sneered. “I haven’t even touched you.”

  “But you planned on it,” Bobby said.

  She snorted at him. “In your dreams, Bobby. Now, why are you here? I assume it’s got something to do with your lord and master, Preston. Am I right?”

  It was Bobby’s turn to sneer. “He’s not my lord and master. God is.”

  “Yeah,” Sorsha agreed, nodding. “Sure he is. God’s the one that commanded you come to my house and ask me to take a walk.” She gestured around them. As they’d talked, they had moved away from her house and were deep in the shadows between her house and her neighbors.

  The dread in her stomach quadrupled. She didn’t like where they were, didn’t like that they were alone, didn’t like that—despite his fear of her—Bobby could crush her like a bug under his boot if he wished.

  She reached toward her back pocket, feeling the comfort of the cards there and wondering if she needed to call forth Private Thaddeus. She hadn’t called him since the night she’d met Abaddon, and she wondered briefly if he still hated her. Probably. She did change his haunt and prevent him from ever returning to the monument unless she called. She’d hate her too.

  “What are you doing?” Bobby asked.

  “Nothing,” Sorsha said and dropped her hand back at her side. “Itching. Nothing more.”

  He grunted, and she knew he didn’t believe her. That was fine. He didn’t need to.

  “What are you doing, Bobby? Got a message from Preston?”

  He started to grin, but then seemed to realize who he was talking to again. The grin fell from his face. “I do.” He nodded. “Preston wants you to stop this whole ghost nonsense and see reason.”

  “And you?” She backed away as Bobby took a step closer, scanning the alley without taking her eyes off Bobby for a way out.

  She couldn’t believe she’d allowed herself to walk this way. They were alone and hidden in the shadows. He could do anything to her and none would be the wiser. Hell, half the community might believe she deserved whatever comeuppance occurred to her.

  “It doesn’t matter what I believe. I’m not the one marrying you.”

  “And what happens when I refuse, Bobby? We both know I’m going to. Unlike you, I’m not Preston’s dog. I don’t roll over and play dead any time he comes calling.” She barked a short laugh. “That’s what irks him the most about me. He knows I won’t lie over and take what he dishes out. He knows I’m going to fight him every step of the way, and he doesn’t like that, does he?”

  She knew she had the situation pegged when Bobby grit his teeth and didn’t respond. “That’s the way it’s always been. Preston in control. As long as he’s in control, everything’s copasetic, right? No ripples in the water?”

  “Shut up. You don’t know anything.”

  “Ah!” Sorsha corrected. “But I do.” She knew it
was stupid to bait him, but he was larger than her and could hurt her if he wanted to. She wanted to make sure he didn’t, that he was as afraid of her as he was Preston. Maybe more-so.

  “I know you come crawling to Preston with your tail between your legs whenever he comes calling,” she told him.

  “Shut up, Sorsha.”

  Her words were having the opposite effect on Bobby she wanted. I should have expected that, she thought.

  His anger made her braver for some reason. The dread disappeared, leaving her calm and collected, something she knew Bobby wasn’t. His fists curled as he ground his teeth, as if biting his tongue.

  “How long have you been doing everything Preston asked you to do?” Sorsha asked, placing her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side. “A few months, a couple years, as long as you’ve known each other.” She smirked. “I bet it’s been as long as you’ve known each other. Preston’s really good at finding those he deems worthless and pretending to build them up into something more.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t I?” She smiled. “Preston sent you to have a talk with me instead of coming himself.”

  “He’s working.”

  “He could have come after.”

  “It’ll be dark by then. He didn’t want to seem rude.”

  She shrugged. “Maybe, except he’s expected for dinner every night now that we’re engaged.” She watched him turn that one over in his mind. “Since he’s expected for dinner, he could have talked to me then. Warned me then. Except for one problem.”

  “What’s that?” She knew she had Bobby then.

  “He knows I won’t listen to him.” She smiled at Bobby. “He also knows I won’t listen to you. He’s counting on it actually.” Her smile became a frown. “Tell me, Bobby, what did he tell you to do if I didn’t comply? Because we both know I’m not going to. I’ve already said it, first of all. Second, I’m not you. I don’t do everything Preston tells me to just because he’s going to be the future leader of this community. He’s not my boss, and I don’t have to listen to him, don’t have to listen to you. So, tell me. What did he tell you to do if I didn’t listen?”