She looked so woebegone he could not resist kissing her. Then she snuggled close. He breathed in her scent, already so familiar.
‘Still, I like that option,’ she said. ‘Although the loss of privacy might become an issue.’
‘It would become an issue anyway,’ he said. ‘Because if it worked out between us the next step would be making things more permanent between us.’ He put up his hand. ‘That doesn’t mean I’m proposing. This is a hypothetical discussion, based on the way things work in your family.’
If the day ever came that he asked Natalia to marry him he had strong, traditionally male ideas of how it would happen.
‘Of course it’s hypothetical,’ she said. ‘But then—again speaking hypothetically—we would have to face the biggest of the questions. Who lives where?’
‘Which means either you live with me in Sydney or I sell my business and live here?’
‘That about sums it up,’ she said.
He folded his arms across his chest. ‘That would be a really big deal for me. To walk away from the company that was my grandparents’ would be very hard in terms of family dynamics. I’m very close to my family. It would be difficult for all concerned if I become only an infrequent visitor.’
She crossed her legs, uncrossed them. ‘And then there’s my side of the story. I’d still remain second in line to the throne. To leave my country would be very difficult. I would almost certainly have to give up my title and all it entails. I was born to be a princess. I know nothing else. I can’t earn my own living. The thought is terrifying.’
‘It’s all a bit terrifying,’ he said.
She laughed, but there was an edge to her laughter. ‘Can you imagine if anyone could overhear us? What a bizarre conversation. To be thinking so far ahead when, as you point out, we hardly know each other.’
‘But the unique position we find ourselves in means we have to be aware of all the options.’ He paused. ‘Which brings us to option three.’
Natalia mock-cringed away from him into the back of the sofa. ‘I don’t think I’m going to like this one.’
‘I sure as hell don’t,’ he said. ‘Option three—total wipe-out, scorched earth, ground zero. We decide that “us” isn’t going to work out.’ He almost choked on the words. ‘We say goodbye—for good this time—and I go back to Australia and wipe you from my life and, in time, from my memory.’
There was a long silence between them. He could hear the old timbers in the chalet shift and settle, the sigh of the wind outside.
‘And I stay here and make myself forget I ever met you,’ she said finally, her voice wobbling. ‘Easier said than done, you realise? I’ve tried and failed at that already.’
He took a deep steadying breath against the pain that surged through him at the thought of not having her in his life in any way. ‘I would have to pull out of my contract with Tristan. Have no communication with Montovia ever again. It would be the only way I could deal with it.’
‘Me too. It would be too painful otherwise,’ she said slowly, wringing her hands in front of her. ‘We...we have to be realistic.’
Realistic? Where did being realistic come in to his hopes for a new life in this fairy tale place full of castles and dungeons and magic, with the most beautiful Princess in the whole wide world?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATALIA WAS REELING from the conversation she’d had with Finn. Yet it was a conversation that had needed to occur. So much for dreams and fantasies and longings...
But there was only so far this common-sense type of discussion could go. She felt propelled by an impulse far more visceral, urgent, intensely personal. Finn was in Montovia for only a little more than twenty-four hours—some of that sleeping time. She intended to claim that sleeping time for herself. To claim him.
From where she sat oh-so-safely apart from him on the sofa she faced him. They had been speaking in hushed tones. Now she spoke in a normal, conversational tone, using words that wouldn’t matter if anyone overheard.
‘Thank you, Finn. That’s been a most interesting conversation. You’ve given me food for thought.’ For all Finn had urged her to take the reins, she still felt she needed to work within the rules.
He sat up straighter, frowned at her sudden change of direction. ‘Huh...?’
She got up from the sofa. Finn immediately did so too. She was wearing flats and he towered above her. Again she was struck by how handsome he was, dressed all in black, with his black hair and the vibrant green of his eyes, those sharp cheekbones, his fabulous body... He was the most gorgeous man she had ever met. No other man could ever match him.
And not just in looks. Enjoying a man’s company as she enjoyed Finn’s was a revelation. Business meetings became exciting when he took part. She had wanted him from the moment she had first seen him. She wanted him now. If he left tomorrow and it didn’t work out she wanted no regrets.
She held out her hand for a formal handshake. ‘Breakfast is in the same room as dinner, starting at seven. We have an eleven o’clock meeting. An early start would be a good idea.’
He took her hand in his firm, warm grip for the politely requisite time before releasing it. ‘Yes...’ he said, sounding puzzled.
She leaned forward momentarily, to whisper in his ear. ‘Don’t lock your bedroom door. I’ll see you in ten minutes.’ Then, in her normal voice, ‘Goodnight.’
He grinned and winked at her. He winked. The Princess of Montovia wasn’t used to being winked at and she loved it.
‘Thank you again for your hospitality,’ he said, very formally. ‘Goodnight.’
She was conscious of his gaze upon her as she left the room. Her first impulse was to race to her bedroom. The faster she showered and changed, the faster she could be back with Finn. But she needed to act normally—not to draw attention to herself if anyone were to see her. All her life she had had to be aware of the staff who shared the royal family’s personal space. For most of her waking hours she was observed, one way or another.
She forced herself to walk sedately to her bedroom.
Ten minutes later she emerged, enveloped in the luxurious Italian designer dressing gown she kept at the chalet and toasty Australian wool slippers that had been a gift from Gemma.
Cautiously she crept down the corridor towards Finn’s room in the guest wing. She wasn’t worried about Marco and Amelie. During dinner Amelie had taken her aside and told her how much she and Marco liked Finn and approved of him.
‘Go for it, Natalia,’ Amelie had said. ‘We had to fight to be together. You might have to as well. Finn is wonderful—he’s worth it.’
Encountering Hanna or Bernard would be a different story. They would consider themselves duty-bound to report to the Queen what they would see as a breach of royal morality. She was twenty-seven, for heaven’s sake, not seventeen. It was about time she took charge of her own future—the first step having been her trip to Sydney.
She reached Finn’s room without mishap, to find the door slightly ajar. She tapped so lightly she thought he might not hear it. But he was there within seconds. She gasped at the sight of him in black silk pyjamas with a fine grey stripe. They showcased his broad shoulders, his lean, muscular body. He was as covered up as if he were in trousers and a long-sleeved shirt, but somehow the pyjamas seemed so much more intimate. He was beautiful in an intensely masculine way.
Without a word, he took her by the hand and drew her into the room, then locked the door behind her. With a deep murmur of pleasure, he drew her into his arms and kissed her.
‘This is nice,’ he said, his voice deep and husky, when they came up for breath. ‘I missed you. Even for ten minutes I missed you.’
‘I missed you too.’ Her voice hitched. ‘I... I don’t know how I’ll bear it when you leave tomorrow.’
‘Me neither. As you know, tomorrow I fly to Dublin with Franz, your m
aster chocolatier, to meet my contact from the distillery and discuss the potential for a Montovian chocolate liqueur. Then I’m scheduled for meetings in London for three days before flying back to Sydney. Perhaps you could meet me in London?’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t. That would be such a red flag to my parents, and I’d rather keep them out of it until we know how it works out for us. Trust me—they will know your schedule and they’ll put two and two together very quickly. To my knowledge, they’re not aware there is anything between us...although my mother is suspicious.’
‘Why is she suspicious? We have given her no cause—’
‘She saw the way we were looking at each other at the soirée and drew her own conclusions.’
‘Like I’m looking at you now, wondering what you have on under that dressing gown?’ His eyes narrowed, gleaming with sensual intent.
‘If you’d looked at me like that my mother would have had you evicted from the soirée.’
‘And you?’
‘I would have gone with you and dragged you back to my apartment.’ She reached up to kiss him. ‘I’ll tell you later what I would have done to you,’ she said, her voice laden with promise.
He gave a sensuous growl that both made her smile and sent desire rippling through her.
‘I’ll look forward to that,’ he said. He held her close. ‘But in the meantime we continue to keep under the Queen’s radar.’
‘That’s the plan. We need to keep it that way while we figure out how we...if we can be together. I don’t want my every move to be scrutinised until we invite it. It breaks my heart to say it, because I would love to meet you there, but no London visit for me.’
‘Or Dublin or Sydney?’
‘Sadly, no.’
He sighed, and she sensed his despair was as deep as hers.
‘I won’t be able to get back here to see you for another two weeks.’ He frowned. ‘The dreaded long-distance.’
‘I know. I’m dreading it too—which is why I want to make the most of the hours we have left. We don’t have much time to take up where we left off in Sydney.’ She looked into his eyes. ‘And that starts with you helping me out of this dressing gown.’
‘Happy to oblige,’ he said, his voice husky.
She noticed his hands weren’t quite steady as he undid the tie, but they were sure and strong as he pushed the dressing gown off her shoulders, and they felt so good on her bare skin. The dressing gown slid to the floor. She was so new to this. A novice at being naughty.
What next?
She stood proud, wearing only pink lace bra and panties—the same kind as she’d worn in Sydney—and waited for his reaction. Would he notice she wasn’t as curvy as she’d been before?
She was not disappointed by his reaction.
‘Natalia...’ he breathed, his eyes raking over her, gleaming with hunger and admiration. ‘I can’t believe you wore pink lace. That has figured in my fantasies for three months. You’re incredible.’
She was so sure that this was what she wanted—that he was what she wanted.
‘Not as incredible as you,’ she said.
From somewhere came the skill to unfasten his buttons, slide her hands greedily over his chest, revelling in the smoothness of his skin over hard muscle. Such a beautiful man.
‘I won’t stop you tonight,’ she said.
He stilled. ‘Are you sure it’s what you want?’
‘I’m sure. I’ve thought about it. It’s what I want. Is that consent enough for you?’
His hands gripped her upper arms. ‘I want you—more than you can imagine. It’s just I’m not sure it’s right for you just now. The risks and consequences are still the same. If your virginity is such a big deal you were right to be cautious before.’ He groaned. ‘I must be crazy, holding back. Because there is nothing—absolutely nothing—I want more than to make love with you right now.’
‘To be my tutor in living dangerously?’ she murmured.
He smiled. ‘I’m not convinced you need a tutor in lovemaking. I suspect you’ll have things to teach me. You’re a sensual sensation just waiting to be unleashed.’
‘Really?’ she said, thrilled at the prospect.
‘Oh, yes. The thing is, it’s not about me being the tutor and you being the pupil. It’s about learning what pleases both yourself and your partner.’
‘Like a...like a two-way learning process?’ she said breathlessly.
‘Exactly.’
He kissed her again, sliding his tongue between her lips, demanding and getting her response before he kissed a trail down her throat to the edge of her bra until she was melting with want.
‘The thing is—though it’s killing me to say it—I’m going to have to be the responsible one here. There are other ways—exciting ways—for me to please you and you to please me. I’m sure you know about them.’
‘I... I haven’t done them,’ she said, excited in spite of herself.
‘Did you know Tristan wanted you to act as my guide because the last time he’d seen you laugh was dancing with me at the wedding?’ he asked.
‘I didn’t know that.’
With two fingers he tilted her chin up so she would look directly into his face. ‘In these last few days I’ve made you laugh many times.’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘The dark cloud has lifted from me.’
‘I’ve made you laugh...but I can also make you whimper with want, moan with pleasure, cry out in ecstasy, and then beg me to do it all again.’
She caught her breath as her heart started to hammer and she throbbed in those places she hadn’t known could throb until she’d met Finn.
‘Can you?’ she choked out.
‘Oh, yes,’ he said, stroking down the side of her breast, and along her waist. ‘And that’s exactly what I intend to do—starting right now. But you will leave this room still a virgin. I will not have dishonoured you. I hope you will lose your virginity with me when we make a decision about where we’re going. But in the meantime you will in all conscience have done your duty to maintain what seems so important in your world.’
‘But I—’
He slid his hand towards the edge of her panties.
‘Oh!’
So that was what a whimper of want felt like.
‘Do you want to talk some more? Or shall we take up where we left off three months ago and I’ll pick you up and carry you to the bed?’
‘The bed. Please. The bed.’
* * *
Natalia didn’t know how much later it was when she woke in Finn’s bed. She was lying naked next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, his arm encircling her and holding her tight. Heaven. She breathed in the scent of him. The scent of them. She felt relaxed to bonelessness after her initiation into the pleasures a woman could both take and give without technically losing her virginity. Never had she dreamed she could be so uninhibited.
She lay next to him, savouring his nearness, thinking. Thinking about Finn, about how unfulfilling her life had been until he’d reappeared in it.
What was the time? How much longer did she have left with him? Her man. Privately, that was how she thought of him.
It was still dark. But the nights were getting long at this time of year. She couldn’t risk being caught in Finn’s bedroom.
Not wanting to wake him, she gently raised herself up on her elbow, looked across at the clock on the nightstand. It glowed in the intense darkness that was night at the chalet, without street lighting or any other buildings. It was not yet three a.m. There was still time.
Still time for more.
Everything she’d done with Finn had been intensely exciting and satisfying. But it wasn’t enough. She still wanted him.
Her movement must have woken him. He stirred. ‘Natalia...’ he murmured. ‘You’re here.’
The joy and pleasure in his voice both thrilled and moved her. He turned, reached out for her.
‘You’re not going yet?’
Her eyes were getting used to the dark and she could see his face. His handsome, handsome face that had become so dear—so beloved—so quickly.
He was the one.
‘No, I’m not going.’ She reached out with newly confident hands to caress him, revelling in the feel of his body. ‘I want you to make love to me, Finn. All the way.’
‘But we agreed not to—’
‘You were doing the honourable thing, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness more than I can say.’
‘Not quite so honourable,’ he said ‘More trying to be sensible. More trying to...to protect you.’
‘I’m frightened, you see,’ she said, with a little shiver that had nothing to do with the cold.
‘Frightened? There’s no need to be—’
She took his hand. ‘Not about that. I’m not at all frightened about that.’
She dropped a kiss on his hand.
‘It’s the rest of it. Earlier, on the sofa, when we were discussing our options, I felt so brave—so confident that with you by my side I could reach out and take what I wanted. But in the dark I don’t feel so brave. It’s difficult to be both a Montovian princess and a feminist, but I do my best. However, it seems to me that when there are decisions to be made it’s most often the woman who has to uproot her life. It would most likely be me who’d have change countries. I’m torn. I’m aching to be with you, but I also want to do my duty to my country and to my parents. They have lost one child already and they’d think that me going to Australia would be losing another.’
‘I understand,’ he said. He picked up a lock of her hair and wound it around his finger, as if binding her to him.
‘And, while option two beckons so enticingly, I have to prepare my heart for the fact that option three might be the forerunner. If that’s our option, and we have to say goodbye, I want to have been with you in every sense.’
She shifted so she could look right into his face, amazed at how unselfconscious she was about being naked with him.
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