Hell Again

by Mihret Adal Gidi

  He walks ahead of me and starts endorsing the horse with his hand; touch of soft caressing, on its shoulder sliding his hands down to its jugular, his left hand once again aims over its neck and his fingers trusts through its white mane, pressing on the crest as his right-hand caress its forelock; coddling it to his wish and completely sellable.

  The view looks great from where I am standing by; looking at him connecting with the horse is making me feel something, something. Oh, creepy me. I swallow nothing down my throat, hard, looking away to my right for a moment, only to try to calm myself down, so he won’t have to catch me blushing.

  Pressing his forehead against the horse, he whispers something to it and the horse nods in what seems, oddly, like it understands what he is talking about. Surprised in what my eyes are viewing, I frown, tilting my head to my left, as I press a smile. He still doesn’t turn to me; he keeps whispering to the horse, with his head pressed against it as his hands caress its ears. Standing straight, he checks on the horse’s driving lines and the noseband with his right hand as his left presses it onto its head.

  “Okay,” he says, turning to me, fully smiling. “We’re all set now,” he adds, after clamping his hands once and offers me his right hand, once again; standing a little away so I can get on board.

  “Alibaba, Mr Cool Mood, Angel and now Whisperer of the Horse,” I smile as I take his hand with my left, using it as a support as I get up to take a seat on the carriage. Once I sit comfortably, I press a smile looking to the horse and also the area that’s too green.

  “I’m afraid you might face trouble to remember my name, if you keep naming me,” he utters, calmly taking a seat next me.

  “How do you know if I’m not facing trouble already?” I ask, smiling, and he bites his lower lip, tilting his head a little to his left with his gaze fixed on me.

  “Oh, you are too surprising, Miss Adha,” he says, whispering. “You just don’t run out of what to say,” he presses a smile and the carriage starts moving.

  “Oh no, there’s no one in control,” I gasp, sitting up and with my body tensed and alerted.

  “Just trust me,” he places his left hand on my right; his touch is calming, oddly, whenever his skin come in contact to mine, I can feel myself calming down. It feels like he can naturally produce this chemical reaction that can calm down those around him, with a simple touch. I can feel how different he is when I am sailable to his touch and I can’t do otherwise; I trust him when he wants me to trust him, I calm down when he says to calm down.

  See, we already start the journey, but I don’t even care if there is anyone in control anymore. I just give up on my worries like that. Anyway, what we see on the way, the nature, is also another distraction in addition to his hand on mine.

  The trees are all beautiful and with huge bodies; some trees I see are fully covered by their own leaves that they look like a green ball, but some trees are too huge that their huge roots are visibly tangled in and out the ground. Animals are running in joy…or it feels like it, in the woods and every time my eyes meet their presence, my entire self-lightens up in joy as I point towards them, smiling gaspingly. I have seen rabbits, raccoons, koalas, ring-tailed lemurs… I have seen many types of mammals throughout my work in management in a zoo, but these animals that I am seeing here seem three times bigger than the ones that I know and weirdly coexisting in a wild. Accelerating down on the clean main road, we set off forwards to the city while admiring a beautiful world.

  This is beautiful; I am surprised with what my eyes encounter all the way to the city, and now, I’m even more surprised with the entire strange and yet still beautiful activities that my eyes are surveying. Good thing we’re taking a walk now, as I get to see everything in detail.

  The city looks modern but with some of the old age practices, it also feels old as well. There’s everything that I know from home; tall buildings… no, actually skyscrapers, clean asphalt roads with extraordinarily arranged median strips and sidewalks on both sides. The nature is not that corrupted; my eyes haven’t caught a car using the orderly asphalt, except the carriages; it seems like they’re highly up for a strong fight to stand against the global warming we seem to succumb to. Well, it’s not like we have other choices, but the industries and urbanisation are the reason. We are our own problem and this world seems to show me that very clearly.

  Things feel like antique and new, modern and old at the same time; the weird thing is not that two times coexist forming beauty, but the fact that it matches just perfectly, like difference doesn’t matter at all. The combination is beautifully mesmerising.

  I can’t bottle up my excitement, I am acting jubilant. I simply turn from left to right looking at everything and everyone that’s passing by; for sure I’m not on earth; I can see some flying creatures used as transportation, in distance, I can see most of the locals are with different look; skin colour, ears, noses, eyes, some of them, and almost all of them are too tall and the shorts are too short. I feel too small and odd among them. Most of them are in a hooded cloak that it’s hard to see them well. I can see humans; or some in my shape and look, but they don’t seem happy, or comforted, more like in hard labour... maybe like a slave, but he keeps pulling me away to what would wow me again and I would simply forget about those who seem as human as I.

  It’s hard to make sense of this but I feel like I want to remain here forever. You know, Odd is exciting as it is scary. I am scared and interested of this place.

  I know I said everything I know home is here, but not exactly. It’s like; this is the ultimate better side. Nature still dances in its way but with modernity. Civilisation understands one thing and that’s to protect nature, it seems. There seem to be no pollution and the air seems extremely clean and the sun brighter; daylight is vibrant and too bright. The peoples are dressed so beautifully, out of the ordinary…unlike the modernity that I’m well acquainted with.

  One thing is clearly sure for me; from the way the locals looks at me in surprise, I doubt if humans here are allowed to be free, to enjoy life here. For their surprised gaze, I would even dare say, if it isn’t for his presence with me, they would even think about detaining me; I saw them bow down for him in shock, after checking on me twice; the first time in surprise and the second feels in disappointment. I guess I’m too obviously a stranger in this world. Or could it be my perception and he is someone big? I can’t help but to smile at everything around me in full admiration. It’s odd not to be in this mood. I mean, I’m here and yet still I couldn’t believe that I am really here. God! The feeling is extraordinary. I turn to look at him.

  “Welcome to the city,” he says, spreading his arms sideways. “Once we get to the market area, we will be heading to the main road that would set us off to the beauty of nature itself,” he smiles, looking at me as he holds his hands behind him.

  I think he knows what I love already; the crude essence, nature, I smile, biting my lower lip with my eyes fixed at him. “Mesmerising,” I press a smile. “This is beautiful,” I giggle.

  “This could have been earth,” he says, lost in his thoughts with a tranquil smile fixed on his thin lip. “I once was stubborn to change things but somehow temptation was greater than my fortitude,” he adds, to my confusion.

  I think this is among the things he blames human for. Hmm, I wonder what you are, Mr I press an innocent smile to my crazy thoughts. After all, it’s not crazy since everything that I am choosing and acting up on is entirely crazy.

  “Come,” he says, offering me his right hand, meaning to get back to the carriage that delivers us here, as he frowns and then brings his smile back.

  “Let’s take a walk.” I look away, refusing to take him up on his offer.

  “It would be a bit challenging and far for you,” he smiles mockingly, and I smile back, frowning playfully. “No, I don’t mean to scheme a challenge,” he smiles with his eyebrows elevated, looking at me with those magical eyes as I walk backward with a daring look; my eyes narrowed and
my lips pressed to the centre and thoughts that are whispering the opposite of what he is saying.

  I think I’m feeling jubilantly playful today. I deepen my smile. “Then stop me,” I giggle as I set myself on a playful speed forwards, as I give him my back, swiftly turning around, through the crowd that’s looking at my doings quizzically. I turn around and I see him falling for my childish and yet still fun challenge. I think, some are even surprised that he’s complying with my doings. I wonder as I set off further and further away from him, giggling.

  Every time I turn to look at him, I meet a brighter smile that lights his face brighter, like this moment is bringing something even beautiful than he already is, like something that was locked away for so long and is fighting to come out anytime soon. I’m loving it, all of it…him. I don’t think I would ever get tired of thing that I would experience here. I don’t know if I know how to cease on moments that feels like dream and yet still reality, moments that makes me feel more alive than exist, and I’m leaving it now, I’m experiencing it like never before; I doubt if I’m willing to let it all go, despite the fact that I one day have to go back home to set everything right on track. As much as I need this, I’m also well aware that I have responsibilities I must attend to… things I can’t ignore and that needs a proper ending. I know I am enjoying this life while I can.

  Suddenly, I bump against someone stronger and stagger backwards in resistance not to fall, but my Alibaba attends to my rescue from behind me. This man’s face is covered with his black hood, leaving his thin lips for view. He may cover his face well, but he has left his well-structured abdominal muscles for view through his manteaux. His pants match his black manteaux with blue denim waistband. His tall, maybe a little taller than…or equal…anyhow, like my Alibaba. He’s in boots and tucking his skin tight pants in it, graces him with a warrior look; he looks so much from the old days of kings and knights.

  “I’m sorry,” I look back to my guardian angel and then back to the man I bumped to earlier. “I’m sorry,” I utter, feeling a bit ashamed of my childishness as I repeat myself, but a little husky.

  “He should have known better,” the man speaks and his voice… My, oh my, I have heard stern voice before, but this seems too much. This is a reminder that I am indeed in another world and a guest.

  “Pardon?” my angel utters, disturbed, or I can swear that he looks even disappointed…I just can’t tell if he’s disappointed of my action or this men’s statement.

  “Actually, I… I’m…” my lips are shivering, incapable of uttering anything properly.

  “Show yourself at once,” my angel orders, standing straight as he tucks his hand back, standing gracefully.

  Momentary silence takes place between three of us as the man stays still…perhaps thinking, or it seems so. After what feels like ten long minutes, he allows his right hand to rise, slowly passing his deep packs of abdomen, all the way to his face until his hand tucks behind his hood covering his face.

  If this was a movie, this is the suspense part, where the sound track plays in low key. I frown looking at the man who is rather moving slowly to uncover his face from the big hood of his cloak.

  Hooked nose reveals with light stubble facial hair. Slowly, his too deep powder grey and sharply upturned eyes reveals under his thick flat eyebrows. His too deep furrow lines give him an extremely serious look and bold sharp edges to his clean heart-shaped face. His neck is too big and medium. His hair is oily black colour and long also soft; a string of his hair that falls to his chest ends at the bottom of his chest, where his abdominal pack starts at. His skin is pale white, oddly white.

  This can’t be, I wonder as I elevate my eyebrows in surprise within me. Is it normal for everyone and everything to look out of the ordinary and beautiful? Everyone ceases on their steps and bow to greet him, except my guardian angel and I look around in confusion. Wait, am I expected to do that? I look back to my guardian angel and that handsome man standing facing each other. I just can’t wait till I get back home to tell everyone about all this. I smile, tucking my hair behind my ears as I am perplexed on what I should do, ‘to bow or not to bow?’.

  “After all, we all have our habits,” my guardian angel smiles, deadpan, and the man bow to him from his head, with simple partial smile.

  “Though yours seem fun,” he utters. I clear my throat a little roughly, trying to get their attention.

  “This is my brother,” he introduces me, and unlike what he seems, his skin feels rough as he takes my hand.

  “You must be Adha,” I think my angel does the pre-introduction and as the gentle man he is, he applies a feather light kiss on my right knuckle. “Welcome home,” he adds, spreading his hands sideways, showing me this beautiful place, feeling proud and welcomingly.

  “Thanks,” I suck my lips in, smiling. “I’m sorry once again,” I add, trying to appear more formal and decent before my angel’s brother.

  “There is no harm in fun, that’s not to mention your surprising perception to this place. Amazing eyes,” he adds smiling in astonishment.

  “I’m sorry?” I tilt to my left, lost in my thoughts. Am I the only one in love with this place or are they just saying?

  “She perceives the ultimate,” my angel utters, offering me his left arm, which I lock with my right. “She’s…”

  “Different?” he takes words from my Alibaba, elevating his eyebrows quizzically. His face is brushed with a surprised ghostly smiley gasp. “I sensed that, and too much of your scent all over her.”

  Am I invisible? I think the topic changes, but I expect them to converse over this topic elsewhere.

  “Indeed,” he answers him, to my surprise. Then again, I take my attention and surprised gaze over the throngs of audience that are still bowing to them. “You may rise and off to your whereabouts,” my Alibaba orders them gracefully. I turn to him and he smiles, gazing at me, lost in thoughts.

  They might be blue blood of this world. I wonder.

  “I shall not hold you back for long, either,” his brother takes over as he subdues back into his hood, “See you soon,” he says and takes off with full speed on his speedy walk through the crowd that clears his way.

  “Bu…”

  “What?” my angel asks me, and I smile.

  “I think it’s a family thing,” he frowns, perplexed. “I mean, not exchanging names during introduction.” I roll my eyes and he smile.

  “Some names aren’t just names, you share them, and they may be used against you as they may be your greatest weapons to restrain those who heard them from you,” his response makes me smile in awe.

  “So, which one is it in your case?” I ask him playfully. I just don’t get what he wants to say.

  “Both,” it takes him a moment to answer, as he quietly stares at me.

  “Anyway, it’s about time to agree to take the carriage.”

  “Finally,” he smiles as he walks me to the one that was following us.

  Everything is breathtakingly beautiful, but I don’t get why they think I am different. And what does he mean scent all over me, did he mean I smell like him? Where am I and why am I here? I ask myself the first question I should have asked myself first thing when I woke up here, but the crazy me didn’t even ask his name before giving up my body after knowing him only for…possibly ten or less than seven minutes.

  Lost in my thoughts, but my gaze is focused on the splendid nature before me. It takes us about fifteen minutes from the main road to stand before the clean and beautiful waterfall. Nothing is far from reality, but it doesn’t feel real either; there’s this unexplainable void I can’t deny of its existence, but I can’t avoid feeling either. Maybe it’s the fact that everything is out of the ordinary, way beyond reality or my reality, the reality that I’m acquainted with.

  “How pleasant you’re to look at,” he utters, smiling, as his gaze stays fixed at me. I frown to his statement in a little confusion. “I can see a lot, and everything in your eyes.” He explains him
self.

  “Um,” I press my lips down with a ghostly smile conveyed with it as I turn to fully face him. “What can you see now?” I ask curiously. I love the touch of fresh air on my skin; I just can’t help but to notice that the morning seems too long, aberrantly long.

  “You look pleased and worried at the same time, unsure of many things. You seem like you are duelling with your thoughts; questioning your decisions.”

  Damn, it’s like you’re in my mind. I gasp to answer but I press my lips as I drop the thought.

  “You can still ask,” he says once again; still letting me know that he is ready to clear my thoughts.

  “It’s not like you would answer,” I tuck a string of my hair behind my left ear. I look down to my feet and then up to look into his eyes.

  “There are things I prefer you to see with time, let it take decades or more, I want you to take baby steps to things. But this,” he spreads his arms sideways in the air, pointing to our surrounding. “This is real and here and now, I brought you here so you would enjoy it,” he smiles, making me smile back.

  “This is the first place you admire of its beauty,” I slightly bite my lower lip smilingly.

  “Well, this is after all what’s left of reality and a place I secretly visit to enjoy.”

  “Your name?” I ask in hope that I would get answer this time.

  “We’ve shared a lot before I reveal that. Let the day I must reveal my name to be the day you decide to stay with me, or…” he looks down and away to the fall, “or the day you decide to leave me,” he smiles his gaze fixed at the beautiful nature before us.

  “But I’m here,” I smile as I follow his gaze and as I stand still looking to the fall. “Now,” I whisper.

  “Now indeed, which doesn’t mean you’re staying, and when time comes and you decide to leave, I want to let you go. I wouldn’t want to have you hate me for keeping you against your will,” he looks at me mildly. “I don’t know why, but you are special to me, too special to keep and too special to let go.”