Always (ALWAYS trilogy Book 1)

by Cheryl Holt

  He couldn’t believe she’d stayed with him after he’d nodded off, but he was delighted that she had.

  Mrs. Middleton had threatened to marry her off to a buffoon, and he wished he could protect her from that conclusion. Yet short of marrying her himself, he couldn’t fathom how to accomplish it. He had no connection to her and wasn’t entitled to an opinion as to how her future should unfold.

  He could invite her to reside at Selby after the Middletons left, but that was madness in the extreme. He was too fascinated by her, their physical attraction impossible to fight, so it would be a preposterous situation.

  A man of his station could philander as he pleased—bad conduct was practically expected—but a woman like her, who was single and unattached, couldn’t blithely trifle. There were names for those who did: trollop, slattern, harlot.

  He assessed her, and his heart flip-flopped in his chest. He couldn’t let her escape without engaging in a seriously risqué activity. If he relented and behaved himself, he’d regret it forever.

  He was despondent over numerous issues, and he thought if he dallied with her he might be healed in some small fashion. And he could proceed without inflicting any real damage, couldn’t he?

  She was too trusting for her own good. She liked him enough that she felt it perfectly appropriate to doze off in his arms. Well, he was a likeable fellow—when the stakes were low and the risks minimal. But when the stakes were high, when the risks were worth it—when they’d bring him what he craved—he could be very driven to achieve the result he sought.

  The odds were that he’d never be with her in such an intimate way ever again. Shouldn’t he seize the moment? Shouldn’t he take advantage of the chance Fate had provided?

  He shifted slightly, the paltry movement causing her to pop up on an elbow. She frantically peered about, confused about where she was, but recognition rapidly settled in, and she eased down onto her side.

  She smiled a smile as old as Eve’s, and that smile was deadly to him. He couldn’t resist it, couldn’t defend against it. It spurred him to recklessness and had him keen to commit any insane deed she might allow—and even some she wouldn’t.

  “For a minute there,” she said, “I forgot I was here with you.”

  “I like watching you sleep.”

  She glanced over at the window. “What time is it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Is it still raining?”

  “Yes.”

  “I should probably go.”

  “Let’s not leave just yet.”

  “I can’t imagine what sort of trouble I’m in at the manor.”

  “We’ll worry about it later.”

  He figured she’d be anxious to discuss the likely scenarios of what might be occurring at the house, but he couldn’t listen. He had other things—nefarious things—on his mind.

  He leaned in and kissed her, and she leapt into the embrace, her arms wrapping around him and pulling him close. He was greatly encouraged by her show of affection, and he used it to persuade himself that—however the encounter ended—she’d be glad she’d participated.

  He rolled onto her, his large body pressing her smaller one into the mattress. She was thin and petite, but curved in all the pertinent places. Her breasts were crushed to his chest, their legs tangled together, his phallus at the exact spot it yearned to be.

  The unruly rod was shouting at him to get on with it, which was alarming. When his cock was urging him on, there was no telling what might transpire.

  So far in their abbreviated relationship, he hadn’t unbuttoned a button or untied a ribbon. Suddenly, he was desperate to divest her of her clothes before she could focus on his conduct or complain about it.

  He nibbled a trail down her neck to her bosom. He nuzzled her pretty breasts, caressing the soft mounds through the fabric of her dress. She didn’t object, so he took it as permission.

  His naughty fingers opened the bodice of her gown, slowly drawing it down to her waist, but it rattled her, and she jerked away in a panic. They were both breathing hard, and she was startled by how swiftly they’d jumped into deeper carnal waters.

  “I don’t think we should do this,” she said.

  “Of course you don’t, but I think we should.”

  “You would. You’re a man, and men have despicable morals—if they have any at all.”

  “It’s not a question of morality, Nell. It’s a question of pleasure and fun. Aren’t you eager to discover what it’s like to be with me like this?”

  “I might be curious, but it doesn’t mean I should be careless.”

  “I won’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

  “Your comment doesn’t reassure me.”

  “You trust me, don’t you?”

  “No, I absolutely don’t.”

  He laughed and began kissing her again. What was the point of dickering over the path they were walking? There was no point. They shared a potent attraction that couldn’t be denied, and they might as well act on it. How could they not?

  He got busy, his inquisitive hands learning her shape and size. He massaged them over her torso, tracing the curves and valleys, reveling in how perfect she was. Always, he was tugging on the hem of her gown, gradually lifting it, baring her ankles, her shins, her knees.

  She was wearing a corset, but he was delighted to report that it was a simple garment that laced in the front, the sort of contraption a woman could don without a maid’s help. He loosened the strings until it fell away, and her breasts were exposed to the cool night air.

  She tensed, and he supposed she might have protested her partial nudity, but he dipped down and sucked a taut nipple into his mouth. She hissed and arched up, but didn’t push him away, didn’t order him to desist.

  He went to work, laving one nipple, playing with the other, and he shifted back and forth, back and forth, licking, tasting, biting. After awhile, she yanked away.

  “Wait, wait!” she said, and he halted and gazed up at her.

  “What is it?”

  “This is happening too fast. I’m not sure what to do.”

  “You don’t have to do anything. You merely have to relax and enjoy yourself.”

  “I feel all jumbled inside. I’m afraid.”

  He scowled. “Afraid of what?”

  “Of you!”

  He scoffed. “You utter many silly remarks in my presence, but that might be the silliest. You’re not afraid of me.”

  “Well, I’m afraid of the sins you might commit. I’m scared you’ll convince me to commit them with you.”

  “There are no sins being committed. This is simply a lovely moment we’ve seized for ourselves. No one will ever know.”

  “Just because no one will know, it doesn’t make it right.”

  “Yes, it does.”

  He grinned a wicked grin, certain he could coerce her. Although she didn’t realize it, she had a very sensual nature. It practically oozed out of her. And she was a very aged twenty-two, so she was much too old to still be a virgin.

  Some persistent fellow should have pressed the issue long ago. Luckily, he was exactly the type of cad who would lead her where she oughtn’t to go—and he wouldn’t ever feel guilty about it.

  He started tormenting her breasts again, and the titillation was so extreme that she ceased her meager complaints and allowed him to feast. He traced a path up her thigh, then higher, until he was able to touch her between her legs. She was already wet, her maiden’s body eager for what was to come.

  He slid a finger into her woman’s sheath, then another, and he stroked them in and out, in and out, as he continued to suck on her nipple.

  “What are you doing?” she asked.

  “I’m torturing you—but in a good way.”

  “It seems dangerous.”

  “This kind of conduct is very addicting, so yes, it can be dangerous.”

  “Should we stop?”

  He sputtered with amusement. “No, we shouldn’t stop. Now
don’t be a nuisance.”

  She flopped down on the pillow, and after that, it didn’t require much effort to send her soaring to the heavens. He flicked a thumb across the spot where all her sensation was centered. Once, twice. She cried out, flying up and up, reveling forever. It took an eternity for her to reach the peak, and when she tumbled down, when he caught her in his arms, he was preening, proud of himself and what he’d wrought.

  “What was that?” she inquired, panting with excitement.

  “That was sexual pleasure.”

  “Am I…I…still a virgin?”

  “Yes.”

  “Am I with child?”

  “No, definitely not.”

  Her questions reminded him of how innocent she was, how sheltered she’d been. Her naïveté should have slowed him down, but he couldn’t change course. They’d been running down this road from the minute they’d met. There could be no going back.

  Again, she looked as if she’d like to have a lengthy discussion about what had occurred, but he couldn’t participate. He had to finish it.

  She was limp as a ragdoll, as if she couldn’t control her anatomy, and he took full advantage. He began kissing her yet again, teasing her, tantalizing her, and she was a wonderful partner. She leapt into the foray with a dramatic amount of unbridled joy that drove him wild.

  He halted to yank off his shirt, and she was thrilled to have it removed, but she was tentative too, not certain of what was permitted. He clasped her hands and put them on his heated skin, showing her how to caress him. Each stroke of her palms was like a bolt of lightning to his loins, leaving him so aroused he worried he might simply spill himself like a green boy.

  He stretched out again, their bare chests connecting, her nipples poking into him like shards of glass.

  Gradually, he rolled her onto her back, widening her thighs, raising the hem of her skirt. He was unbuttoning his trousers, tugging them down around his flanks so he could place his cock precisely where it needed to be. As he should have expected, she was alarmed by the strange positioning, and she broke off their strident kiss.

  “What’s happening?” she asked.

  “I’m about to make you my own.”

  “I don’t understand what that means.”

  “Do you know what transpires between men and women when they’re together like this? Has anyone ever explained it to you?”

  “I’ve heard rumors, but I’ve never been apprised of the details. Is it marital conduct? Is that what you’re planning?”

  “Married people regularly engage in it, but any passionately inclined couple can too.”

  “Since we’re not married, it’s a sin,” she said. “If we’re not wed, it’s wrong.”

  “It’s not wrong.”

  “The preachers insist it is.”

  “They’re idiots, and you shouldn’t listen to them. Not about this anyway.”

  She snorted with disgust. “You would say that.”

  “Yes, but then, I’m a cad, and I’m trying to corrupt you.”

  She studied him meticulously, then astounded him by asking, “Would you marry me afterward? It’s the price a man has to pay for the woman agreeing.”

  To his great surprise, he opened his mouth and the words that emerged were, “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  “When?”

  “Immediately. Tomorrow.”

  She burst out laughing. “You liar! You would not.”

  He could have protested, could have claimed he’d been sincere, but they were both aware he was spewing nonsense, and he wouldn’t compound his folly by lying again.

  “It’s just physical behavior, Nell,” he quietly said. “Let me know you like this. It will be splendid. I swear it.”

  She studied him again, the interval spinning out, and he braced, waiting for her to refuse, but eventually, she said, “Promise me you’ll never regret it. Promise me you won’t think badly of me later on.”

  “Me! Think badly of you? I’d rather cut off my arm. Stop being silly.”

  She smiled, recognizing what he needed, what he craved, and she realized she was the only one who could give it to him.

  “I want it to be you.” She nodded firmly, as if convincing herself. “I want to find out what it’s like.”

  He smiled too, the moment precious and exhilarating, and his pulse raced. Suddenly, he was terrified he couldn’t make the encounter special enough for her.

  She deserved a handsome groom, a fancy wedding, a romantic wedding night. She should have had a grand bed with soft sheets and rose petals scattered across them. Instead, she’d have a hasty romp with him—a scoundrel—on a lumpy mattress, covered by a scratchy blanket.

  At least he’d taken off his boots. It was the sole redeeming fact.

  He couldn’t delay another second, and he started in a final time. His movements became more determined, more pronounced. He kissed and caressed her, driving her up and up the carnal ladder. When she flew to ecstasy, he gripped her hips and thrust once and again and again, and just that easily, he was impaled.

  “Oh!” She blew out a puff of air. “Is that it? Are we done?”

  “No. There’s a bit more to it. I’ll show you.”

  She had such a tender, trusting look in her eye that he could barely stand to observe it. His heart swelled under his ribs until it didn’t fit in his chest just right. The strangest emotion swept through him, and he struggled to identify it.

  He was desperate to cherish and protect her, to keep her with him forever.

  Close to love, he imagined.

  He began pushing in all the way, then pulling out. At first, it was awkward, but she swiftly figured out what was required. She participated with an enormous amount of vigor, but it was all too much to tolerate.

  He’d intended a lengthy fornication to get her out of his system, to cure what ailed him with regard to her, but he was too overcome by lust. His seed surged to the tip of his phallus, and he couldn’t hold it back, couldn’t retreat as he should have. He spilled himself against her womb with a fierceness that stunned him to his core.

  He continued flexing long after the last drop was spent, then he collapsed onto her, his face nestled at her nape.

  What must she have thought? It had been rough and quick, and he’d been completely unable to control the tempo or the ending. If she declared it horrid and insisted she’d never attempt it again in the future, he wouldn’t be surprised.

  Ultimately, he drew away and rolled onto his side. She rolled too so they were nose to nose. They grinned like naughty children who’d engaged in mischief without being caught.

  “What is your opinion of the event, Miss Drummond?” he teasingly asked.

  “It was much more physical than I’d expected, but all in all, it was…amazing.”

  He nearly shuddered with relief. “Do you really think so? Or are you simply telling me what I want to hear so you don’t crush my poor male ego?”

  “Yes, I really think it was amazing, and I’m not the sort to worry about your ego, am I?”

  “It gets better with repetition.”

  “It was quite tremendous this time.”

  “Yes, it was.”

  “Can we misbehave like this again someday?” she asked.

  “I’m planning on it.”

  “It will be difficult though, won’t it? With the house full of guests and Mrs. Middleton constantly glowering? How will we manage?”

  “Leave that to me.” He raised a brow. “You can claim you’re taking a walk, and we can meet out here in the woods.”

  She chuckled, but miserably. “I’m doomed, aren’t I?”

  “Yes, you’re doomed.”

  “When I die, I’m going straight to Hell.”

  “I’ll be there too though, so you’ll have a friend waiting for you when you arrive.”

  He flopped onto his back and pulled her over so she was draped across his chest. They were quiet, lost in thought, and after a bit, she asked, “What now?”

  �
�Now we nap, then we’ll try it again.”

  “That sounds perfect.”

  She sighed with contentment, and he sighed too, then he dozed off with her snuggled in his arms. When he woke, it was morning. The sun was up, the birds chirping in the trees.

  Before he opened his eyes, he knew she’d snuck out. If he couldn’t have smelled her on his skin and on the pillow, he might have wondered if he’d dreamed the whole encounter. He shook his head with astonishment, shocked at his moral turpitude.

  He’d ruined Nell Drummond! He’d proceeded deliberately and selfishly, like the cad he could definitely be. But he wasn’t sorry, and he was eager to repeat his idiocy at the earliest opportunity.

  What was wrong with him? He couldn’t bear to ponder that question, for the answer would be too depressing.

  He tossed off the blanket and rose to face the day. He was starving, and he had to get over to the manor, had to eat breakfast, wash, and dress in his best clothes, so he’d look like the rich, powerful aristocrat he was.

  He had family issues to address, battles to wage, and final edicts to render. With how he’d frolicked during the night, he had all the stamina he needed to win every fight.

  * * * *

  Nell was very still, watching Nathan sleep. She’d dozed off with him and couldn’t guess how long she’d slumbered. Carefully, she slid away and crawled off the bed.

  He was so drained that he didn’t stir, which was a relief. If he’d roused and begged her to stay, she couldn’t have forced herself to depart.

  She was trying to understand the past few hours, trying to understand her salacious choices. The only explanation was that she’d wanted to make him happy. And she had made him very happy. She could tell.

  But she wasn’t a fool. Men disdained loose females. They enjoyed the chase and the fall from grace, but after it was accomplished, interest waned and attention vanished.

  He’d said they could sneak to the cottage again, but she doubted he’d actually invite her—just as she doubted she’d actually dally with him. It was all too fraught with peril, and she truly believed she was about to be sent home. Or perhaps the entire Middleton entourage would pick up and decamp for London.