Sea of Idiots

by Thom Young

Jan was so preoccupied with the house on the market, she barely noticed a few missing dollars from her purse. In fact, Jan wondered why she hadn’t heard from Patty. It was like somebody unplugged the phone. In the meantime, she’d start packing a few things. Jan knew Max wouldn’t help; he was too busy listening to records or talking on the computer. The door to his room was always shut, and sometimes she’d hear Max yell “Derivatives Stupid!” Jan felt good about her decision. She wanted her own life in Florida.

  “Hey Max!” Willie Ames smiled when his best customer walked through the door. He knew Max was always good for a few dark meat thighs, chicken tenders, livers, or a three piece meal. If anything, Max provided entertainment from the monotonous work day; with business being slow it brightened his day.

  “What you have?”

  “Three thighs. Glass of buttermilk.”

  “You got it. How’s things?” asked Willie.

  “Putrid.”

  “Is that bad?”

  “It means stench,” Max belched.

  “You over at the college?”

  “Not until next month. I’m not inclined to speak,” said Max.

  Willie brought the chicken over, and Max shoved a thigh into his mouth. He took a gulp of buttermilk, and burped.

  “How’s your mama?”

  “She’s lost her sanity. Putting our beloved home on the market, and concocting a ludicrous notion of relocating to Florida.”

  “Florida? Ain’t nothing good there,” said Willie

  “I know. Full of degenerate beasts and an infestation of disease ridden Culicidae.”

  “What?”

  “Mosquitoes.”

  “I know ain’t they awful. The heat brings them out.”

  “She won’t go through with it. Her little fantasy will come to a dreaded finale.”

  Willie thought Max sure was educated. He used big words from the junior college. Willie thought it might be a good time to mention the lack of business to Max. If anybody knew about business, it would be Max. After all, he was giving them talks to the college kids.

  “Things ain’t good round here,” Willie said.

  “The mashed potatoes are a bit dry,” said Max.

  “I shut down the places in Tyler and Crockett. My place here is losing money. The kids don’t eat chicken like they use to,” said Willie

  “Branch out your business. Try adding Greek yogurt,” said Max.

  “Nobody like that fancy stuff here.”

  “Just take out a loan. Give you some capital to renovate,” said Max

  “The man at the bank say no. I got no credit,” said Willie.

  “Thompson? His peon brain hasn’t the first inclination of running a bank or any other endeavor,” said Max.

  “I just need a little money. Something to get back on my feet.”

  “You cook a fine chicken. Your product deserves to be proliferated among the masses,” said Max.

  Max said goodbye to Willie. He started walking home, but something caught his eye. A sign in the window of First Angelina Bank.

  Now Hiring.