Darling

by Gabrielle G

  “Like me?”

  “Yeah.” He smiles at me, and my heart melts.

  “What scares you, Dan?”

  “You. I’m scared that while I’m in LA or wherever, you’ll think this is all too much and you’ll walk away. I’m afraid you’re going to ruin me and leave me in worse shape than I ever was. I’m afraid you’ll trigger whatever demon I try to fight. I’m just afraid you’ll break my heart.”

  And again, we fall into silence. The tension between us isn’t sexual anymore. We both know a relationship between us won’t be easy. We have a lot to be scared of and a lot of logistics to go over.

  But as usual, Dan breaks our stillness and brings us back to the moment. “How long are you staying?”

  I shrug. “No return date yet. I have projects, but I’m here as long as you need me.”

  “So we can date until I need to go back to LA?”

  “Yeah, and then we can see where we go from there. One thing though—I don’t want the world to know about me yet.”

  He raises an eyebrow. “Dating in secret, that will be fun…”

  He licks his lips, and I lean toward him slowly, ready to kiss him. But once his mouth hovers over mine, he grins and backs away.

  “Come on, love, I don’t kiss before the first date. Who do you think I am?” He winks.

  I stand up slowly and feign walking away. “You don’t see any problem in sleeping alone then, rock star?”

  I smile, already knowing there’s no chance we won’t sleep in the same bed if we share the same suite. He was bear-hugging me way too much this morning to want to sleep alone tonight.

  “We can sleep in the same bed, but no funny business, love. I don’t put out before the third date. I have some virtue to preserve.”

  I snort. “Let’s re-virginalize you then, Dan Darling. We have a lot of work ahead of us.”

  I yelp when his hand playfully slaps my butt on the way to my bedroom, and I giggle when he shoves me onto my bed and jumps over me like the first time we were together. But this time, it doesn’t scare me, because I know I’m not the only one with my heart on the line. Knowing Dan has as much to lose as I do comforts me more than any promise I ever heard.

  Waiting for the third date isn’t going to happen. And seeing how he’s growling over me, he’s not trying to either.

  28

  Dan

  “Dan,” she moans, moving her core against my length.

  I could blow in my underwear just from hearing her say my name. The power this woman has over me is irrational. Since I met her, I feel like I’ve known her forever. She’s the part of me that was missing, the piece the Greek gods halved thousands of years ago, the one I roamed the face of the earth to find again, and the one I will never let go. She’s mine, and as absurd as it sounds, she’s the only one I want to hear my name come from.

  “I think this is our third date, love.” My lips brush her neck while her hands pull on my hair.

  She plants her nails in my head and bucks her hips once more. “I don’t give a shit how many dates, Dan, just—”

  I don’t let her finish her sentence as I cradle her face and claim her mouth. Her tongue parts my lips, and I have no doubt she’s the only woman who can bring me to my knees. Fireworks explode in my brain and my cock swings like a windshield wiper. It’s a talent that I can typically control. I kiss her again and again, neither of us taking the step to go further.

  But when my hand makes its way under her shirt and caresses her breasts, she whimpers. I groan and disappear under her clothes, pulling her T-shirt and kissing my way through the valley of her chest. My lips meander around, tortuously ignoring her erect nipples. I massage her gently while I breathe over one nipple then the other. She arches her back, trying to guide one into my mouth, but I hold back, squeezing one breast before tracing the areola of the other with my nose.

  My fingers rub her nipples, increasing speed as she gets more aroused. When I feel her losing control, I bring my tongue to one while twisting the other, sending her into a quake of shivers. I bite her, bringing her to the brink of orgasm and pull slowly, until releasing her and starting all over again with her other breast. I continue playing with her nipple while my fingers brush their way down her stomach.

  When my hand passes the elastic band of her pants, I bite her again and pleasure ripples through her body. She’s beautiful. My finger brushes her clit, and she cups my face, bringing me back to her lips for a kiss while opening her legs to grant me access. No bra, no panties—this woman is out to kill me. I drive two fingers into her in one firm thrust. She jolts with pleasure, creaming my fingers even before I curve them slightly to hit her Holy Grail.

  She pushes me away slightly, trying to look into my eyes. I miss her lips right away. But I see she needs to tell me something, so I wait. It takes her an eternity to find what she’s looking for, so I press my thumb on her clit, to remind her I could make her come again. She rewards me with the most beautiful smile.

  “I’m falling,” she whispers, her green eyes filling with tears.

  My emotions are so raw, I get tongue-tied. I want to tell her that I fell the first time I saw her, but I can’t. Instead, I smile and kiss her tears away. She brings her thumb to the corner of my eye and wipes away the evidence of the emotions I was trying to hide.

  All of a sudden, fingering her doesn’t seem enough. I need to be inside her. I need to feel her around me. I need to thrust into my love. I peel off my clothes and remove her pants, still lying on top of her, unable to keep away from her more than a second. When I nudge my cock at her entrance, I wish we could have sex without condoms, but that’s something I vowed I’d only do with my wife. With all the pussies I can have, it’s too easy to forget my responsibility to always wrap it up.

  “I don’t have a condom,” I tell her, “and the only person I’ll fuck bare is my wife.”

  “If that’s a proposal, Darling, you could have been a tiny bit more romantic.”

  She laughs, but I know how to read between her lines of sarcasm by now.

  “If I push in, Anna, it’s a promise you’ll marry me one day, and we only just agreed to date each other. I want you to be sure, love. I know my end game with you, but I’m not sure you’re ready for it.”

  She smiles and brings her hand between us, shoving my bare length directly inside her. I quiver, not only from her movement but because of what it represents. Anna Spencer is mine to love, to cherish, and to adore.

  “When I say I’m falling, it means you need to catch me.”

  I’ve never been loved for who I really am. I’ve let her see the ugly, and she decided to let me in nonetheless, going further than admiring Dan Darling and the glitter around me.

  “I’m done falling, love, I’m already at your feet,” I whisper while thrusting into her.

  With the promise we made to each other by fucking without condoms, I find my heart racing to mute all the insecurities I ever had about ever finding someone who would love all of me. When our orgasms crash through us, I’m high on love and hooked on hope.

  But then her arms abandon my neck and fall alongside her body. She stills, and I’m afraid she’s already regretting the commitment we made to each other.

  “What is it, love?”

  “Do you hear that?” she asks, sounding horrified. “I think someone is moaning in the next room.”

  I take a few full breaths to quiet my mind and try to listen for something other than my own beating heart. And then I hear it. Moans, giggles, and grunts not coming from our bed. Anger flares under my skin. I told them I was done with them bringing girls here! If they did so, knowing Anna is sleeping in the same suite, I will cut off and sell their cocks on eBay.

  After kissing the tip of her nose, I extricate myself from the bed and pull back on my sweatpants before walking toward the living room. The closer I get, the surer I am that people are making out nearby. But I freeze when I see who’s on the living room couch. Footsteps approach from behind me, and An
na slides next to me, her arm around my waist until she halts, as shocked as I am.

  “Didn’t she sleep with Art?” I whisper to confirm what I’m seeing.

  Anna nods.

  “Didn’t he kiss Naomi?” I ask, making sure I have the same facts that she does.

  She nods again. Taking my hand, she pulls me back to her bedroom, not willing to break the moment we shared by whatever Lars and Julie are doing on the sofa. Once the door is closed, we snuggle in bed.

  “Shit, they already shared Oliver and that was troublesome, but that… I’m going to pretend I don’t know anything.” She rests her head on my chest.

  I drag my hand through her hair, thinking there’s no other place I’d like to be. “Both of your friends slept with your brother?”

  She chuckles. “He’s slept with all my friends except one, and the poor girl has had a crush on him for, like, forever. I’m pretty sure he didn’t make a move because she’s married, but the day she divorces, he might fuck her too. That’s how Oliver is. Do you have siblings?”

  “Lars and Art are my brothers from another mother.”

  She tilts her head to find my eyes. “Did they ever share a girl before?”

  “A lot. But it seems Art kind of liked Julie a little more…”

  She scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Right.”

  Silence falls between us again, letting the noise from the other room invade our room.

  “Enough,” I shout before hearing Lars mumbling.

  Looking at Anna, I smile. We’re far from the tension that was hanging between us an hour ago. We now share an understanding that we don’t need to rush what’s between us because we’ve got each other. Her eyes close, but she tries to keep them open, trying not to miss a thing. That’s exactly how I feel when she’s around. Now and then, looking into her eyes, I promise myself I’ll never go off my meds if they’ll give me the chance to keep her in my life, because I can’t allow my moods to make me miss one second with this woman.

  But there is one thing I need her to agree to before she falls asleep. Something I discussed with my shrink, something non-negotiable if she’s serious about us.

  I hold her closer, wrapping her around my body. “Would you speak with my therapist while you’re here?”

  “I would love that.” She yawns, nuzzling her nose in my neck.

  I fall asleep, relaxed and secure that she’s the soulmate I was looking for.

  I’m startled awake by Anna’s phone.

  “Shit,” she mumbles, climbing over me to reach it. “I’m sorry, mon cœur, sleep.”

  I don’t speak French, but I recognize the language. “What does that mean?” I ask with a sleepy voice.

  “What?” She sounds distracted, her nose in her phone.

  “What you called me, what does it mean?”

  “Mon cœur?”

  “Yes, that strange word I can’t pronounce.”

  “My heart.” She smiles, her nose still in her phone.

  “Is that so? That’s adorable. You’re my love, and I’m your heart?” I beam, hoping she can’t see how stupid I feel.

  We’re going fast when we decided we’d go slow, but when we’re together, it seems nothing can stop our story from taking the path it should. We still have a lot to figure out, but seeing how we committed to each other a few hours ago, I’m pretty sure her giving me a pet name isn’t that big a deal. But it is for me, because it shows me Anna is all in.

  I feel her withdrawing though, furiously typing on her screen. My eyes have adjusted, but I don’t need to see her to feel her annoyance toward whoever she’s answering.

  “What’s the matter, love?” I sit in the bed and turn on the light.

  She grimaces while shaking her head. “It seems Ol and Naomi know Julie hooked up with Lars. The damage control is going to be epic.” She shrugs.

  “Do we give a shit?” I tug her to me by the waist. “Because seriously, the world could implode, and I wouldn’t give a shit as long as I’m with you.”

  She straddles me, throwing her phone to the empty side of the bed. “What are we going to do when I have to go back to work? Because you know I’m not becoming a groupie and following you around, right?” She rubs her nose on mine.

  “I thought I could be in Canada with you when I can, and you could come to LA when I need to be there.”

  “You thought about it?”

  “Of course, didn’t you?”

  She blushes, looking a little disconcerted.

  “Oh my, love, did you think of what we could be, and you’re embarrassed about it?”

  “Fuck off.” She tries to get off me, but I don’t let her.

  “I like you on top.” I thrust my hips.

  “And I like you inside.” She grins. Jumping from her knees to her feet, she pulls down her pants. “Strip down, Darling, we can have me on top and you inside me!”

  That’s a deal I can’t pass on.

  29

  Anna

  “I’m glad we could meet,” Dr. Mills says, while indicating for me to sit next to Dan at the suite’s dining room table nobody uses.

  It’s unconventional to meet the therapist of the man you date, but Dan assured me it’s important to him so that I can fully understand what committing to him involves. Celebrity status, concerts, groupies, and photographers aren’t enough for Dan Darling; mental health has to be his cherry on the top. I’m ready for it all.

  After our discussion on the sofa last night, I feel more reassured and at peace than when Joel asked me to move with him to Montreal. When Dan and I put everything on the table, I decided to let go of all of my fears. What was I afraid of? That I would get my heart broken? Wouldn’t it be beautiful if it were because I had lived something priceless with the most endearing man I’ve ever met? Wouldn’t it be worth it to be with the man who became emotional because I wanted to date him, even though he could have anybody he wants? What was holding me back? I had already stepped on a plane to London. I could jump onto the Dan train now.

  But the surprise came when he said he would only have sex without condoms with his wife-to-be. I couldn’t imagine another woman being it, and even more, I didn’t want to imagine it. Jealousy flared inside me, and I was ready to knock out the teeth of any woman on Earth who would claim Dan Darling instead of me. So I claimed him. With one movement, I told him I wanted him to be mine and to be mine forever. And it might seem crazy, because we barely know each other, but I think the Dan he’s showed me is the one he keeps locks away from public attention. The same way the Anna he knows is the vulnerable one I don’t parade on the worksite. He makes me feel complete, and at peace with not having children. He accepts it like I accept his disorder. We both look beyond the way people tag us. We both understand we’re more than what we’re labeled. We’re just us—a little fucked up, but with a lot to give to the right person.

  I take my seat and wait for the therapist to start. This isn’t my first time in a therapy session, but it’s the first time it isn’t mine, and I have the impression I’m sitting at the principal’s office.

  “Dan told me you two are involved. Is that how you would define your relationship?”

  I look at the pen he’s balancing on his thumb, waiting for my words. When he stops to write something in his notebook, I snap out of it.

  “Yes, we made some commitments last night to each other, so we could say we’re involved, I guess.” I’m nervous, and I shouldn’t be. I’m here for this guy to tell me about bipolar disorder and to include me in Dan’s therapy, not to judge me, but he’s the first person to know Dan and I are a thing.

  I didn’t have time to talk to Julie, because when I knocked on her door, nobody answered. My friends back home are sleeping, and anyway, after the thread of texts I received from Naomi and Oliver, I’m damn sure they don’t want to hear about my happy night. Art and Lars aren’t exactly the first people I wanted to announce our new relationship status to either.

  “Is there anything you want to ask me
?” Mills plays with his pen again.

  “Not really. I haven’t told Dan”—I send him an apologetic look—“but I reached out to my therapist and asked her a lot about bipolar disorder.” I blush, and Dan takes my hand with a supporting squeeze.

  “Can I ask why you see someone? You don’t have to tell me, I’m just trying to get a bigger picture here.”

  “I started to see her when I was told I would never have children after my miscarriage. Pregnancy was always a rare possibility, but the miscarriage left some scar tissue that made me infertile. That was on the same day I found my husband having sex with his nurse. It was a lot to take in, and I had to deal with some anger and acceptance for a while.”

  “I see,” he says, scribbling in that notebook of his again.

  Dan’s leg bounces next to me, and I glance at him to check what’s going on with him.

  “Dan?” his doctor says. “If you have something to say, go ahead.”

  There’s a change in the air. I can feel it in each of my bones—Dan is pissed. I think back to what I said and realize he might think I blurted his name out to my shrink. Putting my hand on his thigh, I say, “I kept you anonymous, of course.”

  Dan shakes his head. “That’s not it, love, I just… I want to punch Scumbag for what he did to you. Hearing it was the same day you learned you couldn’t have a child and lost it? I want to kill him!” He’s not looking at me, his jaw is clenched, and his nostrils are flaring.

  I smile nonetheless. “Dan, look at me.”

  He doesn’t, still lost in his thought.