Second in line is the Myth of Confidence: we believe that for gravitas, we need to have confidence because we perceive confidence in those people we consider to have gravitas. But what the research shows is that those people aren’t consistently feeling confident; they are choosing to be courageous. It is courage that drives gravitas, not confidence. Confidence may develop, particularly in response to the successful outworking of courage. But those with gravitas do not wait to feel confident; instead, they choose to be courageous.
Thirdly, there’s the Myth of Charisma. We sense that gravitas is reserved for people who would be considered naturally charismatic. Here’s the good news: it’s not. People with charisma may have authentic gravitas, but gravitas doesn’t require charisma (more on this in chapter 2).
THE GRAVITAS JOURNEY
It’s time to debunk these unspoken myths in our minds. We look first at the Myth of the Gravitas Gift. The starting point in developing greater gravitas is acknowledging the reality that gravitas is not something a person has or doesn’t have. A person is not born with gravitas. Nor is gravitas something you suddenly acquire: “I’ve got it!” Rather, it’s something that builds. We can all increase our degree of gravitas. You have the potential for greater gravitas. It’s not something predetermined, it’s not reserved for a gifted few; it’s a choice that we make about what we build into our lives and, as a result, what we give back out. So while we may say someone “has” gravitas—and I use this language throughout the book to keep the discussion succinct—it is not a fixed quality. Rather, it refers to people who are regarded widely and consistently by those around them to have a high degree of gravitas. Whether or not you feel like you have it to some degree now, it’s something you can choose to build.
My colleagues and I have been asked to coach hundreds of professionals who worry, “I don’t have enough gravitas,” or whose managers believe, “He/she needs more gravitas.” They come to us with a degree of disheartened resignation, because even while these professionals are asking for help, this gravitas myth whispers to them that in reality, not much can be done. But looking at the journeys of professionals we’ve coached, we have many examples to contradict the myth. Those who previously did not believe they had gravitas now recognize that others tend to consider them someone whose contribution carries weight. Or at a minimum they express (with a palpable sense of relief) that it’s “no longer really an issue.” Many managers who considered gravitas to be a key development area for a member of their team now assert that the person has more gravitas. So gravitas can be developed. It just takes courage and discipline.
OTHERS GRAVITATE TOWARD YOU
Now that we’ve addressed what gravitas isn’t, let’s have a look at what gravitas is. The Cambridge English Dictionary defines gravitas as “seriousness and importance of manner, causing feelings of respect and trust in others.”1 The origin of the word in Latin, gravis, means “serious.”2 In this book, we’ll explore whether this definition holds true in today’s workplace for professionals looking to develop their gravitas.
In my research for this book, I interviewed a wide range of leaders and professionals across various industries from around the world, as well as specialists in, and teachers of, leadership and professional development. I additionally analyzed discussions of gravitas by professionals in coaching sessions over a ten-year period.
I found that people in the workplace considered to have gravitas certainly are respected and trusted by others. Colleagues consider their contributions to be important, but they are not self-important; that is, they do not demonstrate a belief that they are “more important or have a higher value than other people.” They demonstrate “seriousness” in situations that require it, and they give “importance” to the issues that matter, such as those that impact the achievement of collective goals. When it comes to seriousness, others do take them seriously. They are not, however, necessarily serious in personality. Some were described as consistently serious, but most were not—rather, while they were all taken seriously, some were described as bringing timely “levitas” or regularly using humor to bring lightheartedness to a situation.
There is no personality requirement for gravitas: people described as having gravitas displayed preferences and behaviors across the full spectrum of personality types. In terms of individual attributes, there is no physical, age, or gender requirement for gravitas—it is based on our mind-set, behaviors, and skills that we can choose to develop.
The truth is, gravitas looks different for different people. You can have gravitas and still be you. Professionals show up with gravitas in all kinds of different ways. The way we apply the word gravitas around the world does not concern the “manner” or style of a person, but rather is more closely related to one consistent quality: the value they add, and the process by which they do so.
BEING VALUED
We can believe it’s just about the way someone speaks or their nonverbal behaviors (body language, tone of voice, and so on), but at the crux of it, people considered to have a high degree of gravitas in the workplace are simply and powerfully bringing substantial value to the situation they’re in and the people they’re in it with. Their contribution to the conversation is greatly valued. Most of us want to be people who are valued by those we respect, because of the pronounced value we add. This is the true foundation of gravitas: being taken seriously because you add significant value—in the meeting, to your clients, to your colleagues, and in your work. Not because of your position and not because you’re looking to stand out just for the sake of being seen, but because you’re consistently and powerfully making a noteworthy contribution to both the people and the situation, and engendering respect and trust because of it. Lead the room is a phrase I’ll use throughout the book when referring to gravitas. People with a high degree of gravitas were often referred to in interviews as having the ability to “lead the room”—adding value in such a way that they are able to powerfully shape or direct the conversation and decisions for a collective positive outcome, regardless of their title or position.
Psychology professors Brosch and Sander at the University of Geneva note that “value” (the importance, worth, or usefulness of something; principles or standards of behavior; one’s judgment of what is important in life) is arguably one of the most central concepts governing human life.3 Hence the significance of understanding this topic and how we can contribute value to the interactions and the situations in which we find ourselves.
Having a high degree of gravitas at work means you are taken seriously, your contributions are considered important, you are recognized as adding substantial value, and you are trusted and respected.
People gravitate toward you.
What I call “authentic gravitas” comes when we make this contribution intentionally and courageously, in line with our values and our unique strengths. Professionals with a high degree of authentic gravitas make a positive, significant impact on both a situation and the people around them. They are deliberate about it: clear about their goals for impact and influence, and courageous and disciplined in choosing to act on those intentions. They are mindful of collective goals, and intentional about how they show up. As such, they are better able to offer an important contribution, one that is in line with their values and convictions about what matters. They are more likely to be taken seriously and engender feelings of respect and trust in others. They are valued because they add value to the situations they are in and the people they’re with.
THE DARK SIDE OF GRAVITAS
Authentic gravitas stands in contrast to what I call “adverse gravitas,” the dark side of gravitas. It’s important to make the distinction, because without it, we may question whether gravitas is something we should actually want. Or, in seeking to increase our gravitas, we can unintentionally slip into behaviors that do not have the impact we intend.
In coaching conversations and research interviews, people made
this distinction and clarified their goals around gravitas. For example, “I’d like more gravitas, to be someone others feel is worth listening to and taken seriously, but I don’t want to come on too full-on, I don’t want to come across like a bully.” Or, “I feel like I need more gravitas, to be able to get and hold attention in the room, to be someone others look up to, but I don’t want to be like X. She makes people feel like rubbish, and you don’t feel like you have a choice or a say in anything.”
With the dark side of gravitas, the stereotypes play out. A person displaying adverse gravitas may be aggressive, act like a bully, and/or draw on positional power to achieve self-serving goals through manipulation or coercion. They may foster an environment of fear, where others feel they need to walk on eggshells around them.
Adverse gravitas need not incorporate negative intent. It may not comprise manipulation or coercion. The dark side of gravitas can simply involve someone posturing and dominating in such a way that other people or the situation are adversely affected. It happens often when people aren’t being mindful about their impact on others. If one person takes up all the space, even without negative intent, they can control the conversation and stop others from contributing. They may fail to give due weight to inquiry and overload on advocacy. As such, they can reduce the potential collective knowledge, understanding, and insight. Sometimes people do this because they want to be seen. When talking in the security of the coaching room with people who demonstrate behavior associated with adverse gravitas, many disclose insecurities and a lack of confidence. The problem is that in their posturing, they have failed to be vulnerable, and those around them interpret their behavior as self-importance rather than self-protection. While others may have sympathy for the latter, they have no patience for the former.
Someone exhibiting adverse gravitas may be unaware of their impact, of when they might be railroading the situation, making others feel less valued or less able to contribute. One of the first executives I was asked to coach was constantly making people around him cry. Jonas was taken seriously, and he was regarded as playing an important role in his organization, but he didn’t have a positive impact on the people around him. He added value in content but not in people’s experience, thereby reducing others’ ability to add value and diminishing the collective quality of that content. He did know that sometimes people on his team or in the wider office would be upset, although he didn’t appreciate the full extent of this. But even where he did see it, he didn’t know what it was about his manner that was negatively impacting people, nor did he know how to change. He was a strong, dominant, talented professional, but it wasn’t his intention to make others feel diminished, so we worked to change his impact from adverse to authentic gravitas. Jonas became more intentional—first by deciding how he wanted to impact others. He began adapting his style, proactively seeking feedback, and sending purposeful and sincere messages that he valued others. This wasn’t always easy but he was committed. Jonas went on to receive unsolicited feedback from senior peers about the positive changes they saw in his working style and impact.
Whether intentional or unintentional, displays of the dark side give gravitas a bad name. Most of us have encountered people who only display gravitas at a surface level; they can be serious and self-important in manner, acting as though they should be trusted or deserve respect, but have a negative impact on a situation or the people in it. Equally—let’s be honest—many of us have displayed elements of the dark side, perhaps unknowingly at the time. When driving a situation forward, it’s easy to slip into having an accidental negative impact on others. But if we’re clear about what we mean by gravitas and what it looks like in practice, we’re more likely to add value without detracting from others’ ability to do the same. This creates relationships that are rooted in trust and mutual respect. We can start to put into place behaviors that enable us to make a significant, positive impact on the situations we’re in and the people we’re with. We’re giving ourselves a better chance of being taken seriously, making important contributions, and being valued, trusted, and respected.
WHO STANDS OUT (FOR GOOD REASONS) AND WHY
Professionals with authentic gravitas stand out. But how do they stand out? What do they do—or not do—that makes them stand out with gravitas?
Throughout this book, we’ll look at what underpins authentic gravitas, the research on those foundations, and simple yet powerful techniques for how to develop it. We’ll see how, with the right mind-set and behaviors, we can become increasingly valuable at work and have a powerful impact by drawing on intra- and interpersonal power, rather than relying on hierarchical power. We’ll discover what we can do before, during, and in all the spaces between encounters, to genuinely be the person who adds substantive value when we are in the room. It’s what often comes out when we explore the meaning behind the sentence, “I need more gravitas,” going deeper to, “I want to be someone who is legitimately regarded as adding significant value, as myself (i.e., in line with my values and strengths).” This starts with a mind-set shift and then builds by implementing specific skills and techniques to align our intention and impact.
The first step I’ve identified is debunking the myth that gravitas is fixed and recognizing that it is accessible to you: it is something you can choose to build. You can also help the people you lead to develop it, regardless of your—and their—position in a hierarchy, gender, age, or personality. Once we’ve moved past that myth, we can engage in two behaviors that underpin authentic gravitas: being intentional and courageous.
CLOSING THE INTEGRITY GAP: FROM INTENTION TO IMPACT
After we recognize that gravitas is something we can work on, the next step is to be clear about what exactly it is we’re working on. The goal is to get clarity around your intention for impact and act in alignment with it. I believe the single greatest barrier to a professional’s success is failing to have clarity about the impact he or she desires to have on a situation or the people around them. In the busyness of today’s working life, it’s easy to just run out the door in the morning and rush through the day, never asking yourself the golden question: What kind of impact do I want to have on the people I encounter today? In this chapter, we’ll look at how to gain clarity around your desired intention and then minimize the gap we all have between our intention and our actual impact. For authentic gravitas, we need to be intentional. It’s not just about standing out for the sake of it; it’s about choosing how we want to show up and knowing why.
Choosing Your Footprint
When it comes to leadership, clearly choosing what kind of leader you want to be can be the missing step in leading well.4 The same is true with all our professional hats. What kind of colleague do you want to be? What kind of team member? What kind of adviser? It’s the question missing from so many leadership and professional development programs: “What kind of leader/professional do you want to be?” In these programs, we facilitate and encourage self-awareness (what kind of leader/professional you are), get participants to map their journeys so far (what has made you the leader/professional you are), share knowledge and ideas (what kind of leader/professional you should be), and help people acquire new skills and adopt new behaviors (this is how you can become that kind of leader/professional).
But we don’t focus strongly enough on arguably the most central components to leadership and professional success: intent (the kind of leader/professional you want to be) and impact (the legacy you want to leave). As shorthand, I refer to these two components combined as your “professional footprint.”
In my experience, many have thought about their leadership or professional footprint at some point, but few have defined it clearly enough to guide their behavior and evaluate their “success.” Even fewer give it regular consideration—letting it guide their daily decisions—or share it with others to get feedback and be held accountable.
I’m not saying we should all have the same leaders
hip and professional success criteria—far from it. To develop authentic gravitas, you need to define your desired personal footprint and be intentional in your daily work. You need to give yourself space, time, and permission, and ask for help where you need it, in order to clearly define the culture of leadership and the professional environment you want to build around you. The leaders and professionals who demonstrate authentic gravitas powerfully align their impact with their intention.
Being intentional, however, is not a one-off act of deciding how we want to show up and what impact we want to have. Rather, being intentional in the context of authentic gravitas incorporates regular discipline. People with high levels of authentic gravitas continually reduce the gap between intention and impact by assessing—both from their own observations and others’ feedback—how they are living up to those footprint goals, and make the changes necessary to keep building it on a day-to-day basis. The research revealed that the somewhat glamorous notion of gravitas is rooted in the unglamorous reality of self-regulation.
It is this discipline or self-regulation that enables us to have integrity. We all fall short, at times, of what is referred to as “behavioral integrity,” or consistency between our words and actions, our stated and enacted values, and our promise-keeping.5 The reality is that once we clarify and espouse our values and intentions, we set ourselves up to fall short, with our actual impact often not being quite on the mark. But as we stay mindful of the potential gap and maintain the discipline to seek and act upon feedback, we are able to continually reduce that gap and increase our integrity.
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