Few people feel naturally comfortable sharing stories as part of a talk or presentation. But becoming a storyteller is something we can learn and practice. The art of storytelling includes brainstorming ideas and connections to creatively get across your main point. The key to success is to treat it like a science experiment—test it, consider the results (determine impact by seeking feedback), make some changes, test it again and look at the results, etc. We often seek feedback on our technical points—the “what” of our message. We rarely seek feedback on the “how”—how we’re getting our points across, including our stories. It can be an uncomfortable experience to share our stories in a role-play context. Let’s face it—it feels silly. In executive education programs, I have the interesting responsibility of getting participants to role-play. Not because it makes them happy, but because we know it can be a useful method of gaining feedback to fuel development. Most people hate the idea of it. But time after time, they find that role-playing the meeting or presentation with a group of colleagues is invaluable. It’s not invaluable to practice; it’s invaluable to get feedback: “Make the story shorter, punchier.” “Explain this part in more detail—I couldn’t really follow what was happening.” “What happened after that? I felt like I was left hanging.” Whatever feedback you receive, there’s a strong chance it will make your storytelling even more powerful and, as such, your personal connection stronger.
Scripting your beginning and your end, owning the flow, and making your content personal will increase your connection and your authentic gravitas as you close the intention-impact gap.
THE DANCE OF GRAVITAS: BALANCING CLARITY AND CURIOSITY
Authentic gravitas comes when we balance clarity and curiosity. We need clarity around our intention, as well as a commitment to curiosity—not only about the issues at hand, but also about the people we’re engaging with and about our intention-impact gap. As we continually move between clarity and curiosity, one shapes the other. Our discoveries from being curious shape our thinking, intentions, and messages, and the clarity around our messages and goals for impact shape the questions we ask.
The IMPACT model serves as a guide for planning important meetings and presentations. It’s not designed to increase the amount of time you need to spend preparing, but rather to make sure your preparation process is structured in a way that’s efficient and helps you balance clarity and curiosity. Once we have the foundations of insight, motivation, perception, advocate, and content, it’s time to consider which techniques are best to apply.
PRACTICES TO “LEAD THE ROOM”
Below is a summary of the key points we’ve looked at in chapter 3. This is for you to use later—a quick checklist to easily refer back to when you’re preparing for an important meeting or presentation.
Insight: What do you believe about this situation/possibility? Before you start thinking about what you’re going to say, think about what you really think. Articulate your viewpoint in one or two sentences. What insight do you want the people you’re about to encounter to take away?
Motivation: Which of the four drives (acquire, bond, comprehend, and defend) could you help the people you’re encountering meet? Which drive is most important to them right now? Do your target assessment. If you end up with a lot of questions to which you’re not sure of the answers, consider whom you could ask to better your understanding of your audience’s motivation.
Perception: Consider your audience’s current perception of the topic. Also consider their perception of you. What do you want it to be? Write it down.
Advocate: Decide on your sticky messages (maximum of three). Ask yourself, If nothing else, what would I want them to remember?
Content: “You had me at hello.” Remember the two times your audience is most likely listening: your beginning and your end. Script both (prioritize these over scripting your content in the middle word for word). Make it personal to your audience and be prepared to be personal yourself by sharing your stories (you can start by jotting them down in one list and getting feedback on them, too, not just on your content and technical points).
Try following the process structure outlined above, even though it’s tempting to just start writing! Setting yourself up to have a powerful, positive impact in your meeting requires a pre-meeting commitment to both clarity and curiosity.
Finally, prepare for unexpected encounters by deciding to stop worrying about what you’re going to say, and instead choose one or two words to describe the imprint you would like to leave them with. Choose to be interested rather than worrying about being interesting.
FOUR
TECHNIQUE
“What Is It About Them?”
The final component of the IMPACT model for authentic gravitas is technique. This is the part that we traditionally associate with gravitas—how we come across nonverbally. But it is only effective in building authentic gravitas if we’ve followed the previous steps of the IMPACT model to influence with our words as well as our voice and body language. It is the icing on the cake—not the cake itself. In this chapter, we look at how we can unintentionally trip ourselves up, and which techniques can help build authentic gravitas.
The differences between verbal and nonverbal communication are often misinterpreted. Nonverbal communication is distinct in that it is not linguistic, referring to how a message is sent (for example, tone, accent, pitch), while verbal communication focuses on the content of a message.1 We give a lot of energy and attention to what we’re saying (the content), but often less to how we deliver it. Both, however, communicate meaning. Fascinating research by Harvard Business School professor and social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, shows the ways people can meaningfully increase their presence through small, yet powerful changes.2 Nonverbal communication not only sends a message to others, but, as revealed in extensive research, also impacts our own psychological processes. It’s important that we are as intentional with the meaning and messages we send nonverbally as we are with our verbal communication.
Researchers highlight the numerous ways that nonverbal behavior can interact with our verbal messages. It can repeat our verbal discourse (such as a nod to demonstrate agreement), it can substitute for it (for example, eye rolling), it can accent it (like a slap on the back after a joke), or it can contradict it (for example, wiping away tears while saying that you are fine).3 All uses of nonverbal behavior can support, reinforce, or add to our verbal messages. What we need to be careful of is that our nonverbal communication doesn’t unintentionally contradict and undermine our verbal messages. When faced with an incongruence between verbal and nonverbal messages, we tend to believe the nonverbal—because it seems less conscious, these subconscious messages are interpreted as a better reflection of that person’s true self or meaning; the nonverbal communication is perceived as “authentic.”
What matters is alignment. We need congruence between our verbal and nonverbal messages. So once we’ve established our core messages, we can be intentional in aligning our “what” with our “how.”
POWERFUL VS. POWERLESS LANGUAGE
What is it about those people everyone stops and listens to? Yes, it’s the quality of their contributions over time that leads people to trust that their input will be positive and meaningful—worth listening to—as soon as they start talking. That’s true when there’s a history with that person. People lean on past experiences with them. But what about when there’s no history? Perhaps they hold a particularly prominent position in their organization or industry, or they have a title that cries out, “Listen to me!” But we know that people can have authentic gravitas regardless of their place in the hierarchy. Is it something about the substance of their speech or their nonverbal presence? It’s both. Their communication—both verbal and nonverbal—is powerful.
We do things, often unconsciously and certainly unintentionally, that undermine the power of our communica
tion—regardless of what we’re saying, we can shoot ourselves in the foot with the way we’re speaking. Researchers conducted experiments to study what they called “powerful” and “powerless” language.4 They identified certain linguistic markers that occur in powerless language, such as:
Hedges (e.g., “I guess” / “Sort of”)
Intensifiers (e.g., “I really did”)
Using overly polite or overly formal language
Tag questions (e.g., “That’s right, isn’t it?”)
Hesitating (e.g., “You know . . .” / “I mean . . .” / “Umm . . .”)
While most of us don’t necessarily think about speaking in a “powerful” way in our day-to-day lives, it’s important to recognize the potential impact of powerless language. It can create the perception that you’re unsure about what you’re saying. This, in turn, can make the audience doubt you, and they may be more likely to come up with counterarguments attacking your position. To demonstrate to others that you have confidence in the content of your message (even if you don’t feel particularly confident about your self), and reduce the likelihood of people arguing against your points, try to cut out powerless markers.
Have you ever caught yourself analyzing a speaker instead of his or her message? We all have those moments when we realize we’ve thought long and hard about the speaker as an individual—what they’re wearing, what they do for a living, where they might live, all kinds of personal things about them—and haven’t paid much attention to what they were talking about. How can we avoid this happening to us and have people focus on our message rather than analyzing us personally? Researchers also found that powerless language actually diverts attention to the speaker and increases the audience’s thoughts about the speaker. So by avoiding these powerless markers in your speaking, you’ll be better able to get your audience focusing on your message more than on yourself.
The research results imply that your audience is not explicitly aware of the language characteristics that affect their attitude toward you, but those characteristics are making an impact nonetheless. Language appears to act as a cue—the recipients’ perception of you (whether one-on-one, in a small meeting, or in a large presentation) actually shapes their thoughts about your message or argument, regardless of its merits. This means that someone with expert knowledge and an excellent argument might still fail to be persuasive if they use powerless language when conveying their argument. Subsequent studies suggest that if the distracting influence of powerless language is great enough, it can lead to little or no thinking at all about the argument or content of your message.5 It’s easy to spend so much time thinking about the content of our message, but the way we speak may be just as important as what we’re saying.
IT DOESN’T HAVE TO BE NATURAL TO BE AUTHENTIC
Powerless language tends to detract attention from the idea or argument you’re making. It can render persuasive components of your message ineffective. People of all personality types and interpersonal styles could use powerless linguistic markers. Equally, powerful language (defined by the researchers as an absence of powerless markers) is not reserved for people who are talkative, nor those who are taciturn. Once again, we can’t fall back on using personality or natural style as an excuse. We need to eliminate the self-whisper—I’m just not like that—because this isn’t about what we are or aren’t. It’s about communication choices, feedback, discovery, and intentionally creating new habits that communicate the messages you intend.
Along with these powerless verbal cues, there are numerous ways we can unknowingly decrease our gravitas through unintentional messages we send with the way we speak, our vocal tone, and our body language.
A Race to the End
Cynthia was a self-described fast-talker. She had an energy and excitement in her manner that often endeared her to people. But it was a problem when she was in meetings and presentations. Not because talking fast is the “wrong” thing to do, but because her audience couldn’t give their full attention to what she was saying; they were too busy expending their mental energy on simply deciphering her words. This might sound extreme, but many people tend to increase their talking speed in important meetings or presentations. It’s challenging to remember to slow down while you’re talking, as you just want to be able to focus on what you’re saying and how the audience is responding. If you script your talk, one useful adjustment can be to shorten your sentences. Then you’re more likely to be able to maintain vocal energy right to the end of your sentences—instead of trailing off which happens when we simply run out of breath, but which dangerously has the unintended consequence of taking away from the strength of our message. You’re also naturally more likely to breathe, as you’ll have more full stops. Allison Shapira, a former opera singer who now teaches communication at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government, recommends that people practice breathing at every punctuation mark.6 Doing this outside the meeting room, on a plane, in your office, or when you’re reading at home or reading to your kids can start to shift your natural habits and increase the likelihood of your slowing down when your are in a higher-pressure situation.
Of course, there are some people who need to speed up their speech! The speakers who make the most positive impact are certainly not necessarily the slowest. So is there one right pace? No. It’s about accepting that your natural pace may not always be the best one for getting your message across or for creating the atmosphere and level of engagement you intend. It’s about the power of fit.
Message “Fit”
Researchers from Michigan State and Columbia Universities looked at the role of nonverbal cues on persuasion. They found that messages were more effective when the nonverbal cues of the speaker “fit” the motivational orientation of the message recipient.7 Participants who experienced “fit” had more positive attitudes toward the topic and greater intentions to behave in ways that were recommended than people who received messages that weren’t in line with their motivational orientation. What does “fit” look like? For audience members who were “promotion-focused” (who represented goals as hopes and aspirations), “fit” meant viewing messages that were delivered in an “eager” nonverbal style (conveyed by animated, broad opening movements; hand gestures openly projecting outward; forward-leaning body positions; fast body movement and fast speech). “Prevention-focused” audience members (those who represented goals as duties and obligations) experienced “fit” when they viewed messages delivered in a “vigilant” nonverbal style (conveyed by gestures showing precision; slowed speech; slightly backward-leaning body positions; slower body movement). This is just one example of how adapting for your audience is important not only with verbal communication but nonverbal communication as well. In another example, researchers in Canada studying cultural diversity compared nonverbal messages in negotiation and looked at cross-cultural differences.8 They found that Canadian negotiators communicated a positive perception of their counterpart and their active involvement in the negotiation through faster speech and expressiveness in their voice. Chinese negotiators, however, communicated self-control by remaining calm and suppressing emotion in their vocal tone. These findings highlight the importance of how we communicate, not just what we say. Audience analysis is not just the reference point for deciding on the content of our speech; it’s also the starting point for choosing how we will deliver that content.
To highlight how powerful this concept can be, let me share one of my worst professional moments with you. I was asked to be a keynote speaker to the four hundred partners of a transatlantic law firm. Still fairly early on in my career, I was simultaneously excited and extremely nervous to have this surprising privilege. Beforehand, I had numerous meetings with the conference organizer, who communicated to me, with great certainty, insights into what the partners were looking for and what they “needed to hear.” After working on my speech for weeks beforehand, I rehearsed in
front of my team and was assured it was a great talk. The focus of my talk was leadership—a topic I’m passionate about and a field I had, at that stage, been working in for a few years. So, with nervous energy running through my body, I walked with a fair amount of message confidence onto the stage. What followed was forty-five minutes of torture. It felt as if the words were coming out of my mouth and falling straight onto the floor with a giant thud. Sharing my genuine energy and enthusiasm for leadership, to surreptitiously encourage these lawyers to be leaders (as per the goal I had been tasked with), was met with flat, silent disengagement. I told myself that perhaps I was reading too much into their response—or lack thereof. It was only afterward that my worst fears were confirmed. As a speaker, you can often gauge your level of success by how many people come up and ask questions following your talk. As I walked through the crowd to get coffee, not one person asked me a question. Not one. The managing partner naturally approached and thanked me, but I knew he was being gracious. I’d had so many meetings beforehand; I had prepped extensively and thought my content was exactly the right fit. What had gone wrong?
The speakers presenting right before me were from one of the large strategy consultancies. I had been briefed on their talk and understood that they were speaking about the future of the legal industry and giving the partners the results of some research they had undertaken. Fine. That all sounded fine. Except it wasn’t. In the session before mine, the consultants had shared with the partners how the legal industry was changing globally. How if they didn’t drastically and rapidly change their culture and way of doing business, they would not only fall from their place as one of the leading firms in their field, but, in just five to ten years, might not exist at all. That was the message they gave the partners—the owners of the firm. Then, immediately afterward, with only a brief “thank you” and a short introduction between us, this energetic young Australian woman got up, and with a massive smile might as well have said, “Yeah, leadership, woo-hoo!” Don’t get me wrong—the words I said were appropriate. The content of my message was spot on. But because I had been too focused on my upcoming talk to really take in the gravity of the message before mine (even though I had been in the room), I failed to give consideration to the new state of the audience. They were in shock, extremely concerned about the data that had just been presented to them. “Be worried,” they had been told in so many words. “Get ready to change in ways you can’t even imagine right now.” It was as though they had just seen a severe weather warning, and oblivious of the looming tornado, I then suggested we go have a picnic. I needed to adopt a vigilant nonverbal style. I could have said the same words in a different style, more appropriate to the mood the audience was now in, and had the powerful impact I had intended.
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