by Scarlet West
“I know,” she said gently. “And I’m sorry. But I can’t do anything else right now. I just can’t do this anymore.” She sniffed and I could see she was about to start crying again.
I stood where I was, resisting the urge to run up the steps and put my arms around her. What could I do? I felt so useless. I had less idea about counselling somebody than I did about flying a plane – and I’d never flown a plane before either. But I had attended the lessons.
We just looked at each other. I felt my heart twist with hope. She didn’t look scared of me anymore.
“Hayley, if it helps, I know that something bad happened to you in the past.”
“Who told you?” she snapped. Her green eyes blazed. I was reminded of our confrontation in the bar, except this time she was really furious. “Was it Ryanne?”
“Nobody said,” I said. “Honest. I just guessed.”
“Great. So, I look like a real basket case?” She snorted.
“No. Of course you don’t.” The silence stretched between us. She shook her head.
“I guess we’ve both seen some bad stuff, huh?”
“Yeah.”
She smiled softly. Her face was stained with tears; but she lifted one cheek in a sad smile. I reached out for her and she walked into my arms.
We embraced. It wasn’t a passionate hug, but a comforting one. I leaned against her and she pressed her face to my chest. We stood like that, each safer for the presence of the other. I sighed, breathing in the fragrance of her hair.
“Reid,” she said, looking up at me. “Thank you for coming”
I squeezed her against me and the embrace became something different; something more electrifying. I bent down and pressed my lips to hers.
She kissed me back, a firm kiss, her lips parting gently under mine as I held her to me, body melting against me in the sweetest way imaginable. I wanted to push her down against the soft carpet just inside the door and make love to her there.
She made a face as if she’d read my mind.
“Not yet,” she whispered. “Not where my son might come down to see what all the noise is about.”
I nodded in understanding then I frowned, feeling helpless. “I wish I could do more.” My shoulders slumped visibly. She was still going to go away, and I still had no idea why. “If you can tell me anything? Let me know what I can do, to help?”
“It’s my ex. Josh’s father. He’s a psycho. He’s been after me for years now – ever since Josh was about two. He’s been hunting us. It’s why I keep moving. Why I can’t stay here.”
“Jesus Hayley,” my blood was instantly boiling. “Are you absolutely sure he’s found you?”
She nodded. “You saw the flower? Saturday, the parking lot? That was him.”
“Oh.” I nodded slowly. That explained a whole bunch of things. The reaction, the way she’d stared around, as if there was somebody out there, her care for Joshua, shown in her trying to get him into the car. What kind of monster was this guy?
“So, you know now,” she said, with a little shrug. “Now you probably think I’m crazy for just continuing to run instead of staying to fight.”
“What?” I stared at her in utter disbelief. “Why would I think that? There’s nothing crazy about running away from a psycho.”
She relaxed as if she was a balloon that somebody had popped. I saw her shoulders go down visibly. “Thanks,” she said. “It means a lot to me, that I could tell somebody and they believe me.”
“Of course I would believe you.”
She smiled ruefully. “Even I think I’m crazy, sometimes. It does that to you – that, and the way people talk --as if making it seem small and insignificant will make you feel better, or something.” She made a face. “I’ve had so many people tell me I’m overreacting, and he’d never do the things he threatens. I sometimes think I’m crazy to believe it.” Her face fell.
“I understand.” I nodded. “I think I’m crazy too.”
She grinned at me, a lopsided smile. “We all have our demons, don’t we?”
“We do.”
I looked at her, staring into those beautiful green eyes. They held no judgement and no anger, only deep tender understanding. I walked up the steps and reached out to her. She put her hands in mine and I squeezed her fingers gently and we kissed.
“Please tell me how I can help?” I asked, knowing my voice was raw with hope and unable to conceal it anymore.
She nodded. “I’ll let you know.”
I drifted down the steps feeling like my life was filled with light.
27
Hayley
I was sitting in my bedroom. Joshua was in bed. My phone was on the bedside table and I was massaging body lotion onto my legs, daydreaming. I couldn’t stop thinking about Reid. I had never met a man who made me feel the way he did and I wanted so badly to see him again.
“You still don’t know what you’re going to do,” I reminded myself gently.
I still didn’t know about Reid, either – that violence had scared me, but I could see that it wasn’t who he really was. I was starting to think differently. I could imagine a life where I didn’t need to run; one where I could settle down in one place and let Josh grow and realize his dreams of being a soccer star. I wanted that life. Oddly, since talking to someone and being believed, I felt I could have it.
I reached for my phone, sending a swift message to Reid.
Thanks for being there today. It means a lot.
I sent the message and lay down in bed. I felt a tangible ache in my arms, as if they were wanting to hold somebody; to hold onto Reid. I recalled that tender hug on my doorstep in the afternoon. I missed him badly.
I felt myself getting wet, remembering how it had felt to hold him against me, his body on mine, his thick cock thrusting into me and filling me up.
I fell asleep dreaming about him.
When I woke, I looked around. It was dark in my room. I reached for the bedside light, wondering what had woken me. Josh sometimes came in when he had bad dreams – I looked around for him, expecting to find a small earnest face by my bed. I tensed.
There was somebody at my window.
A black silhouette against the not-quite-blue backdrop of the sky. I felt my heart start thudding. My legs froze. I could hear the sound of blood in my veins. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t move. I was terrified.
As I watched, the shadow stirred. Took another step. That was when I snapped. I leaped out of bed, shouting.
“Get away from here! I’ll call the police right now!”
The shadow dropped.
I heard the sound of feet hitting concrete. Somebody ran up the garden’s pathway and I heard the shuffle and clang as they jumped the fence.
I leaned on the wall and my breathing slowly returned to normal.
“Jesus help us, Jesus help us.”
I couldn’t stop saying it. I repeated the phrase over and over, my arms wrapped around me. I was rocking back and forth. My heart was thumping and I could feel blood roaring in my ears and I wondered if I would ever feel safe again.
“Mommy?”
I whipped round as the light went on. I found myself looking at my tousle-haired son, his brown eyes round.
“Mommy?” he said. “What happened? Was there somebody here?”
I crouched down and held him against my chest. Like that moment in the parking lot, being strong for him made me feel strong. I wrapped him in my arms and held him, taking comfort from his small, warm presence. I could feel his heart thudding in his chest and I breathed in the warm smell of him.
“It’s okay, baby,” I said. “There was somebody. But they ran away. I’m calling the police.”
“Mommy, was it my dad?” He sounded so small and scared in that moment.
“I don’t know.”
His face fell and I saw a wordless tear streak down his cheek. Now he was scared, too. What could I do?
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s okay. The door’s l
ocked. He can’t get in. He can’t get us.”
I knew that wasn’t entirely true. If he’d meant to get in – really meant it – he could have climbed through the bathroom window. It was open and there was enough room for an adult man to slip in; especially one strong and lively enough to climb over the garden fence.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“Can I stay in here, tonight?”
“Of course,” I whispered into his hair. “Of course.”
If I told the truth, I’d be happier with him here, too. At least with us both in my bedroom, I could lock the door and know we’d be safe. I didn’t care at that point what happened to the rest of the house – as long as my son and I were safe and in here, Joel could break in if he wanted, and do his worst.
I waited until he was snuggled in my bed, his little shoulders lifting and falling easily in sleep. Then I slipped out and locked the door. I sat with my phone in my hand, fighting with myself over whether or not to call the cops. What could they do? The chances were that he was already long gone. And I didn’t want them swarming all over the place, scaring my son.
I saw a message from an unknown number on my phone’s screen when I opened it. The timing was just before the shadow appeared – about half an hour ago. I felt like I wanted to throw up. I left it unread.
As I lay down in bed, I realized that this was too much.
We can’t stay here. Not now.
He knew where we lived. He had my number. He was going to keep tormenting us.
We have to go.
Next morning, I woke at seven as my alarm went off. I rolled over and saw my son, asleep in a patch of sunlight. He was still breathing soundly, the warm light shining off his pale hair. It had a reddish cast to it and I lay there, simply looking at him, wondering if I would ever see something so heart-meltingly beautiful as my sleeping son.
As I slipped out of bed, he rolled over.
“Mommy?”
“Sh, lovey. I’m here. It’s okay. You can sleep a bit longer, if you want.”
Normally, I got up and tidied up, got dressed and made breakfast while he slept an extra half-hour. It gave me some time to be still and plan my day. Now, my son sat up in bed, stretching. He looked around the room.
“I’ll get up,” he said.
“Okay.” I shrugged. “I’m going to the bathroom first, though.”
I could see in his eyes that he was wary, though, despite his smile. I left him scanning the room with his stare, like somebody expecting to find monsters behind every bush.
I finished showering and, as I did so, I made my plans. I was going to talk to Josh at breakfast, then I was going to call in sick at work. I would spend the day packing and notify my mom. I would call Ryanne. We had to leave now. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I got out of the shower and, while Josh brushed his teeth, I took a deep breath and checked the text and felt myself go tense.
I know where you live. I can come in anytime.
That was it. I knew, then, what I had to do. With a heavy heart, I went to make the breakfast – I wanted to try and make it all as normal and stress-free as I could, for Joshua.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
I put a plate of fried eggs and toast down in front of my son, then slipped into the seat at the other side of the table.
“Mommy that was him wasn’t it?”
“Yes.”
He looked up at me with big eyes. “What’re you going to do?”
“I am going to have to do what we always do. I’m sorry, Josh – we can’t stay here.” My voice cracked.
“I know.”
I saw him lower his face, studying his breakfast. Again, I was aware of that change in him. I would have expected tears, protestations, even a tantrum would have been reasonable, and welcome. This dead-cold acceptance bothered me.
“Josh, I’m sorry.”
“I know. It doesn’t matter.” He looked up at me. “Who wants silly soccer, anyway?”
I wanted to cry. “It’s not silly!” I said. Damn it – now I was going to melt down. “It’s good. You’d be a great soccer player, Josh. You could be the best.”
“But I won’t,” he said. He slipped off his chair, breakfast half-finished.
“Josh? Where are you going?”
“We have to go to school.”
I covered my face with my hands and wanted, very badly, to cry.
I drove Josh to school. There was a wall of ice around him, so strong and so thick I didn’t know where to start breaking through. Oddly, I wished Reid was here. If anybody could speak to my son, could bring him back from the depths of wherever he had gone to, it was Reid.
Then I called into work.
“You should have called in yesterday,” Melissa reprimanded pettishly. “I’ll expect a doctor’s certificate. How am I supposed to find staff, at such short notice?”
I closed my eyes. “Look. I’m sorry. I can’t help this; it’s a real emergency, alright?”
“Don’t take that tone of voice…”
“I’ll take that tone of voice if I want. I quit!” I was sobbing now, unable to control myself. I slammed the phone into the cradle and covered my face with my hands. After a minute, I stopped crying.
I started to laugh, hysterically. I wasn’t sure if I would ever stop. Laughter was as much of a release of fear and pain as crying could be.
I looked around the room, dull-eyed, as I started to pack. I had been happy, here. I had some good fun, made some good friends. Oddly, as I started to pack the kitchen things, the face that floated into my mind was Reid’s.
“Damn it, Reid.”
I didn’t want to leave him. I wanted so much to stay.
I was crying as I packed the things away.
I had kept some boxes and paper from the last time, as if a small part of me knew we’d move again. I ran out after doing the kitchen things and starting on my room.
I called Ryanne as I finished loading the things into the back of the car.
“Hi?”
“Hayley! You okay? I heard from Melissa about you being sick…”
“Did she tell you I quit?”
“She told us! She ranted for about half an hour. You’d think nobody ever quit.”
I laughed grimly. “Well, I had to.”
“What’s up, Hayley?” she asked. “This isn’t like you.”
I started crying. “I can’t stay here anymore. He’s found me. He’s going to come here. He knows where I live.”
“Hey,” Ryanne soothed. “It’s okay. Have you told the police? It’s okay, Hayley,” she said as I sobbed and sobbed.
“It’s not okay!” I almost yelled. “Please, Ryanne. I’m desperate. I wish you were here.”
“I finish late today,” she said. “I’ll come over then. Look, is there anything I can do? Maybe Mom can help you, while I’m here?”
“Thanks,” I said. “But it’s okay. I just need to pack.”
I finished with my bedroom and went to pack Josh’s things. Most of it fitted into his suitcases, but there were some things – books, trainers, tracksuit – that weren’t going to fit. I shrugged.
“I’ll go past the store and get bags on the way from the school.”
At half-past two, I went past the school to fetch Joshua. He sat in the front beside me. I could see him noticing the boxes and cases, packed in the back of the car.
“We’re leaving tomorrow?”
I bit my lip. “We’re going to go to granny for a bit,” I said.
“Oh. But I didn’t even say goodbye to Miss Stewart. Or Jax, or any of my friends.” He sound deep in shock.
I swallowed hard. “You know how it is.”
“Yes.”
He looked at me with a withering glance. I felt my soul crimp. I was making my son hate me.
“I need to go to the store. We need more bags.”
“Fine.”
I swallowed hard, trying to control my anger. I didn’t want
to snap at Josh – he wasn’t behaving badly; he was furious and confused and frightened, in the same way as me. This choice was being imposed on me, and doubly so on him.
We drove to the store in silence.
“Come with me?” I said as we stopped.
“I don’t want to.”
I sighed and looked around the parking-lot. It was the same parking lot as the one on Saturday. I knew Joel knew about it. I shivered, as if I half expected him to be here, lurking in wait.
“Josh, it isn’t safe. You can’t stay here.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want to go in there.”
I got out of the car. I waited. I was standing in the parking lot, holding the door.
I didn’t want to force Josh out of there – I understood he was just trying to control one small piece of a world where he had no choices.
“Josh, please? We won’t stay longer than ten minutes. I promise.”
He looked past me out of the windshield.
“Josh, it’s dangerous. I can’t leave you alone right now.”
He’d retreated into a place where I couldn’t reach him. I looked around desperately. As I did, I saw somebody walking towards us.
“Hi!” Reid beamed. “What a great surprise.”
I felt my knees go weak with relief. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Josh turn around.
“Reid! Hi!” I grinned enthusiastically. I saw his eyes glance to Josh. He took in the boxes and bags, the packed car.
“Are you leaving?”
I swallowed hard.
“Yes.”
He stared at me; big blue eyes confused. “I don’t know what to say.”
I laughed – it sounded forced. Because it was. “Well, not a lot you can say, is there?”
He looked at his feet; scuffed the asphalt with his toe. “Hayley, don’t go. Let me help you.”
I wanted to cry; of all the things I had expected to hear him say, that wasn’t one of them.
“Yes!” a voice called out from the back of the car. “Please, Reid, help us?”
“Can we talk?” he asked.
“We can talk over there,” I said. He looked at the store and nodded. We went over there, where I could see the car.