Two Wicked Nights

by Quince, Dayna

  “Your father is promised a hefty sum as well.”

  “And why are they doing this? All because of that stupid encounter? No one cares what a Marsden does, certainly not London society.”

  He glanced at her and looked away. “It’s about reputation.”

  Bernie stuck out her tongue. “Your mother doesn’t care about my reputation.”

  “She cares about her own and the family name.”

  Bernie sighed. “This is ridiculous. They can’t force my hand.”

  “No. But they will try with money and guilt. Two of my father’s favorite things. Let’s not let them try.”

  “I won’t hide forever. Running away is not my nature.”

  “I’m aware of your nature,” Chester muttered.

  Bernie bit her tongue and refrained from saying anymore. She knew he was annoyed, and he’d gone to great lengths to thwart his father and mother.

  All for her.

  “Thank you,” she said shyly.

  He faced her, as if stunned she’d spoken at all.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “I said thank you,” she returned more firmly. “For saving me. I know it isn’t easy to defy one’s parents. You’re a true friend.”

  He approached her slowly. “You think I’m doing this because I’m your friend? I thought we weren’t friends anymore? Not since we kissed.”

  Bernie blushed. Why did he have to bring up the kiss? She’d been trying very hard—and failing—not to think of that kiss. But she couldn’t control her dreams or her thoughts or her mouth, most times.

  “I… I didn’t mean it. Did you?”

  He stared at her, his expression unreadable. “Do you know how I felt when I saw you and Rupert sitting in my father’s study?”

  “No.”

  “Jealous.”

  “What?”

  “And violent.”

  “Well.” Bernie shrugged, a dizzying kaleidoscope of emotion twirling inside her. “I took care of the violence.”

  “You did.” He set his hands on his hips. “And I was so glad. Because you didn’t want him to kiss you.”

  “Of course not.”

  “I thought after our kiss…” He looked away, running a hand through his hair, ruffling the light brown waves. Bernie liked it when he stood in the light and his sun-burnished streaks were visible.

  His intense blue eyes caught hers. “I don’t want another man to kiss you.”

  Her heart stopped. “What are you saying?”

  “I don’t want another man to marry you.”

  She stopped breathing, but her heart began its pace again, if double time with flips and twists could be called a pace.

  He stepped toward her and Bernie stepped back, bumping against the tree.

  “Whatever we’ve been doing these past few years, I think we’ve both been moving in the same direction. I tried to resist it, to tell myself it was a…familial bond, like I was your brother, and that you filled the role of the sibling I never had. But I can’t ignore what I’m feeling now.”

  Bernie wanted to speak but her mouth had gone dry and her tongue refused to budge. A thousand different questions filled her mind.

  Is this a proposal?

  Is he professing his love?

  “Bernie?”

  She nodded once.

  “I want you.”

  Want. What a delicious word. But it isn’t love.

  He set his hand on the tree, just like when they’d stood outside Violet’s parlor while Anne and Roderick had declared their feelings.

  Do I want him? Yes, but her own revelations were still so new. They terrified her. Was this what love felt like? A terrible uncertainty? Like looking down a dark hall and not know if something would jump out and grab you?

  She’d never been so scared in her life, and she’d never been so silent. She had to say something. She didn’t want him to marry Anne, and he didn’t want her to marry Mr. Rupert.

  So where did that leave them?

  She swallowed, moistening her heavy tongue. “I don’t know.”

  He cocked his head. “You don’t know?”

  “I’ve never been wanted before. I don’t know what to say or do with that knowledge.”

  “You’ve been wanted by many men. It’s why I have to constantly stand guard over you.”

  “But you’ve only recently discovered you’ve been doing that for yourself?”

  He stepped back, and his expression revealed that she’d confounded him.

  He shifted his stance. “I was protecting you.”

  “Because you want me.” Saying it aloud gave her a little thrill. She raised a brow.

  His jaw tensed. “I guess so.”

  “You guess? That isn’t convincing at all. A girl want’s certainty that she is—”

  She swallowed the rest of her sentence as he closed the distance between them and kissed her. This kiss was nothing like their first. She gasped and his tongue entered her mouth, sensations and tastes exploding across her senses. She mimicked his movements, having never been kissed in such a wickedly delightful way. Her arms snaked around his neck and their bodies crashed together. He lifted her against him and Bernie could feel his manhood growing firmer against her.

  He stopped, putting distance between them.

  “Was that convincing enough?” he panted.

  “Oh, yes. Next time, lead with that.”

  He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m supposed to be watching over you, not seducing you.” He looked back toward the house. “I suppose asking you to stay here while I investigate what your father’s doing is too much to ask?”

  “Of course. There is a whole castle to hide me in, why would I stay here?”

  He sighed and turned away from her. Bernie’s cheeks were still aflame with her response to that kiss. She was not going to forget that kiss.

  “It’s too much to ask the duchess to hide you.”

  Bernie chewed her lip. “Violet said everyone was happy to help.”

  “But think of what we’re asking of them. To break the trust of both our parents. To lie.”

  Bernie huffed in annoyance. “You’re too good, you know that? It’s quite annoying at times.”

  He smirked at her. “But you still want me.”

  She blushed, hot heat spreading down her chest in an uncomfortable way. Her nipples tingled, for heaven sakes, and the very male expression on his face made her think he knew he was having some sort of effect on her. But this was Chester. He was not a rake. He was honest and loyal, and—a bloody white knight if there ever was one. And here he was defying all of his goodness to help her and yet she couldn’t stop teasing him.

  “What should we do then?”

  “I’m not sure, but I need to put in an appearance at home and at the party to throw off the scent.”

  “And pretend you are not concerned about my whereabouts?”

  “I can lie convincingly enough.”

  Bernie tilted her head skeptically. “You already said you didn’t want to lie.”

  “No, I don’t want to make the others lie for us anymore than they already have.”

  Bernie looked down and shifted her feet. She liked how he said us, like they were a team, or rather, a connected pair. He was always there for her and always had been. How long had they been an “us” and she hadn’t realized it? She recalled what Anne had said about the two of them always being together. Everyone seemed to accept them as a couple long before she and Chester had acknowledged something was there far stronger than friendship.

  Was it blindness or stubbornness on her part?

  Had he always felt this way and known it?

  “We need a place to hide you that will absolve the duchess of all blame. Someplace they wouldn’t consider looking.”

  Bernie folded her arms. “Your home?”

  He chuckled and then sobered, his gaze distant as he scratched his chin. “How would I get you in there?” he muttered.

  “I was not s
erious,” Bernie said, though the idea of hiding right under Lord and Lady Kirkland’s nose was vastly amusing and appealing to Bernie’s devilish side.

  “There are too many guests in residence. There isn’t a spare room at the moment, and a chamber maid or scullery is bound to confess. I’d only trust my valet to keep a secret.”

  “Put me in your room,” Bernie blurted.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “If only your valet can be trusted then he will be our co-conspirator.”

  He wiped his face again but his dumbfounded expression remained. “I can’t have you in my room, Bernie.”

  “Why not?”

  “For all the reasons you can imagine. And how long are we supposed to keep up this ruse?”

  “Until your father and my father see reason and your mother regains some sense of sanity. How long could that take?”

  He started pacing. It wasn’t a good sign, Bernie was learning. It meant he was panicking.

  “I’m not sure,” he said.

  Bernie nodded. Even though her heart pounded like a heavy knocker on a door, she was going to say the scariest thing she could think of because really, it needed to be said.

  “What do you see happening at the end of this scheme?”

  He didn’t stop his pacing. “Rupert will leave and you won’t be forced to marry him, and my mother won’t slander your sisters.”

  Bernie grimaced. “Those are admirable goals but not a permanent solution. Where are we going, Chester?” It was not the most direct question, but she just couldn’t put voice to the words. Do you love me, are we going to marry? Her head buzzed uncomfortably. She shook her head to try to clear it.

  He paused. “I told you, I haven’t decided.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she tried again. “I mean, what are we doing. You’ve said you want me, but… What does that mean? Are we…going to marry?”

  The shock on his face made all her bravado shrivel to dried currants.

  “I—I hadn’t gotten that far ahead.”

  Bernie turned and marched down the hill out of the shadowed camouflage of the tree. Her heart felt like it had split in two and dropped to her feet, and each step weighed ten stone.

  “Bernie! Wait!”

  She couldn’t stop herself if she tried. She was a boulder rolling downhill and her path was destruction.

  “They will see you,” he called out.

  “I don’t care,” she called back.

  He may want her, but he hadn’t given a thought to their future, and that made want such a tawdry thing. But she refused to feel tawdry for her feelings, for the way he made her heart speed up. But rashly, he didn’t feel the same.

  He’d kissed her twice and he hadn’t thought about marriage?

  What was his bloody point then?

  He was no rake, so what could be holding him back other than shame, other than knowing that marriage to her was an improbability? He may not want her to marry Rupert, but he wasn’t going to step into Rupert’s place.

  Burning hot tears threatened to slip free of her lashes. Bernie slashed them away with her sleeve and continued her jerky near-run down the hill. She’d rather face her father or Lord Kirkland head on than turn and face Chester and the truth that he didn’t intend to marry her.

  Large hands grabbed her shoulders and spun her around.

  “Will you listen to reason?” he panted.

  “You were willing to marry Anne but not me.” The words slipped around the knot in her throat.

  His face hardened. “I didn’t want to marry her, it just… All I could think about was protecting you and that was the first idea to pop into my head.”

  Bernie took deep sawing breaths, fighting tears. “But now that I’m the one who’s ruined, you’re not feeling so gallant?”

  He cursed. “You think I don’t want to marry you?”

  “I think you are too good for your own good, and wanting to save me and not anger your family has you tied in knots.”

  “It does. I have a duty to my family but… My heart tells me to only think of you.”

  His uncertainty cut through her like a knife, but it was the truth. He didn’t know. She believed that. He was too honest, too loyal to both his family and her to make a quick decision when there was so much pain involved for both sides. She would have to make it for him.

  “And that’s why you can’t help me anymore. I have to save myself. Your mother is doing this because she knows I’m your weakness. I have to remove myself from the equation, and then she can’t hurt my sisters or me. She wants me apart from you, well then that’s what I will do. I’ll leave, you will stay, and she will have no reason to punish my family.”

  “What are you saying? You’re going to leave?”

  “It’s best if you don’t know. Impulsivity doesn’t suit you. Be yourself, Chester. Go home to your family, assure them that you haven’t run off with me.

  His arms went slack at his sides. She’d stunned him, no—she’d hurt him. She’d stunned and hurt him.

  So be it. She turned away and he didn’t follow. Every step that carried her further away from him felt heavier than the last. But she made it to the castle, she made it up the back stairs, and when she reached her room, she made it inside and dropped to her knees. The battle to withhold her tears ended, and deep sobs wracking her body as torrents of salty liquid funneled down her cheeks.

  Unfortunately she wasn’t alone. Perfumed arms came around her.

  “My goodness. What happened?” Violet asked.

  “I must—must—do something drastic and I don’t want to do it.” Bernie took a deep breath. The ache in her chest did not ease but she could lift her head and meet Violet’s gaze.

  “Where is Chester?”

  “I sent him home. He—he can’t be involved with me anymore.”

  “He said that?”

  “No, it’s the conclusion I’ve come to. He is too honest and good. I”—she hiccupped—“I don’t want to be the one to come between him and his family. He loves them even if they are terrible. He is a good son, Violet.” Bernie held Violet’s hand. “He is a good man.”

  Violet nodded. “I know he is.”

  “How can I ask him to defy his very nature and turn his back on people he loves? He would never ask it of me. He would never ask me to be someone I’m not—though he has tried to improve me.”

  Violet smiled. “He loves you.”

  Bernie shook her head. “Which is why I can’t be the cause of a family rift.”

  “You are not the cause. His parents are. He’s already chosen you.”

  “No,” Bernie said with a hard swallow. “He hasn’t chosen yet. He wants both, he wants things to remain the same but they can’t anymore. A kiss can’t be undone—”

  Violet shook her fists excitedly. “He kissed you?”

  Bernie sighed. She wished she could still feel excited about those kisses, but her heart was rather busy crumbling to pieces. “It doesn’t matter now. He can’t marry me.”

  “Says who?”

  “His family, society, life.”

  “Do you hear yourself, Bernadette Marsden? This is not how the Bernie I know would act.”

  Bernie frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re giving up? On love?”

  “Well…”

  Violet stood. “Get up.”

  Bernie pouted, but she got to her feet.

  “Lift your chin.”

  She did.

  “Straighten that spine.”

  Bernie straightened.

  “Do you love him?”

  “It isn’t that simple.”

  “Do. You. Love. Him?”

  “My feelings are not—”

  “Do you love him?” Violet shouted.

  “Yes!”

  “Then I see no other solution.”

  Bernie threw her arms out in aggravation. “What solution?”

  “He’s chosen you. He proved that by coming here this morning to keep
you out of the hands of his father and your father. He’s come half way, now we need to help him come the rest. Men always need help when it comes to love.”

  Bernie blinked.

  “Do you remember the lengths we went to with Weirick? How stubborn he was?”

  Bernie nodded. “But that situation was different.”

  “I had to shoot at him!” Violet began to pace.

  “You think I should shoot at Chester?”

  “No, as you said, it is a different situation.”

  Bernie rolled her eyes. “Then what should I do?”

  Violet stopped pacing and took hold of Bernie’s shoulders again.

  “Remember who you are.”

  “What?”

  Violet gave her a little shake. “You’re acting like a coward. The Bernie I know would never admit defeat.”

  “I am the Bernie you know, and while I’m not admitting defeat, I am utterly lost about what to do.”

  “What do you want? If you could have it, what would it be?”

  Bernie thought for a moment. She wanted him. That was it. She wanted a life with him as friends, as lovers. But she didn’t want to have to risk her family, and his, to have it. She wanted them to be together and for everyone to be happy.

  “I love him and I want to be with him, and I want everyone to be happy for us.”

  Violet nodded. “Unfortunately we can’t control the feelings of others. They will have to come to accept you and Chester on their own. But they won’t do that if you two are not together.”

  “So what should I do?”

  “What would you have told me to do?”

  Bernie frowned again. “I would tell you to do something ridiculous. My advice was terrible most of the time.”

  “You wanted me to do whatever it took. You helped me do whatever it took. Love is never easy. We have to fight, Bernie. You have to fight, and Chester has to fight.”

  Bernie had never wanted to fight less in her life. Not when Chester or her sisters could be hurt.

  “But what if I lose?”

  “It’s not an option. Don’t even think about it.”

  “That’s not a very good battle strategy.”

  “Love is not a typical battle. You have to leap and have faith that love will catch you.”

  Bernie snorted. “Truly? That sounds like romantic drivel.”

  “That doesn’t make it any less true. Now, tell me what happened between you and Chester.