by Taylor Dean
“Please tell me about your life in New York,” I shoot back at him.
We stare at each other, our chests rising and falling with emotion.
We’re at a standstill.
I feel like it’s time to be blunt. “Is there something more you’d like to tell me? Anything? Anything at all that you think I should know?” Here’s his last chance to admit everything willingly.
He looks down at the table. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“I think you do.”
His eyes dart around the restaurant as he runs one hand through his hair. I’ve never known Jace to be cagey, but that’s exactly how he’s acting. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“What about your love life? Did you date?”
“No. I was too busy to date.”
He’s lying to me and I’m trying to decide if I want to rage at him or collapse on the floor and cry. “Your mom thinks something happened to you in New York, something that changed you.”
A look of surprise washes over his features. “She said that?”
“She did.”
He nods. “She’s right. But she’s being overly dramatic.”
“What was it?”
“I already told you. You left me. It was a dark time and I didn’t handle it very well. I never moved on, Shay. To be honest, I couldn’t forget you.”
I close my eyes and let his words sink in. I suppose it’s exactly what I want to hear. Yet, there’s so much more he’s not telling me and it’s killing me. “That’s all you have to say?”
He can’t look me in the eyes as he says, “That’s it.”
Disappointment fills my soul. I stand up, feeling frustrated. “I’m done.”
I mean it. I am so done.
CHAPTER
Eleven
I TURN AND walk out of the restaurant just as I did earlier. Getting him to talk is like pulling teeth. He knows my life. He knows about Asher, about Brit, and about my bakery. All I know about him is that he was a lawyer in New York City, that he’s been wanting to return to Sweetwater, and I devastated HIM. Ha! That’s laughable.
That’s it. That’s all I know. He’s lying through his ultra white teeth.
I walk down the sidewalk, cursing the day Jace Faraday came back into my life. I can’t do this. I just can’t do this.
I hear footsteps approaching and I know he is once again coming after me. He grabs one of my arms, twirls me around, and before I know what is happening his lips are on mine, kissing me with pent up passion. I know I shouldn’t kiss him, not with so much unsettled between us, but I melt into him and kiss him back with as much zest as he is showing me. I match him kiss for kiss, our arms wrap around each other, and I know I’m where I’ve longed to be for the longest time. Jace knows how to kiss a girl, not too hard and not too soft. I melt into him and I don’t ever want to leave his embrace. I’ve always loved this man with every fiber of my being. I’ve dreamed of kissing him, but the real thing is a thousand times better. I admit, I kiss him forcefully and I don’t back down for one second. He’s the man I want and I know that message is conveyed in my kiss. Neither one of us try to break the kiss. It goes on for much longer than I’m sure he at first intended. But we’re making up for lost time. This is my chance to kiss him and I’m going to take it.
When it ends, it’s a slow and reluctant end. We share several soft little kisses before he finally rests his forehead on mine. We each catch our breath for a few moments.
“Wow,” he says. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I was. It’s always been like that for us. I’ve missed it.”
“Me too.” He slowly backs away, but keeps my hands in his. “Give me a chance, Shay. I won’t hurt you.”
He’s so sincere, it kills me. “You don’t even know what you did that hurt me so much, do you?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t. Whatever it was, I didn’t mean it.”
I’m so disappointed, I feel like screaming. He isn’t going to confess about his lifestyle in New York. And I know what that means. I can’t trust him. “We need to talk. You and me, no holds barred.”
“Okay.” He sighs heavily. “Where can we go? We’re both living with our moms right now. I wish we had someplace private to go.”
“We could go to the bakery,” I offer.
He rocks back on his heels as he thinks about it. “That works for me.”
The car is silent as we drive to the bakery. My thoughts are racing and I have a feeling his are too. I’m not sure how this will all play out, but I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to lose Jace a second time. But we can’t have a relationship if he won’t be honest with me. I mean, I can’t do it. I just can’t.
Once in the bakery, we close ourselves in the kitchen. We don’t want to be on display from the front windows. The air is heavy with tension as we face each other with solemn expressions. It’s too much and I can’t take it. “How about some chocolate cake? I think we both need a breather.”
“I think that’s a good idea.”
“It’s gluten, sugar, and dairy-free. It’s made using sorghum flour, white rice flour, and coconut flour. It’s sweetened using coconut sugar. The frosting is made from one hundred percent cacao, and sweetened using stevia and monk fruit.” How’s that for nervous chatter?
“Bring it on.”
I watch as he takes his first bite. I’ll know by his initial expression how he really feels.
Surprise crosses his handsome face. “Wow. You’re a miracle worker.”
No, I’m not. I can’t get the love of my life to tell me the honest to goodness truth. Something inside of me is dying a very slow death.
We enjoy our cake and wash it down with ice cold bottled waters. The kitchen is so quiet, I can hear myself breathing. We observe each other as if boxers in the ring, ready to fight, but waiting for the other one to throw the first punch. We wash our dishes, dry them, and put them away. Then there’s nothing else for us to do except talk. It’s the moment of truth. But as Jace approaches me, I realize there’s something else we can do.
Kiss.
He places his hands on either side of my face, cupping my cheeks. He stares into my eyes and then his gaze drops down to my lips. He places his lips on mine so softly I can barely feel them. He gently runs his lips over mine in a soft caress, back and forth. His touch is sweet and tender, not anything like our earlier passionate kiss. Both kisses are equally incredible in different ways.
I knew this would happen if we spent time together. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist him.
The thought makes me lower my head until my chin is touching my chest.
“What is it, Shay?”
“I can’t do this. Not until things are settled between us.”
“I know, I’m sorry. In all honesty, I don’t know what to tell you about New York. Like I said, my life was my job. I didn’t do much else. I had no outside life. I don’t know what you want from me. I . . . I could tell you about some of my cases. Would that help? I’m not sure that . . .”
I pull away from him, even though I don’t want to. Massive amounts of disappointment are streaming through my veins making me feel heavy and very, very tired. Clearly, he has no intention of admitting he slipped up. “I saw you, Jace.” I say it quietly, without an accusatory tone.
His eyebrows furrow followed by a sharp intake of breath. “You saw me? You mean in New York? When? When were you there?”
I walk away, my back to him. I don’t understand why he won’t just admit to his mistake. I have no idea if it was one slip up or a new lifestyle. Whatever it was, I find his unwillingness to confess the most disturbing thing of all. I know I can’t live with it. My heart sinks because I know this will never work out and I want him so much.
“I went to New York to visit you. I wanted to surprise you. I saw everything, so you might as well just tell me."
He approaches and I feel him standing close behind me, his breath in my hair.
“Wait. You were ac
tually in New York? When? I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”
There’s a pain somewhere in the vicinity of my heart, an ache that’s growing larger by the minute. I can’t be with this man. He’s filled with secrets.
“I saw you, Jace.” My voice gets louder and more impassioned as I go on. “I visited right before your college graduation. I saw you with another woman in your apartment. I saw you passed out cold on your bed. I saw everything, so please stop denying that you had a social life in New York and . . .”
Before I can finish my sentence, Jace grabs my shoulders and whirls me around to face him.
“What?”
“You heard me. I saw you. You were passed out on your bed. Your lady friend answered the door and let me in. Seeing you like that . . . it was the worst moment of my life.”
His blood seems to take a sudden drop to the lower half of his body. His face turns pale, I mean a sickly white version of pale. “You were there?” It comes out as a harsh whisper.
Suddenly his memory is restored. Getting caught in the act has a way of doing that. I nod.
“Y-you saw her?” he asks.
I glare at him. “Yes, I saw her. And you.”
His hands tighten on my shoulders. “You saw her?” he repeats.
I’m so confused. I don’t understand his strange reaction. Not at all. “Stop it. You’re hurting me.”
He loosens his grip, momentarily distracted. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”
Jace looks seriously shaken. His gaze wanders around the room as if he’s lost in thought and his mind is whirling, then his eyes return to me. “That’s why you left me,” he says as if he just had an epiphany. It’s a statement, not a question.
“Yes, I caught you with another woman. Of course I left.”
“Do you remember what she looked like?”
Huh? “Wait, you admit to it? I take it she was a one night stand. That’s even worse, Jace. If you were going to cheat on me, you should have at least had the decency to fall in love with someone else.”
It’s almost as if he has no life left inside of him as he repeats, “Answer me, please. Do you remember what she looked like, Shay?”
I look directly into his eyes. He’s not denying the event or making excuses. But, I’m still so confused. “Yes, the memory is imbedded in my brain. I remember every detail. It’s not something a girl forgets.” What is wrong with him? He’s acting so strange.
“Will you tell me about that night? Tell me everything you saw?”
I take a step backwards as if he just hit me. We simply stare at each other for at least a full minute. “I don’t understand.” My mind is spinning with this unexpected twist.
“Don’t leave out a single thing because you think it might be irrelevant. Tell me every detail.”
“Because you don’t remember it because you were drunk and passed out?”
“Drunk?” His eyes blaze at me. “Is that what you think?”
I can’t catch my breath. “You’re scaring me.”
He closes his eyes as if he’s in pain and lowers his head.
I close the distance between us and place my hands on his cheeks, just as he did to me earlier. I tilt his head up and he opens his eyes and looks upon me with a troubled expression. “I’m confused,” I tell him.
“I understand what happened to us now. It’s not what you think, Shay.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s worse.”
I can hardly form a word, much less ask a question. I take his hand and lead him to the breakroom that is just off the kitchen. We settle onto the couch and turn in our seats so that we’re facing each other. Our hands are still clasped together.
“I still don’t understand what’s happening right now.” My eyes are burning as I fight tears.
“I know. I promise you’ll understand everything very soon. I will tell you everything that I remember about that night. But first, please tell me exactly what you saw. My memories are limited and I need you to fill in the blanks.”
Fill in the blanks? What? I’ve never seen Jace look so disturbed. His eyes are just a little wild and the pulse at his neck is visibly pounding. Something isn’t right.
“Okay.” It’s hard to focus and keep my reeling thoughts straight. “I decided to surprise you with a visit on your birthday weekend. Your graduation was only a few weeks away, but I couldn’t wait that long. I was missing you something fierce. We were supposed to be together that year and it was tough to stay behind in Sweetwater. I know it was the right decision, but it was a hard year for me.”
“For me too.”
I’m not used to seeing Jace so serious. There’s no happiness in his face, just a look of . . . anguish. His mom was spot on. Something did happen to him. It’s scaring the life out of me. I’m quickly realizing things were not as I have always believed and I’m completely stunned. I can hardly process it all.
“I took a taxi to your apartment and I knocked on your door. I was beyond excited to see you and I had every intention of throwing myself in your arms. My perfect plan was spoiled when you didn’t answer the door. I didn’t think my spontaneous idea through. I had no backup plan for you not being home. I just assumed you’d be there at nine o’ clock at night because you usually called from your apartment at that hour. I knocked several more times, thinking maybe you were in the shower or listening to music with headphones on. No luck. So I called your cell. I hated doing that because I really wanted to see your face when I surprised you on your doorstep. But you didn’t answer your cell, either.”
“And I always answered when you called.”
“Yeah. Even when you shouldn’t have. If I called, you answered. I loved that.”
“I loved you.”
I hate the past tense version of those three little words. There’s so much regret in his tone. And there’s fear in my heart. Fear of what I’m about to find out.
“I loved you too,” I say. “I really didn’t know what to do next. I remember thinking I might have to find myself a hotel room. I kept thinking, where the heck is Jace? This wasn’t part of my plan, nor did I think of what I’d do if I faced this situation. So I called your cell a few more times and I knocked a few more times. I don’t know why. I guess I just didn’t know what else to do. I kept knocking and calling over and over, as if you’d suddenly answer.” My eyes well with tears as they wander his face. I’ve relived the next moment a thousand times. It creates such a dark feeling inside of me.
“Tell me,” he says. “Please, I have to know.”
“Then the door suddenly opened, startling me. But it wasn’t you.”
He blinks heavily.
“It was a woman. She was beautiful, tall, with wavy blond hair and cold brown eyes. Even though she was pretty, her face was hard and that made her ugly. She seemed very irritated with me. I guess all my knocking had annoyed her, but I didn’t apologize. She wore a lot of makeup—too much—and mascara was smeared under her eyes.” Her face is in my head, but it’s harder than I thought to describe her.
“She doesn’t sound familiar to me. Tell me what happened next.”
“You didn’t even know her?” I can’t hide the pain that question evokes in me.
He shakes his head in the negative. “I’ll explain, I promise. Go on.”
Earlier, he seemed obsessed with the news that I’d seen her. I feel bad for fumbling with the portrayal, but I decide to go on with what happened next. “Okay. She, uh, was wearing your robe, the one your mom bought you for Christmas. The one you said you never wear, but you didn’t want to tell your mom because it would hurt her feelings. Well, it was being used on that night. I felt pretty sure that’s all she was wearing.”
He squeezes my hands, encouraging me to go on.
“I stood there like an idiot and couldn’t think of one single thing to say. Shock made my hands and feet turn numb. Finally I asked, Is Jace home? She smiled this awful, wicked little smile and opened the door wider. Sure,
she said. Come on in. I’m done with him for now. He’s all yours. Then she laughed. I’ve never hated someone so much in my life.”
All at once, Jace gets to his feet and paces the room several times. I watch him in silence. He sits back down and leans forward, his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands.
“Jace, are you okay?”
“No, not really.” He rubs his face with his hands as if he’s very tired. “What happened next? I have to know.”
“Are you sure you want to hear this?”
“I need to hear it.”
I expected him to have to do all the explaining this evening and instead it’s me doing all the talking. My world is upside down and sideways.
“She let me in to your apartment. I asked, Where’s Jace? She just laughed and headed for your bedroom. So I followed. That’s when I saw you. You were on the bed and it was immediately obvious that you were out cold. You were unnaturally still and . . . and . . . you were . . . completely undressed.” I can’t even bring myself to say the word naked. “Frankly, I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do. I think I was in shock. I don’t know what possessed me, but I hated that you were exposed and I felt very protective of you, so I immediately went to the bed and covered you up with the sheet. The woman laughed at my actions. I knew she was mocking me and I felt so naïve. I turned and watched her as she gathered her clothing that was strewn about the room. The crazy placement of your clothing and hers told a story, as if you’d both been anxious to get out of them. My heart felt like a rock in my chest. I guess she felt the weight of my gaze, because in the next moment, she was studying me with disdain. I averted my shock-filled eyes and she laughed again, as if mocking my innocence. She said, Are you the one calling as well? I looked around and saw that your cell phone was sitting on the dresser. I said yes.
“She scoffed and went into the bathroom. A few minutes later she came out fully dressed. As she left, she said, Have fun with him, little pest.
“You hadn’t moved or responded in any way. There was an empty bottle of wine on the dresser along with two empty wine glasses. I knew you were drunk and I knew how you had always felt about alcohol, so I can’t even describe how stunned I was.”