The Pothunters

by P. G. Wodehouse

  [2]

  THIEVES BREAK IN AND STEAL

  It was always the custom for such Austinians as went up to representthe School at the annual competition to stop the night in the town. Itwas not, therefore, till just before breakfast on the following daythat Tony arrived back at his House. The boarding Houses at St Austin'sformed a fringe to the School grounds. The two largest were the SchoolHouse and Merevale's. Tony was at Merevale's. He was walking up fromthe station with Welch, another member of Merevale's, who had been upto Aldershot as a fencer, when, at the entrance to the School grounds,he fell in with Robinson, his fag. Robinson was supposed by many(including himself) to be a very warm man for the Junior Quarter, whichwas a handicap race, especially as an injudicious Sports Committee hadgiven him ten yards' start on Simpson, whom he would have backedhimself to beat, even if the positions had been reversed. Being a wiseyouth, however, and knowing that the best of runners may fail throughunder-training, he had for the last week or so been going in for asteady course of over-training, getting up in the small hours and goingfor before-breakfast spins round the track on a glass of milk and apiece of bread. Master R. Robinson was nothing if not thorough inmatters of this kind.

  But today things of greater moment than the Sports occupied his mind.He had news. He had great news. He was bursting with news, and hehailed the approach of Tony and Welch with pleasure. With any otherleading light of the School he might have felt less at ease, but withTony it was different. When you have underdone a fellow's eggs andoverdone his toast and eaten the remainder for a term or two, you beginto feel that mere social distinctions and differences of age no longerform a barrier.

  Besides, he had news which was absolutely fresh, news to which no onecould say pityingly: 'What! Have you only just heard _that_!'

  'Hullo, Graham,' he said. 'Have you come back?' Tony admitted that hehad. 'Jolly good for getting the Middles.' (A telegram had, of course,preceded Tony.) 'I say, Graham, do you know what's happened? There'llbe an awful row about it. Someone's been and broken into the Pav.'

  'Rot! How do you know?'

  'There's a pane taken clean out. I booked it in a second as I was goingpast to the track.'

  'Which room?'

  'First Fifteen. The window facing away from the Houses.'

  'That's rum,' said Welch. 'Wonder what a burglar wanted in the Firstroom. Isn't even a hair-brush there generally.'

  Robinson's eyes dilated with honest pride. This was good. This wasbetter than he had looked for. Not only were they unaware of theburglary, but they had not even an idea as to the recent event whichhad made the First room so fit a hunting-ground for the burglingindustry. There are few pleasures keener than the pleasure of tellingsomebody something he didn't know before.

  'Great Scott,' he remarked, 'haven't you heard? No, of course you wentup to Aldershot before they did it. By Jove.'

  'Did what?'

  'Why, they shunted all the Sports prizes from the Board Room to thePav. and shot 'em into the First room. I don't suppose there's one leftnow. I should like to see the Old Man's face when he hears about it.Good mind to go and tell him now, only he'd have a fit. Jolly exciting,though, isn't it?'

  'Well,' said Tony, 'of all the absolutely idiotic things to do! Fancyputting--there must have been at least fifty pounds' worth of silverand things. Fancy going and leaving all that overnight in the Pav!'

  'Rotten!' agreed Welch. 'Wonder whose idea it was.'

  'Look here, Robinson,' said Tony, 'you'd better buck up and change, oryou'll be late for brekker. Come on, Welch, we'll go and inspect thescene of battle.'

  Robinson trotted off, and Welch and Tony made their way to thePavilion. There, sure enough, was the window, or rather the absence ofwindow. A pane had been neatly removed, evidently in the orthodox wayby means of a diamond.

  'May as well climb up and see if there's anything to be seen,' saidWelch.

  'All right,' said Tony, 'give us a leg up. Right-ho. By Jove, I'mstiff.'

  'See anything?'

  'No. There's a cloth sort of thing covering what I suppose are theprizes. I see how the chap, whoever he was, got in. You've only got tobreak the window, draw a couple of bolts, and there you are. Shall I goin and investigate?'

  'Better not. It's rather the thing, I fancy, in these sorts of cases,to leave everything just as it is.'

  'Rum business,' said Tony, as he rejoined Welch on terra firma. 'Wonderif they'll catch the chap. We'd better be getting back to the Housenow. It struck the quarter years ago.'

  When Tony, some twenty minutes later, shook off the admiring crowd whowanted a full description of yesterday's proceedings, and reached hisstudy, he found there James Thomson, brother to Allen Thomson, as theplaybills say. Jim was looking worried. Tony had noticed it duringbreakfast, and had wondered at the cause. He was soon enlightened.

  'Hullo, Jim,' said he. 'What's up with you this morning? Feelingchippy?'

  'No. No, I'm all right. I'm in a beastly hole though. I wanted to talkto you about it.'

  'Weigh in, then. We've got plenty of time before school.'

  'It's about this Aldershot business. How on earth did you manage tolick Allen like that? I thought he was a cert.'

  'Yes, so did I. The 'ole thing there, as Dawkins 'ud say, was, Iknocked him out. It's the sort of thing that's always happening. Iwasn't in it at all except during the second round, when I gave himbeans rather in one of the corners. My aunt, it was warm while itlasted. First round, I didn't hit him once. He was better than Ithought he'd be, and I knew from experience he was pretty good.'

  'Yes, you look a bit bashed.'

  'Yes. Feel it too. But what's the row with you?'

  'Just this. I had a couple of quid on Allen, and the rotter goes andgets licked.'

  'Good Lord. Whom did you bet with?'

  'With Allen himself.'

  'Mean to say Allen was crock enough to bet against himself? He musthave known he was miles better than anyone else in. He's got threemedals there already.'

  'No, you see his bet with me was only a hedge. He'd got five to four orsomething in quids on with a chap in his House at Rugby on himself. Hewanted a hedge because he wasn't sure about his ankle being all right.You know he hurt it. So I gave him four to one in half-sovereigns. Ithought he was a cert, with apologies to you.'

  'Don't mention it. So he was a cert. It was only the merest fluke Imanaged to out him when I did. If he'd hung on to the end, he'd havewon easy. He'd been scoring points all through.'

  'I know. So _The Sportsman_ says. Just like my luck.'

  'I can't see what you want to bet at all for. You're bound to come amucker sooner or later. Can't you raise the two quid?'

  'I'm broke except for half a crown.'

  'I'd lend it to you like a shot if I had it, of course. But you don'tfind me with two quid to my name at the end of term. Won't Allen wait?'

  'He would if it was only him. But this other chap wants his oof badlyfor something and he's leaving and going abroad or something at the endof term. Anyhow, I know he's keen on getting it. Allen told me.'

  Tony pondered for a moment. 'Look here,' he said at last, 'can't youask your pater? He usually heaves his money about pretty readily,doesn't he?'

  'Well, you see, he wouldn't send me two quid off the reel withoutwanting to know all about it, and why I couldn't get on to the holidayswith five bob, and I'd either have to fake up a lot of lies, which I'mnot going to do--'

  'Of course not.'

  'Or else I must tell him I've been betting.'

  'Well, he bets himself, doesn't he?'

  'That's just where the whole business slips up,' replied Jim, proddingthe table with a pen in a misanthropic manner. 'Betting's the one thinghe's absolutely down on. He got done rather badly once a few years ago.Believe he betted on Orme that year he got poisoned. Anyhow he's alwayssworn to lynch us if we made fools of ourselves that way. So if I askedhim, I'd not only get beans myself, besides not getting any money outof him, but Allen would get scalped too, which he woul
dn't see at all.'

  'Yes, it's no good doing that. Haven't you any other source ofrevenue?'

  'Yes, there's just one chance. If that doesn't come off, I'm done. Mypater said he'd give me a quid for every race I won at the sports. Igot the half yesterday all right when you were up at Aldershot.'

  'Good man. I didn't hear about that. What time? Anything good?'

  'Nothing special. 2-7 and three-fifths.'

  'That's awfully good. You ought to pull off the mile, too, I shouldthink.'

  'Yes, with luck. Drake's the man I'm afraid of. He's done it in 4-48twice during training. He was second in the half yesterday by aboutthree yards, but you can't tell anything from that. He sprinted toolate.'

  'What's your best for the mile?'

  'I have done 4-47, but only once. 4-48's my average, so there's nothingto choose between us on paper.'

  'Well, you've got more to make you buck up than he has. There must besomething in that.'

  'Yes, by Jove. I'll win if I expire on the tape. I shan't spare myselfwith that quid on the horizon.'

  'No. Hullo, there's the bell. We must buck up. Going to Charteris'gorge tonight?'

  'Yes, but I shan't eat anything. No risks for me.'

  'Rusks are more in your line now. Come on.'

  And, in the excitement of these more personal matters, Tony entirelyforgot to impart the news of the Pavilion burglary to him.