by Evelyn Sola
“You’re asking me to marry you because you’re afraid of losing me. I love you so much, Jason. If you had asked this a few hours ago, I would have happily said yes. But if I say yes now, it will be because I’m afraid of being alone.”
Instead of punches like the ones I just subjected him to, he rains kisses on top of my head and forehead. More tears fall. I cry hard as he cradles me against his chest for support. I’m still weeping when a clap of thunder brings back all of my fears and forces me to jump into his arms. He holds me against him as if I’m a fragile piece of glass he’s afraid will break and carries me back to the room. The rain comes pouring down, each sound of thunder louder than the one before. With just one hand, he turns down my bedspread and lays me down. Another bout of thunder has me screaming, but he’s on the bed in the next instant, holding me against him, soothing me with not just his strong arms around me, but with his words.
CHAPTER 38
JASON
“If it’s yours, which I doubt, you should just sue that bitch for full custody.” It’s not the first time Mellie has expressed those sentiments, but I can’t think of that right now. I can’t think of anything but Alex.
After crying for what seemed like hours, exhaustion took over. Despite not giving me a final answer to my proposal, I was relieved when she fell asleep. Even in her sleep she was restless. She tossed and turned and even cried until I calmed her by rubbing her back.
“Mellie, not now.”
“Listen to your sister,” Jake says.
“Oh my God. Don’t you have a new wife to go home to?”
“I do, so hurry up and get your head out of your ass.”
“I don’t need this from you two.”
“Bullshit!” Mellie hisses. “Why are you even here sitting down as if everything is fine? The sky is falling, Jason!”
“And what’s with this bullshit about giving her space? Get your ass over there now and get in her face, JD. She needs you fighting for her, not giving her space.” I give Jake a look, which would scare most people into shutting up, but he is not most people.
“Like I was saying,” Mellie says, “sue that bitch and get that baby away from her. You’ll have a wife, a stable home. You’re a surgeon for goodness sakes, and Alex looks like a Pollyanna. No judge in their right mind would hand over a baby to that psycho bitch.” I tune her out after that, but Mellie and Jake continue to talk at me.
“Hey!” I yell. They both finally stop talking and look at me. “You know what? You two are very similar. In my damn face all the time telling me what the fuck to do.” I toss the water bottle in the sink and go in search of a beer. I grab the last one, only to be reminded of all the shit that’s gone down since yesterday. Alex wrote her name on my last fucking beer. ‘Drink it, you die. That means you, Jason’ is scribbled on the label, followed by a heart and a smiley face.
Unable to bring myself to drink it, I put it back, leaving it for its rightful owner.
“Well, somebody has to say something,” Mellie insists. Jake opens his mouth, but I hold my hand up as I take my seat at the table.
“I asked her to marry me. Last night, when she was breaking down crying, telling me everything has turned to shit, that Natalie would never let her be a part of this, I told her I wanted her to marry me. Whether or not the kid is mine, I want her with me.” For once they’re both silent. Mellie reaches out and grabs my hand as tears fill her eyes.
“Mellie, don’t start with the tears. I haven’t seen you cry since you were a little kid. Don’t start now.” She straightens her back and takes a deep breath, waiting for me to continue. “She told me I was asking because I was afraid of losing her, and she didn’t want to say yes only because she didn’t want to be alone. Then a thunderstorm started, and I spent the rest of the night comforting her.” I turn to Jake and say, “There was a thunderstorm the night her mother died, and she didn’t hear her collapse. She’s had issues since. When we were at Martha’s Vineyard, she told me she wasn’t afraid anymore. That being with me took her fears away.” My breath catches, and I surprise myself when I start to sob in front of my friend and sister. I recover myself before any tears can fall.
“She’ll say yes,” Mellie says, while she rubs my back.
“She will,” Jake reiterates.
“Not a romantic way to propose. Reeks of desperation, but I was desperate. I can’t lose her, but she’s slipping away. She won’t want to be a part of this.” I drop my head down and cover my face with both hands, exhausted.
“If you keep sitting your ass here, you might lose her. Get over there,” Jake insists. “Listen, man, everybody has something. You have an ex, maybe a baby. This was all before her. Tell her that. If you had a child when you met, it wouldn’t have mattered. Get your ass up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I went back to her place, she wasn’t home, so I thought she might be here. And I’m not so sure about her getting with me if I had a kid. She held Travis for about ten seconds. He drooled on her and she couldn’t pass him over to me fast enough. Said he was squishy. She’s only twenty-five years old, and I’m asking her to be a stepmother to a baby I might be having with my ex. And I don’t exactly work a nine to five. I work crazy hours, some of them overnight. I’m on-call. She’s going to do a lot of the heavy lifting on her own. Not to mention the shitstorm of dealing with Natalie for the rest of our lives. And you’re forgetting one very important thing. This is Natalie we’re talking about. Do you think she’ll ever make this easy? I might have to move back to New Jersey or New York so I can see my kid.”
Jake and Mellie both start to speak at once, offering me reassurances and demanding I get off my ass. Whatever the fuck that means. Thankfully, Jake’s phone rings and he excuses himself to go talk to his wife, but Mellie stays. I tune her out and wonder where the fuck Alex is. I pull out my phone to find no texts or missed calls. I call her phone only to have it go to her voicemail after several rings.
I lean back in my chair, my stomach feeling like it’s been punched. My head pounds and I can feel the increased speed of my pulse. God, I miss her. I’d give anything to have her in the kitchen now destroying dinner. I’d even wash it down with some of her awful coffee. My shoulders sag at the thought of her alone and upset because of the stupid shit I did before we met. What I’d give to go back seven months and undo this damage.
The fear that I have, deep in my gut. The fear that I haven’t allowed myself to verbalize is that I believe Natalie. I don’t know if I’m the father, but I believe she believes that I am. There was something in her voice, despite her bravado and shitty attitude; she had this fear I’ve only seen once. It was when she told me about her father’s terminal illness. She was stripped of her armor, and all I saw was Natalie, vulnerable and scared. I saw a glimpse of that last night, and that scares me more than anything.
Eighteen years of dealing with her and her bullshit, I can handle. Bringing someone else into it is a lot to ask, but I won’t stop asking.
“Listen, JD,” Jake says, walking back to the kitchen. I watch as he slides his phone in his pocket and takes the seat across from me. “One thing I’ve learned over time is that love and relationships are messy and complicated. Nothing worth having is easy, and yes, I admit this is a lot, but not if she loves you. I’d do anything for my wife. If she had a kid before we met, I’d be the best father to that kid, no questions asked, because I love her that fucking much.”
“He’s right, JD. What you have is worth fighting for. That girl loves you.”
“So, where the fuck is she? Neither you or Ananda have heard from her. She won’t take my calls. And she has no fucking family other than some deranged aunt in Pittsburgh.” Sick and tired of wondering, I stand up abruptly. “I’m going back to her place to wait for her.”
Mellie and Jake high five each other.
“Thank goodness. Go!” Mellie yells.
I run to my room and pack a bag in less than five minutes.
“Jake, go home t
o your wife, man. Thanks for being here for me.”
He pulls me into a hug and pats my back. “Go get your girl,” he says, repeating the same words I said to him not too long ago.
CHAPTER 39
ALEX
“Sweetie, you look like hell.” I don’t even bother to look up at Tina as she puts a hot cup of coffee in front of me. I will myself not to cry and make a fool of myself in public.
How could my life crumble so quickly and dramatically? I had everything, but like everything else I thought I had, it was taken away from me, through no fault of my own. I sip the coffee as if it will give me the courage to walk into my office and do my job, knowing full well I’ll have Mellie and Ananda in my ear all day, telling me I’m being dramatic.
As if one can be too dramatic when it comes to your man’s married ex showing up with a belly full of baby. My throat tightens, my bitterness as strong as this coffee I’m drinking.
Lost in my own misery, I don’t even realize that Tina has taken the seat across from me until she raps her knuckles against the table. I’m forced to look at her when she clears her throat. I look into her kind brown eyes, and my own eyes fill with tears. Unable to contain them, they fall freely down my face until I put my head in both hands and weep. Tina comes to my side of the table, takes me by the hand and leads me to the back of the restaurant and into a tiny office.
“Sit.” She leaves me and returns moments later with a glass of cold water and a shot glass full of whiskey. I finish the whiskey in one gulp before I sip the water. Neither of us say a word for several minutes. Tina sits there with me, letting me cry until my tears dry up.
“I know that cry. That’s the cry of a broken heart, sweetie. What happened? I’m an ear and a shoulder. Sometimes that’s all we need.” She lays a hand on my shoulder. I pick up her hand and lay it on my cheek, needing a human touch. She takes me into her arms and hugs me.
Needing an unbiased opinion, I tell her everything, from how great things were between me and Jason, to the disaster that was supposed to be my birthday dinner.
“Oh, honey,” she says. “I’m so sorry. Now it makes sense why Jason’s been coming in here the past few days looking like an even bigger disaster than you. I think he was hoping you’d be here.”
“I haven’t been to work in a few days. I haven’t been home either. He’s been blowing up my phone.” Guilt hits me, knowing how he always has a need to know I’m okay and taken care of.
“Based on how he looked yesterday, I don’t know how he would be able to concentrate on those surgeries.” She hugs me one more time and pulls away. “Okay. Enough tears. Tears are not going to fix this. Let me tell you something, though. This is not something that can’t be overcome. First, you don’t know if the baby is his. If it’s not, she’s out of the picture. Period. If the baby is his, he co-parents and you get to help shape and mold a life, Alex. I have a nineteen-year-old son and raising him to become the man he’s turning into has been the single most amazing thing of my life. This baby will love you. Jason is no longer involved with her. He let that go before he met you, and if that baby is his, they created that life before he knew of your existence. Maybe getting with her was not his finest hour, but we’ve all got dirt. We’ve all done ugly, shameful things. That’s what makes us human. Honey, all of that was before you. Now, what I want to know is how he’s been since you two got together. And I already know the answer because I saw with my own eyes each time you two came in here together. He’s as devastated as you are. Are you willing to give that up because of things that happened before you two met?”
She leaves my side and opens a drawer at her desk. She pours each of us another shot of whiskey. Despite the early hour of the morning, I swallow it without a second thought. The liquid burns my throat, but soon warmth spreads all over my body, giving me a calmness I haven’t felt in days.
“Love is not the problem, Tina. I love him. I know he loves me, but this woman. You should have seen her and heard the things she said. She’s not going to make this easy. This will be an eighteen-year battle.”
“Girl, then you fight!” She slams her shot glass down on the table. “If you love that man, you fight. And what the hell can she do? He has rights. Do you know what I did before I gave up the rat race and opened this place? I was a family law attorney; say the word, and I will fight with you. Honey, we will have that bitch in court so fast if she steps out of line. Forget about her, though, Alex. Fuck her.” I look up at her, shocked at her language. “I was the most vicious lawyer out there. I had a reputation. This woman won’t know what hit her if I get involved, but this isn’t about her. This is about you and Jason. If he cheated on you and got another woman pregnant, I’d tell you to run as far and as fast as you can, but he didn’t. I’m not excusing what he did with a woman who was involved with another man, but she made the choice to cheat. If you love him and he loves you, and you think what you have is worth it, then you go find him, stand by his side and fight with him. You don’t have to fight for him because he’s already yours, but you show that bitch that her days of manipulating your man are over.”
Neither of us speak. We watch each other. Her eyes have suddenly turned a darker shade of brown—almost black. I realize there’s a whole other side to the Tina I’ve come to know over the past couple of years.
“You’re a lot younger than I am, so take my advice. Life’s complicated, Alex. We think we have everything figured out, but then we’re thrown a curveball. Shitty things happen to us, but if you look hard enough, you’ll find the positive in almost anything. Here are the positives here. You have a man who loves you so much, he’s going crazy right now. You could have an opportunity to raise a child, and from what you’ve told me about her mother, she’s going to need you. You have a friend who will make Natalie wish she had never been born. You win, honey.”
Mellie and Ananda have told me the same thing, but hearing it from Tina, who does not have a vested interest in me being with Jason, makes this almost seem conquerable.
“I consider you a friend. I’ve never befriended a woman who isn’t a fighter. You have fire in you. I don’t know how I know, but it’s something I saw in your eyes the first day you walked in here. Something I recognized. You’re like me. You’re a sweet person, but hell hath no fury like a pissed off Alex; you’re just pissed at the wrong person.” She grabs my hand, pulling me out of my chair and takes me into a hug. We’re the same height, with a similar build, so when she pulls back, we’re at eye level. Instead of my eyes filling with tears and feeling hopeless, I stand up straight, look her in the eye, and with a confidence that’s been lacking since that horrible night, I nod at her.
She lets out a loud shout of victory and hugs me again.
“I know that look. Natalie might have won the battle. She ruined your birthday, but she will lose the war because of Jason’s secret weapon. You.”
I hug her again, squeezing her tight, her strength seeping into my body, giving me new life.
“Thank you, Tina.”
“Don’t you dare thank me. We’re women and we stick together. Let me get you your breakfast so you can get to work. I’m glad you stopped by today.” She puts an arm around my shoulders and leads me back to my table. The place has filled up since we’ve been gone, so she leaves me to get to work.
I’m given a fresh cup of coffee as I think about my next move. I don’t know what I expected when I came in here today, but I knew I needed to be here, to talk to Tina. I needed to hear from her. I devour the breakfast she put in front of me. Instead of my usual eggs, bacon, and toast, she throws in a huge plate of French toast with my order. I eat every last bite.
“On the house,” she says after I ask for my check. “Get out of here, and next time I see you, you better have Jason with you.”
As I’m standing up to leave, I hear the door open. Tina lets out a happy laugh as she runs to the front of the restaurant. My stomach drops to my feet when I see who it is. She’s hugging an older man, his face
visible from my table.
“What a surprise!” I hear her say. I grab my bag, eager to get out of here. Hoping she’s too busy with her guest to notice. I put my head down, and as fast as I can, I start to make my escape.
“Alex! Come and meet my dad.” She grabs my hand when I try to walk past her. “Dad, this is my favorite customer, Alex. I know I’ve told you about her. Alex, my dad, whose name is also Alex, but short for Alexander.”
I look up at his face, my heart nearly in my throat, as I take his offered hand. His huge hand engulfs mine and I’m forced to look into his eyes. Blue eyes lock on mine, a smile on his face, which slips as soon as he meets my gaze. He looks too young to have a daughter as old as Tina. I laugh nervously, relieved he can’t read my thoughts.
I try to pull my hand away from his, but he holds on tight and takes a step closer to me, studying me. To my surprise, he takes my chin and turns my face as if looking for clues as to who I really am.
“Dad, stop flirting with my friend,” Tina says with a laugh. I offer a laugh, but a fake one is the only kind I can muster. Her father doesn’t laugh back. He continues to study me. Unfortunately for me, Tina leaves us while she attends to some customers.
“It was nice to meet you, sir,” I say quickly, the words coming out rushed and breathless. I can hear the pounding between my ears, and all I can do is look for the door toward freedom, but he’s still holding my hand. I pull my face out of his hands and do my best to pull my hand from his grip, but he holds on.
“Alexander Francis Reilly.” His gaze is intense as he holds onto my hand, waiting for me to speak.