by Evelyn Sola
As a reflex, Alex crosses her arms over her chest.
“We need to have a conversation, Jason, but I’m fine with an audience. You passed up on all your opportunities to do this privately.”
“You need to have a conversation with your husband, bitch!” I close my eyes at Mellie’s words. Of all the things she could have said.
“Husband?” Alex says, finally snapping out of her gaze. “You’re married?”
“Never mattered to Ty before.”
Alex turns away from Natalie to me. “Is this true, Jason? Is there a possibility that this baby could be yours?”
I open my mouth to speak, but Natalie speaks first. “We all know no birth control is one hundred percent effective, don’t we, doc?”
“Can this baby be yours, Jason?” Alex yells. “Is she telling the truth? Did you sleep with her back in February? While she was married?”
“Angel, I didn’t even know you back then. That has nothing to do with us.”
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“That’s not what I asked. Can this baby be yours? I need to hear a yes or a no from you, not a speech, or a timeline of our relationship.”
“Yes, but—”
“No buts. I’ve heard enough.” She turns away and practically runs out of the kitchen. I run after her and grab her hand. She turns to face me, pulling her hand from mine as if she’s burned by my touch.
“I didn’t mean to blow up your sweet little birthday party, Ty. If you had let me explain the last time we talked, I would have told you.”
I don’t even acknowledge the lie. The last time we talked, she didn’t tell me shit. She demanded to see me.
“The last time you talked?” Alex says, incredulous. “When was that?”
Everyone has now followed us into the hallway, and the entire house has gone quiet once again as everyone waits for me to speak.
“When?” Alex yells.
“Last month and the month before that.”
“Is this the person who’s been blowing up your phone? All those texts and phone calls you refused to take? Has that been her? All this time you’ve been having secret conversations with your married lover?”
“No! It’s not like that, Alex. How can you even think that? I ended things with her before you and I met, and she wasn’t married the last time we were together. I only talked to her to tell her to stop calling me.”
She turns from me again and pulls her coat out of the coat closet.
“Except she’s shown up here and might be carrying your baby!” she screams, her face red and tears filling her eyes.
“How many times have you ended things with me only to end up back in my bed, Ty? And technically, I wasn’t married, but I got married two weeks later.”
“We don’t know if it’s mine.” Even to my own ears, my words sound empty.
“Well, you two better figure that out.” She puts on her coat and starts toward the door. I step around her to block the exit.
“Alex, baby, listen to me.”
“No! I don’t want to hear anything from you. You and your secret phone calls and conversations with your married baby mama. Move out of my way.”
“I’m not going to move out of your way. Where do you think you’re going?”
“I’m going home, Jason! My home. I’m getting as far away from you as possible tonight because I don’t want to look at your lying face. Move!”
“I never lied to you,” I say through clenched teeth.
“No?” she challenges. She puts both hands on her hips and looks into my eyes. The look on her face almost breaks me. The tears she’s holding at bay and the way her voice trembles almost brings me to my knees. “What did you say to me those times I mentioned your phone blowing up? ‘It’s nobody important, Alex.’ Lies!” she screams. “I don’t even know who the hell you are.”
“I’m the man you love, Alex. I’m the same person I’ve always been. I’ve never lied. She’s not important to me.” I ignore the pained sound coming from Natalie. “You’re everything.”
The tears fall at my words. Her nose runs, but she doesn’t care. She makes no efforts to wipe anything away.
“Not anymore. You have a baby to focus on now.”
“I don’t even know if the baby is mine, Alex,” I say softly. I close my eyes, knowing those words probably just damned me.
“The fact that you don’t know is the problem. That means there’s a possibility that it is. You need to figure that out, and I need to get out of here.” When she walks around me, I grab her wrist, only for her to yank it out of my hand. She rubs her wrist again, as if my touch causes her pain.
“Jason, let me and Sandy take Alex home. We’ll come back after.”
“I don’t need a ride. I can take care of myself like I always have.” She’s out the door before I can grab her again, slamming it behind her. When I turn, Natalie is standing in front of me, arms crossed with a satisfied smile on her face.
The smile slips off her face when I start to take slow, deliberate steps to her. I grab her by both wrists and drag her to the door.
“You, get the fuck out of my house. Out of my life, you toxic bitch.” She tries to pull away, but she’s no match.
“JD!” Jake yells, grabbing me and stepping between me and Natalie. “Let her go. Natalie, you need to leave now.”
Mellie tosses Natalie’s coat at her and it lands at her feet. “Leave, bitch,” Mellie seethes.
“Grow up, Melanie. Why is she here, Ty? I thought you hated her. You called her a fuckup.” Natalie grabs her coat and takes her time putting it back on.
“I guess our hatred of you united us, Natalie,” Melanie says.
“He didn’t exactly hate fuck me.”
I walk past her, open the door and gesture for her to leave. She turns away from the door and walks back to the kitchen; her strides angry and full of purpose. I run behind her, but I’m too late. She takes the cake, lifts it above her head and throws it on the pristine kitchen floor.
“I expect to be hearing from you soon.” With her head held high, she walks to the door, picking up her coat along the way.
I turn to my sister, to explain away Natalie’s hateful words, but she shakes her head.
“She’s poison, Jason. I won’t let her come between us. Go make things right with Alex.”
CHAPTER 37
ALEX
“Alex, open this fucking door!”
I take a drag of my cigarette, filling my lungs before blowing it out. I ignore him as he continues to pound away. If he continues, he’ll take the door off its hinges and pull the chain off the wall. That’s the only thing keeping him away because I was dumb enough to give him a key.
I take another drag, not bothering to blow the smoke out of the open window. The small space is now white and filled with the smell of tobacco. This was my solace after my mother died. I don’t remember how it began, but the pull of tobacco would ease my stress, and even though it’s been almost two years since I kicked the habit, the need is always there, lurking beneath the surface. I’m normally stronger than this, but not tonight.
“Alexandra! Angel, please open the fucking door.” He must have kicked it this time because the chain practically comes off.
“Go to hell, Jason!” I scream. He pounds on the door again, and I lose what little patience I had left. I cross the room in three angry steps and take the chain off the door. “Don’t you break my fucking door.”
Before the words are out of my mouth, he’s inside the house.
“What the fuck, Alex?” He grabs the cigarette from between my lips and crosses the room into the bathroom. By the time I hear the toilet flush, I already have a new cigarette lit and between my lips.
“Goddamn it, woman.” He goes for my cigarette, but I dodge him and walk away. He grabs my elbow and spins me around, snatching it from me. This time, he pats me down and finds the pack of Newports in my pocket. I run after him, grab his arm to try to get them back,
but it’s no use. He crushes them all before he flushes them down the toilet.
“How dare you! How dare you come in here and destroy my shit. Get out! I don’t want to see you! Go take care of your pregnant girlfriend!” I shove his chest two times, and when he doesn’t so much as stumble back, I walk out of the bathroom.
“Nothing’s changed, angel.” He reaches for me, and for a second, I succumb to his touch. I take solace in the gentle caress of his hands. I sigh, remembering how it is whenever he touches me. The circumstances might have changed, but my response to him never will.
I take a big step back, away from him. He walks through my condo like he owns the place. I yank out of his grasp and go into my bedroom. He follows me inside and repeats what he just said. “Nothing’s changed.”
“Don’t you dare say that to me!” The loudness of my scream surprises us both. “How long have you known her?” I ask, lowering my voice. When he doesn’t answer, I ask the question again. “How long?”
“We’ve known each other since high school,” he finally says, his eyes never leaving mine.
“This has been going on since high school?”
He runs a hand over his head, but he doesn’t look away.
“On and off, yes.”
“Are you in love with her?” I ask.
“Fuck no! I’m in love with you.”
“Were you ever in love with her?” I ask.
“I don’t know, Alex. Maybe, but it was a long time ago. I was a damn teenager when we met. Whatever I felt is long gone.”
“A woman you were in love with for over a decade showed up at your house with your baby in her belly. A married woman, Jason. You’re having a baby by some other woman, so don’t you stand here and tell me that nothing’s changed or it doesn’t matter!” I shove at his chest. When he doesn’t react, I lose any last bit of control that I had. I rain punches on his chest, and he stands there and takes it. That fuels my anger even more, so I slap him across the face.
Disgusted by my display of violence, I walk away from him, giving him my back as I look out the window.
“You’re a liar. Get out,” I say, lowering my voice.
“No. I’m not leaving. I know you’re upset right now, and you have every right to be, but everything that happened between me and Natalie happened before we met. I ended things for good months before I ever laid eyes on you. Since the day I laid eyes on you, it’s only been you, and I’ve never lied to you, Alex. Not one single time.” His voice is even, but I can tell it’s strained. I know him. I know he’s doing everything in his power to remain calm. He takes a few slow steps. I can feel the heat radiating off his body. All I want to do is lean into him, but I can’t. I turn as slowly as possible and look into his eyes.
“Jason, are you really standing here saying you’ve never lied to me? Are you fucking serious?”
“I am fucking serious.”
“How many times did I mention your ringing or vibrating phone? How many times did you look at me and say it’s no one? Or that it’s not important? I think your ex, who might be pregnant with your child, is kind of important, don’t you think?” I turn my back on him and walk to my purse, which I had thrown on my bed. I pull out another pack of cigarettes and put one between my lips, already eager for that first inhale. Just as I grab my lighter, he’s in front of me and pulling the cigarette from my lips. This time, he grabs my purse and grabs the opened pack, squishing them in his giant palm. He shoves the destroyed cigarettes in his pocket and looks at me, daring me to do anything.
“That shit ends, do you hear me? I don’t care how upset you are at me, but you are not going to slowly kill yourself with this poison.”
“If you think you’re going to come into my house and tell me what to do, you’re delusional. I’m no longer your concern.” I notice a bouquet of wildflowers he brought over last week. In a fit of rage, I grab it and slam it against the wall. “I’ve lost everything again!”
“You’ve lost nothing because I’m still here!” This time he raises his voice. I refuse to look at him, but he lifts me off my feet and pulls me away from the shattered glass. “I still love you. That will never change. And I didn’t lie when I said it was nothing. She’s out of my life and has been. Even before we met, I wanted nothing to do with her. I still want to be with you.”
“Let me ask you something. This relationship you’ve been in since you were a teenager, how many times did you end things only to end up back together? This can’t be the first time you’ve ended things.” He takes a deep breath and looks away from me for a moment, but then he straightens his spine and looks me in the eye.
“Several times. It was toxic and dysfunctional. I should have walked away for good years ago, but I didn’t. I was stupid, but I didn’t lie when I said the person calling me wasn’t important. She’s from my past, Alex. We all have a past, but I live in the present.”
“I told you about Doyle,” I remind him.
“You told me about him to let me know you weren’t interested in me. I know Doyle is not the first man you were interested in. I never questioned you about any of your past relationships because none of that matters. What matters is the now and the future. I love you now and will love you until the day I die. I want to be with you now and always. That’s what matters to me.”
“Bullshit, Jason. You never asked me about my past relationships because you were worried I’d ask about yours. And if Natalie is so inconsequential, why didn’t you tell me about her? When she kept calling, why didn’t you tell me? Your so-called love for me should have come with trust. If you had asked me, I would have told you I had a few boyfriends, but none of them were serious.”
He grabs my chin and forces me to look at him. I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks.
“You can be mad at me, Alex, but don’t ever discount my love for you.” He grabs both of my hands and puts them on his chest. “I live for you. You’re my entire fucking life and don’t you ever say otherwise.” I try to pull my hands from his body, but he holds firm, letting me feel the beating of his heart. “We don’t know if the baby is mine,” he says, his eyes searching mine, willing me to understand.
I let myself imagine a world where the last few hours never happened. Where Natalie did not show up with a swollen belly and shatter my world. It’s just me and Jason again, in our little bubble of bliss and love that we’ve created.
“If it’s not?” I ask, wanting to hear the words.
“Then she’s out of my life for good. I’ll never see or speak to her again. It’s just you and me, angel, from here on out. I want you to move in with me, or if you’re not ready to leave this place, I’ll move in here. I just want to be with you every single day.”
A single tear falls down my cheek. I can’t even bother to wipe it away because I know it’s only the first of many.
“And if it is?” I can see the firm set of his jaw and the stiffening of his body. He’s preparing to tell me something I don’t want to hear.
“I can’t give up my kid, Alex. If it’s mine, we will co-parent. The three of us. I know it’s a lot to ask. I know it’s a fucked-up situation, but I want you to be a part of this.”
More tears fall, blurring my vision. I shrug out of his touch, and he takes the hem of his T-shirt and wipes my face.
“How naïve are you? Is this how that bitch was able to manipulate you all these years? Do you honestly think she’ll let me be a part of anything? No, she won’t!” I scream the last part in his face, reminded of everything I’ve lost in the span of just a few hours. I move away from him and storm out of my bedroom. Just as I’m putting on my shoes so I can get the hell out of this house and away from him, he grabs me and spins me around again.
“She won’t have a choice.”
“She’s going to spend the next eighteen years using that innocent child to manipulate you, Jason. That’s what’s in store for you. If she can’t control you, she’ll poison that poor baby against you. She will make me the villain,
the reason why mommy and daddy can’t be together. She’ll lawyer up. She will do everything in her power to cut me out, so she can get the ultimate prize. You. I’m just a minor inconvenience. I’m nothing.”
“Wrong. You’re everything. Always have been. Always will be.”
I shake my head at him as more tears fall. “Jason, go home. You’re living in a fantasy.” I’m suddenly exhausted. I take my shoes off, no longer willing to cede my house. All I want now is my bed, but then the tears fall harder as I remember that’s the same bed where he held me on the anniversary of my mother’s death. That’s the day I believed that I could have a future, a family. I took him to my mother’s grave and introduced them. We sat on the grass, and he held me while I cried. He didn’t take his eyes off me the entire day.
“And you’re giving up on us for no reason. I’m not going to—”
“For no reason?” I yell, angry all over again. “You might be having a baby, Jason. A damn baby! What kind of fantasy world are you living in where you think that’s not a big deal? Go pick out names or cribs or whatever the hell it is expectant parents do. I’ll be here, alone, like always. Look around you! This is my life. I lost my mother. I’ve never met my father. For a small amount of time, I thought I could have some happiness with you. I was stupid enough to believe we could be a family, but guess what? That ain’t about to happen. You’re already going to be a family with someone else, leaving me out. That’s the story of my life. I had a mom, and she was taken away. I thought I had you and Mellie. I had this twisted fantasy that I would be part of your extended family. The dangerous fantasy where you, me, Sandy, and Jake would take vacations together and have kids around the same age. That’s dangerous for someone like me. Obviously, I’m meant to be alone, so go make plans with your baby mama! Get out!”
I attack him again, punching his chest and kicking his ankles. I stop the kicks because that only hurts my bare feet, but I keep raining hits on his body. He grabs both wrists and pulls me against him while I sob.
“Marry me!” My body freezes as I look up in his face, confused. “Let’s get married. We’ll go to city hall tomorrow.” He swings his wrist about and checks his Apple Watch. “We can get a marriage license and make it to the courthouse before I have to go to work. You’ll be my wife, my partner. This is how serious I am about you and me doing this as a team. It’s selfish of me to drag you into this, but I can’t do it without you, angel. I need you by my side. Please, baby.”