Circle of Doubt

by Buchanan, Tracy

  Rebecca Feine

  I thought it was Emma you thought was trouble, Belinda? Make your mind up! And please be careful what you say about kids on here.

  Myra Young

  Lawrence is lovely, I can say that with complete confidence as his PA. Please don’t tar him with the same brush. Yes, Zeke is a handful but he’s just a very spirited little boy. Lawrence is devastated about this and is doing all he can to help his wife. I suggest we give them some privacy and turn the comments off on this thread, Kitty.

  Kitty Fletcher

  Agreed. Consider this thread CLOSED for business. In the meantime, I am going to look into the possibility that Tatjana Belafonte was behind the fake MySpace page.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Saturday 31st October

  11.30 p.m.

  Emma lay in bed, unable to sleep. She and Dele had left the Halloween party with Isla straight after their chat with Lawrence. They had decided to leave the car and walk back through the woods after those Pumpkin Punches Emma had drunk. She couldn’t find Harriet, but then she was used to her sister disappearing at parties.

  They’d tried to make the walk back fun and spooky, but Isla was quiet. She would have heard some of the commotion, but she didn’t ask what it was all about. Emma was pleased she didn’t. She was struggling to wrap her head around it all herself!

  After Isla went to bed, Dele and Emma sat in the living room.

  ‘I should have taken you more seriously about Tatjana, babe,’ he said with a sigh. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘You were right about her not being Jade, though,’ Emma said. She had finally admitted this to herself now, after their conversation with Lawrence. He said Tatjana had grown up in Hastings and her mother had died when she was young. It just wouldn’t add up if she was Isla’s birth mother, who had lived in London all her life and whose mother was certainly alive when they adopted Isla.

  ‘I can’t blame you for thinking it, though,’ Dele said, holding her hand. ‘I should have listened.’

  ‘Well, it’s over now.’

  ‘Not for Tatjana. I hope she gets the help she needs.’

  Emma nodded. ‘Me too.’

  They had gone to bed, but now Emma lay awake, thinking about Tatjana. The truth was, she was concerned about her. Yes, Tatjana had had this awful irrational vendetta against her, but she was clearly mentally ill. Hadn’t Emma herself struggled once?

  At least Tatjana had a good husband like Lawrence, just as Emma had in Dele at that time. He’d get help for her.

  ‘Hey, you.’

  Emma looked up. They kept the bedroom door ajar to listen out for Isla, and now Emma could see her sister standing in the darkness of the landing. She got out of bed, quiet so as not to disturb a snoring Dele, and went out to join her.

  ‘So Tatjana was behind everything?’ Harriet whispered.

  ‘Yep. Everything.’

  ‘Are you going to call social services, then? You have your proof now.’

  Emma shook her head. ‘She’s not Jade.’

  ‘Come on. Are you serious? What about your instincts? The way she fawns over Isla? I saw it at the party, it was ridiculous!’

  ‘I was wrong. There is nothing linking her to Jade Dixon.’

  Harriet looked at Isla sleeping in her room, curled up on her side, her thumb in her mouth. ‘So that’s it,’ she asked with a furrowed brow, ‘you’re just going to drop it?’

  ‘Of course I am!’ Emma loved her sister, but sometimes Harriet just didn’t know when it was time to let go of something. Isla stirred in her bed. ‘Look, Harriet, I’m tired. I need sleep.’

  Harriet shrugged as she backed away. ‘Fine then. But don’t say I didn’t warn you – if Tatjana does turn out to be Jade.’

  On Monday, Emma braced herself as she entered the school playground with Isla. She wasn’t sure how people would react. She was convinced half the village knew about it now, there were so many people at the party.

  The first person she saw was Lucy, who was talking in a huddle with some of the other mums. When she saw Emma, she headed straight for her.

  Great, Emma thought.

  ‘I am so sorry,’ Lucy said as soon as she got to her, Isla and Poppy going off to play together. ‘I should never have been taken in by Tatjana’s lies.’

  Doesn’t explain why you were a spiteful little cow, Emma wanted to say.

  Instead, she smiled. ‘Don’t worry, it’s in the past.’

  ‘Phew,’ Lucy said, pretending to wipe her brow. ‘I was so worried you’d hate me.’

  ‘Hmmm,’ Emma said.

  ‘I mean, look at them.’ Lucy gestured to Isla and Poppy, who were doing some kind of dance move in the middle of the playground. ‘They’re so great together. You know, we really need to sort a playdate.’

  All these months after I moved here? Emma wanted to say.

  Instead she nodded. ‘Sure.’

  ‘So did you ever find out why Tatjana had it in for you?’ Lucy asked, lowering her voice to a whisper as she leaned in close to Emma. ‘Myra thinks it’s because she had a thing for Dele, whereas Michelle reckons it’s—’

  ‘I have no idea,’ Emma quickly interrupted her. ‘There’s no point speculating. She’ll have her reasons.’

  ‘Well, everyone feels so awful for you.’

  Emma looked around her at the other parents, who were giving her sympathetic looks.

  Funny how opinions could change so quickly in Forest Grove.

  ‘Oh God, there she is,’ Lucy said, crossing her arms as she looked towards the forest.

  Emma followed her gaze to see Tatjana emerge from the trees holding Zeke’s hand as he tried to get away from her. People in the playground turned to look at her, whispering.

  ‘I can’t believe she’s here today,’ Lucy said, shaking her head in disgust.

  Myra walked over to join them.

  ‘Can you believe she’s here?’ Lucy said to her, scandal in her eyes. ‘I thought she’d at least pretend to be sick or something, let the dust settle, you know. It’s not like she hasn’t got the money to get a childminder.’

  ‘Quite,’ Myra said.

  Emma looked at Myra in surprise. She was Lawrence’s PA! But that wouldn’t necessarily stop her from disliking his wife, would it?

  Emma stood awkwardly watching Tatjana, too. She didn’t want to be part of this witch hunt, and yet Tatjana had tried to ruin her reputation.

  ‘That kid needs a firm hand,’ Lucy said, as Zeke shoved Tatjana away then ran up to a tree, grabbing at one of the hanging branches. ‘Look at him! No respect for nature and she’s doing f-all about it!’

  Tatjana closed her eyes, pinching her nose.

  Emma couldn’t help it, she felt sorry for her! Lucy and Myra were right. Tatjana shouldn’t have had to come in today. It was less about her having the gall to show her face, as they’d implied, and more about how vulnerable she must be feeling after Saturday night.

  Couldn’t Lawrence have brought Zeke in?

  ‘God, look at her,’ Lucy spat. ‘To think I called her a friend.’

  ‘I know I work for Lawrence, but between us, I never really liked his wife,’ Myra said, narrowing her eyes in Tatjana’s direction. ‘Prancing around in those expensive clothes of hers.’

  ‘I know, right?’ Lucy said. ‘Like a Gucci coat is appropriate for forest life.’

  Myra and Lucy were too busy laughing to notice when Emma backed away from them. She did not want to be involved in their malicious gossip.

  ‘Funny how people can change their tune, isn’t it?’

  Emma turned to see Faye standing close to her. They watched Lucy and Myra still gossiping.

  ‘I mean, it’s pretty awful what Tatjana did,’ Faye said, ‘but I hate the way they pretend they weren’t both fawning over her this time last week.’

  Emma nodded. ‘Yep, that’s why I had to walk away.’

  ‘I noticed.’ They watched Tatjana grab Zeke’s hand and pull him across the playground towards the
school, her eyes down. ‘I actually feel sorry for the woman,’ Faye said. ‘Can you believe it?’

  Just then Tatjana looked over and caught Emma’s eye.

  ‘I’m glad I’m not the only one,’ Emma said as she frowned and turned away from Tatjana’s gaze, face flushing. ‘I mean, she has issues, doesn’t she? Lawrence should have made her stay at home, poor thing.’

  Faye gave her a look. ‘I’m surprised you’re being so nice about her.’ Then she sighed. ‘Look, I’ve been meaning to message you. I spent half of yesterday composing text messages then deleting them.’ She swallowed, looking uncomfortable. ‘It’s clear Tatjana was behind the rumours about you and Shawn and I’m sorry, okay? I was a psycho bitch, I should have waited for the facts before I laid into you.’

  ‘Yeah, you should’ve,’ Emma said, then she gave Faye a small smile. ‘I forgive you though.’

  Faye smiled back. ‘Can we continue where we left off? Maybe lunch some time?’

  Emma nodded. ‘That would be great.’

  The school bell rang out and they both turned to watch as Tatjana hugged her son goodbye, holding him for a few moments longer than usual as he tried to shove her away. She let go and Zeke ran off to the queue without a backward glance.

  Tatjana stood watching him for a while, clearly trying to hold back her tears.

  Then she looked over at Emma, a tear falling down her cheek, before turning and heading back towards the forest.

  ‘At least her little vendetta is over now,’ Faye said, putting her hand on Emma’s arm. ‘You can try to relax.’

  Emma nodded, but inside something didn’t feel right.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Monday 2nd November

  9.15 a.m.

  Tatjana really needs to snap out of it! It’s bad enough she’s made a complete mess of this. I’m having to take it all on myself now – I just can’t trust Tatjana to follow through. She’s been utterly useless lately after a brilliant start – and even worse, she expressed sympathy for Emma yesterday.

  I think poor Zeke senses all the tension as he’s playing up more than normal. I gave him a quick slap and Tatjana completely overreacted. She started ranting and raving, telling me he was just being this way because of how obsessed I am with you.

  Well, I am, you’re my daughter!

  And don’t be alarmed by me mentioning that slap. You know I wouldn’t do that to you, darling. From what I’ve seen, you are impeccably behaved, despite your snowflake parents.

  When Tatjana calmed down, we had a little chat. As I reminded her, she was onboard with all of this when I first raised the subject of getting you back a year ago. She wouldn’t ever say this out loud, but Tatjana is desperate for a girl – and after making it very clear that there would be no more babies (the mess! The sleepless nights!) the next best thing for her was you. She completely fell in love with you when I showed her all your photos and the videos I’ve had taken.

  Who wouldn’t?

  We were all ready to put our little plan into action, had even found a gorgeous penthouse flat in one of the best streets in Islington to be near you, but then your pretend parents put a spanner in the works and decided to move you to Forest bloody Grove.

  Tatjana loves London, so the thought of becoming a country bumpkin filled her with horror. I had to promise her a house like nothing she’s ever seen. It helped when we visited Forest Grove – it was actually rather lovely. And when Tatjana saw the plans for the house, she suddenly decided she loved the idea of moving there. Funny what the promise of living in a huge house can do to a woman like her.

  When we got to work, Tatjana was very enthusiastic. She loves her little projects. I think that’s why she was so drawn to me at first. A messed-up boy that needed taming.

  As for why I was drawn to her, it’s pretty clear really: she looks just like your birth mother, Jade. Or a version of Jade that could have been if she’d had more self-control with the drugs.

  Yes, yes, I played my part in Jade’s addiction, I admit. But if I hadn’t sold drugs back then, there would have been no money because of my useless parents, and my little brother would have had no home.

  It was a case of necessity, Isla, not desire, as it always was back then. I hope you understand that?

  Anyway, seeing Tatjana that day outside her flat was fate – I truly believe that. She was looking for me just as much as I was looking for her. Her mother had passed away, you see, and she’d just got back from an awful lunch with her father, exhausted from keeping up her lies about being at Edinburgh University, when in fact she was at a poky little college studying fashion instead.

  She needed someone who knew her for all she was, but still loved her. And I needed to fill the gap Jade had left. Her father’s money helped, too. Luckily, he’s an old-school socialist, a man who believes in finding diamonds in the rough. He took me on as a project, too, cleaned me up, turned me into the kind of man his daughter deserved. Suddenly, the poor little rich girl grieving for her useless mother was a happy little rich girl with a handsome new man.

  Except lately, she’s begun to doubt me. I knew it from the moment I found the dossier she’d created on Jade. Photos of Jade’s mother, of her father. She tried to tell me she wanted to learn more about her future daughter’s background, but I knew she was lying. She was looking into me, trying to figure out where Jade was . . . why she seems to have disappeared off the face of the earth.

  That’s the problem with women like Tatjana, we’re just playthings to them. The novelty wears off too quickly.

  I’ll make sure you’re not like that, Isla, even with all my money at your fingertips. You have the right genes to ensure you aren’t a fly-by-night type.

  At first, when I met your mother Jade, I thought she would be like that, too. She saw me for what I was, accepted it, didn’t try to change me.

  But then she changed. I know now it’s because she was pregnant. She didn’t even give me a chance. She couldn’t believe I would ever change. If only she could see me now!

  I will never forgive her for not telling me you were growing inside her. She just let me move away with no knowledge that I would become a father in a matter of months.

  When I returned two years later, your grandmother Evie told me about you. I was a father! When she told me Jade had given you up for adoption, I went mad! So mad that yes, I admit, I may have hurt her.

  I tried my best to track you down, but in the end, I’m ashamed to say, I gave up.

  And my father-in-law’s money made things a whole lot easier. Sure, I had a little money from my days dealing drugs. Yes, I’ll admit to that, Isla. I dealt drugs. But I never used them! That’s the thing about dealers, the good ones anyway – we don’t touch the drugs ourselves. So I kept clean while your mother went downhill. Even got good A levels despite the God-awful school I was at. Used my money from dealing to get the hell out of my estate, start a degree in architecture at some second-rate university as far away as I could get in Scotland.

  When I met Tatjana, her dad helped finance the rest of my training to become an architect over the years, set up a business as I trained, become the man I was meant to be. For once, I understood it is possible to pull yourself up from the gutter. I saw all my potential and it made me feel superhuman! My little business designing office spaces started to make money, proper money.

  I was able to hire Garrett, my private investigator. That first video he sent me from your tenth birthday party last year was one of the best things I’ve ever seen. I knew then that I had to get you back. I felt such a strong ache in my heart for you, Isla. I started with your fake father, digging into his past, watching him. But he’s just too boring, too average, too safe.

  Your fake mother, on the other hand . . . She was a true gift to me. She makes it just too easy.

  But now my plans are falling apart after Saturday night’s disaster. My idea was to get Emma so drunk she’d be caught drink-driving her daughter home, either by other villagers or by a conveniently
placed police officer. But no, she figured it out . . . and saw those bloody notes Tatjana had made.

  Don’t worry though, Isla, all is not lost.

  What a little gift it was to find out that your fake mother saw a therapist . . . and for her to even give me his name. A whole new path has opened up to me. Just now, I had a phone call from Garrett that was very interesting indeed.

  It turns out Emma was admitted to a private mental health facility in her twenties. Of course, there’s an obvious reason why. I know that from her history and what happened then.

  But why the private facility? Why the hush-hush?

  I have a feeling that when I get the answers to my questions, finally you will be back with your real daddy. In the meantime, let’s have a little fun at your fake mummy’s expense . . .

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Wednesday 11th November

  8.25 a.m.

  Isla jogged downstairs, dark hair bouncing around her shoulders.

  ‘Shoes on,’ Emma said, yanking on her own boots.

  ‘Okay, chill, Mum,’ Isla said.

  Emma smiled, shaking her head. She was already talking like a teen and yet she was three years away from being one. Nope, make that two years, because she was turning eleven soon. They’d been writing invites the night before for Isla’s pamper party. Fifteen girls all cooped up in the house with make-up and hair accessories!

  It would be exhausting but fun, thought Emma as she helped Isla put on her coat. As long as Isla was happy.

  They both ran out of the house towards the car.

  Halfway down the path, Isla stopped dead in her tracks, a look of horror on her face.

  ‘Oh no, Mum!’ she declared.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Emma asked.

  Isla pointed to the front of the car.

  Emma followed her gaze, then let out a gasp.

  A large black crow was tangled up in the grille of the car’s bumper.

  ‘Oh Jesus,’ Emma said. ‘Don’t look at it.’