I Killed Zoe Spanos
Page 29
36 October
Herron Mills, NY
I HAVE A SECRET. It’s not dirty or little or some cutesy catchphrase. It’s caustic, noxious, burning me from the inside.
I killed Zoe.
And it was a terrible, terrible mistake.
It began last year, when Mom had surgery to fix a torn rotator cuff. After the procedure, her doctors prescribed this painkiller Demerol, which she only took one time, to get through a dinner party she was hosting for Wayfare + Ramble. In typical Mom fashion, she refused to cancel it, even though she was barely out of the hospital and Dad said she needed to rest.
Mom drank that night, some champagne, then too much red wine. I watched her stumble into the bathroom, and the running water didn’t do much to block the sound of her retching over the toilet. After that, Mom shoved the Demerol to the back of the medicine cabinet and switched to Advil instead.
I wasn’t trying to kill anyone, and that’s the god’s honest truth. Like I told the detectives, I wanted to punish Caden for breaking my sister’s heart.
But there’s some stuff I didn’t tell: When I got to the stable that afternoon, the open bottle of whiskey was less than a quarter full. At first, I didn’t pour that much Demerol in. It was the liquid stuff, smelled a little like bananas. I started with a few drops, but then, I drained the bottle. I figured Caden would come home from the city, find the flash drive, and decide he needed a drink. It was a perfect plan. He’d pour himself a glass of whiskey, and it would make him sick. Poetic justice.
But it didn’t happen that way.
What I told police about getting a bad feeling in my gut that night was true. But I wasn’t just feeling guilty about the flash drive. I knew I’d gone overboard. I’d poured too much Demerol in.
Of course, I was way too late. By the time I got there, she’d drained the last drop from the bottle. Demerol, whiskey, the prescription meds she took for astraphobia and generalized anxiety—the combination was deadly.
I’m sorry, Zoe. I’m so, so sorry.
When they found her body, there was so little left of her. The coroner wasn’t able to confirm the presence of Demerol in her bloodstream, but I know. I killed my sister. It was a mistake, the worst mistake possible, but they never would have ruled her death an accident if I’d told the whole story.
The truth’s out there now, a version of it anyway. Another tragedy for people to ogle and judge. But there are some secrets—my secrets—that Windermere will hold forever, trapped beneath the ash like spilled blood.
Acknowledgments
When I began writing I Killed Zoe Spanos in early 2018, two obsessions were swirling through my head: Daphne du Maurier’s classic thriller Rebecca and the recent boom of true crime podcasts following the wildly popular Serial. I wanted to marry the romantic seaside intrigue of Rebecca with the immediacy of the podcast format. What if Rebecca de Winter had gone missing today? Once I landed on the Hamptons setting, the rest fell swiftly into place.
So many people’s enthusiasm and smarts have gone into Zoe’s creation and publication. First thanks go to my incredible agent, Erin Harris, whose instant excitement for this book—long before it was actually a book—and intimate knowledge of the setting inspired me to dig in deep and make it real. My editors at McElderry Books were fantastic partners in ensuring every aspect of the mystery ticked and each member of the book’s cast of characters became layered and compelling. To Ruta Rimas and Nicole Fiorica, my utmost gratitude for your editorial guidance and fabulous advocacy. I am truly lucky to have had both of your hands and minds on this project.
Also at McElderry and Simon & Schuster, my sincerest thanks go out to publisher Justin Chanda; publicist Audrey Gibbons; art director Debra Sfetsios-Conover and artist Levente Szabó, who so brilliantly brought Anna—or is it Zoe?—to life on the cover; Laura Bernard, who illustrated the gorgeous map of Herron Mills in exactly the way I’d envisioned the town; in-house designers Irene Metaxatos and Rebecca Syracuse, who so beautifully coordinated the design; managing editor Bridget Madsen; copyeditor Ellen Winkler; production manager Elizabeth Blake-Linn; proofreader Mandy Veloso; deputy publisher Anne Zafian; and the fantastic sales, marketing, and operations teams. My tremendous thanks for all the in-house support!
At WME, heartfelt gratitude to my fierce film and TV agent Hilary Zaizt Michael. At Folio, big thanks to the international rights team, especially Melissa Sarver White and Madeline Froyd, and to audio rights manager Kat Odom-Tomchin. At Brillstein and eOne, much appreciation to Amy Powell and Kaleb Tuttle for your creative enthusiasm. At MBC, thank you immensely to my savvy publicist Megan Beatie.
I Killed Zoe Spanos would have been a much less thrilling and much clumsier read without the keen feedback from my early readers Karen M. McManus and Osvaldo Oyola. I can’t thank you enough for your time and brilliance in shining a light on the areas that needed my closest focus. And to the NovelSleuths: your support has blown me away; you rock!
I am incredibly lucky to have the most supportive family and friends a writer could hope for. To Mom, Dad, Aunt Sally, Sonia, Lissette, and Angel—you’re the best. To Katie, Francie, and Winnie, you give the best snuggles (and cause the most trouble). To my ladies—you mean the world to me. To Osvaldo—you get two mentions, and with good reason. I couldn’t do this without you.
Finally, to my readers. You cannot possibly know how excited I am to be sharing my third book with you. So I’m going to try to convey it here: I AM SHOUTY CAPS LEVEL EXCITED!!! Thank you for picking up my YA-Rebecca-in-the-Hamptons novel. I hope it was as fun and twisty to read as it was for me to write.
More from the Author
All Eyes on Us
See All the Stars
About the Author
Author photograph © Carly Gaebe / Steadfast Studio
KIT FRICK is a novelist, poet, and MacDowell Colony fellow from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She Studied creative writing at Sarah Lawrence College and received her MFA from Syracuse University. When she isn’t putting complicated characters in impossible situations, Kit edits poetry and literary fiction for a small press and edits private clients. She is the author of See All the Stars and All Eyes on Us. Visit Kit online at KitFrick.com and on Instagram and Twitter @KitFrick.
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Margaret K. McElderry Books
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Also by Kit Frick
See All the Stars
All Eyes on Us
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2020 by Kristin S. Frick
Jacket illustration copyright © 2020 by Levente Szabó
Map illustration by Laura Bernard
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Frick, Kit, author.
Title: I killed Zoe Spanos / Kit Frick.
Description: First edition. | New York : Margaret K. McElderry Books, [2020] | Audience: Ages 14 up | Audience: Grades 10–12 | Summary: Working as a nanny in the Hamptons before starting college, Anna learns of her weird connection to a missing girl, but after she confesses to manslaughter a podcast producer helps reveal life-changing truths.
Identifiers: LCCN 2019025732 (print) | ISBN 9781534449701 (hardcover) | ISBN 9781534449725 (eBook)
Subjects: CYAC: Missing persons—Fiction. | Nannies—Fiction. | Podcasts—Fiction. | Hamptons (N.Y.)—Fiction. | Mystery and detective stories.
Classification: LCC PZ7.1.F75478 Iaah 2020 (print) | DDC [Fic]—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2019025732