Playing For Love

by Dana Burkey

  That made me feel amazing, knowing that no one would be pointing at me and calling me a freak all day! My friends walked me to class then headed off so they wouldn't be missing too much class time. Once they were gone, I took a deep breath and walked into my second period English class, doing my best to just stay calm and not freak out too much as everyone turned to stare at me. My teacher was really great about welcoming me back and going right back into the lesson on Shakespeare's Hamlet, but I still notice a lot of people in the class looking my way for a while.

  When the bell rang and I headed to my next class, I was hugged or welcomed back by at least 50 people in the hallway! Girls on the team, people from my classes, and even some of Ross’s friends were all taking a moment to let me know they'd been thinking about me and were glad I was back at school and looking pretty good. It was a lot to take in, even more than the comments and likes on my Facebook post or the nice words everyone wrote on the card. I felt like I was floating through the halls and spend the whole next class period in a great mood, even though we had a pop quiz! I think I was just getting really excited for lunch, knowing that Jordan would be in the lunchroom and possibly finally see me!

  As soon as I walked into lunch I was shocked to see that Corra and Beth were waving me over to a different table than we were used to sitting at. Instead of sitting at our corner table near the windows and the exit to the hallway, they were standing at the table where Ross and Jordan and a lot of the upperclassmen sit! And, it was clear that was there we were also sitting for lunch! The second I sat down people were talking to me left and right and going on and on about the game where I got hurt, and how sad they were for me, but also how happy they were that I was back! It was insane! I felt like a celebrity or something! Or at least how I think a celebrity might feel all the time!

  I tried my best to chat a little with everyone, but I also couldn't help but look around for Jordan. I thought I saw him a few times, but there were so many people all around me that I wasn't sure. I found Ross, though. Or rather he found me. He came over and stood there chatting with people around me about how glad he was that I was doing okay, and had to retell the story of how him and Jordan took me to the hospital and waited for my parents and all that. I thought he was maybe just trying to look cool, but then right before the bell rang and I stood up to throw my trash away he pulled me in for a side hug and told me how great I looked today. And he was really serious when he said it, knowing how bad I felt about my face Friday when he mentioned posting a photo online. It almost made me cry it was so sweet! But, instead, I thanked him and returned his hug and then went on my way.

  The rest of the day went by quickly, but I still never saw Jordan. There were a few times I thought I saw him here and there, but it was hard to be sure since people were always stopping me to welcome me back and all that. So, by the time I headed to Ross’s car after school I wasn't even thinking about Jordan, for once, so I was kind of shocked when he was standing there waiting for me. Okay, not for me. He was waiting for Ross, but I made it there first so in a way it was like he was maybe waiting for me too.

  “Hey Jordan,” I smiled as I got to the car. I was feeling really confident after all the attention all day, and wasn't going to let thoughts about being a “little sister” get in my head.

  “Hey.” I couldn't help but notice he was taking an extra-long look at my face. After all, he was there to see my nose when it was freshly injured. “You sure have been all anyone's talking about today.”

  I didn’t know what to say so I just nodded and then hopped up to take a seat on the back of Ross’s car. He was nowhere in sight, so I had a feeling we might be waiting a little while for him today, and I wanted to be comfortable.

  “Does it still hurt at all?” Jordan asked, leaning on the back passenger side door of the car so he was a little closer to me.

  “Only if I touch it,” I explained. “Or sneeze. I did that once Saturday night and thought my whole nose was going to fly off my face. It hurt a lot!”

  Jordan laughed a little at that one, and I found myself smiling along with him. It felt really natural to be talking to him, and thanks to all the attention all day I wasn't even feeling nervous.

  “So are you playing in this game this week?”

  “I’m not sure yet. I have to see how practice goes first,” I said simply. I wasn't about to tell him about the nose guard I might have to wear. Or the fact that I was hoping to quit the team before I had the chance to actually wear it.

  “Off the car, Fi,” Ross warned as he was finally walking towards use. He said it with a lot less annoyance than usual. In fact, he even had an almost smile on his face when I finally jumped down to the pavement.

  Once I was off the car I moved to open my door but Jordan beat me to it. He held the door open and motioned for me to climb in. I slid in quickly, returning his smile before he closed the door and got in the front seat. It could've just been a nice gesture since he was standing there anyways, but I hoped it was at partly because he was seeing me a little different finally. I mean, I looked a lot more glamorous with makeup on and my hair done, right?

  The rest of the evening was pretty normal until my mom got home from running errands. That was when I basically started crying and telling her that there was no way I was going to be on the team if I had to wear a face mask! My mom was really firm about it though, and said I need to finish out at least this week with the team. After all, we have a big game against Applewood High on Wednesday and my mom doesn't think I should make my team stress about replacing me on top of the big game. I tried to fight her on that one for a while, but in the end knew it wasn't a battle I'd win. I was pretty bummed, but still glad that I had at least won the makeup argument!

  So, all in all, it was a pretty good day back to school! No one thought I looked like a total train wreck, I got to have at least a little time with Jordan, and Ross was being a pretty great big brother! I'm just hoping that I can convince my mom that no soccer team is worth wearing a hideous face guard! And, if I quit the team, maybe I can still find some other way to get Jordan to fall in love with me.

  SEPTEMBER 16TH-TUESDAY

  I tried yet again at breakfast to get my mom to let me skip soccer and quit the team, but she insisted, again, that I needed to go. So, I went to school in not the best mood. Thankfully I still managed to put on my makeup so my bruises were less evident. I was on my phone when Jordan got in the car, so I didn’t even notice if he looked at me or not. I wanted to believe he smiled or looked at me, but there was no way to be sure. After he was in and we were moving again I looked up from my phone and by that time it was impossible to tell, so I went back to texting Corra and tried not to worry about it too much.

  Like yesterday, everyone was super nice to me and were genuinely happy I was doing better. At lunch, we decided to sit at our usual table, although Taylor mentioned she liked where we sat yesterday a lot better. Honestly though, it was nice to just have a relaxing meal with my friends instead of having everyone around me talking and going on about all I had gone through. It was also nice that my friends weren't asking me about soccer like the girls on the team would have been. It gave me a chance to stop worrying about the stupid headgear that was waiting for me in my gym bag. Sadly, I had to face it head on when school was over and it was time to head to soccer practice.

  When I got into the locker room to change there was a banner waiting by my locker that all the girls has signed. It was so cool, and honestly made me doubt wanting to quit the team for the first time. But, once I was changed and headed out to the field I once again remembered that I had to put the gear on, and I could feel all my emotions bubbling up instantly. I didn’t want to look like a freak with my face gear on, but if I played without it I might get hurt even worse. Once I was changed I headed to the practice field and sat down to start stretching.

  “Are you okay?” Hayley asked coming to sit next to me. Clearly my internal emotional battle was showing more than I wanted it to.

>   “No.” I meant to say “no, I’m fine” but I was suddenly really upset and about ready to cry.

  “What’s wrong?” As soon as the words were out of Hayley’s mouth a few of the other girls scooted closer to listen and give comfort as well.

  “This. This is what’s wrong,” I said as I pulled the head gear out of my bag and tossed it on the grass in front of me.

  While Hayley and Torri tried to tell me it was going to be okay, a few of the girls grabbed the head gear so it was out of sight. I didn’t see who grabbed it since I was crying all of a sudden. In fact, I also didn’t realize when Coach Garry walked up to us a minute later.

  “Alright everyone, we’re starting with cardio. Pacers around the field, go.” As soon as the words were out of Coach Gary’s mouth they were met with a chorus of groans. As we all started getting up and getting ready to run what would end up being close to two miles, he added to me, “Stay back a second Fiona.”

  Once the other girls started jogging and sprinting around the field, coach turned to me and said something that immediately took the weight off my shoulders, “Don’t worry about wearing the hunk of metal today. I’ll make sure everyone takes it easy on you.”

  With a nod, I took off to jog around the field twice, skipping the sprinting sections all together. I felt a little bad to now be running as far as everyone else, but it was kind of nice to not be totally tired at the end of the exercise. The rest of the practice was more of the same. I didn’t have to do a lot of the drills, and when I did play coach made it clear that everyone needed to go a little light on me. Normally some of the girls would make comments about how lame it was to not practice full out, but they seemed okay about it all. And playing really helped me to clear my head of all the crazy emotions I'd had at the start of practice.

  In fact, by the end of practice I kind of forgot about my headgear. So much so I don’t actually know where it is! I didn’t tell my mom yet, but I think I left it on the field. I’m planning to go back tomorrow and look, but I have a feeling it might be a lost cause. The grounds crew usually mow the fields on Tuesdays mornings, so it’s likely it 'll get thrown out or run over. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. If not, though, I have to beg Ross to take me tomorrow to get one after school so my mom doesn't know anything happened. Although, if I quit the team I don't really need to worry about it one way or the other. But since I have to get through tomorrows game first, I better figure it before too long!

  SEPTEMBER 17TH-WEDNESDAY

  On the way to school I mentioned to Ross that I might have maybe, possibly, kind of, totally lost my nose protector. He told me he was not surprised I hated it, but agreed we could check at the field before he parked his car so I wouldn't risk being late for class. Then, as if I wasn't mortified enough about it all, he told Jordan about it as soon as he got into the car.

  “My cousin had to wear one of those things for basketball after he broke his nose,” Jordan explained as he turned in his seat to talk to me. “It looks a little weird, but it kept him from breaking it for the fourth time that year, so he was pretty happy about that.”

  “He broke it three times?” I asked in shock, my hand reaching up to cover my nose automatically.

  “Yeah,” Jordan nodded. “He refused to wear it at first, and then his nose got broken bad enough that he needed surgery. After that he decided it was better to look a little weird than have surgery again.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, and if anything his comment made me want to give up on looking all together. Clearly looking for the headgear was pointless when I was going to quit the team as soon as my mom gave me the go ahead. I mean, why would I want to keep playing a sport that already broke my nose once?

  When we got to school the three of us got out and did our best to look for the head gear. But, it was clear that the lawn had been mowed, and there was no headgear in sight. Ross offered to skip 1st period and go buy me a new one so my mom wouldn't be upset, but I told him it might be a good idea for me not to play in the game. I figured if playing was kind of dangerous even with the face mask, it would be a good idea to skip the risk of further injury all together.

  I tried not to let it get to me all day, and for the most part did a good job of pushing the whole thing to the back burner and forget about it. I knew I couldn’t play without the nose guard, but I put my uniform on anyways and headed out to start warming up for the game.

  “Fiona, there you are!” Skyler announced as she ran toward me the second I reached the field. “You forgot this yesterday.”

  I looked down and was shocked to see she was handing me my headgear. Sure, it was surprising to see that she'd found it for me, but even more so that it looked totally different! The metal parts, which were all backed with foam, were painted with dark and light green swirls. Then, the whole mask was coated with a thick layer of glitter! I stared at it in shock, and turned it over in my hands where I saw “Fabulous Fiona” written in puffy paint on the strap that would keep the whole guard on my head. Sure, it was still head gear, but thanks to the makeover it looked like something much more able to keep someone from feeling like a freak!

  “You did this for me?” I asked, finally understanding why I couldn't find the nose guard on the field when I looked.

  “Of course, that’s what friends are for!” she smiled then ran off towards where the rest of the team was doing stretches.

  I nodded more to myself than anything else, then slowly began to walk towards where the team was sitting in a circle near the center of the field. Blinking over and over, I tried to clear the tears that were building, but I was having a hard time. It was so amazing to have Skyler looking out for me, and the shock of it was quite emotional! Finally, with most of the tears at bay, I found a seat and put my legs out in front of me to stretch by reaching for my toes. It was then, with my hands holding onto my feet that I looked up at the other girls. They all sat around me, both varsity and JV players, wearing face masks just like the one sitting next to me on the ground. And that was the moment I officially lost it!

  Tears were rolling down my face as I was suddenly hugged from both sides. I honestly don’t know who it was that hugged since I was crying pretty hard by that point. A lot of the girls were crying along with me, caught up in the emotions of it all. Others were laughing, and I noticed that Maggie had her phone out and was taking photos. Once I'd calmed down a little I finally was able to get some words out.

  “Are you guys serious?” I asked, trying to wipe away some of the tears that were still flowing down my face and no doubt washing away most of my makeup in the process.

  “Of course!,” Kelly, a girl on JV said simply. “We didn’t want you to be the only one looking so fabulous out there!”

  After a little more crying and hugging we all settled down and got back to stretches. It was hard for me to focus since I was still thinking about everything so much, but I did my best to calm down and get ready for the game. During the warm up I also had a chance to see the other masks. Everyone had a design similar to mine, although the JV team had more of the light green color while the varsity had more of a dark green color. And, on the back of each mask was the owner's name. Mine, however, was the only one with “Fabulous” before my name.

  By the time the game started I was so excited to be a part of the team and loved that I wasn't singled out because of my nose. In fact, I think the masks made the other team a little confused at the start of the game, and it kind of gave us the leg up to start. I was on forward every time I was in, and managed to assist one goal and then I even made a shot on goal that was so close to going in! Sure, it didn't actually go in, but it was still amazing!

  As if all of that wasn't good enough, when the game was over and we were heading to the bleachers to sit and watch the varsity game, Jordan walked over and gave me a hug! Like, for real!!! Him and Ross and a bunch of other people were there to cheer for me and the whole team on my first game back. So, Jordan and Ross came over to see me after the game and BO
OM! Jordan just hugged me! Then, before I could even deal with all of it Ross gave me a big hug too and told me how proud of me he was. And yeah, I for sure started to cry again!

  “Why are you crying?” Ross asked as soon as he saw my eyes welling up. “Did I hurt your nose?”

  “No,” I assured him. “I’m just glad you came to see the game.”

  What I wanted to say was that I was glad that Jordan was seeing me play in the game and that my whole team was supporting me and that my brother was being so cool and that I was doing pretty good at playing soccer and all that. But, instead, I just told Ross I was happy he was there! And it was true, but was only the tip of the iceberg!

  The rest of the night was a little less exciting. I mean, varsity won and I got to cheer for them the whole time since I was too distracted to even think about getting some of my homework done like usual. And when the game was over a few people insisted we all take a photo wearing our masks to post on Facebook before I finally went home. My mom and dad were at the game, but I rode with Ross so I could be around Jordan a little longer. It mostly consisted of us chatting about how great the varsity game was since Skyler scored with only one minute left to win the game 1-0. Well, now that I have everything written down I should actually go to sleep. Or at least try to sleep! I still have so much adrenaline from the game and everything tonight that I would be shocked if I can actually fall asleep at all!

  SEPTEMBER 18TH-THURSDAY

  I have to say, today was a lot less of an emotional roller coaster than yesterday and I was totally okay with that! Photos from last night were posted on Facebook after the game so a lot of people at school knew that I was not only still playing on the team but also that the whole team stepped up and showed their support! Thankfully, though, since the whole team was involved in this one, I wasn't the only one getting special treatment.