Zelia's Lost Path

by Zora Marie

  Then like the snap of a falling tree, it hit her. Did she know? No, don’t think that way. Eleanor couldn’t have known, maybe she saw snippets that left questions, but she couldn’t have seen me. They would have done all they could to block her, or at least make it so she wouldn’t recognize me. Zelia turned and stared back at the tree. But I need to know.

  Her steps were stiff as she walked into the hollow halls of wood, her home within the living tree, to where Eleanor sat with Eadon. She lingered in the hall as voices drifted to her through the door.

  “Shh, no one could have known,” Eadon’s soothing voice comforted a muffled sob.

  “But I did know. All those nightmares, those visions, they were about her, but I didn’t recognize her. There was always a haze over her, but I never tried… I never tried to see her clearly.”

  Never had Zelia heard Eleanor sound so hurt, so broken, and it hurt her even more than her own pain.

  “Eleanor.” She pushed the door open but couldn’t bring herself to enter. Eleanor and Eadon hadn’t moved from where she left them by the hearth.

  “Come. Where are your brothers?” Eadon asked, his tone still soft.

  “Um…”

  Eadon managed a sad smile. “You always were one for sneaking off. Come here.”

  She sat beside them on the floor, but found no words to say or the courage to make contact.

  “Zelia, I am so sorry,” Eleanor began. “But you shut yourself off, you thought you were protecting us, instead you have been hurting us, anyway. We just want to understand, to know the truth so we can help you. I did not want to cause you any pain, I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “But—”

  “I know. I heard what you said.” Zelia cringed at the shadow of a passing memory. Her second death, first at the sword of a wizard, happened when they caught her eavesdropping. In a moment of dark insight, she saw how those inner wounds were casting a chasm of her own making between herself and those she loved most.

  Eleanor seemed to understand and reached out, but froze before she touched Zelia’s hands that lay folded in her lap.

  “It’s alright, you know. We are here for you and we are stronger than you think. You need to let us share your sorrow and pain. Tell us of it. Then it will release its hold on your heart and you will begin to heal.”

  Zelia drew back. The truth in Eleanor’s words was too much, and she felt tears prickle in her eyes. One day, maybe. But not today. Not now. It was still too hard, even now that she knew.

  “Thank you, but I don’t want you to feel that pain again. Once is enough.” She managed a tired smile and the long day seemed to hit her all at once.

  “When you are ready you can tell us,” Eleanor said gently. “And in telling you will find the healing you seek.”

  “Eadon, she’s mis… oh, there you are,” Alrindel cut short when he entered the room.

  “You both look like you could use some rest,” Eadon said.

  Zelia nodded and laid her head against Eadon’s shoulder. “Before you become a pillow for both Eleanor and Zelia, how about I take my sister to bed.” Alrindel helped her to her feet.

  “Good night Zelia.”

  “Hm?” she mumbled as sleep tugged at her.

  “So much for dinner for you,” Alrindel teased as her head bobbed.

  “Alrindel, I’m sorry,” she said as he led her to the bed.

  “About what?”

  “What I said earlier. I can’t think straight…”

  “You just need sleep.”

  “No, it’s more than that.” She ran her hand across her face, frustrated she couldn’t find the right words and determined to stay awake until she was sure Alrindel understood. “It’s like my memories are all mixed up, as if I was in the cave, on the mountainside, back in the field when we were little, and here all at once. I should not have snapped at you earlier.”

  Alrindel sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Eleanor never should have done this to you.”

  She couldn’t help but tug on her hair, her body tense. “When did I find out about the blood binding? I didn’t remember that before.”

  “They must have blocked some of your memories. Eleanor likely had to rip out the blocks, and that’s why your memories are all jumbled up.” Alrindel climbed onto the bed and she flinched at his touch.

  “Please don’t be mad or disappointed in me.” Her mind split between what she had done in the cave and how she had acted towards him.

  “Never, but you need to get past this. And you need to sleep.”

  His chest vibrated as he hummed and lay back on the bed. Her mind was still spinning with memories, but exhaustion won, and the sweet melody of his humming faded.

  6

  “Zelia, wake up. It’s just a dream.” Alrindel shook her , and she shot up, drenched in frozen sweat. “Shh, I’ve got you.”

  “No.” Zelia pushed him away and ran from the room, leaving a trail of frost in her wake. What was I even dreaming? I don’t remember. I always remember. Her powers came in waves as what had happened a few hours before hit her. She had just made it to the rock wall that separated Elyluma from the rest of the world when a spike of pain brought her to her knees. Her power pulsed with the migraine and she curled up, holding her head in her hands as tears formed frozen streams down her face. She didn’t even notice that she was lying in the snow asleep, or perhaps it was unconsciousness as her powers ate at the edges of her perception.

  “Zelia? No, Zelia, wake up. You have to wake up,” Linithion pleaded.

  She couldn’t feel Linithion’s touch, but she felt Linithion move her to lie flat. There was a pressure on her chest as Linithion listened to her heart. It wasn’t until then that Zelia realized her heart wasn’t beating, rather it shuddered.

  “Zelia?” Linithion tried again. “Please let this work.” She muttered something that sounded a lot like one of Asenten’s spells, and Zelia’s body jerked, pain shooting through every fiber of her being. “It worked!” Linithion exclaimed and pulled Zelia into a hug.

  Zelia’s first breath was painful and rattled in her chest.

  “You’re okay, you’re going to be okay.”

  When Linithion pulled back, Zelia saw that tears streamed down Linithion’s face. Then Linithion was kissing her. Her mind reeled as Linithion’s warmth seeped into her, and her powers ebbed to silence.

  A tether of fear pulled Zelia away. “No, I…” Her powers flared as soon as the connection broke and she scrambled back. “I can’t. I just can’t.”

  Linithion seemed shocked and hurt until an expression of understanding settled over her face. “You… we can. Please, let me in.”

  “No, you’ll get hurt. I can’t… Everyone I touch dies.”

  “Not everyone. Alrindel is still here, so is Skylar, Eadon, and Koin.”

  “Alrindel is only here because Eragon died in his place, for me.” Zelia shook her head. “Stay away from me.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “You can and you will.”

  “No, I can’t. You’re my soulmate.”

  Zelia stopped dead in her tracks. “I can’t be.” She trembled as her eyes locked with Linithion’s, then she ran.

  She passed Alrindel as he followed her tracks in the snow and the moment she reached her room she slammed the door, sinking down behind it. “It can’t be. She can’t be.” As she said it, she knew what Linithion said was true, but she couldn’t let herself believe it. In the jumbled mess that was her mind, Linithion was the only thing that felt right, like they were meant to be.

  “Zelia, let me in,” Alrindel said. When there was no response he continued, “Don’t make me climb through the balcony.”

  With a sigh, Zelia moved out from in front of the doorway. He took one look at her and scooped her up with a blanke
t to move her closer to the fireplace. She could feel just how tense Alrindel was, but he said nothing as he waited for her to warm up.

  “You know, you’ve never told me about Rogath,” Alrindel said.

  His comment caught her off guard, but at least he wasn’t asking about Linithion. “Whatever I tell you about him, he would prove wrong if you ever met. That’s kind of his thing, and he was different with me than he is with anyone else.”

  “In a good or a bad way?”

  “Bad for everyone but me.” Something clicked as she said the words. It was as if a new light had been cast on Rogath. “He’s been changing, because of his connection to me. He must think I deliberately hurt him and ran away.”

  Her stomach growled and Alrindel said, “Sounds like someone’s hungry. Come on, I’m sure Skylar left us some.” He helped her from the bed and stopped just before the door. “And no running off this time.” He gave her a playful glare, just as he had done when they were children.

  “You know, I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too. Now, come on.”

  They entered the dining room to find Linithion sitting at the table.

  “Have you been waiting here all this time?” Alrindel asked.

  “I figured Zelia had to eat at some point, so no better place to wait. I know what Eleanor did. I just,” she paused and stared at Zelia, “wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  “Well, I’m afraid you waited here for nothing. I’m fine.” More or less. She felt a sense of wariness that had her edging away as her hand instinctively went to her aching ribs.

  “Please don’t lie. I know better.”

  “And I wish you didn’t. For that, I am sorry.”

  “Hey, no blaming yourself. It’s my lack of control over my powers that made me see it, not you. Besides, I’d be dead if it weren’t for you.” And alone, her gaze seemed to say. “Now, I believe the two of you were going to get something to eat.” Linithion nodded to the chairs beside and opposite her.

  Zelia eased into the seat and sat with one foot under her. “Why are you really here?”

  “I want to go with you.”

  “No.” Alrindel said, and Zelia felt a sense of relief that she didn’t have to make this argument. “Your place is here with Eleanor, learning to control your powers.”

  “By that line of thought, Zelia shouldn’t be going either,” she countered.

  Zelia opened her mouth, but then the image of Yargo and Zivu’s frozen forms lingered in her thoughts and froze her tongue.

  Alrindel reached over to touch her hand, but Zelia jerked away.

  She wrung her hands and couldn’t meet his gaze. “Sometimes I wonder why you all bother. I can’t control them.” She had learned to control her powers, but the wizards, that was something no one could control.

  “Zelia, you are not a burden. The burden was to know you had died young without a reason. To know I’d never see my little sister’s smile and the sparkle in her eyes outside my dreams. Please, let us help you. I know you will never be the same, but you deserve peace and some happiness. You’ve proven this with your actions since being freed if nothing else.”

  “He’s right. I’ve seen some of your darkest hours, and even then your soul still shined with light. The faces that haunt you most are those who saw it, saw the true you.”

  “But I could have saved them.” A tear ran down her cheek, and she fought the urge to run away.

  “To kill yourself more than you already have would be to snub out the brightest soul I’ve ever seen. I envy those who knew you before your will was all but destroyed.” Linithion stood from her chair and wiped the tear from Zelia’s cheek, her warm hand caressing Zelia’s face.

  Zelia flinched as she struggled with the urge to lean into Linithion’s touch and the need to push her away, to never let her in. Then Linithion’s hand moved away and a sense of relief washed over her.

  “To kill herself more than she already has?” Alrindel questioned. He had heard last night, though perhaps the events of that night had jumbled his thoughts as much as they had her own.

  “She killed herself to save Koin,” Eleanor said as she lingered in the doorway.

  “She did what?” Koin asked, taken aback as he passed down the hall. If Eleanor knew he was there, she didn’t show it.

  “Please, can we not talk about it,” Zelia begged.

  “They need to know and not talking about it is tearing you apart,” Eleanor’s tone was stern and ungiving. “Those stories, my dreams, you went to investigate were about her. Her dreams told her she was to torture and kill you, she could not bear the thought and killed herself to change the path of the future. She still carries the memories of that dream, just as she carries the images of Alrindel’s death that did not come to be.”

  Zelia shook, not from fear or pain, but the memory of how she had killed herself. She could have just put the sword Asenten had left through her own heart, but that would have left her body for Koin to find, and she couldn’t risk the wizards killing him for it. So she had recreated the reaction that had caused her first death, only on a smaller scale so the explosion of her own body wouldn’t destroy the cave and leave a different kind of evidence. Even a century later she could almost feel her bones shatter and disintegrate.

  “Why didn’t you say something? You know you needn’t keep secrets from us,” Koin said.

  “I… I know.” She hung her head letting her hair cover her face to hide the tears of guilt that swelled.

  “She could not tell you. She does not have the will or the heart to tell of such things. Only when she breaks, when she can bear it no more, does she ever give any real detail of her past. Even now she will not speak of it with me, even though I have already seen.”

  I asked you not to. “I… I’m going back to bed.” She brushed past Eleanor and Koin without giving any of them a glance. She shook with the effort it took to quell the memories and the powers they stirred.

  Eadon followed her.

  “Zelia?” Eadon stopped in surprise as Zelia dove for her bed. “What happened to that strong young woman who fought at The Hold?” The bed shifted as he sat beside her and swept the hair from her face as she lay curled up on the bed.

  She came to the place she called home and let down her shield, only to fall apart. She did not voice her thoughts, but Eadon seemed to understand. He pulled the cover up over her and laid on top with his arm around her.

  “I think you have gotten stronger, even if you don’t think so. You will see what we all see in time, but for now you must sleep,” he whispered in such a way that the words themselves pulled her to sleep.

  7

  A screech and flapping wings shocked her awake.

  “Wake up! We can’t keep waiting around! Connan will face Kniteoff with or without you!”

  “Flyx! Don’t do that,” she gasped, then the bird’s words hit her. “He’s going to do what?”

  “I overheard him, he got word of your abilities and hopes you will come. But if you don’t come in time, he will go without you,” Flyx said.

  “Do you know how long he will wait? And where is Eadon?”

  “Not long, not long at all.”

  She threw the covers back and pulled her cloak around her. “Fine. Have you recovered enough to take a message back to him?”

  “If it is light.”

  “It will be, I’ll have Eadon write it.” She slipped on her boots and headed down the hallway. Must be outside. She thought as she scanned rooms on the way. At the end of the hall, she spotted someone walking away from the tree house towards the lake.

  “Koin! Do you know where Eadon is?” She called.

  Koin stopped his stroll down the hill mid stride and spun to face her. “Why?”

  “I need him to do something for me and he wasn’t there when I woke up.”

 
“Alrindel usually stays with you when you sleep…”

  “If you see Eadon, tell him I’m looking for him.”

  “I will, but, Zelia, are you okay?” She could feel his searching eyes, though she looked right through him, her thoughts distracted.

  “Yes, there’s just something I need to do and it cannot wait.”

  “Tell me, maybe I can help.”

  She blinked and reset her focus on him. “I need to send a message to Connan before he does something foolish. I would write it myself, but Flyx asks it be as small a scroll as possible and I haven’t written much in the last few centuries.”

  Now that she thought about it, she couldn’t remember the last time she had written something. Maybe she hadn’t written at all in the last few centuries. Could she even do it anymore?

  “Is that all?” Koin smiled and started back up the hill. “Well come on, I may not be as good as Eadon, but I can write small enough.”

  They made their way back inside and went to the first room with a desk and ink. “Come, what do you need it to say?”

  She sat and thought for a long while. What should it say? What will he know is from me? “Those with Dragon Tongue come to those who wait.”

  Koin sat back and spun to face her. “This is about Kniteoff, isn’t it?” His gaze met hers and he continued, “Does Eleanor know you’re going?”

  “She knows everything, not a single thought or shred of my past is unknown to her now.”

  “I will not write this message as I do not think you should go so soon after she ripped through your memories.”

  “Koin, where is Eadon? He’s making plans for what aid to send, isn’t he?” Koin’s jaw set. “They don’t want me to know, so I know where they are.”

  “They won’t let you enter,” Koin called after her.