Mixed Emotions

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

  “Okay, well, guys, don’t worry. We’ll take care of everything around here and you go and enjoy and relax and take care of our baby, and…” Zora was babbling, but she couldn’t stop herself. If she let them in on everything erupting inside of her, they’d never leave, and she needed them to go.

  She still had to pack, find some kind of matronly pajamas, and think about how to tell Mike she was going to have to take him up on his offer, after all.

  Zora kissed Sophia on the cheek and hugged Everett then edged out of the room into the hallway. All the “truths and lies” she and Mike had shared were getting to her, and now she was having a hard time digesting all the information swimming around in her head.

  I sleep naked.

  Ugh.

  Why had she let herself fantasize about Mike when she was kissing Andre at the club? Between the steamy “truth” texts afterward and the heated gaze he’d flashed her at game night, it was no wonder she couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  Who am I kidding?

  Mike had always starred in her fantasies, but he’d also always been safely at arm’s length. Still, somehow imagining him doing all the things she’d let a random guy do to her on the dance floor had left her unhinged and yearning for it to be real.

  All it took was one night out, and now she’d gotten lost in the fantasy. Zora knew very well what letting the heart lead did to women, and she was not about to get caught up in the temptation. Even if she was going to be under the same roof, she would keep her distance.

  If she and Mike were going into this with eyes wide open, she was going to see it for exactly what it was. They were friends and roommates, nothing more, no matter how much more she wanted.

  Chapter Eight

  Mike

  Just before 6:30, Mike slid the final service contract into a file and into his briefcase. He was set to head home for the evening when his phone vibrated across the desk. He rubbed the back of his neck before he reached for it. His stomach churned as he turned it over and saw yet another message not from Zora.

  At least this time it wasn’t Kate.

  It was a text from Jason Adelstein, a friend of his from law school who he hung out with from time to time but who lived too comfortably for Mike’s taste.

  Jason: March Madness. I’m having a soiree on the water tonight. You in? Heard you got rid of your baggage. Hoping to get my wingman back.

  He was a real fly by the seat of his pants type of guy who was always on the go, jet-setting to St. Tropez and Greece, or Vegas, his favorite place in The States. Jason was a trust-fund kid, an attorney at one of the best firms in Oregon and bound for partnership. He was well connected and willing to throw his money around to keep it that way.

  If there was an exclusive new restaurant, hot club, basketball game, or private event, Jason could get VIP access. Whatever the craving—alcohol, women, mood enhancers—he supplied it in spades because he wanted his name on peoples’ minds and the good word of mouth.

  Hanging out with Jason meant quite possibly getting laid. He owned a one-hundred-foot yacht and regularly threw crazy, alcohol-fueled ragers complete with a buffet of hot women lined up to help him and his closest friends take a load off.

  Shit.

  Mike let his thumb hover over the keyboard on his phone.

  Most of the time, he ignored Jason’s texts or made up some excuse why he couldn’t make it out. Tonight, though, his friend made a good point. Mike had gotten rid of his baggage. He was a free man in need of physical release, and it wouldn’t hurt getting it with someone new. It wasn’t like he had any other standing obligations. At least, not with Zora. He still had yet to hear from her.

  Mike loosened his tie and pulled it through his collar, folding it and stuffing it into his pocket. He slid the strap of his briefcase over his shoulder and flicked off the lights before responding. As he stepped into the elevator, he decided.

  Mike: I’m in.

  Jason’s response was almost immediate.

  Jason: Wait until you see the honeys I’ve got lined up tonight. Might need to play a little five-on-one with yourself before you get here.

  Mike smirked.

  Mike: Already got it handled. I stay ready.

  The yacht screamed “daddy’s money.” It was Jason’s personal cruise ship and pleasure den complete with lights strung over the pool, pulsing music, courtesy of a live DJ, and yacht stews making drinks.

  True to his word, Jason had invited only the best of the best.

  The deck was crawling with fine women. Mike felt overdressed and underdressed simultaneously. The men were wearing fine Italian suits, but the women were dressed in little more than thongs.

  “Bro! You made it!” Jason called out from a lounger where he was flanked by a topless redhead and a barely clothed blonde. The man was straight out of a Brooks Brothers catalog—a strapping young lad, dashing and dapper with a square jaw, cleft chin, and side-swept blond hair.

  He leaned down and suckled the redhead’s breast, running his tongue over her pebbled nipple. “Ah. So sweet. Don’t go anywhere.” He licked his lips then the blonde’s neck before getting to his feet to meet his friend.

  Mike’s brows lifted in amusement, and he released a short bark of laughter.

  “I see you’ve got yourself a buffet here…and…” He leaned back. “Are you growing a beard?”

  Jason nodded and stroked his stubble before quickly bringing Mike’s attention back to his companions.

  “Only the best... Get yourself a snack and catch up.” He gave Mike a hard slap on the back and pulled him into a hug. “It’s so good to see you, man. Thought I’d lost you for a minute there.”

  “Nah, just putting in the work for the dream, you know?”

  Jason gripped Mike’s shoulders and held him at a short distance to study him. For a moment, he just stared. Then his brows furrowed.

  “What?” Mike asked.

  “Which dream are we talking about, here?”

  Mike sighed. All he’d ever wanted was to grow his own business. Partnering with his best friend had been awesome. Mike was there every step of the way when Everett had put the business plan together for his family’s real estate development company, so he felt a certain loyalty to the company. He wanted to be there to help it go the distance— the setbacks, the challenges, and the celebrations.

  Mike also wanted to invest in his own future. Deep down, he wanted to be full partner, not just in-house counsel.

  “You know me. I’ve been trying to get Monroe to make me a partner.”

  Jason shook his head. “You were top of the class at Berkeley. If this dude doesn’t see what he’s got, come to Baker & Bronson. I’ll make sure they snap you up quickly. You’ll probably make partner before I do.”

  He held his hand up high and Mike slowly reached up to slap it, chuckling at his friend. Will this guy ever grow up?

  “So, anyway—“ Mike was just about to change the subject when Jason beat him to the chase.

  He zeroed in on someone behind Mike. “Six o’clock. Blonde. Tall. Body for days. Giving you total ‘fuck-me’ eyes.” Jason’s chin dropped like he was sharing a secret, but it seemed his gaze was still focused on the blonde as he whispered. “A mouth that’ll make you cum—”

  At the sound of heels drawing near him, Mike pressed his shoulders back and turned.

  Kate.

  His lips parted as she closed the distance between them. Her sun-kissed curls were loose, untamed, and tousled to one side over the soft pink curve of her cheek. She wore a simple, sleek black dress and she looked as beautiful as ever. She seemed smaller, though. Fragile.

  He hoped he hadn’t broken her spirit.

  “All right, man. I’m going to leave you to it,” Jason said, winking then backed away toward his harem.

  Kate waited until Jason was out of earshot. “Hey,” she said in a low voice. A genuine smile tugged at the corners of her mouth and relief flooded Mike.

  The last time he’d talked to Kate was
the night of Zora’s party. She had stood there with tears in her eyes wanting what he didn’t have to give. He’d wanted to apologize, but how could he be sorry for something he had no control over? He’d been telling his heart for years not to want Zora, but that night he’d learned the hard way that the heart wants what it wants.

  It was only after that that he’d decided to stop listening to it.

  When Kate took off, Mike didn’t have it in him to go after her or call her. He did text to make sure she’d made it home safe. Somewhere between I’m glad you made it, I’m sorry, and good night he couldn’t stop himself from texting: I think we should go our separate ways.

  Having his desire for Zora reflected back at him through Kate’s eyes made it glaringly clear. He wouldn’t ever be able to give Kate the love she deserved. So, he’d been dodging her calls and texts. It was a weight off his shoulders he wasn’t aware he’d been carrying. He was relieved to have the romantic part of their relationship over with, but he deeply regretted hurting her.

  Without saying a word, he went in for a hug now and held it a little too long and tight. Through the hug, he tried to convey all the things he couldn’t actually say.

  Sorry.

  I didn’t want to hurt you.

  You’re still important to me.

  When they pulled apart, she peered up at him. “I know. I think I’d always known, but I’m happy for you…kind of.” She giggled nervously.

  Mike shot her a pained expression. “Oh, just kind of?”

  “Well she was kissing some other guy, but I’m sure she’ll come to her senses soon enough and realize what a mediocre catch you are.”

  They both laughed.

  “I see you’re a comedian now.” He stepped back, enjoying the comfortable feeling between them without any of the expectations and promises. He liked that the sex and pretenses were removed from the equation and seeing that there was still a friendship left worth holding onto.

  “No, it’s not like that, though.” He slipped his hand to the small of Kate’s back and guided her over to the bar. A cool, crisp breeze feathered her hair over her shoulder and in the soft glow of the string lights, he felt her reading him.

  “Me and Zo, we’re…just friends.”

  His heart squeezed as if challenging his words.

  “You don’t believe that, do you?” she asked. Her amused smile was genuine.

  “Yes, I do. We’ve known each other since we were kids. Everett is my best friend. We’re family.” He looked off toward the water.

  Mike’s mind reeled to the day all those years ago when he and Everett came back from riding bikes and Zora was waiting for them on the porch. She couldn’t have been more than eight. It was the first time he’d really seen her as anything other than Everett’s sister. Her hair had been freshly pressed and she wore a new purple dress. From there she seemed to blossom overnight, but he kept his distance for over a decade.

  Until he couldn’t.

  It wasn’t the day her mother died, but at age eighteen, Zora finally broke down on the day Eva Monroe would have turned fifty. Before her memories were properly cemented, she was a motherless child with no one to talk to but her grandmother about boys and love, periods, and prom. Mike understood Zora finally felt the heartbreak. of knowing the woman who was supposed to love her unconditionally wasn’t willing to fight for her—to choose to live for her.

  He’d sensed in that moment, Zora needed someone, and he wanted to be there. He’d been waiting because he knew what not being there did to a person. He knew about the shame, guilt, and self-blame.

  “I know you don’t want to hear this, especially from me,” Kate said, snapping him out of the memory. “Mike, I think you’re in love with her.”

  Just then Mike’s phone vibrated in his blazer. As soon as he saw the message, it drove Kate’s point to his core.

  Zora: Hey, I hope it’s not too late, but if the offer still stands, I’m going to take you up on staying at your place. Let me know and I’ll see you after work tomorrow.

  Mike met Kate’s gaze. Thank goodness she was gracious enough not to say anything. Once again, her expression reflected his truth back at him.

  Chapter Nine

  Zora

  Friday morning, Zora rose at dawn. Well, technically, she just laid in the bed blankly staring at the television with one foot hanging out of the covers, but she was up. She didn’t get a wink of sleep thinking about Mike’s house and the sleeping arrangements. She’d also spent a good deal of time thinking about the women cycling in and out of his bed now that he was single again.

  Coffee.

  With a loud, huffy grunt she slipped out the bed, phone in hand, and slogged toward the kitchen. She turned on the coffee maker and slinked onto a barstool. As the machine hissed to life, she called Oli.

  “Hey, girl, hey. Bright and early, I see.”

  Zora groaned in response.

  “Oh, so no coffee yet. Want to call me back?” This was why they were friends. The woman knew her too well.

  “No,” Zora sighed. “I’m just…grumpy.”

  “Chin up.”

  “Seriously? That’s your pep talk?” Zora slumped lower on the barstool.

  Oli’s voice squawked into the receiver. “Not you, fool.”

  Zora pulled the phone away from her ear to make sure they weren’t Facetiming. “Thanks? Well then who are you talking to?”

  “Tilt your head a little bit more toward me. And now the chin. Perfect.” Oli laughed. “I’m at that shoot at the Japanese Garden—the Wellington wedding I was telling you about. I’m finished with the detail shots. You know, rings, dress, shoes, and flowers. I was multitasking, but I’m talking to you, now.”

  “Oh.”

  “By the way, she had the most gorgeous dress. I’ll show you the proofs later.” The line was muffled for a second before she continued. “Doing the prep shots now. Anyway, why are you so grumpy?”

  The last steaming, hot drip plopped into the coffeemaker and Zora got to her feet to gather the cream and sugar. “Never mind. Go back to work. I’ll figure it out.”

  “Earpods… Multitasking... I’m good, if you don’t mind hearing my directions now and then. Does this mood have anything to do with you moving in with a certain somebody?” Her voice took on a velvety tone.

  Zora pulled a mug from the cupboard and filled it to the brim then added her personal touches until it was a creamy bisque color. She took her first sip and inhaled the robust, sweet aroma for a second, letting it warm her throat before responding.

  “The last house I saw yesterday was disgusting. There’s no need to say ‘I told you so.’ Whether I like it or not, I’m going to have to stay with Mike.” She slouched against the kitchen island, sounding hopeless and defeated, which apparently Oli was keen to disregard.

  “Yes, girl. I love it. Now you guys are going to be forced to address the old wrinkly-ass elephant that’s been in the room for way too long.” She paused and Zora heard her tell someone to straighten the train of the dress. “Don’t get mad at me, Zo, but I really hope you guys at least have one nasty, dirty night of sex. Or, day of sex. Either would be hot.”

  “Ugh. This is not funny.” Zora kicked her legs and pouted. “What am I going to do? I need to set some ground rules in place otherwise this is not going to work. I haven’t even been focusing on the cookbook. I need to pack before Mike gets off work, and now I’m going to be holed up in his guestroom trying to dodge him without looking like a weird hobbit.”

  By now Oli was cracking up on the other end of the line, which only infuriated Zora more.

  “Are you going to help me or not?”

  While Zora was waiting for her friend to come to her senses and stop reveling in her torment, her phone chimed with an incoming message. She didn’t recognize the number, but it wasn’t hard to decipher who it was.

  Unknown: Work has been crazy this week since we’re expanding the practice, but I want to see you and kiss you again. Olivia couldn’t st
op raving about you, and I’d like to get to know you even better. Maybe somewhere quiet this time, just the two of us. Any chance you’re free this weekend?

  As if life weren’t complicated enough already, now Andre wanted to crawl out from wherever he’d been hiding for over a week.

  “Why do you have to micromanage it?” Oli cut into Zora’s thoughts. She was still arguing her point. “This is Mike, your friend. I think you’re taking it way too far with rules. If anything happens, let it be organic. Let it happen and stop trying to control everything.”

  “I did the whole get lost in the moment thing last weekend and now I’m… Ugh, forget it. Just help me think this through. I’m not trying to be a burden on him. I cannot have a thing with Mike.”

  Even though it was still piping hot, Zora took a long drink from her mug.

  “Why?” Oli whined. “He’s free. I told you he ended things with Kate.”

  Zora re-read the message from Andre. The coffee was kicking in and now a beyond brilliant idea brewed in the back of her mind. She still needed to set the record straight for Oli, though.

  “Just because it’s over with Kate doesn’t mean he’s out of the dating cesspool. Let’s not forget, it’s been well established. We. Are. Friends. Just friends. So why not—” She trailed off.

  As she drained the rest of her coffee, an idea rooted itself in her brain. She did a run-walk back to her bedroom.

  “Holy macaroni! Why did I not think of this before?” she asked herself. Finally, it was feeling like she might have found a way to deal with the ruins of her childish crush.

  “Why not what? Why didn’t you think of?” Oli asked.

  Zora forgot Oli was still on the line. She was on a mission.

  “Hold on a sec.”

  She plopped onto the bed and scrolled through her bookmarked articles until she found the one. Back when she’d worked customer support in that call center for a telemarketing company, she’d sat next to a nice, but rather touchy-feely male coworker who refused to get the hint that they were just friends. She’d gotten zero personal space from spaghetti arms. There was always a hug that lasted too long, a hair he needed to push out of her face, or his hand on the small of her back.