Mixed Emotions

by MIA HEINTZELMAN

  A finger wagged in front of his face and he lifted his chin to see a “shame on you” look on Kendra’s face.

  “Michael. Dwayne. Kennedy. Here I thought you were growing up and finally growing a pair. Come to find out you ain’t shit. You ain’t gon’ be shit. You ain’t about shit.”

  Seriously?

  Mike cocked his head in disbelief because he hadn’t been on the receiving end of this kind of scolding since his mother stayed at his place a couple of years ago and found his porn stash. It was shocking and downright embarrassing, but his mother had nothing on this woman.

  “Dang, Kendra.”

  “Don’t ‘dang’ me. If I recall correctly, you and I sat down at that conference room table together, and you told me you were in love.”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face because this was some bullshit. He didn’t have time for I-told-you-sos.

  Kendra’s brows were raised, daring Mike to refute a word she’d said. She waited, and when she seemed satisfied that he let her have the floor, she continued. “I distinctly remember you saying Zora was your only chance at love…” The words hung out there in the air, loaded and heavy as she tilted her ear to him.

  Before he spoke, he waited for a second to make sure she wasn’t going to jump down his throat again. “May I?” he asked tentatively, flashing her questioning eyes.

  When he saw her slight nod, he paused and pressed his fingers together in a steeple beneath his chin.

  “I said it, but I also said the only family I’ve ever known, my best friend, and my job were at risk. All of my chips are in, and by the looks of things, obviously the bet didn’t pay off.”

  “So that’s it?”

  Mike sighed and let his head rest against the chair. “Unless you have another idea… I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to get to her, but so far, I’ve been coming up empty.” He blew out a frustrated breath because he wanted to be with Zora as much as Kendra apparently wanted them to be. “I’m going to do something. I just don’t know what yet.”

  “Welp…it’s April. Spring is the time for change and new beginnings,” she said.

  His mind went straight to flowers, strolls in the park, and bike rides—all things he could do with Zora, but, none of them were grand enough. Whatever the brilliant plan was, it had to be on a big scale with a lot of heart. It couldn’t be about him and proving himself. It had to be about Zora. He wanted to prove he’d changed and that he was worthy of a new beginning with her.

  “Yep,” he agreed.

  For a minute, Mike thought he’d finally appealed to Kendra’s senses. She was sort of standing there, staring past him, unseeing. Then, she just snapped to, shook her head, and turned on her heel toward the door. She stopped only to flick Mike on the side of the head.

  “Think. She’s not going to sit around waiting on you to get your shit together forever.” With that, she swung the door open and whipped through it, letting the handle slam into the wall with a loud crack.

  If he hadn’t been before, Mike was officially awake.

  By the end of the workday, he was mentally exhausted. Somehow, he’d managed to do the bare minimum work-wise, but he was tired of wracking his brain then finally searching “grand gestures to win back the love of your life” on the Internet and still coming up empty-handed. Mike finally conceded that his crisis might not be solvable.

  Desperate times would indeed call for desperate measures.

  Forty-five minutes later, he stood on the dock at the marina with his phone pressed to his ear and wind whipping through his clothes.

  “Tell someone to put down the boarding ramp,” he instructed over the phone.

  “What are we getting into tonight?” Jason answered.

  Muffled movement sounded in Mike’s ear, then he noticed Jason above him on the deck.

  “Oh, shit. You’re here. Hold on a sec.” Jason ended the call, but Mike could still hear him as he yelled for someone to set up the ramp.

  It only took a few minutes, but once Mike was onboard, he made quick work of loosening his tie and losing his jacket and shoes. He sat on the lounger and stretched his legs out in front of him, but he wasn’t relaxed.

  “All right, brother, you want to tell me what’s happening? Are you here to reconsider the position with Baker & Bronson because the offer still stands.”

  Mike sighed. “No. I’m still passing on that, but thank you.” He inhaled and began again. “You’re gonna love this…I need your help.”

  Jason turned and scooted to the edge of his seat. “Holy shit. It’s that bad?”

  Despite the pity party vibe, Mike smiled. “I know.”

  “Okay, then. Lay it on me. What do you need?”

  For the next fifteen minutes, Mike recapped everything that had transpired between him and Zora since her party at the silent disco up until she left him two and half weeks ago. He told Jason about sleeping in the guestroom on that hard ass mattress because he couldn’t sleep in his own bed anymore without her. He told him about the high points of his conversation with Kendra and how Everett had basically ghosted him from his life. He even told him that he was one hundred percent sure he was in love with Zora.

  Somewhere in the middle of the recap, it hit him.

  Mike ran a finger over his top lip, and the corners of his mouth tugged upward. “J? Do you still have that connection with the Hollywood Theatre?”

  “Yeah, why? You think of something?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Zora

  “Hey, y’all.”

  Zora let herself in at Patton Place, dropping her purse and keys on the entry table. When she looked up, she noticed all the house lights were turned on and one of Sophia’s shoes was scattered on the floor.

  “Um…” She cocked her head back to peek into the formal dining room at her right then to the left into the office. “Blue?”

  What the heck are these fools doing?

  “Guys?”

  She took a couple of steps and paused again. Her heartbeat sped up as she flitted her gaze around the room. She hated the way worry knocked around in her chest. It was enough to send her mind whirling into worst-case scenarios. All she could think about was Sophia lying on the floor somewhere holding her belly. For the sake of her poor antsy heart, Zora took a deep breath to calm herself.

  “See, this is how people get ulcers and wrinkles. Don’t jump to conclusions…” she mumbled to herself as she blew out a breath, but it didn’t keep her mind from wading into memories of her mother on the bathroom floor. She’d always thought that if she’d gotten there a few minutes sooner, things might be different.

  Once more, she peered down the hallway toward the kitchen, biting her the tip of her nail.

  “Shit. Soph—"

  Above her, Zora heard the creak of floorboards and her eyes shot up, relief flooding her insides.

  “Zo, is that you?” Ev called.

  What’s he doing here on a Thursday in the middle of the day?

  “Yeah, I’m back. I’m just stopping by to check on Soph and the baby.”

  There was silence for a bit followed by footsteps at the stairs. Zora inched closer to the rail as her brother and Sophia appeared at the landing. As soon as she took in Everett’s disheveled boxers and tee and Sophia’s teensy terrycloth robe straining at her bare middle, she was more than a little embarrassed.

  Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. “Uh…I’ll just come back.”

  Zora whipped around and grabbed her stuff off the table and headed toward the door, but Everett was on her heels.

  “Hold it. Hold it. Wait,” he said, grabbing her shoulder and turning her around.

  “I’m sorry.” Zora squeezed her eyes closed, wincing. “I didn’t realize you guys were—” She cut herself off, completely mortified that she’d interrupted their afternoon delight. Which she was sure was already a difficult task given the size of Sophia’s baby bump.

  Ew, don’t think about your brothe
r having sex.

  Zora shook her head trying to knock the thought loose.

  When she’d thought about paying them a visit, she figured it would be some girl talk while she helped Sophia with her hospital bag. Maybe she’d have a glass of wine to celebrate finally submitting the cookbook, and casually bring up Mike. So much for that.

  “It’s fine. You know you’re always welcome in this house, but what are you doing here, Zo?” Everett asked. “You have a brand-new house of your own.”

  “Yeah, I just told you I was checking on Soph and the baby.” Her shoulders were practically up to her ears as she held up her palms. Can’t a girl visit her pregnant sister-to-be…again?

  Everett held her by the shoulders at arm’s length as he scrutinized her.

  “What?” she asked, unsure whether she really wanted to know what he was thinking.

  At that moment, Sophia chose to edge her way into the mix. “Zo?”

  “Yesss?” Zora dragged the word out. She noticed the way both of them were angled toward her. Their heads were cocked and lowered, studying her as if they were weighing the consequences of going down a particular road.

  Then, a wide, smile spread over Sophia’s face and she pointed a finger at Zora. “Ooh. I know what you’re doing!” she accused.

  “Just what exactly do you think you know?”

  “I know, too. I was just thinking that,” Everett added.

  Zora, who’d had just about enough of the deranged situation wiggled free from her brother’s arms and walked around them, marching toward the kitchen. They shuffled behind her still oohing and ahhing about something or other.

  “Something is really wrong with you two. I’m not doing anything but trying to be a good sister and aunt and coming to check on you. You’ve been under a lot of stress, so I’m worried about you.” She threw her hands up and twirled around to shoot them an eyeroll before plopping down on a barstool. “So, sue me.”

  The conspiracy theorists planted themselves in front of Zora, crossing their arms. Sophia did not avoid direct eye contact. In fact, she picked up on Everett’s cue and pointed a pudgy finger near Zora’s face.

  “Three visits in one week,” she said, her lips twisting into a smirk. “I’m still doing the same as I was yesterday. Nothing’s changed. So, either you’ve become a hypochondriac overnight, or, I suspect you’re really spending all your time here to avoid something at home…or something not at home.”

  She eyed Zora over the top of her brows, smugly.

  No harm in plausible deniability.

  “You’re crazy. Both of you. Now it’s a crime to visit my family three times in a week? Would it be better if I only came once or twice? Would that make me less crazy?”

  Sophia and Everett shared a meaningful glance, and then they nodded.

  “Bingo.” Sophia tap a finger to the tip of her nose.

  “Mm-hmm. Deflection. You said she’d deny it,” Everett murmured.

  Zora could not believe what they were saying. Not that it wasn’t true, but they were talking about her like she wasn’t even there. “I’m sitting right here,” she pouted.

  “Good. Maybe you’ll get your head out of the clouds and stop acting like nothing bothers you,” Everett said.

  “Shut up, Ev.” Zora averted gaze and swiveled around, propping her elbows up on the granite island. At this point, it did seem rather stupid to keep denying it. I mean, if I can’t talk to my family about Mike then who can I talk to?

  Sophia waddled around the counter, apparently pleased with her interrogation tactics. She was good. She pulled a loaf of bread out of the stainless-steel breadbox, and peeked over at Zora. A half-smile toyed at her lips. “You hungry?”

  Zora released a heavy sigh and propped her head up on a fist. “Yeah. What are you cooking?”

  Everett inched past Sophia, grazing the small of her back with a gentle hand as he popped into the pantry. They were so adorable and loving toward each other. What they had was exactly what Zora wanted with Mike. The uncomplicated easiness of a loving touch, the rock-solid team ready for whatever the world threw at them... They were the kids of the eighties movies grown up. After the hot guy waited outside the church leaning on a candy apple-red corvette. After Baby was firmly and freely out of the corner. After the music and the big finale kiss.

  Zora knew love was about making a life after the grand gesture. In Some Kind of Wonderful, even after Keith arranged that incredible evening, Amanda Jones figured out she didn’t want to “be with someone for the wrong reasons” anymore. Zora smiled because, deep down, she knew that she didn’t want to be without Mike for the wrong reasons. Mike was her Watts.

  Sophia’s giggle snapped Zora out of her trance. “What?”

  “Oh, nothing. I just said I’m not cooking. I’m making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Want one?”

  “Yeah. I’ll have one. Extra jelly, though.”

  Everett cleared his throat and Zora could tell they were over there sharing some inside joke about her. “You’re cheesing hard over there,” he said.

  “Whatever, Ev.” Zora adjusted herself in the seat and attempted to be preoccupied by a document sitting on the counter. Then, she actually read it. “Is this about the Chessington building?”

  He slid a cup of milk and a plate with a diagonally cut sandwich across the island to her then took an enormous bite out of his own PB&J. A glob of jelly appeared in the corner of his mouth.

  “You’ll never believe what I found out,” he said, swiping at the glob with his tongue. “In a strange twist of events, turns out old Arnold is a shyster.”

  “What, it just sounds better when you say it? Mike and I already told you that. What clued you in?” Sensibly, she stopped giving Everett crap and took a bite of her sandwich. The rich goodness made her feel like a kid again.

  God, why did I ever stop eating PB&J?

  “For what it’s worth...” He took another bite and began talking with a giant bulge sticking out of his cheek. “I knew you guys were right, but I didn’t like the way you went about. That’s neither here nor there, though. I’d ordered some structural and environmental reports before I left and I must’ve forgotten to have them forwarded to Mike, so I just got them.”

  She nodded.

  “Low and behold, Chessington is a fucking shitshow. Arnold used substandard building materials. It’s going to take millions in remediation to meet code, so we pretty much lucked out.”

  Zora closed her eyes and inhaled, shaking her head. Everett couldn’t really be so obtuse. “No. You do not get to attribute this to luck unless you count yourself lucky for having Mike around. Ev, he saved you…us. Do you know what that janky building and your precious pride could have done to Monroe Properties and Babs’s dream? Ugh.”

  Everett ran his hands over his hair. “I know.”

  “I don’t think you do,” Zora said. “This has nothing to do with me and Mike. Kendra told me he declined the offer from Baker & Bronson. He should be your partner. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it, Ev. He’s family, and he cares about the company. Sometimes more than you and I.”

  Even as she said the words, she believed them. She believed in Mike and she knew he was a good man. She didn’t believe herself for ever doubting him.

  Why didn’t I believe him?

  When she looked up, she didn’t know how long she’d been in her head, but Everett and Sophia were both staring at her. Her truth was reflected on their faces.

  Tears stung at her eyes.

  “What should I do?” Zora asked. Her voice sounded weak. Her belly was tied up in knots and there was dullness in her chest weighing her down. What have I done?

  Everett walked around the island and hugged her, pulling her in tight to his chest. “I’m going to make this right. I was being stubborn, but I was always going to do it. He deserves the partnership. As far as you go—” Everett loosened his arms and pulled back to look at Zora—“this is something you have to do by yourself.”

  “What
if I lose myself? I don’t want to end up like Mom.”

  “Is that what you think happened? You think she lost herself in Joseph and that’s why she killed herself?”

  Zora opened her mouth, but nothing came out. She felt her eyebrows squish together as she nodded to her big brother. Her chest tightened and she felt like she was overheating. She couldn’t find the right words. Wasn’t that what happened? She’d built all of her dreams and goals around that truth and trying to avoid the same mistakes.

  Everett’s expression was blank at first. Then it turned pensive. “Aw, Zo. I’m so sorry. I thought Babs talked you about it—”

  “About what?”

  He smiled and shook his head. He released a heavy sigh. “Mom was sick, Zo. I mean, yes, Joseph was a narcissistic bastard who didn’t appreciate her, and he violated her as a woman, but she loved him when she was herself.”

  “What do you mean, when she was herself?”

  “They didn’t really get a chance to diagnose her because she accused the doctors of being out to get her, but her mental capacity was breaking down slowly. It was like she’d lost the connection between emotion and thought. She didn’t have sympathy or heartfelt responses. She looked, talked, and walked like Mom, but she wasn’t herself. She would go on these walks for hours at a time and come back the next day.”

  Zora’s tears began to fall freely as she listened to her brother dispel everything she thought she’d known about her mother.

  “All those books she used to read, she’d be holding them upside down just staring at the page—lost in her head somewhere. When she’d sleep, I’d sneak in there and tap on her head, begging the real mom to come out. She was inappropriate and withdrawn. She had no feelings. All her personal relationships suffered because she was stuck in a delusional fantasy. Zo, when we lost her, it was because she was a fragment of a person. Her mind was split.”

  Zora’s shoulders shook as sobs trembled through her body.

  “You’re never going to be like her, so don’t let her illness affect your future. If you want to be with Mike, go be with him.”