Yoshiwara

by Eve Kaan

  The Night Butterfly is considered to be the peak of the night. Dance positions are pre-determined for each of us to learn. Every playing part is assigned earlier, during the registration. Upon completion, we return to our designed place waiting for Mother's notice on a highest-paying lady.

  During the bidding, our sisters perform choreographies from their ceremony night. Amounts offering conduct in secrecy, behind a translucent curtain. Each guest writes the highest value on paper and delivers it to Madam who accordingly consider the proposal. Actually, there are compliances on the spot. Madam suggests the price to be agreed upon.

  There's always at least twice as much clients in comparison to us. It means that every innocence will be taken. Ninety percent of tonight's paid golden pieces are retained by the Great House, and the remaining, but still significant, part is received by Mothers. Utano once told me that her auction amount could cover the debt of all girls in an average household, yet only a tip is left for us, and I've heard it's enough for an annual supply of kimonos.

  'Tomorrow is your big night Uta,' Utano started speaking as she pulls the obi out of her wooden chest lurched with glittering stones, 'I can't wait for you to try it. Last time I put it on you, you looked better than me in it. Every part of fabric fits your body perfectly, hugging all the curves as if it was designed especially for you,' she continued jokingly, 'if you're overwhelmed by jitters, you'll always have this magnificent silk to rely upon.' I turned my back to Utano so she could take my obi off. A few years ago, she expressed her wish to see her ceremonial kimono on my shoulders.

  'Utano, you never told me how your first night was like?' I curiously asked.

  'I've already told you a couple of times. So -' I interrupted her.

  'Not that Utano. You never told me how your night went after the formality of dances. What kind of women was your first one?' She tossed the obi so she could help me with the undergown nagajuban over my shoulders.

  'Lift your hand a little. It's stacked. We'll divest it now, just be still,' Utano undressed me high in concentration. I wasn't giving in to distraction, well, why won't she tell me?

  'Utano, tell me. I'm a grown up now. I want to know what to expect. Was she gentle? What were her manners - did she treat you right? How many times did you see her afterward? Or maybe you didn't hear from her ever again? How did you feel? Tell me about it Utano.' Now I was noisy. She lifted arranged kimono from the futon. Silky shades are glittering beneath the light. It's coloured as if made of pearls with silver threads weaved out in a tiny pattern of cherry blossoms, hemmed in crimson three-inch width fabric, and smells like a rose petal tea. She stopped for a moment, holding kimono in her hands, then looked at me.

  'That night I was shivering - I've already seen the one who bought me. I spent the whole night in uneasiness - I wasn't sure if she would have enough golden pieces - she was the only one I wanted. She took my hand as I climbed up in the carriage. Through the whole way I continued to hold her. Clouds clashes were flashing outside. We were looking into each other's eyes, communicating with our thoughts - the entire journey has gone by in silence.'

  'Oh Utano, this is such a wonderful story. What happened then?' I was now fantasizing about romantic scenes.

  'We left Yoshiwara streets - then we arrived in front of a magnificent estate. Lamps were illuminating the facade of that enormous palace.'

  I couldn't resist so I asked, 'Larger than the Great House?'

  'Yes, a lot larger than the Great House. As I stepped out from the carriage, under the flash of lightning, I saw a white stone from which the house was built. The stone was so white that it most certainly did not come from these parts. Luxurious portal stood above massive wooden doors. Then the rain started. Placing her arm around my waist, she smiled and ran lightly. After a few steps, we stood in a dark house with subtle lights of the smouldering lanterns. The house was even more impressive from the inside. We climbed the stairs into the bedroom that was specially decorated for this occasion. She later confessed this to me.'

  'So, you saw each other again?' She inhaled, adding with some strangely sad smile. 'We did Uta. This was merely our first time...'

  I quickly pushed her to continue where she left. 'You entered the room and then?' She looked at me with an expression as if she had read me yet again.

  'Then she poured two glasses of red wine. Letting go of my hand and standing still for a few heartbeats. She offered me to settle on a bed with fragrant petals, giving me a glass filled with the colour of ripened cherries. She sat in the mahogany armchair and pulled out a smoking pipe from some small ladle, then lited it to have it with shaded wine. Look of passion and longing in her eyes left me anxious. In just a few sips I drank all of my wine. Then she said, 'I have never seen anyone more alluring than you.' She came closer to me, descending on her knees in front of me. She took the crystal from my hand and gently hugged me around the waist. I held her tight shakingly. We stayed like this until the rain silenced - then, then my glass was cast aside.' Utano changed her tone from dreamy to frisky, 'There Uta, I spent the night like I could not even dream of. That's the story of my first night.'

  I disappointedly tried again. 'Come on Utano, tell me what happened then, please tell me.'

  She took the golden obi, 'Well there's nothing more. That's what happened. She was very gentle. I was the centre of her world. I don't really have much to tell. Let's finish you off. Turn around so I can fasten your obi.'

  I realized that Utano wanted to keep the other part, which she didn't tell, only for her self. It's not like I really hoped to hear the story of her majestic performances. So be it - and I already drawn out of her more than excepted.

  She tightened the obi belt. 'All done!'

  I turned to her. 'Thank you for sharing almost every moment of your life with me.' I couldn't help myself, so I had to add 'almost' - well, she didn't tell me everything.

  'You're breathtaking Uta. You, my only sister with whom I shared it with, will become a woman in the same kimono as me. I want your night to be even more beautiful than the one I had.'

  I threw myself into her arms. 'Thank you Utano, your love means so much to me.'

  ✽✽✽

  I was laying on the futon in my room. Utano just kissed my forehead for a good night. She left me in total darkness with my unconcealed thoughts. Tomorrow is a big day or rather a big night. I'm preparing this performance for eight years now. But I'm afraid of a woman with whom I will share my first moments as an adult. The desire to return to rice fields is the only thing that diminishes my fear. Urge for freedom is stronger than these few tears. From that day on, I'm becoming mere merchandise. A subject to unknown lustfulness without any significances of my soul. I always considered my body to be the forte of strength, and now it becomes an implement for leaving Yoshiwara's streets. I wonder how much worn out will I be when I first breathe the air like a bird spreading her wings. What kind of traces of other bodies will be left on my back? And would I, along with Kaoru and Hana, quietly soak my bed in tears every night before I subside to slumber?

  Utano once told me that the courage lies in our illusion of some better times. I never caught her with soaking eyes. She is different from other girls. In fact, my strength lies in her. The most important thing is that I'm not abandoned in this world. Whoever you are, please accept more than just flesh. It was the last thought before I give in to my overwhelming dream. During the endless vastness of night, I dreamed of freedom I once had.

  In the morning, I was gently approached by Utano. She caressed my hair waiting for a signal that I woke up. I tried to keep this moment in reality until she noticed I was awake. Only in her hands, I could feel safeness. I would like to stay her little sister even after the formalities which will erase our alliance tonight - after all, I've taken my name after her. Name of the night lady is chosen from a derivative of the sister's name. Uta is just a side figure, created by these dirty streets. It's the person I'm transforming into. Tonight will be the turning point in which t
hat other personality will ultimately prevail - fearless.

  Utano and I headed down to our garden so we could have some tea on the porch. Mother was waiting at the table in the morning filled with poppy scent.

  'There's no breakfast for you today Uta. We don't want your stomach to be inflated, like on some girls who can't rest their appetite before the big event. A light fish meal will be specially prepared for your lunch so you would stay slim for us tonight,' Mother said while eating her rice with chopsticks.

  'I'm not hungry anyway.'

  'You're kind of melancholy Uta. From today on, you are starting to take care of your finances independently. Do not give in to these worthless human emotions. The body is just commodity,' she tried to comfort me, adding with a smile, 'better training - better tip.'

  At the same moment, a loud bang followed those hard-spoken words. I turned to where the sound came from. Utano has dropped a hot cup of tea, and porcelain broke on the ground in several pieces. With a painful twitch, she exclaimed, 'My apologies, I will compensate for the damage.' She stood, soaked in the smell of green tea.

  Mother jumped at that moment. 'Utano, you're burnt. Quickly, cold water!' She shouted while pulling Utanos waist obi to remove the soaked Yukata away. There wasn't even a single drop of tear from Utano's eyes. I hurried toward the well to grab a bucket of ice cold water from its bottom. After removing the fabric from a painful place gently, Mother pressed a chilling compress to it. Utano hasn't said a word after that. She's just sitting paralyzed as if she was stubbed, her face colder than the water I brought.

  Hana and Kaoru helped me with kimono this afternoon. Kaoru combed my long hair, bending it into a hairstyle of spring meaning. Mother only checked a few times on us, to see how the preparations - which Utano was supposed to be doing - were progressing. 'I feel sorry for our Utano, her whole upper leg is red in a burn,' Hana said.

  'She isn't so unwitting usually,' Kaoru added in wonderment.

  Hana noted, 'She must have been tired.'

  'It's my fault. Last night I was tiring her with my questions, keeping her awake until the night became completely dark, although I knew she had to rise with the sun - for me, to prepare me...' Kaoru hugged me. 'Don't be sad, I will tell Utano everything about how you were.'

  Hana jumped in. 'Kaoru is a great storyteller. She always conveys in me, not missing out even a single detail from her work nights. It's so detailed that sometimes when I recall particular events - I'm not certain that I too wasn't there myself.'

  With my eyes directed to the ground, I replied, 'That's not why I'm sad. It goes without question - Utano should stay home tonight, she can't walk on that leg. I only want that awful burn to heal - I'm sure it's painful, she's just not admitting it,' I hesitated a little, uneasy about the fact, but said it anyway,' it's my fault. '

  Kaoru scolded me. 'Robish Uta, how can it be your fault. It's not you who dropped the teapot in her lap...'

  Hana patted me on the back. 'Colm down Uta, it was not her first time to stay up late - you know what I mean. Some thoughtless gesture can happen to anyone. You are the least one to feel guilty in this matter.' I did not feel relief, just sorry for her condition.

  Kaoru went to prepare herself with Hana's help. I stayed alone in my room rehearsing The Night Butterfly's moves. Utano surely won't be working for at least a week due to her injury. I would not let her debt increase because of me. My eyes fell down to my breasts. Who will pay more than a few gold coins for such flat sight below my neck? I didn't think much of it - just decided immediately on the action Sayuri had once told me about. I opened a wooden chest with two silk handkerchiefs pulling them out. Smoothering them into strawberry shape and then slipping a hand through my kimono opening on the chest, I inserted those curled handkerchiefs between the obi and a little skin I have in there. 'Well now, this looks like a bunch worth some gold.' I grinned as I saw the breasts slightly larger than an apple.

  Mother called me, 'It's time Uta.' I barely saw her today. She spent the whole day in Utano's room, although Utano slept through the better part of it because of some strong tea. I went to her room to hag her before leaving. The doors were not completely closed. Approaching, I saw Mother’s bent back through the small opening. I knocked on the bamboo surface. She unexpectedly twitched. 'I apologize, I didn't want to frighten you. I came to say goodbye to Utano, I hope she's not asleep.'

  Mother straightened up with a whisper. 'She's sleeping. We'll leave her to rest. She suffered a lot of pain today. Let's go, Uta.'

  Kaoru joined us in the lobby. Together we stepped across the threshold. Despite the fact that the Great House was just halfway down the street, mother commissioned the transport. They sat across from me with smiling faces. The carriage is thudding slightly through the twilight surrounded by sakura trees. Kaoru trailed her eyes over me. 'Uta, you're really beautiful. I would've bought you immediately if I was a client,' then she added with a glimpse below her eyebrow,' and I see that even your breasts have increased a bit...'

  I didn't know where to direct my look from this artificial brests embarrassment. I just hope she didn't notice the handkerchiefs above my belt. Mother did not react. Oh, how I miss Utano's support. I'm alone tonight... It's time - to finally become Uta.

  Our carriage is slowing down. The entire area in front of the Great House shines with ornaments. Ribbons in white tones fluttered from dense tree crowns like flowers, intertwined in corollas, adorned the area around a lake where small red lanterns floated.

  We stopped, still a bit away from the entrance, behind the long line of carriages. Sitting in, we waited for the line to move so we could get out at the doorstep. Through the window, I watched the Great House in its lavish glory of a ceremonial event. Lightning burns behind every window. At the open entrance, the night ladies stood, holding plates filled with food, tea, and sake.

  Clients are gathering in the lobby wearing silk bags with heavy golden pieces around their joints. From each carriage emerges several ladies in extravagant kimonos with floral patterns. The black box shuddered.

  Mother went out first, Kaoru following her.

  They stood sideways helping me descend into the dense air. While walking toward the luxury of gold, my eyes traveled to the sky one last time, stopping on the passing sun going down to rest.

  We were pressing forward through the crowd, entering a loud chatter of cheerful atmosphere. There are sounds of flutes while the smoke rises in a fog up to the ceiling, hazing a golden stucco in corners and around the chandelier. I felt the looks from my dream. The only thing that differs me from the clients was my hairpin. It marked me as a debutant.

  I studied the women I'm surrounded by, thinking that the one to whom I'll belong tonight, stands amongst them. I did not know any of these faces. My eyes are searching for Sayuri, but there's no trace of her. Mother left us in the lobby and went to find new Madam to let her know that I arrived. Kaoru turned to take cups of sake from a tray, while I used the moment to straighten the threads inside my sleeves, which would be attached to my fingers through the dance. I breathed a strong smell of jasmine with a note of green tea and lemon.

  I'm left stunned.

  My head raised seeing the woman I dreamed of some nights before.

  She was walking past me wearing a silk kimono weaved with carbon threads. I've never seen a more gorgeous human being. Her face is dominated by large eyes highlighted with black lines. Dark toned cigar hanging from a silver stick, subtly tucked between full cherry lips. She walked slowly in a rhythm of the puffed smoke.

  Out of my breath, I was looking at her, and then in that crowd, her hand accidentally brushed mine. She looked at me for a moment and paused, smiling subtly. My whole body turned to her.

  In sensational movements, she went to the stairs.

  I stayed paralyzed.

  She swung her hips like a woman from the west. I couldn't take my eyes off those stunning shoulders. I just absorbed the magic of her presence.

  She stopped at the top, looking
back at the crowd, rather my eyes. I quickly lowered my gaze so she wouldn't notice how I'm looking at her.

  'Where are you, Uta?' Kaoru interrupted me, 'Here - sake, Mother told me to keep you in the foyer.' She subtly winked.

  'This - Kaoru - I wasn't...' I started to justify myself, but she interrupted me.

  'There's no turning back Uta.' She jocked taking a sip.

  I looked back at the stairs, but she just disappeared. She is undoubtedly one of the clients, I thought.

  It becomes hot in the foyer. Unbearable from all these people around. Kaoru led me out to the door, so I could breathe some freshness of evening air. 'We have to hurry up Uta, we'll be the first ones to enter the reception room.'

  Mother recognized us from behind. 'What are you doing here - at these doors? It's sheer luck I even spotted you in this crowd. All debutantes are there - you are the last.' She ended the sentence dissatisfied because I will now sit at the end of the table.

  We entered through massive double doors with white ornaments.

  The large room provides a long table throughout the full length of the marble floor. Large porcelain pots with white coloured flowers are placed in all corners. I settled myself at the edge - of course. They would always teach us that the central position is the best in this kind of situations because we have more opportunities, like to communicate with clients sitting on the opposite side of the table.

  I immediately spotted Sayuri, we greeted each other with significant looks. She had the very best position to earn gold.

  On the raised podium beside the other end of the table stood an older woman in grandiose kimono. The room silenced. I thought - that's the Madam. She held a smoking pipe that wasn't lighted. Taking us all in with her measuring look, she began. 'In the name of the Great House, I would like to welcome you to this ceremony in honor of the spring. I would also like to express my gratitude for the entrusted position of Madam of the Great House, for which I was assigned to after the winter time. I am the host of our rich program this evening. Tonight you will bloom into flowers along with the season of Sakura. This is an honorable moment for which you have been preparing for many annual cycles. Tomorrow with the sunrise each one of you will come out as a full grown woman. Be the pride of your house by bringing us a bundle full of golden coins. I announce the ceremony open! I wish everyone the best of luck in this exciting evening filled with passion and young scents.'