Yoshiwara

by Eve Kaan

  Her skin is wet like a swollen bud. My hand continued to glide through the curves, all the way to her groin, barely reaching from behind. As I pressed her I could feel, with the tip of my fingers, just how much her moisture had spread through the inner thigh. Listening to her breathing I started to cuddle her even more passionately. In our embrace, she began to twine slowly. I moistened her entire crotch. The liquid is coming through my fingers to the palm, letting me enjoy the smell of scent I already knew.

  Her hands slid down my back passionately. I could feel her approaching me close to the intimate place, giving me pleasure like I'm giving to her. It isn't only my bud that is pulsating, I started to pulse with my whole body now.

  From behind, I couldn't reach her female part well except a small beginning of her soft lips like the ones I kissed. I want her!!! I'm craving her strong touches. I didn't plan on this, but my passion has completely overwhelmed me. Today she will become a woman.

  I leaned her on to the row of sitting futons, while the water is rapidly streaming beside us.

  She lies beneath me with spread legs. Her wet kimono soaking the futons. Looking at the beautiful pink colored part blooming more than a rose flower I felt the expansion of my own moisture throughout my thighs. Her bud stood there rising like a hill with sparkle liquid at the top. She's looking so juicy like fresh fruit. Small lips are now completely open, exposing the sensitive spot that is moisturizing under my gaze, the spreading scent luring me more than anything. I lowered my lips on her belly, kissing her while she caresses my back.

  She began to tremble under me.

  With each kiss, I'm closing her female hill to soak in every drop that,s here because of me. I pressed my lips on the lower part of her belly as she helplessly held me. Her pleasure overtook me more than my own pulsation. I continued to descend my lips in extremely slow motions to her beautiful place of satisfaction, but then, when I almost reached it, she gently dragged me upwards. Lifted her head and through the breath, 'Don't' she whispered.

  Despite her words she continued to move in fervor, pulling my face towards her lips, still trembling while pressing hot bud to my thigh. With lustful passion she squeezed me tightly - I can feel my own wet trail on her skin. She is squeezing and releasing me in passionate movements, making my bundle of nerves more intense than ever.

  'Don't.' She repeated silently but didn't stop. I soothed my whole body whispering her name.

  She stopped, clutched against me as tight as she could.

  'I can't, Rin. Forgive me.' She left me confused. 'I-I want you, I want you more than anything – I desire you, but...' She whispers in my ear, '... but I can't do it until you become sure of what I mean to you.' I hugged her tightly, feeling her tears sliding down my back. 'I'm afraid to be hurt too. You will never believe me.' She is aware of my suspicions. 'You mean to me more than this, I want you without hesitations, without doubts, or back up plan. I want all of you - if you ever have the courage to take me so. I don't know another way of surrendering myself to you.' through the sobbing she barely said. Her words crashed me, how will I ever be sure.

  'Uta, your words are like a sharp blade of pain for me. I can't lie to you, I have never been so terrified.' My voice broke when I tried to speak louder than a whisper. 'You mean so much to me that I'm ready to go over almost all of my principles for you. Please, give me just a little bit more time.'

  'Don't leave me, I wouldn't be able to bear it.' Uta returned me a long kiss.

  We lied embraced, cuddling until the last drop left our eyes, then the music could be heard - marking the starting of an event. 'We have to hurry. My kimono is wet.' She got up, embraced in a sheet, pacing. 'How am I going to attend the party like this?'

  'Uta, please accept my gift - as soon as I saw that kimono I could see you in it.' She was trying to squeeze the water from her kimono, but it was too wet to dry off that way.

  'Rin, I can't accept such an expensive gift. Sorry, I can't - I don't care about gifts, I already told you, but thank you on your attention, that's really a kind gesture.' Uta hardly looks at me with the knowledge that she revealed to me the truth behind her fears.

  'I know that I'm cruel to you sometimes Uta.' I leaned forward, putting my hand over her face directing those beautiful eyes to look at me. 'Your motives don't matter for my feelings anymore, long ago I surrendered my soul to you. It became too late for me, Uta.' I looked at her straight in the eyes as I spoke while stretching my hand to take the kimono in the process. 'By refusing this gift you won't prove anything. It doesn't have any meaning for what I'm really afraid of.' I paused a little, then continued. 'By accepting this gift, you will actually accept my thoughts that I have sent you when I saw the kimono.'

  'Thank you for your intention.' She took the kimono. 'I'll wear this as your thought, but I don't want you to put me into this position again.' Her eyes are holding a melancholy expression. 'You have to understand my point of view, this kind of gift makes this situation worse for both of us.' She stopped for a few moments. 'But my kimono is wet, otherwise, I wouldn't accept this gift - just so you know. Besides, what am I going to tell Mother, from whom I received something like this.'

  'You've made me happy by accepting it. I didn't perceive that aspect of our situation, forgive me, Uta.' I stood up. 'Come, I'll help you dress it up - tell Mother that your admirer Gina has given it to you.' She couldn't hide the lough on the mention of Gina's name.

  'Admirer?' She said with a look below the eyebrows. 'I'm surprised, I didn't know I had an admirer.' She got up enveloped in a sheet. 'I'm naked, how will you help me? It's unpolite for me to expose myself in front of you like that.' I wasn't sure how much truth she hid in the humorous tone of her last sentence. I quickly turned around. 'Turn back to me Rin - I'm just teasing you.' She lowered the sheet, and for the first time, I saw her completely naked. She blushed saying, 'This is embarrassing.' While she pulled on the sleeves, I held her obi.

  'I'm really not watching you, Uta, just holding the obi – well, maybe a little, but I've already seen it all.'

  'Just about everything, have you now Rin?'

  'I haven't just seen everything Uta - but I even carefully studied it.' She closed the kimono and took the obi belt from me.

  'You've ashamed me now.'

  'You don't have a reason to blush, you are gorgeous Uta.' We stayed silent for a few moments. 'This kimono suits you just as I imagined it would, even better - like it's your second skin.'

  'Thank you - we have to go Rin, music is playing for a long time now.'

  My eyes are fixated on Uta as she moves toward the door. Through my head is continually passing the thought that she understands I'm suspecting her more than anyone here in Yoshiwara. I can't bear her sadness because of it. She refused me to avoid been more hurt, just as I had pushed her away earlier. She asks me to be sure. How would I ever be sure, and even if she was a free girl I would have the same doubts. Should I pass a potential true love or risk the pain that would already be unbearable because my liking her already grown into love...

  I sat at this party watching the clients whose lives are Yoshiwara. Each of them is wearing the eyes full of pain. I wonder if love causes that. Some of them are in unhappy marriages and will never have the opportunity to share life with someone for whom they breathe every day. There are also those whose heart was crushed to a thousand pieces a long time ago, and Yoshiwara is a comfort to them. Yet, the most distinct pain is of cowards, who - due to their lack of courage, passed the true love. Their sorrow is blended with guilt. Will I end up with such eyes. What time means when love is in question. Uta will never be rich enough to convince me in her intentions.

  She is beautiful in her new kimono, only one glance is enough to awaken my whole being. Would she send me the hidden smiles all the time if this all was a fraud? Nobody would have thought of such details. Clients were constantly approaching her, and she conceals the sorrow in their eyes with her skills. I can't expect from her to await me for eternity. I'm like that in all
my decisions, but in this situation, no one can convince me I'm doing the right thing. It's time to finally make a firm decision by myself and behave according to it. I wasn't raised to be a poltroon, though I have nothing to lose anymore - except the opportunity if I don't even try, and I would never forgive myself for it.

  There were two ladies beside me, drowning in the pots of sake. One of the girls came to them, but they didn't even look at her due to the intimate conversation. Lady with the emotions of agony began her story. 'She killed me forever, I'm walking around the earth like a corps - I am dead inside.' The bitter sentence she said. 'She was only twenty-five when I met her, wearing the eyes deep as the ocean, at first sight, I was lost in them. They prepared her for the marriage of convenience. She was crying all the time, yet her tears were the worst after she'd spent all night in my arms. Our love lasted for two winters and two springs.' Lady picked up the cup swallowing a huge sip of sake. 'I took a bit of family gold and bought the escape tickets beyond the borders. She never appeared on the bench where I was waiting for her. The cherries blossomed. I came every day - at first because I thought she couldn't sneak out, but in the end, I couldn't accept that she actually abandoned me.' With tears, she continued the story, 'She married that summer after the cherry withered over our place. Autumn passed and snow came very fast. I met her on the bench when the cold became harsh - she was wearing a big belly and a fruit of the lie she came with. She begged, but I could not bring myself to touch her anymore.' Lady made a painful cry, then came to the end of her story, 'Next spring they found her on the bench. The same day we were supposed to escape. She was lying under the withered cherry with bloody throat and a letter in her hands.' The women shivered taking it from the obi. I deeply took in every word spoken into the air. The paper is yellow from the time that has passed. She began to read out loud. Each sentence stabbing her like a blade.

  'To my greatest and only true love,

  This is just for you, my sweetheart, my heart, my everything. Forgive me, I'm a weakling - I know. I was looking for time. I was looking too much. Because of it, the end came for me. Time doesn't exist, it's just a cowardice excuse. In its transience, it brings and takes the life that passes without firm decisions. Unfortunately, I have allowed it to act in place of my free will...'

  I was left without air, looking at a beautiful creature that I torture with my cowardice. I will not let time take her away from me like a swirling river. I belong to her. For the first time, I feel courageous. I got up from the table inviting Gina to come with me.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Uta

  Rin was taking me with her eyes, so holding focus on the job was very difficult. I felt her on me all the time. This event is just one of many where clients are involved only with girls. I skillfully avoided their evening offers in private areas, even though they offered me more than just gold. I live for the moment when Rin and I will close the door of our room and spend the time stolen from the world. Gina was approaching me. If I could, I would run towards her.

  'Tonight is a different event. Follow me.' Gina told me almost in commending manner.

  I was following her all the way to the exit. Where is she taking me, has Rin given up on me? I couldn't help myself to have thoughts I was the most afraid of. Maybe she is sending me home. I refused her, after all. We settled in the carriage that rushed through the darkness, and not a thing could be seen from a window.

  Pain has penetrated my breasts. I didn't have the strength to face the answer if I were to ask Gina the question. Although, if she dismissed me, why would Gina follow me - unless we're on our way to Mother's home - maybe she's carrying a message for her. A horrible message that she can start selling me to other ladies.

  I don't know what's happening. We didn't pass even one turn when the carriage stopped in complete darkness.

  Gina went out to the other carriage, and Rin came into mine.

  'I'm taking you to a special place, Uta.' Huge relief overwhelmed me when I saw her, and I only stared at her without uttering a single word. I thought I'd lost her forever. She can take me to the end of the world. I don't care where we are going as long as she is beside me with this look full of emotions. 'From where is all that sadness in your eyes coming?' She gently placed a palm on my cheek.

  'I thought you left me, sending me with the carriage on the way to my endless despair.'

  'This is the last time I have allowed fear in your thoughts.' Her words kept my heart going. It started to beat hard only for her. 'I'm taking you to the place of magic.' We held our palms together. 'With you, every place is magic.' was my thought that I sent her. She gently gazed at me.

  The carriage stopped, and Rin went out first. It's absolute darkness out there. She held out her hand for me to take before stepping out completely. After my first step into the night, her hand was still holding mine, bringing me closer to her.

  I was overwhelmed with emotions.

  We held eye contact for a few moments, and then she led me around the carriage.

  One of the most beautiful scenes was hidden behind it. In front of us is a river full of blue light. We are not in Yoshiwara any more. This is the world I once belonged to. Forgotten memories came to me, like my dreams when I thought this was freedom. Reality struck me at that moment, Yoshiwara's visitors can see us here.

  'Rin, this is a public place. What if some client sees us?' Although I didn't hide my thrill with the scene, the insecurity was there. She took me to the coast, just a few steps away.

  'This is my private property Uta, no one can see us. It's just you and me here. At this time of the season blue lanterns are placed in there to float along the river, isn't it beautiful? Long ago, when I was a little girl, I would always come here to enjoy the light of magic.' Near the shore, I perceived a wooden construction, but it's still dimmed. She released my hand to embrace me around the waist. My heart wanted to jump from the chest.

  'This is like magic, it's wonderful.'

  'In front of us is a garden house, well tea house precisely. I didn't use it since childhood, and now Nori and Gina stay here often.' As we approached, the house became clearer. It is surrounded by long sliding transparent walls that are opened from all sides. Small trees arise all around it with little bushes here and there. Roofed porch is facing the lantern river. I don't know where to look, this is more than a dream. The lamps inside, whose dimmed light shines across the floor filled with sitting futons, could be seen. On the low table, a jug of sake is placed.

  Rin spoke. 'The only thing I'm enjoying more than this is every moment you give me.' In the bottom of my belly tingles awakened. I turned to her. She is so beautiful. I caressed her lips with my fingers gently before kissing her. We settled on the futons in front of the table. She brought us a plate with cups. I lied in her embrace while we both enjoyed the magical lights. Some time passed in silence, sipping the sake on a light breeze that carried the lanterns down the river to an unknown vastness. 'Uta, I'd like to know your real name.'

  'It's the name of my past Rin. I'm not her anymore.'

  'You are... Uta is the name that would be in the service as a night lady. And I'm interested in the name of a girl from the small village, whom I'm just holding in my arms.' Only Utano and Mother know my name, even though they never pronounce it. It is true that, in fact, I haven't really become Uta.

  'No one calls me that anymore. It carries a lot of memories. Surely you have already found it out, you are the Respected lady after all.' I hesitated.

  'I would never do something like that. I would love to know it, and I will respect it if you don't want to tell me, but only if you explain the reason. Are those bad memories?' She gently caressed my neck, with each touch I'm surrendering more to her.

  'They're not bad, it's just - I barely accepted my new name, I'm still getting used to it.' I laced her arms, which are embracing me, around mine.

  'You see, you're not even actually used to the name I'm addressing you with.'

  This is my last secret
, I wont to give her everything behind it. Turning to her, I whispered softly...

  'Yuna.' Suddenly, I felt vulnerable by opening a new part of myself.

  'Beautiful name... It suits you much better than Uta.' She placed her lips on my eyelid, leaving the trail on my heart by kissing it. She approached my ear and whispered softly the words I was yearning to hear, 'I love you, Yuna.' My hands cupped her face, pulling her for our eyes to meet. A part of her face was in a shadow, and the other subtly painted in the shaded light. Tears threatened to break down on her cheek. I leaned my lips under her eye and kissed the first tear that had been caused by joyful gestures. Rin shivered harder than ever. I wasn't Uta anymore. She crushed everything in me that I built for the outside world. I am Yuna for her.

  'I love you too, Rin.'

  'You are my only wish Yuna.'

  For the first time, we kissed with our souls. I am holding her firmly over my tightened chest because the two are turning into unity. Rin laid me gently beneath her on a sandy coloured futon. With a mesmerizing gaze without blinking, I was drowning in the endlessness of emotions. Our physicality became fluid, turning the air into merged energy of lovers, driven by intense fondling of our fragile frames. Due to our lips that are leaving a trace on every part of trembling skin, everything inside my body is penetrating intensely while magnificent moon travels the sky, revealing the intimate adherence of uncovered figures.

  We shivered, letting out the deep breaths with a muffled sobbing that awakened on a breeze of spring stars. Absorbed with heat by lips that are leaving trails, I am guided to a place of unfamiliar experiences.

  Not sure whether I feel frightened of love or of fear, but indeed both of those are inadvertently contained within me. Seduced by touch, everything I'm experiencing is awakened for the first time in the form of new sensation. Each stimulus appears like a butterfly inside my belly. With a restless caress, I'm desperately trying to calm the body that is like a disturbed twig on the cold wind in harsh winter of well known dusty streets.