by Eve Kaan
'The night I met Utano, I told you about it - she was fleeing from Yoshiwara then. I can't believe it. She never mentioned it to me. I always wondered about what she was doing there. I mean, I didn't ask - so she wouldn't be reminded of that. I wonder what else I will find out about my sister, I always thought she was an honest person, but as we know it by now - I was wrong.'
'Don't say that Yuna, she's your sister. She certainly must have done the best she could.' I stopped listening to her, she's always defending her: don't hate her, don't say that, talk to her - and what about me. I understand Rin doesn't really want to meddle, and I'm actually not in the right state of mind, but still. I continued to look over the tiny rows, covered with pieces of information of where she was engaged in some significant events, what dances she mastered...
Sweat broke on me profusely when I saw a notable sentence and read it several times.
In the 24th summer, the debt was paid off in the amount of..., under the condition that Mother never learns about it - an additional twenty percent of the amount was added...
What!!! Utano is free. She is...
'Rin.' Energy had just left my body. 'She is... she... Rin.' She came to me. I whispered through the tears, 'Utano is free.' I feel my face becoming white as a sheet. I leaned onto her, helplessly sobbing. 'She lied to me, this is the worst of all.'
'I shouldn't have given you the files.' Rin's not aware just how much she helped me. I don't understand the life written here, that's not Utano. In this paper is not my sister. Nothing makes sense. This whole life - who was her sister? Why did she run away, and what was she doing the night I met her? Who is Hatsu really? Why did she stay after paying the debt, and why can't Mother know about it? What is going on? So many unanswered questions. All those stories about our freedom, and just how noble she is with her gold - it all went in her favour, just so I would look at her with gratitude. She'll stay, and what - I'll go and manage by myself, waiting for her to find me. I can't believe how I swallowed every dream she would serve me. And, as if that wasn't bad enough, she even tried to part me from Rin. I would've never forgiven her if she, by some chance, succeeded in doing so. Why was she bothered by Rin so much? What did she want from me?
So, she wanted me to go - that I'm sure of, but now that I know about her freedom and Mother, how was she to link that all up? I moved from Rin when she wiped out my tears. She kissed me on the forehead, trying to suggest that we go to the garden for a walk in order to divert my attention from these files, but she doesn't understand how much it all means to me. After all, Utano couldn't have any other intentions than to pay my debt and by doing that having someone in the outside world who would be ready to do anything for her. Now I see, of course, Rin was a problem - obstacle for her plans, she was a threat for my leaving, despite the offer of freedom. In addition to that, she was planning to leave Mother, why would she leave someone she loves - I heard her saying those words myself.
Maybe I'm wrong, my Utano couldn't be like that. I have to talk to her. I want to find out the truth, no matter how harsh it is, though I'm not sure I'm ready at the moment. What if my suspicions were correct, how will I face it - well, she is my sister. I love her despite all those facts. I don't have the strength to talk to her - not now. I picked up the second bundle of papers. They belong to the Mother, but only the name of our house is written on it. Rin hasn't parted from me now. I felt her nervousness, she was lighting the cigarette again. I laced our fingers together, feeling regret for burdening her with my problems. Surely I must look terrible when she's still right beside me, instead of retaking her place by the window in order to distance herself from the files. Once again, she tried with the walk, but I made her understand that I can't go anywhere until I have turned each and every sheet of this file. Then I opened the first page.
"Shizuko Miura, 1 summer, female...
On the 15th summer, she goes to Mother's house, received in the female part of Yoshiwara, Shizuko Miura takes the name Utako, sister...
She bought Utano, she spent the first night with her. How is this possible? There must be some mistake.
'Rin, this - there's something wrong with the file, that's not possible...' She looked at me while I was rising with the papers, walking around the room, repeating how this must be some kind of mistake. I continued to read the file, this time aloud. I didn't read it to her, but in my chin - to myself in order to distinguish its truth.
With 18 summers sold at the ceremony ...
In 27th summer, she is under the matronage of ...
The same spring, she bought the innocence of sister Utano under her matron's consent.
* The same matron bought the innocence of all the other girls offered on the ceremony ...
In the 28th summer, Utako loses matron's custody care (matron died after a severe illness)
In the winter the debt is paid ..., leaving Yoshiwara on the same day ...
* Yoshiwara received a letter of demand for golden coins with which Utako repaid the debt...
Report from the Court, Procedure 22: Shizuko Miura, 28th summer, caught in an escape, detained and convicted for making a false will, and previously mentioned, theft of financial funds. We require of you a refund of the gold coins that her freedom had been paid with ...
In her 29th summer, the Respected lady pays the deceased's amount of gold in secrecy to the court, taking Utako under the care of Yoshiwara with her debt increased by adding an inconvenience to the sum ..., Total value of the debt exceeds the basic amount of her education for five times...
With 33 summers of life, Utako becomes the Mother of the House ...
* Suspicious circumstances of the house takeover ..., all is in accordance with Article 12 of the Rulebook ..., it's suspected that Utako bought Mother's freedom and transfer of the title with the amount abducted from procedure 22 ... a secret procedure was initiated to affirm suspicious circumstances. Due to lack of evidence, Utako was proclaimed with the title of the new Mother...
'Rin is th - this can't be true.'
'I told you not to read it, the files create prejudices about people, your Mother regularly takes care of household costs, and anyone who reads it would think – well, you know.'
'But Rin, her life. She was in prison. I don't understand it...' I'm standing with the file, glancing in it, trying to pronounce the sentences, but the scattered thoughts interrupted every other letter on my mouth. I lowered the file to the table, then came to her. 'I can't go back home, not yet, not after this.' I slid down on the futon, placing my head in her lap. 'I was always wondering how she became the Mother at such a young age.'
'Yuna, my doors are always open to you, but if you want, I mean if you need to be alone, you can stay in the Great House.' I heard every word she said, but my thoughts are now in the files again.
'Rin, why did the Respected lady pay for her? How did she even manage to release her up on charges by the law?'
'She's not the only one Yuna.'
'What? How? I've never heard anything like that.'
'Yoshiwara is extremely powerful beyond the borders. It's a shame on our honor, such things are always kept in great secrecy. We would lose a large number of clients if they were to find out how our girl did something to one of them, for example: stole the gold, lied about the will... it exists, it's not so common, but it happens. The amount we paid for your Mother is not so significant when you look through the business perspective. She earned it to Yoshiwara in two years, and she was more valuable as a girl with skills than a prisoner. We always do that regardless of the amount, primarily to prevent a bad reputation - of course.'
'Have you paid the sentence for someone?'
'Well, it doesn't happen that often Yuna, so no, I didn't - and I hope it stays that way.' Her touch is calming while she's stroking my face. All of this is too much for one day. The only useful things I learned from these files are about Utano's ceremony and freedom, and Mother's past. Their relationship lasts for years now. She must have bought her out of love, and Utano might be ex
ploiting it for gold, surely thinking Mother has some of the stolen gold coins left hidden. Maybe she's trying to get the information of the place where that could be so the life of freedom would be comfortable for her. Not even feeling sorry for Mother because she was in prison, and have no decency not to seduce her at home secretly - all the while maintaining a pretend honesty in front of everyone else. If Utano really loves her, she would want to show it publicly, as Rin did for me. Although it's possible that she is angry at her about the fraud, but Utano certainly knew about it if they were lovers at that time, maybe even planning it together with her.
More than anything, I'd love to be wrong. There is still some hope in me that Utano didn't know any of this, and if that's the case, she was to hold a grudge against Mother for abandoning her with paying only the debt for herself, and everyone in Yoshiwara knew about the inherited gold.
I'm exhausted from all the versions of their relationship. I'm hurt. It's not my place to judge with whom she shares her bed, heart, and love. Every moment in which I was afraid that Utano might abandon me - hurts. She didn't accept me. And only with her I truly wanted to share everything that's happening in my life. I thought she wasn't ready to listen about love, she left me alone when I needed her the most. It hurts my soul every time I recall her words about love that we, as Yoshiwara's girls, aren't meant to feel.
All those thoughts were falling hard on my eyelids. I couldn't keep them open any longer - tiredness became dense and robust. Rin supported me on her hands, taking me to the futon. Her comforting words came quietly pronounced through the kisses her lips are leaving in my hair. In the end, I fell asleep in her gentle embrace.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
The morning is, as the old saying goes, smarter than the evening. I woke up a bit more calm and maybe more distanced from the thoughts I was having troubles to face with.
'How does my little sweetheart feel today?' Rin held me in arms, whispering how much she loves me, along with the sorrowful expression because of my problems.
'I'm better, but I'm endlessly sad because of everything.'
'Oh Yuna, my love, and maybe if you give a chance to the talk - otherwise you can't find out the truth.'
'I'm not ready. I can't face her - if it's the worst scenario I wouldn't have the strength to accept it. I need to get away from it all, to think... To prepare myself. Thank you for being with me Rin. I don't know how I would deal with this without your support, you give me the strength.'
'I will always be here for you, you are above all to me. I love you Yuna, more than anything. We will do whatever you want today, just say the words - I will do everything to make things easier for you. '
'I love you too Rin, you truly are my other half...
Sooo, now that you have already offered, for a start - one coffee would cheer me up.' I felt a small smile forming on my face. I forced myself, tightening the muscles in the right expression, but it didn't reach my eyes, yet I was trying. Rin got out of bed, leaving to oblige my request for a coffee with the goal of making me feel better. For that time I arranged our futon, opened the windows, dressed my kimono, and then nervously waited for coffee at the table. When she arrived I helped her with the full plate of food and drink, of course, coffee was taken off first.
'Rin. What is with my - actually Gina's list?'
'It doesn't matter now. We will not be bothered with Yoshiwara. If you want we can go riding, or in the city, maybe to the theater?'
'It matters to me, that will occupy my thoughts. I need something I can be bothered with, but only if it isn't - you know.'
'Well then, we can make a financial plan, or arrange a redistribution of work outside Yoshiwara walls, or...' She's teasing me in her soft tone, checking if I was serious about the topic I want to talk about.
'We can also do that, I'm interested in all of it. I'm listening.'
'So. I've got a list, five girls are on it. The event will be tonight.'
'Where's the list? I want to see the names.'
'With Gina, I only looked at it briefly. I was upset when I heard you were... you know.'
'And what now? What have you decided?'
'Actually, I haven't decided anything yet. You said we should wait. If I react today, the event under the masks in two days will be ruined - Gina found about that yesterday as well. The same client is involved in both stories. Certainly, there will be some other girls beside this list. And then, I'm not sure. Yuna, if you don't want to go with us, you don't have to – really. I don't want to push you.'
'Rin, I really want to go. That's what I need. Nothing would be occupying me more than that.'
'Hmm... so then I would love to be able to take you on such event every day.' She's teasing me again.
'Come on Rin, I didn't mean it like that.'
'What will we do with the girls? Ban them from earning, but there are too many of them, or maybe punish them to pay off the amount for which Yoshiwara is damaged, maybe I'll make them be the subject of public shame as an example to others. Well, they are the least of my worries. The clients will get a lifetime ban on accessing Yoshiwaras grounds, but he - the owner of the other part, that interests me, how does he take part in all this and what are his plans for the future?'
'I agree. He's actually the biggest problem if he is the one doing all that damage behind your back. And for the girls, you should have strict punishment. You need to show authority so this situation wouldn't happen again.'
'Should I give them a ban from earning?'
'It's too much, but the debt and public shame... You'll know better when you see what the situation is.'
'I'm worried.' Rin's thought interrupted a knock on the door. 'Well, who is it now? I told them to act as if I wasn't here. Come in!!!' She shouted. Madam appeared at the door. 'Respected lady, excuse me. I wouldn't have bothered you, but the situation is delicate.'
Rin breathed loudly. 'What kind of situation?'
Madam was holding the door without entering the room. 'You know if you could come. I'd prefer to tell you in confidence.'
She looked at me waiting for Rin's reaction. 'You can say it freely, this young lady can hear everything that is happening here.'
She still watched me, staying silent for a while, then looked at the floor and started talking quickly. 'In the foyer are Utano - the sister and Mother. They came to find Uta, they say she's missing.'
Rin didn't answer, just gently looked at me. 'This is your chance.'
'I can't, not yet, not now - I have no strength.'
'Are you sure?' I affirmatively lowered my head. Rin ordered the Madam to tell them that I'm here, safe, and that they don't have a reason to worry, but also that I can't talk to them right now. She told her to tell the Mother that Respected lady is with me and that I'm currently busy. Madam went out, and I ran to the door, sneaking through the corridor. I wanted to see Utano, but I don't have the strength to talk to her - I'm too vulnerable. My movements stopped at the wall where I looked down, hidden from their sight. My heart is clatching as I watch my sister. She is looking troubled with dark bags under her eyes because of heavy tears. I couldn't hold back my tears, I started to cry. Rin put her hand on my shoulder, whispering me to go talk to her.
I was swallowing the air to stay quiet.
Madam has carried the words of Rin to them.
They stood there in confusion. Mother looked as bad as Utano, I saw her only when she leaned toward Utano to silently comment. 'She's here - the stories from Yoshiwara are true. The respected lady spent the night with her. Rumors say she would become her matron. We can't do anything about that Utano. She'll be back home, we just have to wait patiently. Yoshiwara has ears on each wall, we'll find everything out when the time comes.' They went out. Mother comforted her. 'She'll be back to us, you're her sister. I know it hurts you, she loves you, she hasn't abandoned you...' Utano just kept crying, holding on to Mother for support. I felt the need to run toward them, to comfort Utano and came to an end with this story, but I couldn't make m
yself move, just like that time when I stood at her door. Seeing them together now, the scene of their intimate moment reappeared in front of my eyes.
I turned to Rin. 'I want to go, please just take me away from everything.'
'Come to me, my love.' She spread hands waiting for me to fall into her embrace. 'All of this will pass, everything will be fine, calm down. You are strong.' She led me out of the house and tucked us into the carriage. 'I'm taking you home. Yoshiwara doesn't exist there.' It doesn't matter where she's taking me, I just need her to be there. The whole carriage ride she held me in a tight embrace.
Rin started the story she had heard from her grandfather as a girl.
'In a far land, once upon a time lived a poor man. He barely saved enough gold to build a house. Since he didn't have enough funds to pay for the workers, he decided to do it all by himself. The girl was waiting for him in the village, and she would become his wife as soon as the house was completed. The peasant worked on building the house every day, not even stopping on a rest day. When the work came to an end, he noticed that there were two boards on one wall that are turned backward. The boards were irrelevant for construction to hold, it only seemed disagreeable when someone would stare at them. When he noticed the failure, he wanted to demolish the whole wall and rebuild it. For his future wife, he wanted only the best, a perfect home, he couldn't bear to look at those two boards that violated the harmony of the wooden wall.
Peasant took the tool and approached the wall, but then he heard the voice of his beloved lady. He lowered the heavy iron, waiting for the love of his heart to come. She asked him what he was doing, and he explained the troubles.
The girl looked at him with gentle eyes, saying that the house was just perfect. She didn't allow him to demolish the wall. She wanted to become a wife as soon as possible. The man left the wall as it was - on her appeal, and continued to build the rest of their home as if everything was in order. However, every day, those boards reminded him of the mistake he had made.
The house was finished, and peasant got married. On a wedding day, the whole family came to the house for the first time, but in the hidden anger, he showed them each part, only that wall stayed left out of sight. At some point, the father approached those boards, and peasant flinched immediately. He quickly redirected him to look at the other side, the side that was impeccable. Father complimented his construction by saying that it was all perfect.