by Eve Kaan
'I mustn't know, what must not I know? Uta, tell me.'
'Hush Uta, you don't know what you are playing with!!! They will exile me, that was the only way to come back to her. I have signed my silence, no one can't find out.'
I started to tremble again. I don't know what's going on, I just feel that Utano must find out. 'Nobody will be exiled. It's time Mother, Etsu's gone.'
'B-but... I signed and swore... it was a condition - I've suffered it all.'
'Conditions are gone Mother, tell her the truth - she loves you.' Mother gave in. Utano shakily tried to fill another cup of sake - I helped her. She whispered with a gaze of hope towards Mother. 'I waited so long. I want to know if you ever loved me?'
'I love you more than my life. You are all I have, before you - nothing had existed before you. Every moment is true.' Utano was looking at her with slight hope in her eyes.
'I've planned everything for our escape. Every word was true, not an illusion. I wanted to protect you from the fate that caught me if anything went wrong. I didn't want to ruin your life as well – that's why you didn't know.
My matron! That old crone, she had so much gold I didn't see in my life before. If you only knew what she was forcing me to do, enjoying in all the possible perversions. When she gave me the golden coins for the ceremony, she made me describe her how I took your innocence for nights on. She was touching herself each time I would retail it to her, I was disgusted. Of course, every word was a lie.
Near the end, in the last stage of her disease, she slowly started to lose her memory. There I saw the opportunity, I got out of her where she keeps the testament. She wasn't even aware that she told me. I quickly put a new one up and burned the old one. I knew I knew Utano that I would be discovered. I didn't have the original seal - it was only a matter of time.' Utano was overwhelmed by the shock, she spread her eyelids and listened. 'I knew I had to move fast. There was a small chance for an escape without a trace, but so small that I didn't hold onto it. I only needed enough time to hide the gold. I had to buy the freedom to have a clear passage at least from Yoshiwara - every second was important. You've been on my mind all that time, you were my strength. My love for you - I was and still am ready to do anything for you. I thought if they were to caught me, at least the gold would be safe. I'll serve my sentence. What are a few years in comparison to the time that we would have left for the rest of our lives. I was young, inexperienced, and I didn't know how Yoshiwara acts in such situations. Actually, I didn't know the Great House would ever find out.
Etsu came to me when I was in prison. She had to return every stolen golden coin to get me out. She said I had embarrassed her, I didn't want to come back like that, but... She took my liberty, it belonged to her. She knew about us, I told her everything. Except where I hid the gold, I said that everything was spent, and returned her just some small amount. She would have separated us if I didn't agree upon her demands - I signed everything and swore to silence. Forgive me Utano, please forgive me, I couldn't buy your freedom. I wouldn't be able to bear the separation from you, I know that I acted selfishly, but I'm begging you for forgiveness. My debt is too big, even if I were to live five lives I wouldn't repay it. Etsu added the stolen value and penalty with interest to my debt. The gold that I hid is enough for a half, but never, I have never given up. I keep every gold coin. The only thing I did, I bought Mother's freedom and her transcript of the house - I thought it was a way to control your time with clients, I didn't want to give you to others, but Utano, you insisted.'
I looked at Mother as if I had never seen her before. I can't believe what she has done for love. And on top of that all even I have given them a hard time, it makes me feel guilty now. Utano gazed at Mother with the same look I give to Rin.
'Utako you are, all you did - you should have told me, I thought, all this time I...'
I stood up to let Mother come in my place. It's time to leave them alone - I got all the answers. They tightly embraced each other trembling bodies. I stopped at the door to glance at them one more time, happiness fills me because of Utano's glimpsing eyes. From the back, I just added that I'll see them tomorrow and that Rin is waiting for me. I'm not sure if they heard me, but they know where I am anyway. Sounds of lips could be heard in the background, then I closed the door with a smile of satisfaction.
I'll be back tomorrow when the excitement subsides - they surely need some alone time. I couldn't even assume that this evening would end in happiness. I should have spoken to Utano immediately, instead of behaving like a child, but on the other hand, if there wasn't for Rin and me – it's questionable if Mother would ever confess the truth.
I sat in a carriage that awaited me in front of the house - Rin ordered it that way. Finally, I feel a great relief. I can't wait to see her and tell her all about it. She is my soul - my other half. The darkness outside the cabin is peaceful, just the sound of the horse's hoof could be heard.
There are no carriages in front of the Great House, which means that Rin finished with the girls. I came to the large unlocked door. In the lobby is only one small lamp, if she isn't in her chambers, then there's only one place where she could be waiting for me. I caught her in the garden with a cigarette on her lips.
'You already came, my love. I couldn't sleep, I was worried. '
'It all went great. I am happy.'
'You aaare, and will I hear the story?'
'Of course love. If it weren't for those files, their love would be in question. It's your credit - you haven't stepped over your principles in vain.'
✽✽✽
Rin
Yuna joined me on the settee in the night's fresh breeze. She lowered her head on my lap and started the story. From the anticipation, I burned cigarettes like a real addict. I have never heard such a story, it really surprised me. People are ready to do anything for love. Our settee turned into a small romantic paradise. Both of us are filled with emotions after Yuna told me the ending. We promised eternal sincerity to each other no matter of the circumstances in which our lives might be entangled in the future. We spent the rest of the night here, in the Great House, as well as most of the morning, because we went to sleep, like usual, at the time when the sun should start to arise.
Gina and Nori met us that afternoon before going to the field, and Yuna and I went for a walk through Yoshiwara's streets. I held her hugged around the waist - I don't want to hide anymore.
'Rin. Everyone is looking at us. I feel them talking on my skin.'
'Talking about what?' At that moment, I kissed her publicly on the street.
'About this.'
'Since when love should be a secret, Yuna?'
'It shouldn't, I just don't want them to think -.'
'To think what? That you are my lover, that I'm taking advantage of you, that I'll be your matron? I prepared the papers Yuna, you just have to sign them.'
'What kind of papers? I don't understand.'
'Papers to take away your debt. Well, that, sooo - you know - about the debt, I don't want - you're not...'
'Papers in which you're giving up your ownership over me?'
'When you say it like that, it sounds, I don't know - rough. I'd like you to move in with me or if you want to buy another home - we will live in the place of your choosing. I mean if it's early for you, if you don't want, I just thought - it would be nice and...'
'Rin! Stop. Of course, I want to live with you, it's just - I'm just not sure what to do for a job, I would like to continue dancing - that I really love. I've spent my entire life learning to master the skills of arts.'
'Or you could just keep doing what you were doing until now?'
'Rin, get serious. Loving you isn't a job. I don't know how to rest, I would like to work, I want to be useful.'
'Hahaha... I didn't mean that Yuna - I was thinking of your real job.'
'My real job? You mean dancing. Well, I'd love to.'
'Not that. No.'
'Not dancing? What is it then, tell me a
lready.'
'I'm talking about managing Yoshiwara.'
'You are kidding with me. I've never been engaged in Yoshiwara's business - that's your job.'
'You were - all this time. Every procedure, each decision – it never passed without your approval, I would love -, of course, if you want, I know it's a tough job. I will understand -.'
'Stop, stop. Of course, I want. You really haven't made any decisions without me?'
'Never. Yoshiwara needs a hand from the inside.'
'And what did you do with the last night's girls? You've made that decision all by yourself. But, if you say you can't manage without me, how can I leave you alone in such a tough situation.'
'I didn't say that. I can do it by myself if you refuse me.'
'No, no... You said you couldn't.' I tickled her waist side gently, she laughed while trying to wiggle out of my hug. I pulled her closer and kissed her. 'So what about those girls? I'm still waiting for an answer.'
'I didn't actually do anything. When I heard Utano's reason, I assumed that every girl did that with the same troubles. I felt sorry for them. Each one of them was crying, they couldn't talk from tears. So perhaps it's humiliating enough that I caught them there.'
'Oh, Rin!'
'What? Did I do something wrong?'
'You are the Respected lady, you can't do that. You have to show them authority, you can't be so soft. Utano was in a different situation, it's not the same.'
'Well - here, if you wish to know, I yelled. I showed authority. I was strict, and told them they mustn't ever do that again.'
'And what did you do then? What? Told them to go home and have a good night's rest from all that hard work they've endured. Oh Rin, that's not the way to do it. You should have let them go without punishment, I agree with you, no one went there to enjoy it, yet you should've shown them how angry you are. It doesn't matter now.'
'You're gonna be great Respected lady.'
'You're teasing me again.'
'Not at all. So my love, isn't that your house? You never invited me on tea, and I hosted you for days.'
'Well, it wasn't like - I mean, there hasn't been a good moment, and now -.'
'I know. Now I'm teasing you Yuna - just teasing.'
'Ah - no, no, no. When you mentioned it already. I'd love for you to see my house and my room - to show you where I've been growing up for the last few summers.'
'But Utano and Mother. It's not a good moment.'
'Come on, they made up last night. It's a perfect moment. Let's go!' She pulled me by the hand, then stopped for a few moments on a small porch in front of the door. Yuna finally opened it. Two girls appeared, and immediately directed their eyes to the ground, starting to greet me with the Respected lady.
'These are Kaoru and Hana, I told you about them.'
We exchanged the introductions, and they stood surprised - trying to comment in a whisper to Yuna. 'You talked to the Respected lady about us?'
Yuna smiled at them. 'Of course, only the best about my friends.'
They immediately offered us tea, sake, food and everything they have in the house. Yuna told them to relax a little, yet ordered a tea, asking them where Utano and Mother are. Kaoru whispered in her ear, and Yuna repeated several times, 'I know, I know that too. So they told you. I know they are in love...'
I looked around imagining Yuna as a young girl running around these stairs, dancing in the entrance hall...
This part of the house I already saw when I came for Utano because of cholera, yet I was curious about Yuna's room. Kaoru and Hana spread large wooden panels from the reception room passing through it toward some small door - they probably went to make the tea.
'I want to show you my room. I want you to see where I spent those endless nights with you in my thoughts.' She took me to the stairs. 'Mother is at Utano's room all day. Kaoru and Hana told me that they only came down for lunch, embraced like a couple, announcing their love - then left them confused at the table and returned to Utano's room afterward. If we hear some moans, it will be embarrassing – just ignore it.' I laughed at her last comment. I didn't hear any highlights of love, only the sincere laughter that came from the heart. I believe that's Utano and Mother, considering that laughter is getting louder as we climb the stairs. Yuna led me to one of the bamboo doors on the floor and took a deep breath. 'I'll open my little world to you now, it's not even close to yours, but I lived a happy life here.'
'Oh my love, the room isn't measured by luxury. I'm interested in all the details you have arranged the space with, it's a reflection of you, and what kind of person you are. There must be a lot of glittering objects.'
'It's not full of glittering objects, how could you?' I kissed her cheek, and she opened the door. The room is much smaller than the ones I'm used to but cute like Yuna. Each object seems to be a part of her soul. Everything is neatly arranged, I didn't know she was so pedantic. And indeed, there are many glittering things just as I said, from brushes to curtains, but this time I didn't comment. My eyes fell on the futon where widespread kimono that I give her was placed. 'Only this one you're holding out of the closet Yuna?'
'I slept with it, your scent was still on the fabric.' She leaned for the kimono, lifted it to her face, took a deep breath closing her eyes in the process. 'There is still a faint scent of jasmine with green tea and lemon note on it, I love that smell Rin. It completely mesmerizes me.'
'That's the formula I made by myself in France since then I order it from our manufacturer. That's my scent - I see I've seduced you successfully, with it.'
'Seduced?! There's been a lot more than your scent.' I pulled her closer to me.
'I love you Yuna. I really like your room. I see you in it when you moved in, I see you learning how to dance, playing instruments, dressing kimonos... your dreams - I see you.'
'Speaking of which - I love you too Rin - you know, I thought when you asked me to move in with you - maybe we could make just a few adjustments to your room so I can fit in. Well, there's a lot of that stone, I mean, it's elegant, but somehow dead in a way. Maybe we could replace it - maybe some stone with a little bit more volume would fit better, you know that glittering one, I can't remember what it's called, hmm...'
'You can redecorate the whole house - I want to share everything with you.'
✽✽✽
Yuna
Rin sent me a gentle glance at a moment when the door began to crunch, so we both turned to them, and through the rice paper, a silhouette appeared. I went to it quietly, and suddenly opened them, Utano and Mother stood there. They both looked down in front of my love, greeting her with the Respected lady. I noticed her becoming nervous.
Utano, with all the manners - as she always had, said to Rin, 'Respected lady, please accept my apologies for the inconvenience I caused to Yoshiwara, I will accept the punishment you consider to be appropriate, in accordance with my actions. I would be grateful if you would have a moment of your time to speak with me in privacy, if you will do me that honor.'
Rin wasn't in her normal composed state but reacted quickly. 'Please, Utano, don't address me so formally. I'm Rin to you if you agree? I would like to have a talk with you, of course.' Utano led Rin into her room, I became tense. What will the two of them talk about and why is Rin behaving like that, what's happening with to her? May she be nervous? Mother stepped into my room and closed the door. I saw on her that she has become a different person - there was no trace of that woman who took me in this house. 'Uta, darling. If it weren't for you... I will never be able to repay you for what you've done. You have returned my life back to me.'
'Mother, Mother.' I took her hands in mine. 'You've come back to life on your own, I just pushed you a little bit.' She hugged me, not stopping expressing her gratefulness, but all I'm interested in right now is what Rin and Utano are talking about. I started packing my things to calm my tense nerves. Mother's helping me with that. 'I'm happy for you, dear. The only thing that matters in life is love. Utano decided t
o take her freedom, but she would stay in the house. I will pay a fee for her if Respected lady agrees upon it.'
✽✽✽
Rin
Yuna stayed with Mother, and Utano took me to the room filled with passion. Everywhere were traces of lovers. She apologized for the state of her room beeing in disarray, offering me a futon seat beside the small table on which she had a tray with tea, and scattered tobacco. She quickly started to arrange things while I'm standing next to the table - nervousness could be cut in the air. I don't know how to start the conversation, in fact, I don't even want to say anything to her - I just want to hear that she had accepted me. She is important to Yuna as Nori and Gina are to me. We descended to the futons. 'Utano, about what happened last night. I understand why you did it, everything is fine. '
'Respected lady, I am - you know, last night...'
I corrected her, 'Rin, please.'
'Rin.' She looked at me. 'Please take my apologies. I'm embarrassed. I wanted her debt to -.'
'No need for that.' I interrupted her. 'Her debt is erased. I prepared the papers, she just needs to sign them.'
'But - she is my sister, I want to do it for her.'
'There is no need really, everything is fine.' She was looking at me for a while - both of us were without a tone before she leaned towards me.
'Rin.' Finally, she accepted me as a person with no title, this is the first word she directed to me that didn't sound like it was spoken to the Respected lady. 'I believe you love her. I heard everything you said to her in the room. Your eyes are – your look, Utako is looking at me the same way. I'm sorry I have doubted.'
'No, no... I understand your suspicions, you couldn't have known. Yoshiwara is such a place and my position -.'
'You are different.'
'I love her with all my heart, she is the only one for me.'
'Then you will understand my need to enable her freedom so she could be yours. I want to do it for her as a sister. I cared for her by bringing her up as best as I knew. I'm aware that her debt doesn't mean anything to you, but for me, it's a gesture. I'd want for her to buy her own freedom, however, you will still ensure her everything else.'