Blue Sky

by D. Bryant Simmons

  Finally I said, “Thanks, coach.”

  He nodded and opened one of the brochures to point to the bottom of the financial aid page. “Illinois State holds one scholarship for a girl athlete each year. Just one. Now you keep doing whatcha doing on the track and off and this could be you. Go on home and show this stuff to your folks. I’ll be around to answer their questions after this Friday’s match if they want.”

  I didn’t expect they’d show. The twins kept Mama busy. Jackie would come. She came to my last match. She spent most of the time flirting with the boy in front of her, but she cheered like it was her full-time job when I crossed the finished line.

  “I bet your folks are real proud of you.”

  “Yeah.” I stuffed the brochures into my backpack and slung it over my shoulder. “See ya, coach.”

  The sun’s crest hovered above the horizon of the school’s parking lot as I lengthened my stride. Never thought twice about the distance or the time it took to get from point A to point B. Only the blood mattered, rushing from my heart to my feet and back again. The blood broke free inside me, the tiny cells swimming through my body like a broom swishes around dark corners, uncluttering useless thoughts congregating there. I’d been a fan of thoughts my whole life, never would’ve considered any of them useless. For thoughts and words were so clearly related and I adored words, but I was wrong because words that couldn’t be said—shouldn’t be said—held no meaning. Not for the person who thought them up and not for anyone who might’ve heard them. So I ran to keep those thoughts from using up space. Ran hard and fast. Especially when no one was watching. Didn’t have to couch my steps out of fear I’d be found out. That someone would say, “Hey, that girl there…the one with the dark hair! She knows!” Surely if they saw me run—the real me, not the me that showed up for track meets—if they saw the real honest-to-God Mya Morrow, the words would escape the cage I’d locked them in. The cage in the dark dusty corner of the farthest reaches of my mind. So, I double-checked, no one was around and adjusted my speed from power walking to a light jog but stopped short when a boy stepped out of the shadows with both hands in his pockets. Ramon. No book bag in sight, but that wasn’t unusual since he hardly ever showed up for class.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey. You waiting on me?”

  “No,” he lied.

  Ramon probably could’ve been my brother in another life. The resemblance gave most folks pause. Same high-yellow complexion and we were both taller than average for our age.

  “So…you went to a party last week?”

  “Yeah,” I slowed my pace so he could keep up. Ramon dared not walk any faster than necessary otherwise his jeans would’ve sank to the ground.

  “Thought you didn’t like going to parties.” His hands moved deeper into his pockets as if the extra coverage would shield his hurt feelings. “At least that’s what you told me.”

  “I don’t.”

  “You don’t what?”

  “Like going to parties.”

  “So why’d you go?”

  “Jackie.”

  “Have fun?” he asked when I didn’t explain any further.

  “Jealous?”

  He shrugged. “What I’m a be jealous for? Ain’t like you my girlfriend.”

  I wished I could’ve said I hadn’t given it that much thought, but I did. I thought about him more than I wanted to admit. I’d even made a chart, listing his pros on one side and cons on the other. The con list was longer.

  “You don’t need to walk me home. I’m fine on my own.”

  “I’m not. I’m going to…umm…catch up with my boy. He live up on…umm…” Ramon’s hand popped out of his pocket, snapping and pointing as he tried to remember the name of the street. “Over there by…umm…”

  Ramon had an ever growing group of friends. Every few months one or two of them were arrested and quickly replaced by new ones. They spent more time hanging out on street corners than they did in school.

  “Mya?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I…uhh…I been thinking and—”

  “Can I ask you a question?” We were about two blocks from my house. I stopped under the street light and turned to face him. “You wanna be my boyfriend?”

  “Why? You want me to be?”

  “I asked you first.”

  To that, he laughed.

  ◼︎

  “Did you hear?” Jackie slipped into my bedroom with a deliciously evil grin on her face. “Miss Holier-than-Thou finally snagged herself a boyfriend. A soon-to-be doctor no less. She’s downstairs right now telling Mama how wonderful he is.”

  I spared a nod and went right back to my homework. About a third of the sophomore class was taking advanced algebra, and I was among the privileged few. My textbook, notes, and workbook made a half circle on the floor around me. They required a bit more concentration than gossiping about Nikki’s boyfriend did, but Jackie didn’t pay that any mind.

  “Guess Miss Goody-Two-Shoes finally gave up the goods.”

  Even her giggles took on a taunting tone when inspired by Nikki. Why the two of them couldn’t get along was beyond me.

  Jackie stretched out lengthwise across my bed and rolled on her side so her head rested on top of her fist and bucked her eyes at me. “What? Not my fault she’s a prude. I mean what eighteen year old has never had a boyfriend? What’s she afraid of? Huh? I mean, you never had a boyfriend, but that’s because you’re busy with other stuff. What’s she busy with? Church? I’m just saying it’s weird. If she’s gonna be a nun, she should come out and say so. B-B-But she’s all freakin’ f-f-frigid. I bet she can’t even say the word.”

  “What word?”

  “Sex.” Jackie’s grin disappeared into thin air, but a sly smirk immediately fell in its place. “I bet she thinks it’s a sin—or it’s for making babies or something like that. Not for fun. Oh no! That would be horrible. I bet she does it in the dark. Fully clothed! Then runs off to shower and pray after! She probably wouldn’t even recognize her own pussy if it was staring her in the face.”

  It wasn’t funny. I didn’t know any more than Nikki did, so I had no business laughing. I was not gonna laugh. I tightened my facial muscles, forcing them into a stoic expression.

  “Know what?” Jackie grinned, holding back her own giggles. “We should have a pussy-vention. Nikki, meet your pussy. Pussy, this is Nikki. Now, you two play nice.”

  “Jackie!”

  “What? It’s true!” she said as we both broke into giggles.

  “What’s so funny?”

  I finally regained enough control to wipe the tears from my eyes and focus on the figure darkening my doorway. Heziah grinned from ear to ear, waiting to be let in on the joke.

  “Nothing,” I muttered.

  “Oh, we were just talking about the birds and the bees,” Jackie cooed sweetly.

  Heziah shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “All right…well, that’s…that’s…umm…that’s good, I guess.”

  “Damn straight, it’s good.”

  “Jackie!” I hadn’t meant to shout but it slipped out.

  “What? Is it supposed to be bad?”

  As embarrassed as I was, Heziah was even more so, but he gathered his composure and motioned for Jackie to make room for him to sit next to her on my bed.

  “What? What I say?”

  She, of course, was aware of exactly what she’d said, but my sister was determined to prolong our embarrassment for as long as she could.

  “Well, I’ve been wanting to talk to you girls about something, and I guess now’s as good a time as any. I realize that you’re growing up…into young ladies.”

  “Is this a sex talk?”

  “Oh my God, Jackie, shut up!”

  Heziah grimaced slightly and glanced over his shoulder at the open door as if he might be expecting reinforcements. A second later, he returned to the matter at hand. “You’re both smart, caring, beautiful girls. I want you to be proud of that and make sur
e that any boy you’re…interested in appreciates that too.”

  “Okay, daddy-o!” Jackie popped up to wrap her arms around his neck. The tension melted from his body, and he hugged her back before turning to me.

  “Mya, you listening?”

  Of course, I was. He was only two feet away. Even if I didn’t want to, I couldn’t help but listen.

  “Mya?”

  “Mama’s calling us. Come on, Jackie.”

  I was fully aware that the mess my life had become wasn’t Heziah’s fault. I’d liked him fine when I was a kid, but that was before my world came apart at the seams. Mama could only shoulder the blame for some of it, so that left plenty for Heziah. The more effort he put into caring about me, the more that blame simmered underneath my skin. I hadn’t asked him to care, hadn’t asked him for a thing. Nothing he could give me would make up for what I’d lost anyway.

  “Why you so mean to him?” Jackie whispered as we went single file down the stairs.

  I wasn’t exactly mean. I just didn’t feel the need to respond to everything he said to me.

  “Mya.” Her fingers brushed against my shoulder but quickly withdrew before latching on, and Jackie went silent until we were both safely on the first floor. “What’d he ever do to you?” She prodded.

  Without so much as a first thought, I spun on my heels to face her and out popped, “What’d he ever do that was so magnificent?”

  Silence wasn’t easy to come by with Jackie, but that’s all she could conjure up because I was right. Wasn’t one thing she could point to as a solid piece of evidence that Heziah was some wonderful gift bestowed upon us. Not one thing.

  “Don’t be nervous, ma chérie.”

  “I’m not.”

  The hard part was over. Jean-Louis had gotten along wonderfully with the reverend despite the fact that he was eight years my senior and not much of a Christian. Now he just wanted to meet my other family. I wasn’t nervous at all. It was going to be easy. I was sure of it. Still, I couldn’t stop tugging at the hemline of my brown plaid skirt.

  “Did I tell you that Heziah’s son is in town?”

  In our absence, Louis had become quite comfortable in our house with our mama. He even called her Mama just like we did. It wasn’t Christian of me, but I felt the tiniest bit of spite churning in my heart.

  “He’s a lawyer.”

  “Oh?”

  I nodded, choosing to leave off a few details about Louis’s occupation. “He’s so educated.”

  A grimace graced Jean-Louis’s African features just as he steered the car onto our street. “Well educated.”

  “Hmm?”

  “I believe you meant to say he is well educated.”

  “Oh, right. I’m sorry.”

  “Tell me more about him.” We parked a few cars away from the house, and he turned off the ignition but allowed the radio to continue to play. “What is he like?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t spend much time thinking about Louis. I hadn’t even expected him to be there. I was more worried about the other members of my family. Mya would be fine, a little quiet but fine. The twins would be their adorable selves. Natalie was always easy. Where she got her manners from I had no clue. It was hard to believe that she and Jackie came from the same place.

  “I told Mama all about you. She was thrilled.” I smiled at my slight overstatement.

  Mama didn’t do thrilled, especially when it came to men. She waited patiently for their true colors to shine through and the waiting made her appear reserved. I just hoped that Jean-Louis wouldn’t take it personally.

  “And Heziah is extremely smart. Not school smart…I mean, well, sort of…he reads a lot.”

  “Do not worry, my love,” he cooed, lifting my restless hand to his lips. “I will love them as I love you. I promise.”

  Words of introduction flooded out of my mouth as soon as the front door opened. It was like watching some crazy babbling fool go on and on about a dream he had once. I was sure the moment had gone unnoticed until Heziah gave me his patented pat on the back. Firm and gentle.

  “And this is my mama. Mama, this is Jean-Louis Grenier.”

  “Mrs. Jenkins, what a pleasure it is to meet you. I see where Nicole gets her beauty.”

  Mama nodded and invited us into the dining room, saying supper was already on the table. They’d added two extra seats, adding up to a total of four mismatching chairs since the dining set only came with six to begin with. We all scooted in bumping elbows and offering up polite smiles.

  “Such a cozy home you have here.” His gaze roamed the three walls of the dining room.

  The twins had taken to snickering every time he said anything. It wasn’t long before one of them said, “You talk funny.”

  “That’s ‘cause he’s from Africa,” Natalie explained to them.

  “Actually, I’m French. Do you know where France is? It’s on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean. In Europe. It is a common misconception. Some people don’t realize that Africans have migrated all over the world.”

  “But you’re still African,” Mya replied, her cold black eyes staring daggers into his from across the table. “Migrating don’t change that.”

  “Actually, I’m French and I have the passport to prove it.”

  “Mama, did you do something different to the black-eyed peas? I mean they’re usually really good, but this is extraordinary. Don’t you think?” I asked, nudging my date.

  “Actually, I’ve nothing to compare them to.” He smiled and leaned in to kiss the tip of my nose. “I will have to take your word for it, ma chérie.”

  “She Nikki, not Sherry,” Callie insisted.

  “No, no, my dear. It is a saying in my language—”

  “African?”

  “French,” he replied fast as a whip. “It means my dear.”

  Dinner continued in that manner for half an hour. One assertion followed closely by a correction or challenge. Without the slightest warning, my family was taken over—replaced by a tag team of litigators. The twins were just following the direction of the tide, so I was willing to issue them passes, but Mya refused to let up. Then Louis and Heziah jumped in. It was a miracle that Jean-Louis didn’t wither under the weight of their coordinated attack. Neither Mama nor Jackie had a word to spare in his defense, not one word.

  “Nicole tells me that you’re an attorney.”

  “I am.”

  “How is that for you?”

  “How is it for me?” Louis’s eyebrows reached for the ceiling as he tried to smother the chuckle that was brewing in his throat. “It’s fine.”

  “It is underappreciated here. In Europe it is considered a dignified profession, and they are graciously paid. I have heard Americans say…what is the phrase? Dime a dozen? Am I saying it correctly?”

  I nodded, taking a deep breath at the same time. To fill my chest to capacity as if that would protect me from my family’s glare. They acted as if I’d brought a traitor into the house instead of a medical student.

  “Louis doesn’t have that problem. He’s undoubtedly appreciated. Overly appreciated even! I mean his clients love him. They’re poor, so he’s practically doing a public service.”

  “Oh. Well, that is different.”

  The plates had been picked clean by then. Only chicken bones remained as proof of our supper. An uncomfortable silence blanketed the table while Mama went around collecting plates. Each plate clanged on top of the others with increasing loudness, offering up their own disapproval. I couldn’t believe it. Everything had gone so well at the reverend’s house.

  “Where do you think she found him?”

  Louis was a better person than me, so he wouldn’t have joined in the fun if he was of a sober mind. He chuckled and took another puff from the reefer cigarette before passing it back to me. The crisp spring air insured we would be alone out on the front porch. Louis sat in the middle of the top stair and I sat on his right, my knees facing him and my back against the porch post.

&
nbsp; “Maybe he was nervous.”

  “How he gonna just re-name somebody? Did you see Mama’s face when he called Nikki Nicole? Whew. I didn’t think he was gonna make it outta here alive. I bet you she marries him. That’s what happens to girls who don’t know any better.”

  “Jackie.”

  “What?”

  “Be nice.”

  “Eh. I’d rather be honest.” I beckoned for him to pass the contraband in my direction again. Wasn’t it enough I’d kept my mouth shut for the entirety of supper?

  “How’re you doing?”

  Louis didn’t have Heziah’s eyes. His were round, bold, and a bit crass. Whereas, Heziah’s were shaped like almonds and always seemed to be laughing.

  “Pops said that you moved around a lot.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How many times?”

  “Eight.”

  “Damn.”

  “I’m fine. Girls like me always land on top.”

  Louis nodded, but my meaning was lost on him. Smart didn’t always mean perceptive. I exhaled smoky rings in his direction, and he still wasn’t any wiser. I imagined that if I’d had a lollipop or a sucker he wouldn’t have been so oblivious to what I was telling him.

  “Were they good people?”

  “Who? Oh, yeah. Sure. Just swell according to the social worker. But I was a troubled child,” I said grinning shamelessly. “Takes a special kinda man to handle me.”

  “Well, I’m glad they were good to you.”

  “Mmhmm.”

  “Do you miss any of them?”

  A siren cut through the night as an ambulance charged past our block. I glanced in its direction, wondering where they were headed and what the emergency was. Louis might’ve said something else, but by then, a comfy fog had settled around my head, blocking out some sounds and some sense. Random thoughts rattled around in my mind. Nikki’s boyfriend had parked a few cars down the block. He drove an older model BMW. He was short for a man and lacked any kind of a physique. Not my type at all. I leaned toward taller options.

  “How tall are you?”

  With the flick of his fingers, Louis tossed the last of the blunt into the front yard and pulled a Ziploc bag from his pocket along with cigarette papers. He could’ve easily towered over six feet.