Blue Sky

by D. Bryant Simmons

  “I have college.”

  “You never mentioned it.”

  I hadn’t given it much thought since I got the acceptance letter in the mail a few months back, but Mama had. She really wanted me to go. Wasn’t much I did gave her peace of mind. The least I could do was take my behind to school. Study something safe like accounting.

  “Maybe you should not make decisions right now.”

  “Why not? ‘Cause my mama’s sick?”

  Kem didn’t want to say it, but that’s what he was thinking.

  I went searching my purse for some tissue and came up empty. “You got any tissue?” I asked, pulling the lever for his glove compartment at the same time.

  Kem must’ve been concentrating on driving because he didn’t panic or utter one guilt-laden word. It was like he’d forgotten that the evidence was there.

  “What’s this?”

  He steered the car into a turn. Glanced over to see what I was holding and said, “It’s an earring, no?”

  “Whose earring?”

  He looked again. “Not yours?”

  “No, it’s not mine. You think I’d be asking if it was mine? Think I don’t know my own stuff when I see it?”

  “Then it belongs to my friend,” he said slowly.

  “What kind of friend?”

  “This is not the time to discuss this. You are upset.”

  “No shit, I’m upset! Are you…are you cheating on me?”

  Kem let out a guttural sigh and began to maneuver the car into a parallel park on my block. His fingers brushed lightly against my shoulder as he positioned himself to see out of the rear window, and my first instinct was one of violence. I hadn’t felt such hatred for another person in a long time.

  “Answer me.”

  “No. I am not cheating on you.”

  “Liar.”

  I wanted to storm out of the car. March up the walk and slam my front door closed. I wanted him to know the pain I felt. I wanted it all in his face so he couldn’t ignore it.

  “Jackie…”

  “Touch me again, and you’ll regret it.”

  One thing about being a Morrow girl, we knew our way around some threats.

  “Let me explain. I never said we were exclusive. It is not a reflection on you. You are wonderful—”

  “Damn right, I am.”

  “But, I am not…I don’t believe…I don’t believe monogamy is for me. I’m poly.”

  “You’re what?”

  “Poly. Polyamorous. It means I am open to falling in love with more than one partner.”

  “You mean you’re a man.” The door handle had a propensity for sticking, so I had to pull at it extra hard and thrust my shoulder against the door to get it to open. “You’re a selfish, greedy, son-of-a-bitch. Stay away from me.”

  My feet found the curb, and his passenger door rattled as I threw it closed. The glass resisted, refusing to break even though I’d put all I had into the motion. The trek to the door was a blur of wind and blame. Blaming myself for thinking he’d be different. I felt his eyes on me the whole way. Even after I’d locked the door behind me, I suspected he was still watching me. Did he think I was gonna change my mind and come running back? I stood frozen in the dark foyer listening for the sound of his car pulling away from the curb. If he knew what was good for him he’d do it. Only way I was going back out there was with my hands wrapped around a bat.

  “Baby?”

  Mama was waiting up for me. She’d been sitting in the window seat watching from the living room. She stood and wrapped her frayed yellow robe tighter around herself and met me in the foyer.

  It was selfish to cry in front of her, but I couldn’t stop myself. The tighter she held me, the more the tears burned my eyes. I tried to explain them away, but she shushed me and stroked my hair.

  “Belinda?” Heziah stood at the top of the stairs. “Everything okay?”

  “We’re fine. Go on back to bed.”

  “Did it hurt?” Callie was worried. She sat at the foot of the hospital bed tracing imaginary circles across the pale blue blanket covering me.

  “I’m fine, baby.”

  I’d wanted the twins to go to school like any other day, but Heziah had brought them to the hospital instead.

  The doctor had already come by to say they got a good-sized sample, and the results would be in soon.

  “Mommy, I’m hungry. What’s for dinner?” The twins were identical, but sometimes their personalities took over and made them resemble different people. Right then, Jenna reminded me of Mya.

  “Your mama’s gonna stay here for a little while.”

  “Why?” She sat in the chair next to Heziah, her head tilted to the side as she looked up at him in wonder. “She’s all better now.”

  “She’s gonna be very tired for a few days. She needs to rest.”

  There was a quick rap at the door and the nurse, a simple girl with a head full of tight brown curls, stood in the doorway. “Now, Mrs. Jenkins exactly how many daughters do you have?” She smiled.

  And Nat, Nikki, and Jackie slipped past her into the room. Heziah swallowed each of them up in a hug.

  “Mama, you okay?”

  I nodded, but I was still a little drowsy, so I wasn’t real sure if my head was doing as I intended. Nikki’s arms were wrapped around a potted plant, and Nat still had her book bag slung over one shoulder. At least one of my girls made it to school.

  “They fixed her.” Jenna brought the others up to speed. “She’s all better now, but she gotta rest.”

  Heziah grimaced ever so slightly, so they’d know it was just a little girl’s version of the truth. This was only the beginning. I’d have to wait to find out if what they took out was really cancer. Still, I was a lucky girl to have my family around me at that moment. All the folks who loved me.

  “Where’s Mya?”

  Everybody held their breath, but the silence wasn’t answer enough for my youngest. She had a ways to go before life showed her that asking questions could be just as hurtful as an angry hand.

  “Mama, how come Mya’s not here?”

  ◼︎

  Nighttime in the hospital came on suddenly and dragged on. Supper was ground meat and gravy with soupy mashed potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a dinner roll. The old woman in the bed next to mine gobbled hers down while flipping the television channels. She was closest to the window, which gave me a good view of the hallway. I was sure I wasn’t looking for her, but when I caught a glimpse of the lean figure at the nurse’s station my heart skipped a beat. She wore black combat boots, one of which was missing laces, so it flopped lazily with each step she took, dark pants that was probably the lower half of some civil servant’s uniform, and a yellow tank top. Her features softened the closer she got until she looked more like me than her daddy.

  “Hi, Mama.”

  “Hi, baby. You doing all right?”

  Her mouth twisted up as she fought the impulse to smile and possibly even laugh. I was probably the only patient more worried about her visitor than herself.

  “I’m fine.” Her left arm flexed slightly as she dragged the chair from the doorway to my bedside. She sat and unfolded a tan piece of paper before handing it to me. “Mia made this for you.”

  It was a crayon drawing of a box with a ribbon on it and the words “Get Wall,” scrawled across the top.

  “You missed your sisters. They were here earlier.”

  “I figured.” Her eyes locked onto my supper tray. “You not gonna eat that?”

  “You can have it.”

  Mya took her time breaking out the fork and knife from their plastic prison, paused long enough to say grace then took a bite. The old lady was snoring soundly and had left the television tuned to the news. We watched the weather and a report on a fire downtown.

  The two of us hadn’t been alone together since that day she packed her suitcase and left. Hadn’t had a conversation that nobody else was in on. It hit me this might be the last time. I might not ev
er get another chance to say the things I needed to say.

  “Visiting hours are over.” My new nurse was a full-bodied blonde and ain’t bother with a spick of makeup. She claimed my tray without looking at me or Mya and walked out the room.

  Mya stared gloomily at my feet, the same spot Callie had been tracing with her finger. “I’m gonna stay,” Mya said.

  Ten minutes later the no-nonsense nurse reappeared, checked my vitals, and repeated herself. Visiting hours ended at ten o’clock. No exceptions. Mya nodded slightly and leaned back in her chair, lifting one foot so her ankle rested on top of her knee. The boot without laces hung defiantly in the air.

  “I’m sorry,” the nurse said.

  “I’m staying,” Mya said.

  The plain-faced woman went from an expression of duty to irritation. She’d probably been on her feet for a good ten hours and just wanted to be done with her shift so she could go home. I felt sorry for her. She didn’t know who she was dealing with. If Mya ain’t wanna do something, she didn’t do it. Wasn’t much wiggle room in that.

  “Fine.” The nurse relented.

  I awoke with a start like somebody had jerked me awake. The sun was shining bright as ever and the noisy old woman in the bed next to me was gone. The doctor stood over me with his stethoscope pressed against the crook in my arm, listening. The chair where Mya had slept was empty. The doctor wanted to examine the site, or so he said as he peeled back the bandage.

  “Mmm, good.” He nodded, prodding my flesh. “Any pain?”

  I nodded.

  He motioned to the nurse standing at the foot of my bed and rattled off some instructions. Was right then that I saw Mya standing by the window, holding a paper cup with steam rising off the top. Her eyes met mine.

  “Mrs. Jenkins, the incision looks good. Would you like to know the results of the biopsy now or do you want to wait for your family to return?”

  Mya returned to sit at my bedside as if to say my family had never left. The doctor covered his surprise with a smile and waited for my answer.

  “Tell me now.”

  The very next second, the doctor’s face turned grim. It was cancer. I had cancer. He recited some numbers for me, none of which made any sense. Then he turned hopeful.

  “We can begin treatment today, before you go home.”

  The last thing Mama needed was to go home. She needed rest. Somebody to take care of her. I stood back to admire my work and decided to fluff the pillows one more time. She’d have her own bathroom, and she was only about ten feet from the kitchen. She’d love it.

  “Nicole. What are you up to?”

  “Mama’s gonna come stay with us for a while. Until she’s feeling better.”

  “I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

  I smiled anyway. He’d had the same opinion when I suggested that Mya and Mia come stay with us for a while. I’d caved on that one, but I would not cave on this.

  “You won’t have to do anything. I’ll take care of her.”

  “I don’t think that’s the best idea.” Jean-Louis loved to repeat himself, each repetition weighing more than the last until it was no longer an opinion but a fact.

  “If she goes home, she’s going to feel like she has to take care of everybody else. This way she can relax and get her strength up.”

  “She will be farther from her family here.”

  “I’m her family.”

  “Oh? I thought you were my family.”

  “I am…”

  “Then you must understand it is not the best idea. If my opinion means anything…”

  The room had been my project for about a year. I’d chosen the color palette with Mama in mind, knowing that she needed a cheerful environment to balance out her outlook. Bright yellow and white furniture with fresh-cut flowers was precisely the prescription. All I needed was a few days, maybe a week, and Mama would be a new woman. She’d finally be happy.

  “Nicole, are you listening to me?” He crossed the room and took both my arms in his hands. My husband had the grip of a man twice his size.

  “I made up my mind,” I said, going limp at the same time.

  His fingers shifted slightly until his fingernails were digging into my skin, and his stare bored into my head. His hold tightened a bit as my instincts took over. It was useless, trying to wiggle out of his grasp, but I still tried from time to time.

  “Nicole.”

  “She’s my mama and I want her here.”

  His eyes tightened as his hold began to relax enough for me to slip free. It would be a short-lived victory, but I didn’t care. For the first time in years, I was gonna get my mama all to myself.

  ◼︎

  “So this is where it all happens.” Jackie giggled as she sauntered around my bedroom like a model on a runway.

  I’d been tricked into giving a tour of the upstairs. And Jackie couldn’t help herself. She’d remarked on our his and hers towels, and now, she was eyeing the size of my bed. Mama looked like she was gonna bite Jackie’s head off.

  My sister bent over and pressed one finger into the foot of my bed and withdrew it with a hiss. “Ooo, hot!” She grinned. Nothing gave her more pleasure than to tease and embarrass me. “How big is this thing?”

  “It’s a California king.”

  “That’s shorter than a normal king, right?”

  “Don’t start.”

  “What? What I say? Where is his royal highness by the way?”

  A chill settled on my neck and arms. I was always prone to cold. That was why I lived in sweaters, even in the summer. The cable knit hung off my body in a way that was unacceptable to my provocative sister. As soon as I drove up to the hospital, she’d looked at me as if she was saying as much. She never appreciated my understated wardrobe, not even for its practical value.

  “Mama, wait for us.” I didn’t need to hurry to beat her to the stairs. She said she was fine, but she hadn’t quite regained her normal stride yet. “Let me help you.”

  “Thank you, baby.”

  “Hey, Mama, at least you not on the same floor as them. Don’t have to deal with all that married folks business probably keeps Nikki up all night. Is it true what they say about Africans being wild in the sack?”

  We were halfway down the stairs, and I was seriously tempted to let go of Mama’s hand, so I could slap some sense into her favorite child.

  “Oh what I’d do for a Mandingo of my very own!”

  “Don’t you have any shame? Mama doesn’t wanna hear all that.”

  “What I say?” Jackie shrugged helplessly.

  Why she even insisted on coming with us was beyond me. She didn’t have a ride back to the city and I sure wasn’t gonna leave Mama to drive her back.

  “You hungry, Mama? I can make you something.”

  “Maybe a little something.” She smiled and disappeared into her new bedroom.

  Jackie’s behind stuck out from behind the refrigerator door, waving side to side as she hummed. She apparently didn’t need an invitation to raid my fridge.

  “What in the world is this?”

  “Tofu,” I snapped and returned the package to its proper place.

  “See. I told you that man is crazy. Got you eating stuff ain’t even food. You know Mama’s not gonna eat that.”

  I was counting on it. Mama was my excuse to eat normal food. Jean-Louis and I had discussed my eating habits and decided a healthier lifestyle might improve my fertility.

  Jackie’s forehead caved into a frown as she watched me lay out the ingredients for a ham sandwich. “What happened? He tell you you needed to lose weight?”

  “No.”

  “Liar.”

  “He wants me to be healthy. We’re trying to have a baby you know.”

  She nodded, but in true Jackie fashion, her mind had already jumped over to the next topic. “I want some ice cream. With hot fudge and crushed peanuts. Got any of that?”

  Obviously, I didn’t. I’d just explained that.

  �
�Nikki?”

  “Hmm.” I sliced Mama’s sandwich from corner to corner exactly the way she liked it, then went looking in the pantry for a bag of chips. All I found was some rice cakes.

  “You like being married?”

  At first I thought she was gearing up to aim another assault at me. Poke fun at how happy I was not. But something in her voice was different. Softer. I hated to admit it, but Jackie and Mya were alike in that way. Neither one of them really did gentle. Not like me. I’d never seen either of them anything less than supremely confident.

  “Why you ask?”

  She shrugged. “Just wondered.” She glanced over her shoulder toward Mama’s bedroom. “You think I’m the marrying kind? I mean—”

  “Of course, you are.”

  I hadn’t always had the nicest things to say about Jackie, but I didn’t see any reason why she couldn’t end up as somebody’s wife. My sister didn’t appear eased at all by my answer.

  “This about Kem?”

  “We broke up.” The crack in her voice was barely audible as she forced a smile. “I’m dating somebody else now. This guy from the club. The bartender. He’s crazy about me.”

  “And you think you might want to marry him?”

  She shrugged, put a piece of lunchmeat into her mouth, and chewed thoughtfully. Wasn’t like she had trouble meeting people. All she had to do was set her mind to getting married, and she probably would be.

  “Well, is he nice? Does he have any ambition beyond bartending?”

  Jackie shrugged again.

  “What exactly do you know about the man?”

  “He makes a mean martini.”

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake…”

  “Harder. Harder.”

  I wasn’t a big fan of bossy sex, but I couldn’t take another lackluster performance. Given the way he talked, I expected Mo to have much more umph in his…stroke.

  “Ugh…” He began to tremble, but I hauled off and slapped him. That put an end to that. I was gonna get what I came for.

  His belt buckle clicked against the concrete floor of the storage room as he doubled his efforts between my thighs. Bottles rattled inside the boxes I was sitting on. Saturday afternoon was the day he did inventory for the club. It was also the day the band came in to rehearse. They hadn’t showed up yet.