Breaking Down Her Walls

by Erin Zak

  Julia gulps and waves her hand. “I’m sorry.”

  “No, just,” the bartender leans forward, “a lot of drama there. Not one to gossip, so you’ll have to ask someone else.”

  “A bartender that doesn’t like to gossip? Where the hell am I?” Julia asks before lifting her glass.

  He pushes off the bar top and starts to walk away. “You don’t need to worry about that since I’m sure you won’t be sticking around long.”

  Julia rolls her eyes and downs the rest of her whiskey. “You’re right about that.”

  * * *

  “Oh, no, no, no,” Julia pleads when she tries to start her car for the tenth time. She keeps pumping the gas, praying, and cursing, and she’s getting the same result. She cannot afford this right now. Not at all. The last thing she needs is for this car to do exactly what she has been dreading. She bangs her forehead on the steering wheel and groans. “This isn’t happening. This isn’t happening.”

  “It seems to me that it is happenin’, City Girl.”

  Julia rolls her eyes, keeps her head on the steering wheel, and says, “I’m pretty sure she’s dead.”

  “Well, that’s a real shame.”

  Julia raises her head and is taken back by who is standing there. “You?”

  “Huh?”

  “You. You were in the bar. And the grocery store.”

  The man slides his thumbs through the belt loops of his jeans and makes a clicking sound with his mouth. “Look, do you need help or what?”

  Julia watches as the woman he was at the bar with strides up behind him. “Elijah, honey, what’s going on? Who is this?” She points nonchalantly as if she’s trying to be coy.

  “Young woman here’s got a busted Dodge. I think we should get ol’ Ray to help her out.” He motions toward a car shop that’s literally right next door. Julia isn’t sure if she’s annoyed at the convenience or impressed.

  “I can handle it.” Julia stands from the car and places her hand on the roof of the green beast. “I honestly don’t even know if I can afford whatever’s wrong with her.”

  “No, no.” Elijah waves a hand at Julia. “Caroline, go get Ray. We’ll get this taken care of for you.”

  Julia’s shoulders fall after Caroline jogs over to Ray’s Autobody. She disappears inside, and within seconds, an old man that looks a lot like Clint Eastwood is following her, wiping his hands on a dirty red cloth as he walks. When he gets closer, the first thing Julia notices are the deep wrinkles in his face. He has a very worn Colorado Rockies ball cap on, which he adjusts upward before he reaches out to shake Julia’s hand. “I’m Ray, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

  “She won’t start.”

  “Did you flood her?”

  “No. I didn’t flood her,” she says, complete with an eye roll. At least Julia hopes she didn’t flood her. She’s going to feel like an idiot if that’s it.

  He smiles, showing off some pretty gnarly teeth, but there’s something about the twinkle in his eye that nudges the judgmental chip off Julia’s shoulder just slightly. “So, she’s just not turning over? Can I get in and see?”

  Julia moves to the side and offers him full access to the car. She watches him get in, try to do what she had been trying, then get out quickly, and pop the hood. He’s moving very well, considering how old he looks. She’s surprised. Not impressed. Just surprised.

  He works quickly under the hood, checking fluids and looking at sparkplugs, before he emerges. “I think it’s just the alternator. But I’d like to get it over to my shop to be sure. Elijah? Can you help me push it? Ma’am, get in here and steer.”

  Julia does as he asks, throws the car in neutral, and in the rearview sees Elijah and Ray start pushing. She steers the car toward the auto body shop. She hears Ray shout to steer it right into one of the open garage doors. She puts the brakes on when they get into the spot in the garage and climbs out. “So—”

  “Now, even if it’s just the alternator, it’ll be about a week to get the part. I don’t have one to fit this. But I can get one. It just takes some time here.” He motions to their surroundings. She had a bad feeling he was going to say something like that. “But if more is wrong that just that…” His voice trails off, and he folds his arms across his chest. “Just prepare yourself for the worst.”

  “And that is?”

  “She might be going to that big car farm in the sky.”

  Elijah chuckles and stops immediately when Julia snaps her head toward him. “What do you mean? Like, you might not be able to fix her?”

  “Uh, no, ma’am. I can fix her. But if it’s an alternator, it’ll be anywhere between three and four hundred dollars. If it’s not the alternator and it’s something else entirely, do you have a couple thousand dollars? Because it could get pricey.”

  Julia’s stomach falls to her ass, and she gulps.

  “I didn’t think so.” Ray puts his hand on her shoulder and squeezes. “Don’t worry. I’ll keep in touch here with Elijah and let him know what’s going on with her. Deal?”

  “I don’t even know these people,” Julia says. She realizes that she’s whining, but she doesn’t care.

  “Well, looks like you’re going to get to know them.”

  Julia walks out of the garage with a dark gray cloud hanging over her head. She wants to cry. Now what is she supposed to do? She was only going to dip into her stash for one night, but there’s no way she’ll be able to afford fixing her car. That cash was supposed to get her to…Well, somewhere farther away than this one-horse town. That’s for sure. She was hoping to just barter with ol’ Ray, but that’s probably not going to happen. Her stomach is in knots. She cannot fucking believe this is happening.

  “City Girl?”

  Julia stops and sighs. “What?”

  “I was just thinkin’…”

  “Don’t hurt yourself, cowboy,” Julia mumbles.

  “Easy there, killer,” Caroline says with a voice that is much higher than earlier. She sounds a little like a cat in a fight.

  “Look, I’m just tryin’ to help you.” Elijah moves so he’s standing in front of Julia. “Why don’t you come back to the ranch with me? I have a feeling you’re going to need to make some money.”

  “I thought the pay was nothing.”

  “It is,” Elijah says. “But I can always help you out with the car if you work hard. Are you a hard worker?”

  Julia looks at his eyes, at the way he’s standing and how he’s handling this entire exchange. He’s uncomfortable, and so is Caroline, who’s perched right behind him. Julia’s mind flashes back to her past, to the things she’s had to do, how hard she’s had to actually work sometimes, and she knows this guy has no idea what she’s been through. She nods and finds a way to not glare at them both and their holier than thou attitudes.

  “Then come with us. We aren’t gonna hurt you.”

  Jesus, Julia hadn’t even thought about that.

  “Caroline, let’s help get her things.”

  Caroline watches Elijah walk away before she looks at Julia. “Listen, I don’t think this is a good idea any more than you do. But the ranch is safe and free, and we both know you can’t afford to stay anywhere else. Just take our help. And stop looking at me like I’m some sort of horrible person.” She takes off toward the garage, leaving Julia standing there, dumbfounded and, sadly, a little embarrassed.

  * * *

  Julia feels like she’s been in Elijah’s old Ford pickup forever when she finally sees the road they’re on coming to an end. She has no idea why she decided to accept the help these people were offering, but the longer she sits in the passenger seat with Caroline squished between her and Elijah, the more she feels as if maybe she is doing the wrong thing.

  Of course, most of her life she’s done the wrong thing. At least according to her birth parents, who sought her out and ridiculed every single thing she had ever done to survive. Her mind flashes back to their disappointed faces, to her mother’s eerily similar b
lond hair, and how she said, so calmly and with no emotion, “I’m so glad we gave you up.” And her father’s simple nod and eyes that were hers and chin dimple that she hated she inherited from him. The memory of the encounter makes bile rise in her throat. She tastes it in her mouth; she wants to hang her head out the window, but any movement and she’ll throw up. She closes her eyes, breathes in deep, and presses the feeling out of her mind, body, and soul.

  Who cares if she doesn’t always choose the right path? Honestly, she can’t stay forever in this town, so maybe this will pan out in the end. She’s gotta keep going. Where to? She doesn’t really know—just knows where she doesn’t want to be anymore. But this? Heading up to a ranch with a random cowboy and his cowgirl in the middle of East Jesus Nowhere, Colorado?

  What the fuck is she doing?

  She has no real clue, aside from hopefully being able to get her car fixed and escape, but the reality of having no other option and the fact that this is actually happening is starting to seep in as she sees the giant wooden overhang with an ornate metal Bennett Ranch sign proudly displayed.

  Chapter Two

  Julia hates admitting it, but the mountains are absolutely breathtaking. The higher she gets, the bigger they get. It’s an odd phenomenon she isn’t sure she understands. They stretch forever, though, surrounding her, making her feel a lot safer than she counted on and in a way she never thought nature could. They extend so high into the sky. She looks out the rolled-down passenger window of the truck at the snow-capped peaks. She breathes deep and takes the mountain air into her lungs. It’s weird how the air almost has a familiar taste, like pine sap and cotton candy.

  They follow the dirt road as it winds around, switchback after switchback, and climbs up and up, going through maple trees and then aspen trees and then pine trees. The road finally levels, and she wonders how far up the side of a mountain they’ve climbed because her ears need to pop from the change in altitude.

  Julia checks the clock on the dusty truck dash and notices that it’s taken almost an hour to get here from the town limit, and there is still nothing around, until all of a sudden, a log home sits in the distance. As they get closer, she sees a large, red barn off to the left and two circular horse corrals. There is a smaller, more run-down cabin to the right under a group of aspen trees that looks as if it’s lived through quite the action. Storms, age, and lack of upkeep have made it look almost dilapidated.

  They pull up to the side of the red barn and park next to two more Ford pickup trucks. As she emerges from the truck, she watches as Elijah helps Caroline out of the driver’s side. The way Caroline smiles before she starts walking away toward the log home is sickening.

  “So, City Girl,” Elijah finally says as he approaches her.

  “Y’know—” Julia says but is cut off when Elijah raises a hand to silence her.

  “We need to get you a pair of gloves. You ready to start working?”

  “Whoa there, cowboy,” Julia says with a huff. “I have to start right this second?”

  “Ain’t no better time. Daylight’s a burnin’.” Elijah rocks on his heels and raises an eyebrow. “The quicker you start workin’, the quicker you can get that car fixed, and the quicker you can run away like I’m sure you do best.”

  “Insulting me isn’t exactly the way to get me to work hard.” Julia is getting mad. Who does this guy think he is?

  “Well, I reckon you don’t have much of a choice. Am I right?” He studies Julia. “Unless you’re curious?”

  “The only thing I’m curious about is why you’re helping me.”

  “Listen here.” Elijah folds his arms across his chest. He looks as if he’s kind, but his demeanor is completely the opposite. “Cut the chitchat, okay? I need the help. And I thought you were a hard worker?”

  “I am.”

  “Then? What’s the problem?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You want that car back, don’t you?”

  “Of course I do. I just don’t know if this is the job for me.”

  “Because all you’re good at is running away?” Elijah drops his words and then turns to walk toward the barn, motioning for Julia to follow him.

  “I’m not a runaway,” Julia shouts, rushing up to help him slide the large barn door open. “Quit acting like you know anything about me.”

  “Okay, then,” Elijah says over his shoulder.

  “I’m too old to be a friggin’ runaway.”

  “You sure shouldn’t be in this town if you’re trying to hide from someone.”

  “I’m not hiding.” She’s defiant in her tone and body, but her heart is racing because she is hiding, and she is running, and goddammit if she’s going to start telling people here why. No one needs to know, especially this random cowboy in this random town. And he doesn’t really want to know the sad, stupid details of her sad, stupid life. No one does.

  Elijah stops what he’s doing and looks over at her. He smiles a crooked little grin and asks, “Ain’t ya, though?”

  Julia folds her arms across her chest.

  He takes a red handkerchief from his back pocket and wipes his brow. “Look, I don’t have time to stand around yakkin’. You gonna help or not? I can get you back to town, and you can figure things out for yourself if you rather. I don’t really give a good goddamn.” He folds the red paisley material back into a square and pushes it into his pocket again.

  Julia studies his face, his eyes, the way he seems so sturdy even though he’s not much bigger than she is. He’s definitely a dick, but there’s a moment when this guy becomes endearing. “So, you promise this whole manual labor routine will help me get my car fixed? Because I swear to Christ, I am not about to do this for nothing.”

  Elijah nods. “And you can stay in the cabin over yonder. The car, free livin’, and meals in exchange for hard work.”

  She looks away from Elijah, around the property, at her surroundings. The green of the trees is so vibrant against the blue of the sky. And the white trunks of the aspen trees remind her of the papier-mâché trees she used to make in high school drama club. The corral looks pretty run down, and it’s in desperate need of some extra love and attention. She could actually help out around here. She knows she could. And she needs her car back desperately. That’s non-negotiable. An inner voice tells her she should think twice before accepting the offer. In true Julia Finch style, though, she shakes Elijah’s hand and ignores the inner voice. “You got a deal.”

  His eyes sparkle as he grabs her hand and shakes it hard.

  Elijah then motions toward a wheelbarrow and a pitchfork. “Grab those tools there,” he says. “First things first: muckin’ the stalls.”

  “Shit. You, uh, you were serious about starting today?” she stammers, finding her bearings when she sees his irritated look and feels as if she’s already in trouble. Julia catches a pair of leather gloves he throws at her face. “Just so you know,” she says, trying to catch up while pushing the wheelbarrow. It almost falls over twice, and the pitchfork and shovel slide out and clang onto the ground. She picks them up, completely embarrassed by her inability to push a freaking wheelbarrow. How is she going to muck stalls and chuck hay bales? “I’m not real great with animals.”

  He wrinkles his nose. “Or people?”

  She scoffs as they round a row of stalls. “You’re a real comedian.” The scent of manure and hay is so strong that it makes her stomach churn. Clearly the heat isn’t good for the smell. She adapts, though, and breathes through her mouth. She remembers another time having to do this when she was younger. It had to do with a small car, vomit in a plastic 7-Eleven bag, and a hitchhiker.

  The three horses hanging their heads over the stall doors start snorting loudly when they see Elijah approaching.

  “We have a total of five horses. But we rotate the horses in the stalls from time to time, so you’ll have to keep them all clean.”

  “Great,” Julia responds.

  He doesn’t acknowledge her tone but ins
tead carries on with, “Two horses are out now—Samwise, an American quarter horse, and Sweetie, a black Arabian. These others are Scout, he’s a paint, and the pinto, Sully.” His voice trails off as he goes over to a tall, white horse and lets it nuzzle his face. “And this…this is Jazz,” Elijah murmurs while petting the side of the horse’s face. “She’s mine.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Julia says. “And huge.” She cannot believe how tall the animal is. She feels like the shortest person alive standing next to it.

  “Yeah, she’s a white Arabian. Pretty big for her breed, about seventeen hands.”

  “What the hell’s a ‘hand’?” Julia asks, transfixed by the giant animal.

  Elijah’s words echo through the barn when he turns and waves his hand. “This is, City Girl.”

  “You’re a real comedian.”

  “It’s a measurement,” he finally answers, showing her on his hand. He gathers a leather strap on the side of the door to the stall. He unlatches the stall door and swings it open, revealing Jazz, who looks gigantic. She moves around her stall a bit before Elijah rubs his hand along her side. “Roughly about the size of a palm. It’s four inches. So, Jazz is about six feet tall from the withers,” he motions to the shoulder, “to the ground.”

  Julia is about a half second away from freaking out. How is she going to learn all of this? Should she be taking notes? She didn’t even take notes in high school! But as she watches Elijah explain different parts of the horse and attach a lead rope to a halter, she’s so mesmerized that it takes her by surprise. An hour ago, she was ready to slug this guy right square in the jaw for taunting her, and now she’s listening as if there might be a quiz afterward.

  “Now, come here.”

  “No way.”

  “You have to get to know the horses. It’s part of the job. And stop acting scared. They can smell fear.”

  “Perfect,” Julia mutters. Her heart is beating so loud she wonders if the horse can hear. Her knees are shaking, too. Not only is she freaking out, but she’s also afraid of being scared now because the horse is going to smell it radiating off her. Just great. She steps closer to the horse, which instantly bows its head and tries to pickpocket her shorts. The horse picks its head up, and next thing she knows, there’s a warm mouth gently nibbling the palm of her hand. “Hi, Jazz. My name is Julia,” she says next to the horse’s head. She gets a snort of air on her hand in return.