by Erin Zak
“I did,” Elena says. The two of them find a seat around the fire next to Cole. “Did you eat enough?” she asks, mussing his hair when he nods. He leans his head against her shoulder and lets out a giant yawn. “If you’re tired, dear, you can go to sleep. I’ll be in the tent shortly.”
“Where will you sleep, Julia?” Cole asks, looking at her from his mother’s side. “You should stay in our tent. It’s big enough.”
Julia looks at Elena. “Well, I set my tent up.”
“I think your tent is called for.” Cole motions to Toni and Penn. “They said neither of them brought a tent. Well, actually Toni said she isn’t sleeping with her goddamn grandmother.” Cole holds his hands in the air in mock surrender when he makes eye contact with his mom. “Direct quote, Mom! I promise!” He’s quick to snuggle back into Elena’s side, smiling when he makes eye contact with Julia. “So, Penn volunteered your tent. You stay with us, then.”
“I guess that settles it,” Elena says quietly.
Julia glances at Elena, notices how insanely attractive she looks in that moment. She has to wonder if it’s from the fire or from everything that has happened. Either way, Elena has never looked better.
* * *
Julia turns onto her side, pulling her sleeping bag back up to her shoulders. She looks at Elena, who is also on her side; her eyes are closed, her hair is down, falling across her chin. She looks so peaceful, so beautiful.
“Go to sleep, Julia,” Elena whispers.
“How’d you know?”
“I can hear you breathing.”
“Sorry.”
Elena’s eyes slide open. “Close your eyes. Try to get some rest.”
“I don’t want to miss anything,” Julia whispers.
“What do you think you’ll miss?”
“This.” Julia places her hand over Elena’s heart. She knows this is the first time in her life that she has felt this way about another person. And this feeling of love and desire is not going anywhere. It’s settling itself inside her, right inside her chest, right where she knows she’ll never stop feeling it. “This right here.”
“Oh, honey,” Elena says, her voice so low that Julia can barely hear it. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You look so beautiful tonight, Elena.”
“You can barely see me,” Elena says.
“I can see enough.”
Julia feels Elena run a finger across her cheek and down her jawline before she says, “Sleep.”
“Okay,” Julia says, still smiling as she closes her eyes.
When she sleeps, she dreams of staying still, riding her horse, finding life when she thought she’d never be able to. She sees Elena and Cole and wonders if this is where her life has been taking her. She sees smiles and happiness and real love. She sees fear…and confusion. She sees it all being taken away within the blink of an eye.
And then she sees herself standing alone again.
Alone.
Alone.
Chapter Fifteen
After two weeks of being back at the ranch, the planning and preparation for the annual Bennett Ranch Hoedown has been wrapped up. Julia has barely seen Elena because of all the meetings with party planners. And when they do talk, it’s nothing groundbreaking but enough to make Julia’s heartbeat speed up. She misses Elena, though, which scares her. She’s never really been in an actual relationship, at least not one with a woman she really likes. Of course, she had many flings and one-night stands, but now…Now there’s Elena. Julia can’t stop thinking about her in the downtimes, in the middle of the night, in the morning, in the shower. Elena’s hands, her long fingers, her lips, and beautiful smile. Julia wants to feel Elena…Taste her…Make her scream…The thought alone is enough to make Julia wish for the sweet release of her own hands. She has touched herself and gotten herself off more in the past few weeks than she has in her entire life. So, needless to say, she’s nervous about the party, about seeing Elena, about being in such close proximity to her. How is she going to handle the urge to kiss her, rip her clothes off, and ravish her as soon as she sees her?
The frustration is enough to cause a coronary.
So, the party will commence at 6:00 p.m. sharp, and thankfully, Toni and Caroline took Julia shopping in Boulder the day before for a suitable outfit. Apparently, the hoedown is the social event of the year. She is shocked to find that out, and her facial expression as Caroline explains it over a cup of coffee on Friday morning must not have been hidden, considering the smack on the shoulder she receives from Elena.
“Ow,” Julia says through a soft laugh. “I didn’t realize! I’m sorry!”
Elena points a finger at Julia and tilts her head. “Miss Finch, I can uninvite you as quickly as I invited you. Keep that in mind.”
Julia smiles when she sees Caroline roll her eyes. “Believe me,” Caroline whispers when Elena leaves the kitchen to go outside, the screen door slamming behind her. “There’s no way you aren’t coming. It really is a great time.”
“I know we talked about this a little while we were all shopping, but why is this such a big deal?” Julia asks before biting into a bear claw that Caroline bought at the bakery in town.
“Well, Elena’s parents started it forever ago. It was a way for them to say thank you to everyone for helping out during the herding season. And Elena has carried on the tradition. Which, honestly, is really nice because for a while there, we thought she was going to stop. Elijah and everyone else works so hard for Elena, and this ends up being a really nice way of saying thanks. And this year, for whatever reason, is supposed to be even bigger than last year. I think it’s the twenty-ninth anniversary or something.”
“Thirtieth,” comes Elijah’s voice as he rounds the doorway and glides toward the coffeepot. “Last year was the twenty-ninth, and that’s when the shit hit the fan.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Caroline sighs.
“God, what the hell happened last year?”
“That’s when Penn up and left,” Elijah says. He leans against the counter and drinks his freshly poured cup of coffee. “And so began the dark ages—”
“You know,” Julia says. “I think I get it.” She looks down at her hands, then back up at the two in front of her. “I’m glad we had time for me to buy a nice outfit because I certainly don’t want to stick out like a sore thumb.”
“Wait a second here. You mean you aren’t going looking like a hoodlum?”
“A hoodlum? Do you think I normally look like a hoodlum, Elijah?”
He raises his eyebrows, a smile coming to his lips. “Oh, no, never. Except of course when you stroll in with your Ramones T-shirt on.”
“Well, son of a bitch.” Julia huffs, shaking her head, a laugh spilling from her mouth. “I look damn good in that T-shirt.”
“Sure.” Elijah laughs. “Sure.”
Caroline turns and pats him on the stomach, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. “You stop teasing Julia,” she says against his skin, nuzzling him with her nose.
“You two are disgusting.” Julia rolls her eyes. “I’m going to go get busy on the stalls. I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone.”
They both laugh as Julia gets up and downs the rest of her lukewarm coffee and takes another bear claw to go. She heads outside, bracing herself for the heat today. It’s supposed to be a record high with nothing but sun. No riding today, but the stalls still need to be cleaned, and regardless of how used to it she gets, the heat does nothing for the smell.
* * *
It’s Saturday afternoon about an hour before people are supposed to start to arrive for the party when Julia hears her screen door bang and then Cole’s exasperated, “Julia!”
“What’s goin’ on?” Julia rushes out of her bedroom, curlers in her hair, shorts and a tank top on—thankfully—and barefoot. “Is everything all right?”
“I’m really sorry,” he says, sweat beading along his hairline. He’s near tears. “I couldn’t get my tie tied. And Mom was all franti
c about getting things ready for the party, and she’ll be mad if I show up without it tied and have to have her do it, and clearly, Jules, I’m freaking out.”
“Cole, dude, chill out,” Julia says with a soothing voice. She puts her hands on his arms and pulls him farther into the cabin. “You’re gonna sweat yourself into a frenzy. You gotta just take some deep breaths and relax. And take your suit jacket off. You have a vest on and a jacket. You’re overheating.”
He shrugs off his jacket and tosses it onto the overstuffed armchair in the living room. “I just fucking hate that I can’t ever fucking tie stupid fucking ties. It’s not fucking fair.”
“Whoa there, cowboy,” Julia says as she stifles a chuckle. She wants to laugh so bad because hearing him cuss like that really is funny, but he’s on the verge of a literal meltdown. He needs a solid shoulder to lean on right now, not an asshole to make fun of him. “I know I’m your friend, but maybe calm down on the fucks.”
“Sorry.” Cole’s shoulders slump. “I just…This girl Allison will be there.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, and she’s older—”
“A cougar, eh?”
“Julia!” He giggles, his face blushing ten shades of red. “No, that’s not it. She’s just…she’s really…I just like her a lot.”
Julia lays a hand on his shoulder, “Let’s get you looking like a million bucks, then. Lucky for you, I know how to tie a tie. And also, we gotta get you in front of a fan. You’re sweating like a whore in church.” Cole starts chuckling, his boyish laughter making Julia’s heart swell. “So, tell me about this Allison girl.”
Cole lets Julia lead him into the living room and over to a window fan. He takes a deep breath. “Well, she’s seventeen. I think she just broke up with this guy from the next town over. I don’t even know his name. But I guess he’s a real jerk. We’ve talked a lot. She normally comes to herding, but she texted me and told me she had to work.”
“Oh, so you text?”
Cole pulls out his iPhone and taps into the Messages app. He scrolls through his conversation with Allison. “That was just from last night.”
“Wait. How do you get a signal up here?”
“We have Wi-Fi. Duh. It’s not like we live in a vacuum or something. Focus.” Cole rolls his eyes and continues scrolling through the messages. “So, Allison is gonna be there tonight, and she told me she’s excited to see me and now, well, I’m freaking out.”
Julia quickly ties Cole’s dark purple tie in a double Windsor knot, then straightens it out.
“How do you know how to do that?”
Julia shrugs. “I, um,” she says and takes a breath. “I used to have a foster dad that liked to wear ties to church. He taught me. I guess I just never forgot.” Cole’s looking right at her, into her eyes, and it’s making Julia uncomfortable. “Okay,” she says. She takes his arm and unbuttons his sleeve, rolls it up to his elbow, then does the same to the other sleeve. “May I make a suggestion?”
“Yeah, of course. You know I trust you,” Cole says. He’s watching her, though, his eyes taking in her handiwork.
“Lose the jacket. You look too hot, and it’s like ninety-five degrees. Also,” Julia smooths the tie, then buttons up the dark gray vest, “this vest is sharp. You look good.” She brushes his hair to the side. It’s messy, but he looks good, like he’s meaning to be trendy. “Now freeze. Don’t mess your hair up. It looks perfect.”
Cole looks at Julia, right into her eyes. “Thank you, Julia.”
“No problem.”
“No.” He stops her by placing his hand on hers. “Like, for whatever is happening between you and Mom…for being here…for not leaving…for like, everything.”
Julia’s eyes start welling with tears, and she knows if this conversation continues, Cole won’t be the only hot mess in this cabin. She places a hand against his cheek and offers the most genuine smile she can muster. “Honestly, I should be thanking you guys. Kind of saved my life.”
Cole surges forward and wraps his long arms around Julia’s shoulders; her breath leaves her body with a whoosh. A cough later and she’s hugging the kid back, all of a sudden realizing this could be the family she’s always wanted. And so desperately needs.
* * *
Julia walks out her door and onto the wooden porch. She’s insanely nervous. The buildup to this event feels so much more important than she ever imagined. She looks at Caroline and Elijah, who are standing on the stairs waiting because, according to Caroline, “They simply cannot be late.”
Caroline looks adorable, of course, in her lace overlay pink dress complete with jean jacket and brown boots. Who would have ever thought that outfit would look nice? Certainly not Julia. But it actually does look really good on her. Her pixie hair is messier than normal, which Elijah apparently loves because he can’t stop looking at her and grinning like a lovesick fool. And of course, he looks absolutely strapping in his pink button-down, black jeans, black boots, and black cowboy hat. They obviously planned their outfits.
Julia had picked out a simple black sundress that settles right above her knees, which she didn’t really love, but Toni and Caroline said it makes her look amazing. She knows they were overselling. Come on! Her legs have barely seen the light of day. And she isn’t a huge fan of dresses. The only benefit is that she decided to break the rules and wear a new pair of red Chucks, so really? It’s worth being uncomfortable in the dress.
“You look adorable,” Caroline says with a huge smile on her face. “Your hair is amazing. I love the curls.”
“Thank you. It took forever,” Julia says and then fluffs the curls one more time.
“Oh, yes.” Elijah smirks. “The shoes are perfect. What a statement.”
Julia does a twirl. “I figured you’d like that.”
“Are you ready?” Caroline asks. She reaches for Julia’s hand, holds it, and squeezes it. “You’ll be fine.”
“How do you even know that I’m nervous?”
“Because it’s written all over your face. You look like you’ve swallowed a frog.”
“Is that even really a saying?”
Elijah shakes his head and adjusts his hat. “Not that I know of. But it should be because I reckon it’d be a nerve-wracking experience.”
Caroline’s girlish giggle is disgusting, and Julia can’t help but share in the laughter. “I honestly don’t know why I like you so much,” she says as they take off toward the barn. The music has already started, and there are string Edison lights lining the walkway up to the barn door. When they walk inside, Julia can hardly believe the transformation. There are white twinkle lights draped from the rafters, encircling the posts, and a giant, ornate chandelier with more Edison lights. She can feel that her mouth is open slightly when she hears that the music playing isn’t country but a live band with a female lead singing a cover of ABBA’s “SOS.” How fitting…
“Julia, honey,” Caroline almost shouts over the music. She reaches out and wraps her fingers around Julia’s forearm. “Wait.”
Julia turns and looks back. “What?”
“Just,” Caroline says as she turns to look at Elijah; his face is without emotion. “Don’t be upset if she isn’t…normal.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“This night is always hard on her. Being the hostess with the mostest,” Elijah says. “And with Penn being here.”
Julia huffs. “Seriously, you guys?”
“Well, we just don’t want you to get hurt.”
“I won’t get hurt. I’m a big girl.” Julia pulls her arm away from Caroline and fluffs her curly hair. “Now, come on, let’s go drink.”
* * *
Julia’s drink of choice at a party has always been beer. For whatever reason, she gravitates toward it. Probably because growing up, it was so cheap it was practically free.
But for some unknown reason, when Toni hands a drink over and says, “It’s an old fashioned, and it tastes like a dream,” she doesn�
�t protest. She stares at it, then eyes Toni, then stares back at the drink.
“What?” Toni asks, drinking her identical drink. She smacks her lips and says, “Ah.”
“I don’t casually drink bourbon. I get drunk with bourbon. And I don’t know if drunk is a good idea.” Julia, still hesitant, takes a sip and closes her eyes. It tastes amazing, and oh, man, it’s going down real, real smooth, and shit, it’s going to be a long night if she continues with this.
“Just drink it and shut up.” Toni puts her hand on Julia’s bare shoulder and turns her body slightly. “Elena is over there,” she whispers.
Julia’s eyes follow the motion of Toni’s wrist and fingers, and she sees Elena standing across the pavilion in a gray skirt; a pair of boots; and a sleeveless white button-up shirt that’s tied in a knot at her navel, and Julia literally can’t even think about it because it’s making her palms sweat. Her hair is pulled into a bun, and her skin is so tan and beautiful. Julia’s mouth is dry as she blinks twice, licks her lips, and breathes out a simple, “Wow.”
“Yeah, well, keep it in your pants until later,” Toni says. “I know you haven’t talked to her yet, but I want you to know something.”
Julia groans, her free arm falling to her side in an exasperated motion. “Why is everyone being like this? I am absolutely fine!”
“I just think you need to know a couple things, okay?” Toni motions to an older man with flowing shoulder-length white hair who Elena is speaking with. “Mayor Jackson. Super good guy. Don’t cross him, though.” She points to another group of people off toward the stage. “Stay away from those guys. The Swine brothers and Jeff Doggly. They’re all assholes.” Toni looks around. “The band is the Sirens, all sisters and Mayor Jackson’s daughters. The lead singer is Kelly. So, like, if you’re going to criticize the music, don’t do it loudly or near Mayor Jackson or his secretary Heath over there. Or Kelly’s best friend, Jess.”