by Erin Zak
Julia starts to laugh as she downs the rest of her first drink. She breathes in through clenched teeth. The alcohol is burning all the way down to her toes. “Toni, I love you so much, and I’m so happy you’re giving me the rundown, but seriously…” Julia clinks the ice cubes together in her empty glass. “Go get me another drink, please.” She watches Toni walk away and then turns to find Elena through the crowd talking to a group of men. She watches her, the way she’s standing with the group, the way she’s talking, smiling, laughing.
“Take a picture; it lasts longer.” Toni shoves Julia’s drink in front of her face.
“Stop.” Julia takes a drink of the dark liquid. The burn is starting to subside, but it still warms her from her head to her toes. “Why does she look so nervous?”
Toni fishes the orange peel out of her drink and nibbles on it. “Well, because she is. I mean, the mayor of the town is at her party. Wouldn’t that make you nervous?”
“I guess so.”
“She’s just being the gracious hostess, kissin’ babies and all that jazz. Let it go.”
Julia does as she’s told, but she doesn’t take her eyes off Elena. It’s hard not to stare. Elena is so gorgeous with her smooth skin and arms and neck and really, with the shirt tied at the navel?
“Close your mouth,” Toni says over the top of her drink. “Let’s go dance.”
Julia feels a blush fill her cheeks as she follows Toni onto the dance floor. “You are ridiculous, you know that, right? And anyway, aren’t you going to dance with Benjamin?”
“He’s being a weirdo. Didn’t want to pressure me. I told him I actually want to be pressured this time! Pressure me! Pursue me! Stop being a fucking pussy and step up to the plate!” Toni twirls around when they get to the dance floor as the Sirens sing their rendition of “Take Me Home Tonight.”
“Well, maybe he’s nervous you’re going to dump him again.” Julia shouts over the music as she spins around expertly. She sways her hips and finds Elena through the crowd again, and this time, she’s pleasantly surprised to find that she’s being watched. Julia bites her lip and nods at Elena, who winks in return.
“I am not going to dump him again,” Toni shouts. “Have you seen the options in this town? He’s the best one out there aside from Elijah, who is so clearly taken it is sickening.” Toni rolls her eyes, and Julia bursts out laughing.
“Excuse me, ladies?”
Julia spins around and sees Elena standing there, a smile on her face. “Well, hello there.” Julia tosses her hair over her shoulder, already sticky with perspiration.
“Can I steal Miss Finch for a moment, Miss Carson?” Elena asks, her hand reaching out and latching on to Julia’s free hand. Toni’s gigantic smile is enough of an answer for Elena to start walking away, pulling Julia behind her. When they get about ten feet away, Elena turns and faces Julia, still holding on to her hand. “Hi,” Elena says as she leans into Julia’s personal space.
Julia is trying to catch her breath from dancing, from seeing Elena, from everything. “Hi,” she says, breathless.
“You look really…” Elena pauses, her fingers still holding on to Julia’s hand. “Beautiful.”
“You mean you’re okay with my Chucks?” Julia asks, suddenly very unsure of her rebellious side. She watches Elena’s eyes as they travel over her and finally land on her shoes.
“I’m more okay with everything you do than I thought I would be,” she says softly, her voice wavering slightly at the end.
“Think you’re going to be okay sharing a dance with me later?” Julia’s eyebrows rise, and she hopes on everything meaningful in her life that she doesn’t get shot down.
Elena leans forward, places her lips directly on Julia’s ear, and says, “I hope to be doing more with you than dancing later.”
Julia feels her body go numb; the air around her instantly stops moving. She swallows the rather large lump in her throat and lets out a very shaky breath.
“I have to go hobnob.” Elena straightens, looks at Julia, and runs her hand over Julia’s bicep. “Would you like to meet some very important people?”
“You’re horrible. You know that, right?”
“Whatever do you mean?” Elena asks. Her dark eyes are shining.
“Get me all hot and bothered, then ask me to meet important people!” Julia smooths her hands over her dress and then fans her face. “Am I flushed? I feel like I’m flushed.”
“No more than usual, dear,” Elena says, her hand now linked through Julia’s arm. “Just do this with me.” They take a few steps toward a group of older men, all wearing cowboy hats, boots, jeans, and large belt buckles.
To say Julia is nervous is an understatement, but after Elena’s gracious introduction of her as “My newest and maybe best hire, aside from Elijah, of course,” Julia feels so at ease. The men are kind with their giant, weather-worn hands and deep, booming voices. It makes Julia squirm a little when one of the older men asks her if she realizes how important the Bennett Ranch is to this town and how if she and Elena are—with a dance of his bushy eyebrows—doing you know what, Julia better not mess it up. Elena explains later that the man is one of her family’s oldest friends.
“A little warning would have been nice,” Julia says when they finally leave the gaggle of men.
“And miss seeing you squirm? Never.” Elena slips her hand into Julia’s. “I’m pretty important in this town. You’re kind of seeing a celebrity.”
Julia tilts her head. “A celebrity? Well, then, Miss Bennett, just so you know, you’re pretty important to me, too.”
* * *
Julia is about four drinks in when she silently thanks God that she’s not wearing heels. Toni has already stripped hers off and is swirling around the dance floor—finally with Benjamin—and the bottoms of her feet look like a hillbilly’s from the backwoods. She smiles, though, when Benjamin spins her and dips her expertly while Kelly sings “Hound Dog” as if she was born to be a performer.
Scanning the barn, the lights twinkling, the air a perfect temperature, Julia can see Elena laughing with Agnes off toward the side near the bar, and Cole, well…He’s been wrapped up in Allison’s attention the entire night, which makes Julia happy. And nervous. Like a mom or something. Ugh, she’s never had this feeling before.
“Well, hello there, little lady,” Elijah says as he strolls up to Julia, a bottle of Coors Light in his hand. He clinks the bottle against her glass of bourbon. “I saw you making the rounds with Elena.”
Julia blinks, starting to feel her drunkenness but only slightly. “Yeah, she’s um…yeah.”
“She’s very comfortable tonight,” he says, leaning against the wooden beam next to them. He crosses his right leg over his left. “I think that’s partly your fault.”
“I don’t know about that.”
“Well, I know Elena like the back of my hand. And this is the first time she’s ever dressed like that. And this is also the first time she has ever introduced anyone to the town council.” Elijah looks over at Julia, his cowboy hat pulled low on his head. He smiles and shrugs.
Julia doesn’t really know what to say. This isn’t really any sort of conversation she wants to have, so she’s kind of speechless.
Elijah downs the rest of his beer and is promptly served another by the service staff. “So, Elena’s parents were never okay with her being a lesbian. And this town was not okay with it at first, either.”
Julia is silent, but now she is more nervous than speechless. What is Elijah trying to say?
“This has been a very long row for her to hoe, and it hasn’t been easy. At all.” Elijah takes a drink of his beer, starts to peel the label off, and doesn’t look up when he says, “And it still isn’t.”
“What are you trying to say, Elijah?” Julia asks while staring out into the crowd of people dancing to Brandi Carlile’s “The Things I Regret.” “I feel like you’re less okay with this than you originally let on.”
Elijah sighs, removes h
is hat, and wipes his brow. “I’m fine with it, Julia, but…”
“But what, Elijah?” All of sudden, Julia is becoming more and more irritated.
“We know nothing about you,” he says calmly. He’s obviously better at handling himself while inebriated. “You share nothing. You tell us nothing.”
“Elena knows enough about me.” Julia’s tone is harsh, but she doesn’t care.
“Does she?”
“What the hell are you trying to get at, Elijah? Huh? Are you trying to imply that I’ve been lying to you guys?”
“No, Julia, that’s not it at all.” Elijah moves the hat up on his head, smooths two fingers over the brim, and looks straight at Julia. “I just want to know if I can trust you with my family. Elena, Cole, Caroline, they’re my family. And honestly? If you hurt them, I’ll have no issues taking you out to the middle of nowhere and leaving you for dead.”
His words are smooth, like the blade of knife. “Elijah,” Julia says, repositioning herself so she can look him square in the eye. “Listen to me, okay? This? This person standing in front of you? This is the most authentic version of myself I have ever been. And just because I don’t confide in every person I meet and tell my deepest, darkest secrets”—she pauses, fidgets with the straw of her drink, looks away from Elijah—“goddammit, it doesn’t mean…I’m just…” Julia takes a very deep breath and lets it out, her breath probably smelling like a distillery, “I don’t want to hurt her, Elijah. Or Cole. Or you or Caroline.” Another pause, another deep breath, another chance to spill it all to yet another person. “Can you please, please, just try to trust me?”
“What are you running from?”
“Elijah—”
“No, Julia, tell me that. You want me to trust you? You need to trust me then. Trust is a two-way street, isn’t it?”
Julia clenches her fists. Alcohol typically makes her feel bigger than she really is, so her usual behavior would be to punch this dick in the face and run. But this time, she knows she can’t do that. She takes a deep breath, then looks away from him. “Please, don’t make me do this.”
“Julia.”
“Okay. Listen.” Julia downs the rest of her drink and looks at Elijah. “I hit one of my abusive foster parents with a car, then stole the car and ran away with it. I went to jail for four years for it. I worked odd jobs and found a way to survive for the next five years. And when I say, ‘odd jobs,’ I mean I did some crazy shit. And then, as if my life wasn’t fucked up enough, I met my actual real parents, and they hated me because I’m a convict, and I didn’t turn out how they wanted. So, Elijah, I’d really rather not talk about this. Ever again. Please fucking stop pushing me or—”
“Julia…”
“Elijah, just please stop.”
“We love you. We can be your family, Julia,” Elijah says, his voice deep, assertive.
Julia’s breathing is becoming erratic as she tries to tamp down her emotions. “You are my family,” she whispers.
“Okay, Jules. Okay.”
Her smile is a silent thanks as she pulls away from him and walks away.
* * *
Julia finds Elena at the bar, runs her fingertips down Elena’s arm, and links their fingers together. “Would you dance with me?” Julia whispers, pressing her breasts against Elena’s back.
Elena’s sharp intake of breath makes Julia smile as she leads Elena onto the floor. Julia slides her arm around Elena’s waist, pulling her closer than is probably necessary. She revels in the feel of Elena’s arm around her shoulders and how wonderful it feels to have their hands linked together.
The Sirens are two notes into Aretha Franklin’s version of “You Send Me” when Elena looks at Julia. “How did you know?”
“That this was your favorite song?”
Elena smiles. “Yes.”
“A little birdie told me,” Julia replies, softly, glancing at Caroline over Elena’s shoulder.
“Well, tell Caroline I said thanks.” Elena chuckles, stepping closer to Julia’s body.
Julia’s mind is running wild. Elijah pushing and pushing was almost enough to make her disappear into the night. And now? Elena dancing with her like this is enough to make her melt into a puddle onto the floor.
“Julia, dear, your heart is racing,” Elena says softly, lifting her head to look at Julia. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Julia finally says after a very long pause. “I’m just…” She stops again, looks directly into Elena’s eyes. “I’m ready to go back to the cabin…with you.”
Elena stops moving, pulls away slightly, and their eyes lock. “Let me check in with the staff, then we can leave.”
“Okay,” Julia whispers. She watches as Elena moves through the thinning crowd over to the wait staff. And for maybe the millionth time, she wonders what the fuck she has gotten herself into.
And her only answer is, maybe it’s love.
Chapter Sixteen
They’re barely inside the cabin before Julia feels Elena’s hands on her hips. Elena turns Julia around and pushes her against the wall as if Julia weighs nothing. When Julia feels the coolness of the wood paneling thud against her back, her eyes lock onto Elena’s. There’s a moment when she sees a flash of something there in those eyes that have captivated her since the beginning. Is it lust? Is it fear? Is it love? All Julia knows is that when Elena captures her mouth with hers, it’s the most intense kiss she has ever had. And Julia has kissed before. But this is the first time a kiss has almost ruined her.
Elena’s teeth are on Julia’s tongue, her lips pressed into her as if she’s searching for salvation. Elena moves, bites down on Julia’s jawline, lays a path from Julia’s chin to her pulse point. When Elena moves to Julia’s earlobe and pulls it into her mouth, Julia’s panties instantly become soaked. She can tell without even touching herself that she is drenched. Julia can’t help but pull Elena closer, hoping she’ll reach down and feel what she has caused.
“I need you,” Julia says into Elena’s kiss. Elena chuckles. At first Julia thinks it’s because of her confession, but then she realizes that Elena has moved her hand up Julia’s leg and is in between her legs and she knows…she knows how wet Julia is now.
“My God,” Elena says, and it’s followed by a low growl. “You are so fucking wet.”
Julia is embarrassed that she let herself get to this point so quickly. Swollen, aching, ready to explode. And if Elena were to touch Julia just a little bit more, graze against her clit just a little rougher, Julia would come so fast it’d be laughable.
“What do you want?” Elena says against Julia’s cheek before pulling back. Elena’s eyes are so beautiful. Julia can’t stand it. Her knees are so weak, and her calf muscles are quivering.
“I want you to,” Julia says. She pauses because all of a sudden, she is so self-conscious.
“Want me to what?”
“God, Elena, don’t make me say it.”
“Say it,” she says. The way she licks her lips and nudges Julia’s nose with hers makes Julia’s entire body shiver with anticipation.
“Fuck me,” Julia says, and it comes out low and guttural, and she barely even recognizes her own voice.
“I’m sorry?” Elena’s eyebrow arches, and her lips are a rose color Julia has never seen on her before. Her lips look bruised in a delicious way. “What was that?”
Julia groans and pushes her hips into Elena, who locks her eyes onto Julia’s and smiles seductively. Julia shakes her head and whines. “You heard me.”
“I didn’t, though.” Elena has her hands on Julia’s hips; her dress is hiked up above those hands, and Elena’s fingers are digging into her skin. Julia can feel Elena’s thumbs pressing into the spot right under her hip bones, and why the fuck does that feel so good?
“I said, I want you to fuck me,” Julia says, finally, giving in to her. Elena moves her left hand beneath Julia’s lace panties. The second Elena’s fingers touch Julia, Elena’s eyes widen, and she bites her lip. She slide
s through Julia’s folds easily, and when Elena pushes a finger inside, Julia can’t help but moan. Julia realizes Elena likes the sound when she bites down even harder on her own lip. “Elena,” she says softly as Elena pushes a second finger inside her. Elena is so gentle with her, and Julia can’t stop watching her. Elena’s eyes don’t leave Julia’s, either, even as she starts to thrust harder. Julia hikes her left leg onto Elena’s hip, and it’s Elena’s turn to moan.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” she says. Julia doesn’t know what it is about the way Elena looks at her, but she is the only person that has ever made Julia feel beautiful.
“You’re blind,” Julia says quietly, and Elena thrusts into her hard. Julia cries out because it hurts so good.
“Take it back,” she says.
Julia smiles. “No.”
She thrusts into Julia, hard, and pulls out to do it again. “Take it back.”
Julia bites her lip and shakes her head, and Elena thrusts into her again.
“Take it back, please,” Elena says. Julia feels Elena slowly pull her fingers out. She immediately misses those fingers and feels so empty without Elena filling her up. Elena leans forward and kisses Julia, her tongue dipping into Julia’s mouth in the most sensual way. Elena lets go of the kiss. “You know I can make you believe it.”
“How?”
“By fucking you as hard as I can.” It’s so matter-of-fact that Julia can’t help but smile at Elena. “Tell me you believe me,” Elena says. “That you’re beautiful.”
“I’m beautiful.” Julia’s voice is soft, almost inaudible, but Elena heard her. The smile Elena gives Julia causes her already fleeting breath to leave her almost entirely. “I’m still going to fuck you hard.”
Julia reaches down and pulls her dress up and over her shoulders. She’s standing in front of Elena, black bra, panties, red Chucks, and in that moment, the look in Elena’s eyes is unmistakable. It’s love. This woman loves Julia. “What are you waiting for, then?”
Elena drops to her knees and grabs Julia’s panties. She practically rips them off of Julia as she pulls them down her legs. She helps Julia step out them while sliding her shoes off at the same time. It’s amazing, the push and pull; how one minute, Elena is ravenous, and the next, she’s as gentle as can be. Julia wonders if Elena let herself go, didn’t restrain herself, if she would wreck Julia completely. Julia watches when Elena leans forward and puts her mouth on Julia’s center. She can see Elena’s red lips as they land on her skin. She sees Elena’s tongue dart out and lick Julia’s swollen clit. Elena puts her hand on Julia’s ass and pulls Julia’s center into her. Elena’s other hand is on Julia’s leg as she guides it up and over her shoulder. The wood paneling is so smooth against Julia’s back. She wonders if anyone else has ever been fucked so completely before in this space?