Breaking Down Her Walls

by Erin Zak

  Elena nods, her eyes filled with tears.

  “Can we move my stuff tomorrow?”

  Another nod from Elena, and tears are falling from her eyes.

  Julia moves closer to her and slides her arms around Elena. When she pulls Elena into a hug, she can feel her body start to relax, and it makes everything in her heart feel lighter.

  For the first time in forever, she finally has a home. And people that want her. And to think she almost didn’t let any of them break down her walls.

  Epilogue

  It’s been a little over a year since Julia drove into town with a sturdily built wall and a chip on her shoulder. Things are good now. They’re really, really good. Even Cole is doing well. He has a straight A average, he has a new girlfriend, and he even made a group of friends that seem really awesome. And they were all super outgoing and fun when Elena and Julia visited him during spring break. It was so great to see him in his element, settling into big-city living in Chicago and actually doing what he wanted to do. It makes Julia happy that she was able to have a hand in that.

  Julia looks over at Elena as they stand on the edge of the mountain where they watched the stars almost a year ago. “Thank you,” she says and reaches over to hold Elena’s hand.

  “For what?” Elena’s cocked head and small smile indicate that she knows what Julia means, but Julia humors her.

  “For this.” She motions to their surroundings, to the mountains and sky. “For giving me a place that actually feels like home.”

  Elena squeezes Julia’s hand. “Thank you for not running away.”

  “I’m really glad I didn’t.”

  “Me, too.”

  The two stand again in silence, the June sun shining on them, and look out over the valley below them. Julia breathes in deep and remembers the first time she pulled Colorado air into her lungs. So much has happened since then. So many amazing moments that have helped her get to this moment. Julia looks over at Elena. To get to this woman…

  “Should we go back?”

  “Do we have to?” Julia asks as she pulls her gaze away from Elena’s beautiful features and looks across the valley one more time.

  “You’re nervous, aren’t you?”

  “Yes. Insanely.”

  “You didn’t have to do this, you know?”

  Julia takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I know, but I wanted to respond. Getting the letter from my parents was…almost too much to handle.” She looks at Elena. “I felt like I owed it to myself to accept their apology.”

  “I know, my love.”

  “I just hope inviting them here wasn’t a mistake.”

  Elena pulls Julia closer to her. “I am here if it turns out to be one. But,” she says as she kisses Julia’s cheek and leans her forehead against Julia’s temple. “I have a feeling it’s going to turn out exactly how you want.”

  “You really think so?”

  “Yes,” Elena whispers. She reaches up and turns Julia’s face toward hers. “I love you, Julia Finch.”

  It’s amazing how many times she’s heard that in the past year, but it never fails to take her breath away. This time is no different. “I love you, too,” she whispers.

  * * *

  When Elena and Julia come galloping into the field before the house, she places her hand on the side of Leia’s neck. It seems to help calm the horse when they pass the area where it all happened. It took a lot longer than she thought it would to even get a leg over Leia again, but once it did happen, it was as if no time had passed. She knows that it created a bond between them that can never be broken, though, and even though it was a lot of trauma, she wouldn’t trade the bond she and Leia share for anything.

  “You know it does get easier. Every day, right?”

  Julia shrugs. “I know. I still dream about it, though. The bear, the claws, how hard the ground felt when I slammed into it.”

  “You’ve fallen a lot more since then,” Elena says. “And you always get back up.”

  A smile spreads across Julia’s lips, and she nods. Elena’s right; she does get back up. But it’s hard to explain the memory to anyone, even Elena. The post-traumatic stress she went through was enough to drive a sane person crazy. Thankfully, Elena was patient. So, so patient. And kind…or Julia isn’t sure she would have survived the months following the attack.

  When they round the bend, and the log home and barn come into view, she sees Elijah leaning against the barn, his arms crossed, his left leg crossed over his right, and a grin on his face.

  “What are you all smiles about?” Elena asks when they approach. Both women dismount their horses and hand Elijah the reins to hold.

  “I just heard that Penn is engaged.”

  “Well, that’s great news.” Julia keeps her eyes on Elena’s facial features the entire time to gauge her reaction.

  “Who did you hear this from?” Elena asks with her hands on her hips. “Because I heard something, but I don’t know if it was a reliable source.”

  Julia lets out a laugh. “Oh, really? And when were you going to share this information? Enquiring minds want to know!” She’s smiling, and so is Elena, and it’s nice that the mention of Penn’s name doesn’t cause either of their spines to stiffen or lips to purse.

  “Elijah? Who is it?”

  “None other than, drum roll please.” Elijah starts patting his belly rapidly to create a drum roll.

  “Get on with it!” Julia says.

  “Antoinette Carson.”

  “Toni? Shut the front door!” Julia shouts.

  Elena laughs a hearty laugh and shakes her head. “That’s what I heard, too.”

  “Holy shit! I haven’t heard from Toni in weeks. When she said she was leaving town, I didn’t believe her…and now this? How crazy!”

  “Yeah, well,” Elena says. “Until you, Toni was always the free bird of our little town, so I’m not surprised.”

  “Benjamin ain’t happy about this news. He’s been licking his wounds something fierce. Now it’s even worse. I can barely have a drink down there anymore.”

  Julia chuckles at Elijah’s forlorn expression. “Oh, buddy, I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you.” They all laugh, then abruptly stop when they hear a car pulling up the road.

  “Is that them?” Elijah asks.

  After the engine turns off, the doors open, and a man and a woman step out of the car. Julia’s heart is beating like mad. “Jack, Kelly, hi,” she says as she approaches the couple.

  Kelly smiles and reaches out with a hand. She places it on Julia’s forearm. “Thank you so much for—”

  “Inviting us.” Jack smiles when Julia looks at him.

  “Well, you can’t drive through Colorado and not make a pit stop here, I guess.” She motions for her parents to walk toward the picnic tables. “Let’s, um, let’s go catch up,” Julia says softly. Elena gives Julia a thumbs-up and smiles. It helps, but Julia is still so nervous.

  As soon as Kelly sits down she leans forward and says, “Julia, honey, I just have to get this out of the way. We know what we did was wrong.” She sighs. “I never meant for this to happen like this. I just wasn’t—”

  “Equipped to deal with a daughter who’s a convict?” Julia crosses her arms.

  Kelly raises her head and straightens her shoulders. “Honestly? Yes. That was it. It was like a punch to the gut to know that what we did, giving you up, was the wrong thing to do. We did it so you’d have a chance. We were young, stupid, mixed up with the wrong crowd. It was for the best.”

  “We fucked up.” Jack shrugs and folds his hands together on top of the wood surface. “But we are so happy that we found you. And we’re very thankful that your landlord was so forthcoming with your forwarding address.” Jack looks down at his hands. “I would have run, too, after how we treated you.”

  “We weren’t perfect, so why should we judge you?”

  Julia looks next to her at Kelly. It is a strange sensation to look at someone that you resemble s
o much. “So, let’s move forward?”

  “We would love that, if you’re really okay with it, of course…” Jack pauses and reaches across the table, and Kelly takes his hand. “We really would like to be in your life a little. Or a lot. Whatever you want.”

  Julia’s eardrums feel as if there’s pressure behind them. She looks from Jack to Kelly and then back to Jack again. “I think I could handle that.”

  “You’re sure?” Kelly asks before Jack even has a chance. “We don’t want to overstep any boundaries. I am still sick about what happened. I want you to know that.”

  “Is it going to change things if I tell you I’m a lesbian?”

  “Doesn’t matter to us.”

  “I wanted to say that!” Kelly says as she smacks Jack on the arm. It’s playful, and Julia almost finds it cute. Almost.

  Jack chuckles. “We’re serious, Julia.”

  “Really serious.” Kelly places her free hand on Julia’s forearm. “What do you say?”

  Julia glances up to the house and sees Elena sitting on the porch steps, her elbows propped on her knees, watching everything like a hawk. “What if neither of you like what I have to offer?”

  “Oh, honey,” Kelly whispers. “I am so sorry we made you ever feel that way.”

  “You have every reason to not trust us.” Jack clears his throat. “But I sure hope we can make you see that we’ll never hurt you again.”

  Julia looks between them. She can see herself in Kelly’s facial features, and it’s unsettling and comforting at the same time. Jack’s skin tone is her skin tone. It makes her heart hurt. “Okay.” Julia places her palms on the wooden picnic table. “I think you should probably meet the love of my life, then.”

  Jack glances behind him where Julia is looking, then back at her. “That’s her, hmm?”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “She’s beautiful,” Kelly says while smiling. “Really, really beautiful.”

  “She saved my life.”

  “Oh? Really?”

  “How’d she do that?” Kelly asks as the three stand to walk toward Elena.

  Julia smiles. “She took away my running shoes.”

  About the Author

  Erin Zak grew up on the Western Slope of Colorado in a town with a population of 2,500, a solitary Subway, and one stoplight. She started writing at a young age and has always had a very active imagination. Erin later transplanted to Indiana, where she attended college, started writing a book, and had dreams of one day actually finding the courage to try to get it published.

  Erin now resides in Florida, away from the snow and cold, near the Gulf Coast with her family. She enjoys the sun, sand, writing, and spoiling her cocker spaniel, Hanna. When she’s not writing, she’s obsessively collecting Star Wars memorabilia, planning the next trip to Disney World, or whipping up something delicious to eat in the kitchen.

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