by Raven Steele
I doubled over, lurching with my hand pressed to my mouth. Ryder couldn’t hold back. He fell to the ground, spewing vomit onto Heather’s shoes. Several other shifters turned away in disgust. This wasn’t something they were used to seeing, either. Even Heather looked disgusted, and didn’t yell at Ryder about her ruined shoes.
My eyes drifted away from Ryder to look at the dead bodies. I couldn’t stop staring. I memorized their faces, determined to never forget them. I didn’t care if they were good or bad people. These people had died because of me. I may not have pulled the trigger, but I was the one who placed them on the target board.
My stomach lurched again, and vile burned the back of my throat. The sound of Jackson’s footfalls crunching hard on the road made me look up at him. Before he turned the corner behind a building, he stopped and locked eyes with me. In one slow motion, he drew his finger across his neck.
His message was clear. He meant to kill me.
I turned from him and stopped abruptly. Ryder was behind me, his sorrow-filled eyes taking me in. I opened my mouth to plead with him, but he turned his back on me, walking back towards the woods before I could say anything.
Self-loathing slithered through me, making the ache in my stomach spread up into my chest. In that moment, the only person who hated me more than Jackson was myself. I was the scum of the earth, lower than the worms that would eat through the corpses before me. I defiled everything I touched, spreading my disease.
Ryder deserved a good pack and loyal friends. I had to kill Dominic and get out of here, before the people in my life were caught in my poisonous snare. I had to break off all ties, push away anyone who cared about me. It was for their own good.
I ground my teeth together, determined to do the right thing for once. Even if it killed me.
Chapter 18
I turned around and stalked away from everyone, even though I felt several eyes on me. I started the bike and raced from the woods. I drove fast and angry, recklessly and dangerously. I slid around corners and jumped over hills. I screamed out at fate, at the Angel of death, tempting her to take me, to kill me, to cleanse the world from my wickedness.
But Fate didn’t hate me as much as I hated myself, and I arrived home safely.
At home, I didn’t go inside. Not yet. It was almost one in the morning. I sensed Lynx inside sleeping. Samira probably wasn’t home.
The full moon cast shadows across the lawn. I found the biggest one beneath the porch and settled deep within it. I was afraid to go inside. The Scorpion’s Breath called out to me in its soft and gentle way. It could take away all these thoughts, twisting and churning in my mind, breathing lies that it could solve all my problems. I lowered onto the porch swing and closed my eyes, grinding my jaw as I warred against taking it.
I needed it. It gave me the courage to face Dominic, to go through with what I’d planned my whole life. But I was also more reckless on it, hurting those around me. Was there a way I could take it and be careful enough to keep my friends safe?
“Can I join you?”
Startled, I opened my eyes. Luke stood in front of me, his feet on the top of the steps.
“What do you want?” The rancor in my voice made my stomach turn, and Luke’s lips parted in surprise. I opened my mouth, hating what I was about to do, but I had no other choice.
Luke was too good for me, and he was too serious about us. I would only ruin him. Dominic had done his best to destroy Luke’s soul, but Luke still held on to something good. He cared about people in this world.
And his desire for me would kill that.
Because I destroyed everything I touched. My evil seeped into their lives, a silent, deadly infection that clouded the mind and destroyed the soul. And they didn’t even know it until it was too late.
There was still hope for Luke, a way for him to come back from the darkness. And that’s why I had to push him away. And so I swallowed hard, feeling sick at what I was about to do. “I need you to either fuck me or leave me alone.”
His breath caught, and his eyebrows furrowed. “What makes you think I’m here for that?”
I slowly came to my feet and lazily walked towards him, grinning seductively. “I know you want me, Luke. Why else would you be here? It’s late. We just took over the Greybacks. You’re here for the spoils.”
I placed my hand on his chest and slid it down his stomach to the top of his jeans. I played with the top of his snap. “You want to take advantage of the pack’s most popular member while the getting is good. Because right now, I’m Dominic’s favorite, even though I killed his best friend.” I bit my lip and slid my hand lower, surprised that he was hard.
He was so shocked that he just stared at me. I needed to push him harder. I grabbed his hand and brought it to my breast, giving him a breathy moan. “Take me, Luke, while you have the chance. Who knows what my options will be tomorrow.”
He growled and stepped forward, pushing against me so that I was forced to walk backwards. He grabbed my shoulder and swirled me around, then crushed me against the door. My face pressed into the glass window and his hardness pressed against my ass.
He leaned over to whisper in my ear. “I do want you, Briar. I want to break into you so hard that you’ll never forget who owns you.” His voice rumbled deep in his throat. “Because I do own you, Briar. Your wolf called to mine and my wolf will claim you. It’s only a matter of time.”
His words shot heat straight between my thighs, and I leaned back into him, fire licking my veins. I wanted him to claim me.
He paused and his breath ran down my neck, making goosebumps prickle my skin. “But now,” he said, taking a step back, “is not that time.”
I swiveled around to glare at him. It gutted me to be rejected by him but this is what I wanted. One last little push. “That’s not what your dick says.”
“I’m here to tell you you’re back on security.” His voice was cold, angry. “You’ll have the same rights you had before.”
Before I gutted Silas.
I folded my arms and raised my chin. “Of course I do. I just gave Dominic more power, which is all he really cares about.”
He looked away, frustration rolling off him in waves. “Of course.”
“Is that all you wanted?”
He took another step back, and his eyes swept over me. His hand clenched at his side, but he nodded. “Yes, Briar. That’s all I wanted.”
“Fine.” I knew he wouldn’t take me, not like this. And that’s exactly why I did it. I needed him to put a wall between us.
I turned back towards the door and opened it, stepping inside. I pulled off my shirt, then my bra, and glanced back at him. His face was red and his eyebrows were furrowed in anger, but he couldn’t hide the longing in his eyes.
“I’m going to bed.” I dramatically dropped my shirt, then my bra, and slowly shut the door behind me. I heard a thump on the door and knew he’d slammed his fist against it. I immediately deflated and quietly ran up the stairs, hating what I was doing to him. But it was the only way to save him. The only way.
I fell into the bed, throwing my shoes and jeans onto the floor. I pulled my covers up over my ears and bit back my tears.
The only way.
Morning sunlight spilled in through the crack between my curtains. Dust motes swirled within its light. I rubbed my eyes, relieved that I’d made it through the night. I’d managed to ignore the suitcase below my bed, despite being unable to sleep for several hours. What little amount I did get was restless and filled with nightmares.
The smell of coffee drifted through the air and I sat up. Bless Lynx.
For a moment, I forgot I was supposed to be pushing away the good people in my life. I was happy to be here, with my roommates that were quickly becoming friends. It was the first time since I was a kid where I was happy with where I lived.
The memory of the dead Greybacks came rushing back. The sounds of gunshots rang in my ears, and their brain matter splattered on the ground. My b
etrayal to Ryder. Of how I treated Luke, like he was a piece of meat, and regret coursed through me.
I sucked in a deep breath and held it, steeling myself for what I was going to do today: Make Lynx hate me, follow it up with Ryder. Then tonight, Samira. Then when I finally killed Dominic, I could easily leave town, knowing no one else will fall prey to my poison.
Poison. I bit my lip and thought about the Scorpion’s Breath whispering sweet comforting words just beneath me. It would make my next tasks so much easier.
I rolled off the bed and peeked underneath it. The briefcase was still there. My lighthouse in the storm. I closed my eyes tight and pressed my lips together.
Just say no.
I jumped to my feet and dressed quickly. Just as I threw open the door, I stopped abruptly. My shirt and bra were folded neatly on the floor. I picked them up and smelled them. Luke’s smell, gasoline and fire, the woods and moonlit nights. I inhaled deeply, then tossed them onto my bed and stomped down the stairs. “Coffee.”
“Wow. You look terrible.” Lynx was leaning against the kitchen counter. “What happened last night?” Her voice was accusatory. Ryder must’ve told her what I’d done. I checked in on the link between me and him.
Yep. He was still pissed.
“I didn’t sleep well.” I didn’t want to talk about what happened last night.
“Clearly. Help yourself to coffee.” Even mad at me, Lynx still couldn’t stop herself from being nice. I didn’t deserve her friendship.
Her eyes followed me as I moved across the kitchen to the cupboard. I pulled out my favorite mug, one of the few things I’d contributed to the house. It said, “Blow Me, I’m Hot” on one side. The other side read, “… and you’re still talking to me because …” I jumped up to sit on the counter, making sure that side was showing when I took a sip. She scowled at me.
Two cups in and I still didn’t feel better. The kitchen was awkwardly quiet. I guess the message on the mug was working. Besides, Ryder may have done my job for me. Lynx was already mad at me. I jumped down from the counter and returned to my room. I didn’t feel like dealing with this shit. I laced up my boots and grabbed my keys, leaving the mug on my dresser. Grabbing my leather jacket, I trotted down the stairs.
“Where are you going?” Lynx asked.
I shrugged, opening the front door. “Out.”
“Luke said not to go anywhere.”
I stopped and stepped back into the foyer. “What?”
“Yeah.” She looked unsure of herself. “He left right before you got up.”
“Luke was here last night?”
She nodded. “He was asleep on the couch when I woke up. He said he had errands to run, but he’d be back later.”
“Oh.” I bit my lip, thinking. I was going to have to work harder to push him away. I stepped onto the front porch.
Lynx called after me. “You’re still leaving?”
I blew air through my lips derisively. “Um, yeah. He’s not my dad.” I slammed the door behind me, not listening to her response.
I jumped on the motorcycle, revving it hard, and left my troubles for the day. I drove to some small beach town in Alabama, eating crap food and throwing my scraps to the birds. After one of them shit on me, I decided I’d had enough. I drove back home, stopping only long enough to change into my work clothes, then headed to Sinsual.
I started work off with a bang. I needed to get my mind off Ryder and the temptation to give in to Scorpion’s Breath. So I pumped the music up loud and sprayed out the alcohol to the eager crowd. Even Eddie watched, hunger in his eyes, as I played lick, sip, or swallow with a group of guys. By the middle of the evening half their shirts were off and I was in my bra. But it got the alcohol flowing, which made Eddie happy, and putting on the show, while also drinking what I could, made me happy.
I was standing in the middle of shirtless men when I caught two steel eyes, staring at me through the crowd. Luke. I pushed through the guys, parting them like Moses and the Red Sea, and stomped up to him. He had a long gash above his left eye and a split lip. Handing out more of Dominic’s punishments, I see, except for this time, it looked like he had received a few of his own.
He leaned back in his chair and looked up at me, his eyes glossy. He picked up his empty beer mug and the liquid sloshed over the side. He took a long sip.
“Hey, Briar. Looks like you were right after all. I should’ve taken my chance when I had one.” The pinky finger on his right hand was crooked.
“What are you doing here?” I grabbed his pinky, spilling his beer, and pulled on it. It straightened with a loud pop. “Why didn’t you go home last night?”
He slammed his mug down and jumped out of his chair, facing me. He had two red blotches on his cheeks. “Why did you leave? I couldn’t find you all day. Lynx said she told you not to go anywhere. Jackson could harm you at any moment.”
I growled, pushing him back. “I’ve made it very clear that I don’t need a knight to rush in and save me. I’m not weak. I can take care of myself.”
I turned my back on him and stalked off, throwing myself back into my work, but Luke still didn’t leave. He must really believe the threat Jackson made against me. It was a little comforting, but I didn’t want him to know that. I could handle myself, but it was nice to have him looking out for me, even if I didn’t want to look out for myself.
The next few days blurred together. I didn’t think about the Scorpion’s Breath much anymore. Only in those quiet moments just before I fell into a fitful sleep. The nightmares were still there, but they had dulled somewhat. I worked at Sinsual in the evenings, and then for Dominic at night, following him around to make sure no one tried to get retribution for what he did to the Greybacks. He also sent me out on crappy errands, like collecting dues, the usual stuff. At this point, I didn’t even care anymore. I just wanted to kill him and be done with it. All I needed was to get him alone in a remote location.
But Dominic seemed to have a sixth sense about my plans. He kept his distance, and I was never alone with him. So I kept playing my role, waiting impatiently for the right moment.
As for my roommates, Lynx had grown quiet around me, but words always seemed to be on the edge of her lips, almost spilling from her mouth whenever I was near, but she held them at bay. And I didn’t see Samira. I would’ve thought that she was out of town, except that her car was parked in the driveway during the day.
Ryder never stopped by the house anymore. In fact, his bond with me had been silent for two days. Even though I was trying to push everyone away, I still needed to make up for what I’d done to him. Just a simple gesture to apologize. Maybe I could bring him cookies or something. Maybe Lynx could bake some cookies, and I could bring it to him. Nah, Lynx wouldn’t do that for me; she was mad at me, too. Maybe I could start baking cookies and Lynx would step in before I burned the house down. That might work.
I was at work again, three nights later, a painted smile plastered on my face. I’d drunk enough alcohol to poison a human, and even Peeper, another bartender whom I’d so nicknamed because of how he stared at my chest the first time we met, told me I needed to tone it down. My heart was pounding and my skin was on fire. It was a Monday night, but that didn’t matter; the bar was packed tighter than a runway model’s toes into a size five stiletto.
Eddie was in a good mood, as usual, since I was working a lot lately.
Luke sat in his usual corner brooding, but still keeping a watchful eye over me. I thought about simply saying hi, but something began to thrum inside me. At first it was just a tickle, a light burning, but soon it began to feel like the searing hot claws of a goblin stirring my intestines.
I doubled over, grimacing. Bad alcohol maybe?
A male patron approached me and asked for a kiss, his beer sloshing. I obliged and pecked his cheek before heading toward the bathroom, my hand on my stomach. Something wasn’t right.
I kneed open a bathroom stall, intense nausea partnering with my stomach pain. I tried
to clear the alcohol from my head to concentrate on the painful sensation. Shifters didn’t get food poisoning or the flu. This was something else.
My chest tightened and began to burn as well. I could barely breath now. I tilted my head to the ceiling to try and get at more air, but just then my stomach lurched, and I made it just in time to spew vomit into the toilet.
When I was done, I closed my eyes, resting my forehead on the porcelain tip, moaning as my whole body shivered. With the alcohol mostly out of my system, the sensation I was feeling came to a focused point. My heart stopped, and I shot to my feet.
No no no no.
I flushed the toilet and rinsed out my mouth in seconds. I flew out the door and slammed into a body. Luke’s arms clasped around me.
“What’s wrong, Briar?”
I could barely speak through my hitched breaths. Tears stung my eyes.
“It’s Ryder. He’s in serious trouble.”
Chapter 19
I jumped onto Luke’s bike. He had it started before my helmet was strapped on, and I had to cling to him with one arm while shoving it down over my head with the other. We sped across the pavement, both of us tense.
“Where am I going?” he called back over his shoulder.
“I don’t know.” I wrapped my arms around him, closing my eyes. I zeroed in on our connection, trying to figure out where he was. The kind of bond I’d made with Ryder was essentially an Alpha’s bond, so I should have been able to determine his location. But I’d never done this before, and I hadn’t particularly paid that much attention to our bond before our fight. All I felt right now was an emptiness.
Which was how it had felt the past two days.
Wasn’t it?
Was it any different than before?
Shit! I didn’t know.
“I need to know where to go, Briar.”