by Raven Steele
“I’m working on it,” I growled. The only place that came to mind was Fire Ridge. I wasn’t certain, but I didn’t know where else to look for Ryder. “Go to Fire Ridge.”
Luke swerved the bike around and opened the throttle.
I tried to gain a more accurate reading on my blood connection, but it just wasn’t working right. Maybe I’d screwed up my wolfie senses when I did those drugs. If anything happened to Ryder because of me, I’d never forgive myself. I moaned in anguish, digging my hands into Luke’s stomach. “Go faster.”
He swerved around a slow car and into oncoming traffic. He just barely managed to swerve back into our lane before a truck sped by us, its horn blaring. Luke didn’t look back or slow down, but blew past traffic until we turned onto the road leading us to Fire Ridge.
“We’re almost there.”
Our headlights spilled onto the lawn and several people were off to the side staring up at something in one of the great oak trees. I pointed towards them. “Don’t stop until we get there.”
Luke slammed on the breaks. “Briar.”
I stumbled from the bike, throwing off my helmet and ran to the tree. “Let me through.” I shoved aside the dozen or so shifters who stood like dummies, staring up at the sight in front of them. I followed their gazes.
Ryder’s broken and bruised body hung limp from a tree limb. He’d been stripped and whipped all over. Blood still dripped down his body, pooling in the ground below him. There was too much.
Fear slammed into me and I fell to my knees, sucking in large breaths. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t think, couldn’t move, except to scream.
“No. NO!”
Tears burned my cheeks and a sob escaped my tingling lips. A tremor crept up my spine, spreading over my whole body until it burst from my skin in a painful shiver. I wrapped my arms across my chest, rocking absentmindedly.
Jackson’s threat, a slash across the throat, flashed in my mind. But Ryder was standing right behind me. Idiot! He wasn’t threatening me; he had given Ryder the warning.
Luke ran over and yelled, “Cut him down!” He grabbed Ryder’s legs, pushing up as if he could still save him. Luke’s optimism.
He was dead already. He was fucking dead.
Someone climbed up the tree to the limb. Edging out onto it, they gripped it as they wrapped their legs over it, then cut through the rope. Luke tried to catch him and I jumped up to help, sobbing. Anguish ebbed through me, making my chest tight and my breathing painfully ragged.
I never made things right with him, and now I would never get the opportunity.
The Greybacks did this to him, I knew it. And it was all my fault. I brought him into my deception, forced him to lie for me. And they got their revenge, all right. They tortured him for his lie. And they killed him to get back at me.
We lowered him to the ground, and I pressed my fingers to his throat, giving in to my own lingering hope he still lived.
Let there be a pulse!
Luke stared into my eyes, his own wide and fearful. He fell back onto his ass, his face pale, and we both knew the truth. Ryder was gone.
Jumping to my feet, I held my hand out to Luke, growling. “Give me your keys.”
I was going to kill Jackson.
My uncle appeared in front of the group and stared down at Ryder, his lips tugged downwards. He looked up at me and his stare burned into me.
This is all my fault.
I reached down and shoved my hand in Luke’s pocket. “I want Jackson’s blood.”
Gerald and Samantha howled, agreeing with me. I fished around, then yanked my hand out when I realized it was empty. I reached into his other pocket. “Where are your fucking keys?”
“Now everyone just calm down,” Dominic’s voice said from the back of the group. Everyone parted for him. He walked toward us and looked at Ryder’s torn and broken body. There was no emotion on his face. “This is a great tragedy.”
I tugged on his arm. “We have to kill them, Dominic.”
He snatched his arm away. “Kill who?”
“The Greybacks. Jackson. They did this.”
Dominic circled the scene, looking up at the tree and around the area taking a ridiculously long time. “Are we sure it was Greybacks?”
“It had to have been.” Luke stood up, trying to keep his emotions even, but I heard the variation in his voice.
“We need proof.” Dominic’s face was firm, his eyes cold. “I’m not going to start a war between the packs without it.”
I whirled on him. “That’s what you said last time when they kidnapped and tortured him! And you and Silas were wrong!”
Dominic backhanded my face, dropping me to the ground. Luke jumped in front of me as I touched the painful sting. The wolves around us shifted their positions, looking between Luke, Dominic and me, unsure how to react.
Dominic shook his finger at me. “Never talk to me like that. My word is all that matters in this pack. I am Alpha. If I say I want proof, then get me the damn proof. Nothing will happen until then.”
My uncle bent down and whispered soothing words in my ear, probably thinking I was going to try and attack Dominic. But I couldn’t hear him. All I could hear was Ryder’s words the other day at the edge of the cliff.
“Jackson will get revenge. You don't know him like I do. If you betray him, he will come after you and the people you care about."
Ryder was right, and he paid for my stupidity. I pounded my fist into the ground over and over until my hand was bleeding.
“Get her under control,” Dominic said to Luke. “The rest of you, take care of the body. We will give him a proper Silver Claws burial tomorrow night. Heather and Terrence, I want you to look for clues to determine who did this.”
Heather and Terrence. They didn’t care. No one cared about Ryder like I did, and even then, my care for him had gotten him killed.
I cried, wailing out the misery that ripped through my body, threatening to split me in two.
Jerry and Samantha reached down to take Ryder, but I shoved them away. “Not yet.”
I reached to touch his face but there was nowhere that hadn’t been beaten. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already was.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered over and over again, tears warming my cheeks.
“Let’s get out of here,” Luke wrapped his hand around my waist and helped me to my feet.
Get out of here. That’s what I needed. I needed to go. Far away. I blinked, realizing that Luke’s bike was right in front of me. His keys dangled from the ignition. I jumped out of his arms and ran towards his bike. I swung my leg over the side, tossing his helmet to the ground.
“Briar, no,” Luke said. “You’re in no condition to drive.”
I fired up the motorcycle, shoving my uncle away when he tried to stop me. Luke didn’t try to stop me, he just stared, both hurt and anger reflecting in his eyes.
I sped away, wind ripping through my hair. Darkness surrounded me, cooling my burning skin. I didn’t care where I was going and only turned when the street ended. I ended up on a windy road in the middle of the forest. The bike handled the corners with ease, even though I pushed it as fast as it would go. I didn’t bother with a headlight.
I belonged to the darkness now.
My mind delved into the blackness, letting it roll over and through me. It had taken years to heal from the day Silas and Dominic killed my family had trapped me in a well. I didn’t have that kind of time now.
Dominic deserved to die more than ever. He played a role in this. If he wasn’t so power hungry …
I wiped the cold tears from my face. If he deserved to die, then maybe I did, too. We both played a role in Ryder’s death.
But I couldn’t die. Not yet. Not until I cut Dominic from balls to beak.
A sudden pain tore through my chest, and I clutched at it, slamming the bike to a stop. The pain was too great and consumed all my thoughts.
Ryder was dead.
&n
bsp; Time was no longer my friend.
I looked around, gaining my bearings. I drove off and took the next left.
There was only one thing that would get me through this.
Chapter 20
The parking lot wasn’t as crowded as it had been on the weekend, but Angel’s limo was still parked out front.
I entered Heartbeat, ignoring the guard at the door asking me to stop. He placed his hand on my shoulder, beginning to pull me back. Instead of fighting the tug, I gave into it, pivoting on my back foot and slamming my other leg into his chest in a powerful round kick. He crashed into the doors. The music stopped and everyone’s eyes were on me as I marched down the stairs towards Angel’s table.
He whispered something to the lady on his lap. She jumped to her feet and hurried away, glancing back at me.
“Briar, what can I—”
“I need some Scorpion's Breath. Now.” The words barely left my mouth before pain seized my chest again. I clutched it, trying to catch my breath.
“Of course, love. Whatever you want.” Angel stood and motioned those around us to continue what they were doing. Music began to play again and conversations continued. He reached into his breast pocket to retrieve my sanity.
After popping off the top, he slid his other hand up the back of my head, his fingers entwining into my hair. He jerked my head back.
I welcomed the pain it caused.
Raising the vial to my lips, he poured the liquid into my mouth. “Drink, my love. Let it take away the pain you feel.”
I closed my eyes and swallowed the liquid as the last of my tears ran down the sides of my face.
“Dance with me.” Angel ran his hand down to my hip, leading me towards the dance floor.
I didn’t resist and followed blindly. It was in this moment I remembered I had Scorpion’s Breath hidden at home. Why had I come here? Why to Angel?
The music changed to something dark and slow, a beat that numbed my mind. I rested my head on Angel’s shoulder. His hand moved around my back, and he gently swayed me to the beat. I could no longer feel the floor beneath my feet or smell the vampires in the room. The pain in my chest was gone. I melted into his arms.
He leaned down, bringing his mouth to my ear. “Tell me who’s caused you this pain. I hate to see you suffer.” His words warmed the skin on my neck.
“They killed him,” I whispered. “My best friend. Gone. Dead. Beaten. Tortured.”
“Who, love? Who would do such a thing?”
“I did.” The room faded away and in its place was a storm. Lightning cracked. Thunder shouted.
“You killed your best friend?”
“Jackson. Greybacks. I didn’t mean to …” I hitched in several breaths until I pulled in a deep one. “And Dominic. They are monsters.”
“Shhh,” he cooed. “It doesn’t matter right now. All will be made right. I’ll see to it. Let the Scorpion take you away. His poison cures even the most brokenhearted.”
“Yes.” I collapsed in his arms. My mind shut off and I existed in the storm while it battered me on all fronts.
I let it.
My eyelids fluttered open and slowly focused. Warm light spilled through my windows. The curtains had been pulled back to let in as much light as possible. I was in my own bed but for some reason, I wasn’t supposed to be. I touched my head trying to remember what had happened.
I was at Heartbeat. Why was I there? And how did I end up in my bed?
The image of Ryder swinging from the oak tree burned in my mind and the agony seared my heart.
Ryder was gone.
I curled up in bed into a tight ball.
Pain squeezed my chest, making it hard to breathe. I pulled my covers over me, surrounding myself in their darkness, leaving a hole just wide enough for me to breathe.
Luke’s voice and Lynx’s sobs drifted up from downstairs.
Oh Lynx. I’m so sorry. I dug my fingernails into my palms. Ryder had warned me, and I hadn’t listened. I’d screwed up everything.
I clutched at the sheets. There was nothing I could do now. No fucking cookies, no repentance for what I’d done. It was all my fault and I had no way to make it up to her. My pillow absorbed my tears, sliding silently down my face, and I sucked in a breath, swallowing the bile right at the base of my throat.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
I couldn’t breathe.
I threw off my covers, sucking in a breath, trying to control my anxiety. I’d had panic attacks when I was a kid, and my foster parents had some quack doctor prescribe me Klonopin so I wouldn’t be so troublesome. I slid off my bed and fumbled under it. I had the briefcase open and the vial of liquid down my throat just as my vision began to fade. Slowly, life returned to me and my lungs filled with much needed oxygen.
I couldn’t see a shrink right now. Scorpion's Breath would have to be my therapist. I began to talk to it now as my mind floated back to that place where pain wasn’t allowed. I hovered there, basking in its warmth, its peace.
The lights flipped on and I blinked, holding my hands over my eyes.
“What the hell is this?” Luke dropped to the floor. My head lobbed to the side to see what he was looking at. The briefcase was still open, exposing my secret. He held an empty vial and pushed it in front of my face. “Where did you get this?”
I stared at it and then at my hand, realizing it was empty. I hadn’t felt him grab it. Weird.
“Briar. Where did you get this?”
I glanced behind him to make sure Lynx wasn’t here, too. I wouldn’t want her to know what I’d done. Concentrate, Briar. I’d been able to function on this before. I could do it again. Just focus on what’s in front of me and keep my mind blank. I pulled myself into a seated position and leaned against my bed. I gave him my best smile. “It’s nothing. Just left over.”
“From when we met with the Nocturnas?”
I nodded.
“You didn’t destroy it?”
“I thought I might need it. Maybe to trade it for something.”
“How much have you taken? How much was in here?”
“Does it matter?”
He grabbed at the remaining vials, pulling them out of the padded case. He opened the window and tossed them out. I gasped and jumped up, running to the window to look out. Glass shattered on the concrete below me and I watched in horror as the liquid seeped into the ground, my lighthouse shattered.
He stared out at the trees, taking in a deep breath of fresh air. “I’m really sorry about Ryder.”
Pain stabbed my chest, but it was softer now. I brushed his words away and sat on the floor by the bed. “S’my fault. Give Lynx your sorry’s.”
He slid next to me. “Look at me.”
I slowly turned my head to face him.
“I will find out who did this and make them pay. I swear to you. But you can’t turn to this shit—” He kicked hard at the briefcase. “—to fix your problems. I need you to be stronger than this. Do you understand?”
“Then make me pay.”
“What?”
“It’s my fault. I killed Ryder. He told me not to betray the Greybacks, but I didn’t listen. I was too concerned with trying to impress Dominic. So you need to make me pay.” I looked into his eyes. Colors vibrated around them. “I don’t know what you should do to me, but I’ll be happy to take the punishment.”
He studied me, silent and stoic. The room was quiet except for my harsh breaths and the wind whispering through the trees outside my window.
Finally he moved. His hand snapped out to the nape of my neck and he yanked me closer. “You want to be punished?”
I stared at him with wide eyes and nodded. “Yes.”
He pulled me even closer, so close his lips almost touched mine. I thought he would kiss me, but he didn’t. “Your punishment is to forgive yourself.”
A crushing feeling overwhelmed me, and I closed my eyes. I knew full well I couldn’t take this punishment.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
I clasped his face, kissing him softly. The last time I ever intended to kiss him.
He pulled back, his expression dark. “Briar, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t pull the trigger on that gun. You didn’t scoop those eyes out. And you didn’t torture and kill Ryder.”
“Before we left for the Greybacks, you told me I was the only one who could decide if I’d made the right choice or not.” My gaze was cold into his. “I made the wrong decision. And now, I must suffer the consequences for my choice.” His slid his hands over mine, but I jerked my hands out from under his. “Stop. I don’t deserve anyone’s kindness.”
“Maybe not. But I will give it anyways.”
I closed my eyes again, trying hard not to think about it. Instead, I focused on Scorpion, my new friendly therapist to ease my mind.
“Briar?”
“You should go.” I pulled myself onto the bed and crawled back under my covers. “Thanks for stopping by.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time, and I thought he’d left, but then I heard, “Ryder’s funeral is tonight. Can I take you?”
“I left your bike at …” I paused. Did I leave it at Heartbeat? I must have.
“It was in my driveway,” he finished. “I thought you returned it last night.”
I shook my head. “I don’t even know where you live.” Apparently, Angel did.
Luke was silent for a moment, considering my words. If he was wondering how his bike showed up at his house, he didn’t ask.
I pulled the covers up and closed my eyes, dismissing him. “Roma will take me tonight.”
There was a shuffling sound followed by the sound of the door closing. I opened my eyes and peeked at the door. I was alone.
For hours I stayed in bed, watching the light track across my bedroom floor. At one point, Lynx had knocked on the door, but when I didn’t answer, she left me alone. Slowly, the drug began to fade from my system and my hands began to shake. I couldn’t go to his funeral like this. The pain would kill me.
I dragged myself to the window and peered down, searching the ground for any remains. I spotted what I needed. One vial had landed on a small patchy spot of grass. I dropped my forehead to the windowsill and sighed a breath of relief. I took a long shower and put on fresh clothes. I tried to remember what happened last night, but the details were fuzzy. I didn’t think it was too bad, which was good. Angel could’ve taken advantage of me.