The Ugly Side of Me

by Nikita Lynnette Nichols

  “Amen,” I said, along with other folks.

  “I suspect, Brother Trevor,” Bishop Art said, “that when Chantal is sixteen years old, you’ll need to get the shotgun and sit it by the front door.”

  The people laughed.

  “So that when young June bug comes knocking, he’ll know what time of day it is.”

  The people laughed out loud again.

  “I already got that covered, Bishop. I’m way ahead of you,” Trevor confirmed.

  Bishop Art nodded his head at Trevor, then addressed Anastasia. “Sister Stacy, are you standing here willingly to dedicate your daughter, Chantal, to the family of God?”

  Anastasia nodded her head. “Yes, Bishop.”

  “Will you both as parents,” he continued, “raise Chantal in the way in which she shall go so that when she is old, she will not depart from it?”

  “We will,” Trevor and Anastasia responded in unison.

  Bishop Art looked at me. “Sister Rhapsody, as godmother to Chantal, do you vow to step in and raise her and provide for her and care for her should there ever come a time when her parents won’t be able to?”

  I nodded my head. “Yes, Bishop, I do.”

  Bishop Art took Chantal from my arms and laid her in the crease of his right arm. He dipped his index finger of his left hand in the baptismal basin, which was filled with holy water. Bishop Art wet Chantal’s head with his finger, making the shape of a cross. “Father God, it is today that we dedicate Chantal Justice Baker into your Kingdom. Lead her, guide her, and be the light upon her path of life. In Jesus’s name, amen.”

  “Amen,” the congregation responded.

  I looked over at Anastasia and saw tears streaming down her face as Bishop Art put Chantal in her arms. The little girl had slept through the entire ceremony.

  As the next family made their way to the altar to dedicate their baby, Trevor, Anastasia, Chantal, and I returned to the front pew.

  I picked up my purse, then turned to Anastasia. “I gotta go.”

  The look on her face was one of confusion. “Where?”

  I didn’t answer her. I held up my index finger and made my way to the rear of the church.

  My mother saw me and stood from the rear pew. She met me at the sanctuary doors. “You leaving already?”

  “Yeah. I feel a headache coming on.” I opened my purse and pulled out a white letter-size envelope. I gave it to her. “This is my tithes and offering. Will you make sure the finance committee gets them?”

  “Sure, baby,” my mother said to me and took the envelope from my hand. “You go home and get some rest.”

  I kissed my mother’s cheek and exited the church. I dialed Malcolm’s cell number as I walked to my car. As soon as he answered, I said, “Meet me at my house.”

  He exhaled loudly. “Right now, Rhapsody?”

  “Yes, Malcolm. Right now,” I demanded, then disconnected the call.

  As I walked to my car, I knew that I was a pitiful soul. I couldn’t even sit through morning service without thinking about sex. But I needed it, and I wanted it, so I was gonna get it.

  Three and a half hours later, Malcolm and I lay spent on my bed.

  Chapter 18

  Monday morning Lucille glanced at the clock on the living room wall, then looked out the window. “Malcolm?” she yelled. “Call Cherise and find out what’s taking her so long to get here. She’s gonna make me late for my appointment.”

  Malcolm walked into the living room. “I told her not to come. I’m taking you to therapy this morning.”

  “Have you forgotten that you’re not allowed to drive my car? I don’t wanna be sitting in the passenger seat when another one of your tricks decides to throw a tire iron through the window.”

  “You ain’t even gotta worry about that, Lucy. I’m not driving your car.”

  “Well, then, how are you gonna take me to therapy, Malcolm?”

  “In my truck.”

  Lucille frowned. “What truck?”

  “The silver one that’s parked outside, in front of the house.” Until then Malcolm had hidden his gift in the garage. But since he was taking his mother to therapy that morning, Malcolm figured it was time that she knew about his new truck.

  Lucille moved the vertical blinds aside and looked outside. Her eyebrows shot up in the air. “That’s your truck?” She had noticed the big truck when she glanced out the living room window while waiting for her daughter. Lucille had assumed the big silver truck belonged to one of the neighbors.

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “When did you get it?”

  “A week ago.”

  “A week ago?” she shrieked. “Did Cherise co-sign for you?”

  “Nope. A friend bought it for me.”

  Lucille cocked her head to the side and looked at Malcolm. “What friend?”

  “Her name is Rhapsody.”

  She frowned. “What?”

  Malcolm sighed. He didn’t feel like being interrogated. “Ma, let’s just go, okay?”

  “Wait a darn minute, Malcolm. Who is this Rhapsody, why did she buy you a truck, and why haven’t I met her?”

  “She’s a lady I met last week, and you’ll meet her soon enough.”

  Lucille tried to put two and two together. “You said you got the truck last week. Are you tellin’ me that you met a woman and she bought you that big truck all in the same week?”

  “Yes. Now can we please go?”

  “No. We ain’t going nowhere until I figure this out. Where did you meet this woman?”

  Malcolm plopped down on the sofa and exhaled loudly. “Ma, can we not do this now?”

  “Where did you meet her, Malcolm?”

  “I met her at the restaurant last Monday.”

  “Uh-huh. How old is she?” Lucille asked.

  “Why do you need to know that?”

  Lucille’s eyebrows rose. “You better answer me, boy.”

  “Rhapsody is thirty-four, but what difference does that make? Age ain’t nothin’ but a number.”

  Lucille put her left hand on her heart. “Oh, my God. Malcolm, you’re going with a thirty-four-year-old woman?”

  Malcolm leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. “Ma, would you calm down? It ain’t no big deal, and we’re not going together.”

  “Then what are you doing, Malcolm? If y’all ain’t going together, then what . . . ?” Lucille stopped her sentence, because she had figured it out. “Oh, God. Oh, my Lord Jesus. Please help me, Lord.”

  Malcolm saw the hysterical state his mother was in. “Ma, you’re gonna give yourself a stroke. Rhapsody and I are just friends, okay? Now, let’s go.”

  “Is she the girl that put the scratches on your back last week?”

  Malcolm stood from the sofa. “I’m not talkin’ to you about this. Rhapsody ain’t no big deal, and the truck ain’t no big deal.” With that said, Malcolm helped his mother out the front door and down the ramp on the porch and rolled her to the truck.

  With Lucille buckled safely in the passenger seat, Malcolm positioned himself behind the steering wheel.

  “Hello, Malcolm. Welcome to paradise.”

  Lucille placed her hand on her heart again and looked over at her son. “Are you out in these streets, hoeing, Malcolm?”

  Malcolm laughed out loud, started the engine, and pulled away from the curb.

  Lucille placed the back of her hand across her forehead and said, “Lord, please be a blood pressure pill right now.”

  Chapter 19

  I got to work early and decided to call my brother Walter at his medical office. I knew that I couldn’t avoid him and Daniel forever. I told the receptionist that I was his sister and was returning his call.

  She placed me on hold. I heard two short beeps and then, “It’s about time you called me back.” As usual, Walter had an attitude.

  “You better be glad I called at all. What do you and Danny want?”

  “Well, since you refused to talk to us, we thought it
would be less of a hassle to just send Mama and Daddy on a cruise to the Caribbean instead of planning a party.”

  “I think that’s a wonderful idea,” I said.

  “I talked with a travel agent and was able to secure a nice package to three islands. It’s a seven-day cruise, and it costs twenty-seven hundred dollars, with Mom and Dad’s airfare included. We’ll split the cost three ways. You, Danny, and I have to pay nine hundred dollars each by next Friday.”

  I frowned. “Walter, that gives me less than two weeks. I won’t have nine hundred dollars by then.” Because of Malcolm’s truck note, I had gone from having extra money to living paycheck to paycheck.

  “Rhapsody, me and Danny have been trying to hook up with you for a month. You should have gotten with us when we were callin’ you.”

  My neck almost did a 360-degree turn on my shoulders when Walter tried to pull rank on me. I didn’t take that crap when we were kids, and I wasn’t gonna stand for it now. “I’ma check you right quick, Walter. First of all, neither you nor Danny earn my money. Therefore, y’all sho ain’t entitled to tell me how to spend it. If I say I won’t have the money by next Friday, then I won’t have it.”

  “Then what do you suggest we do, Rhapsody?”

  Walter put special emphasis on the word suggest, trying to intimidate me, but I wasn’t moved. I came right back at him. “If you and Danny want to send Mama and Daddy on a cruise, then I suggest y’all pay for it.” I disconnected the call. I was done talkin’.

  Ten minutes hadn’t passed before Daniel was callin’ my cell phone.

  “I just got off the phone with Walter, and he’s highly upset with you,” Daniel said to me.

  I really wished he could’ve seen me shrugging my shoulders. “Danny, I don’t give a flyin’ fig about you, Walter, the pope, Barack Obama, or anybody else being upset with me.”

  “I just don’t think it’s fair that we should have to pay the whole cost of this cruise. They’re your parents too, you know.”

  “Look, Danny, you own a construction company, and Walter is a doctor. Both of you got more money than either of you know what to do with. Y’all can pay for the cruise without denting your pockets. I’m the one who’s strugglin’. I live from paycheck to paycheck.” The monthly payments on Malcolm’s truck were gonna kill me.

  “That’s because you spend all your money on massages, manicures, pedicures, and other crap that ain’t important. Learn how to keep your siddity behind out of the malls.”

  He pissed me off. “Do you balance my checkbook, butthole?”

  “Nah, but maybe I need to,” he yelled back at me.

  I disconnected the call, ’cause I was done talking to Daniel. Who in the heck was he to tell me how to spend my money? If I wanted to pay somebody to rub on me, that was my business. To heck with Danny and his brother too. My body shook. “Douche bags, elephant poop sniffers!” I screamed. That was why I absolutely hated talking to my brothers. They always caused an episode to come upon me.

  I was so hot and bothered by Daniel’s call that I had to go to the bathroom and splash cold water on my face to get myself together. When I got back to my desk, Willie Boston was waiting for me.

  “Good morning, Rhapsody. I bought you a dozen of those Krispy Kreme doughnuts everybody’s crazy about and a cup of coffee. It’s light and sweet, just like you like it.”

  “Thanks, Willie, but you still ain’t gettin’ in my panties, okay?”

  “Now, why you gotta be like that? I bought you breakfast, and this is how you treat me?”

  Willie was right. I shouldn’t take out my frustrations from dealing with my brothers on everybody else. “I’m sorry, Willie.” I sat at my desk and offered him a doughnut, but he declined. I dunked a glazed doughnut in my coffee, bit into it, and moaned at the good taste.

  “Dang, girl. Are they that good?”

  “Yep, especially when you dunk them in coffee,” I said.

  Willie reached in the box and pulled out a glazed doughnut. “I wanna dunk mine too, but not in coffee.”

  “You want some milk?”

  “Uh-uh. I wanna dunk my doughnut in you.”

  I was swallowing when Willie said that, and it caused me to choke. It took me a minute to clear my airway before I could speak. “Willie, get out of my office before I call your supervisor and tell her that you’re away from your work area.”

  “Come on, Rhapsody,” he pleaded. “Just let me dip it one time, and I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

  “Get your broke behind out of here, Willie. I ain’t playin’.”

  “I may be a lot of things, but broke ain’t one of them. Name your price.”

  That was the second time Willie had propositioned me. I wondered if he was serious. “You can’t afford me, Willie,” I said jokingly.

  He took a step closer to me and spoke sternly. “I said, ‘Name your price.’”

  Since he stepped to me, I stepped to him and looked deep into his eyes. “Nine hundred dollars.”

  Willie didn’t blink or flinch. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a wad of bills that was bigger than my entire fist. He peeled away nine one-hundred-dollar bills and laid them on my desk. “Where’s your boss?”

  I looked at the money and swallowed hard. “He’s on vacation this week.”

  Willie picked up his glazed doughnut from the desk and glared at me like a hungry wolf.

  Fifteen minutes later, Walter and Daniel were glad to know that I had my share to pay for our parents’ anniversary cruise.

  Mr. Duncan had taken a vacation that week, and I was glad. My boss and I shared a small office that we’d outgrown over the eleven years that we’d worked together. He was due back in a week, right after the July Fourth holiday, which was next Monday. Mr. Duncan was treating his wife and his two young children to a week in Negril, Jamaica. The only thing he had talked about for the past two weeks was how he couldn’t wait to lie on the beach and get a tan.

  Mr. Duncan was Caucasian and very pale. I’d told him that if he came back looking like me, I’d talk about him.

  It was too bad that he’d be gone only for a week, because I could’ve gotten used to being by myself. Sometimes when there wasn’t anything tragic going on with the trains or buses in the city of Chicago, Mr. Duncan and I would spend the entire eight hours of the day staring at one another and arguing over stupid stuff.

  Driving home from work Monday evening, I felt like a crackhead on the second day of detox. I was feigning for Malcolm big-time. The hurtin’ he had put on me after church the day before had worn off. I called him on my cell phone.

  “Hi, Malcolm,” I greeted excitedly.

  “Hey, I was just about to call you,” he said. He sounded just as excited as I was.

  I blushed. “Oh, really?” I responded seductively.

  “Yep. I got some good news.” Malcolm was in a very good mood.

  I smiled. “I’m listenin’.”

  “My sister, Cherise, and her husband are driving my mother down to Memphis for the holiday to visit my uncle. And you know what that means, right?”

  I shook my head from side to side. But I was still smiling. “Tell me.”

  “I’ll be able to spend the entire week and all the holiday weekend with you.”

  My smile got even wider. “Ooh, Malcolm, that is good news. When do they leave?”

  “They’re hitting Interstate Fifty-Seven at around eight tonight.”

  “And you’ll come after that?”

  “Yeah. I need to be here and help get my mother packed and settled into my brother-in-law’s van. I should be at your place at around nine. And I want you to be ready for me, okay? I ain’t showin’ you no mercy tonight.”

  I loved the way he teased me. “I’m always ready.”

  I unlocked my front door and entered my living room on cloud nine, singing, “You want me just as much as I want you. Let’s stop fooling around. Take me, baby. Kiss me all over.” That song was the jam back in the day. I bet Prince caused a w
hole lot of babies to be conceived off of that melody.

  In my bedroom I pressed the PLAY button on my answering machine.

  “Hey, girl. Trevor, Chantal, and I are having a Fourth of July barbecue next Monday. We want you to come. Call me when you get in.” Beep.

  “This call is for Rhapsody Blue. This is Dr. Scimeca’s office calling again. Please call to schedule your annual exam.” Beep.

  I erased both messages, and then I called Dr. Scimeca’s office and made an appointment for eight o’clock next Tuesday morning, the day after the holiday. With that out of the way, I undressed and hung my uniform in my closet, put on a silk pajama set, then sat down on my bed and called Anastasia.

  “Hey, did you get my message?” she asked.

  “Yes, I did, and I’ll accept the invitation, but only if I can bring a date.”

  “A date?”

  “Yes, a date, as in an escort, a beau, someone to lick barbecue sauce off of.”

  “And who might that be?”

  “Who do you think?”

  “Malcolm?”

  “Bingo. He and I made up,” I said excitedly. I folded my legs in a pretzel position and leaned back against my headboard.

  “How did you pull that off?”

  “With my charm and a little ‘I’m sorry’ token.”

  “Rhapsody, what did you buy him, and how much did it cost?”

  “You’ll find out next week. What time should we be there?”

  “One o’clock. I know you bought him an expensive watch, and I’ma tell you somethin’ Rhapsody. Buying a twenty-one-year-old man jewelry won’t make him commit to you.”

  It was time for me to end the conversation. “Good-bye, Stacy. Malcolm and I will see you on Monday. Should we bring anything?”

  “No, and why are you rushing me off of the telephone?”

  “Because I don’t wanna hear you preach today, okay? I had enough of that at Chantal’s dedication yesterday. Besides, Malcolm is on his way, and I need to get ready for him.”

  “You ain’t even stick around to hear Bishop Art preach. So what you mean, you heard enough of that yesterday? And speaking of yesterday, why did you rush out of the church like that?”