Knox (A Merrick Brothers Novel)

by Prescott Lane

  I haven’t seen her, but I know it. I feel it because I’m crushed, too.

  What I’m feeling is different than what she’s feeling. I know that. I’ve never been so fucking angry in my life. Angry that I ever asked her to send me that picture. This isn’t the first celebrity hack in the history of the universe, but it is the first for me. Still, I should’ve known better. I was selfish. My first and only thought should have been protecting Mae and her privacy. I should’ve anticipated it. It’s my job to protect her, first and foremost. I didn’t do that. I failed her. I let her down.

  I don’t even want to consider it, but I know I could lose Mae over this.

  The front door to The Tune Up opens, startling me. Cameras flash, and the noise from the photographers outside fills the place. I see Gigi pause in the doorway, turning back around to the herd.

  “You want a quote?” she asks them.

  I brace myself. No telling what will come out of Gigi’s mouth. Could be a fuck you. Could be a Bible verse.

  “Betty White once said, ‘Why do people say “grow some balls”? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.’”

  Well, the paparazzi doesn’t hear that every day! I get what she’s trying to convey, though. Mae is a tough woman. This won’t destroy her. It can’t. I won’t let it.

  The door closes behind Gigi, and the noise and flashes fade away. Her eyes land on me like a laser. Getting to my feet, I head toward her. “Where’s Mae? Is she alright? Is Everly with her? I need to see her.”

  “She’s safe,” Gigi says. “Can you even imagine what she’s feeling right now?”

  “I know it has to be . . .”

  “No, you don’t know shit. There aren’t nude photos of you all over the world. Someone can’t Google your name right now and see you naked. For the rest of her life, everyone she will ever meet will be able to see that. How would you feel if you had to wonder whether every person you looked in the eye had seen your penis?”

  My eyes close. I don’t want to think about how many people are seeing the woman I love this way. And it’s all my fault.

  “Everly tried to get Mae to come here to meet you. But Mae didn’t want to face Timothy, even though Everly swore to her that he hadn’t looked at the news today. Mae still didn’t want to see him. She’s mortified. You have no idea.”

  “I need to be with her, Imogen, please.”

  “We had a deal,” she says, arching her brow. “I say the word, and you leave.”

  “Gigi, please?” I beg.

  She releases a deep breath. “Come with me.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  Mae

  “How are you?” Everly asks.

  How the hell does she think I am? Completely and utterly destroyed. My whole body hurts. My heart is broken. I cry. I pray. I cry some more. I’m sure the radio station is freaking out. Sleep is impossible. I want to crawl in a hole, but Gigi’s house will have to do.

  I feel so stupid. I am not a teenage girl. I should’ve known better. This topic has come up on my show many times before, and I always advise my callers not to send nude photos to anyone, not even their spouse, because you just never know. I should’ve heeded my own advice.

  My phone has been turned off since this all started. It’s kind of nice—no dinging of my email, no calendar notifications, no phone ringing.

  Blocking the outside world feels like the only thing to do. I don’t want to logon to the internet and see a story about me, and I definitely don’t want to see those pictures. I’m not longing to find out what else is going on in the world, either. It’s probably just more bad news. I’ve had enough bad news today for my whole life.

  I hear some ruckus coming from outside—yelling, just some general noise. The front door comes flying open, Gigi and Knox hurrying inside. Everly meets them by the door.

  “Get me a bat and some iced tea,” Gigi tells Everly. “Think I need to have a nice long sit on my front porch.”

  That brings a smile to my face. Gigi is crazy, and even those slime balls won’t want to deal with crazy.

  Knox’s eyes frantically search the house until they land on me, sitting on the sofa, wrapped up in a blanket. “Mae,” he cries out, rushing to me and pulling me into his arms. “God, baby, I’m so sorry.”

  I simply cling to his shirt and cry. He holds me closer, tighter than I think he ever has in his life. My chest heaves as the tears come faster and harder, the magnitude of what has happened hitting me in waves. The embarrassment and humiliation, followed by how stupid I feel, topped off with how violated I feel. It all swirls around inside, my body unable to process and contain it all. We must sit like this for hours, with Knox holding me, letting me cry. There’s nothing he can say or do to fix this or make it better, so he just stays with me.

  Finally, I look up at him, his blue eyes holding back tears of his own. “Thank you for coming,” I whisper, wiping my cheeks.

  He runs his fingers through my hair. “I was so afraid I’d lost you.”

  “Knox?” I say, placing my hands on his face, feeling his stubble beneath my fingers.

  “So many relationships would end over something like this,” he says softly. “You have no idea how sorry I am.”

  He’s afraid of losing me. I’ve been so upset I hadn’t considered what he was feeling. And I get why some women would leave if this happened to them, but I’ve lost Knox before. I know what that means. What that feels like. I never want to feel that again.

  “Don’t you know I’m a badass?” I tease. “It’s going to take more than some nude photos to scare me away from you.”

  He pulls me to him, kissing me hard on the lips. “I fucking love you.”

  I can’t help but laugh. One’s first declaration of love isn’t usually preceded by a cuss word. “I fucking love you, too,” I say, giggling.

  His hands on my cheeks, he kisses me again—slower, longer. When he pulls back, he twirls the hair around my face with his finger, studying me. Knox knows me well. He knows I’m not over this, not by any stretch of the imagination. This has fucked up my world. But he’s here with me now.

  That doesn’t fix everything, but it does make it a little easier.

  *

  We spent much of the afternoon cuddled together on the sofa. Gigi kept guard out on the front porch, and Everly left to go back to The Tune Up. Knox and I both know we can’t stay locked away inside my grandmother’s house forever.

  The front door opens, and Knox gets to his feet. “The old woman with the bat on the front porch is a nice touch,” Heath says, giving us a grin.

  I was surprised to discover Heath flew in with Knox. I’m not sure why, but I guess all this attention is going to take some getting used to.

  “That’s Gigi,” I say, “and I don’t recommend you refer to her an old woman to her face.”

  “We met,” Heath says. “And after she told me that I suck at my job, and to do better, you don’t have to worry about me referring to her as anything other than ma’am.”

  “How’d you respond?” Knox asks, inviting him into the den to take a seat.

  “Stayed out of swinging distance while telling her she’d be out of a job soon,” Heath says. “A security team is on its way.”

  “What?” I cry out, looking at Knox, wondering if he knew about this.

  “Heath, I never agreed to guards. I told you . . .”

  Heath holds his hands up to Knox then directs his words to me. “Mae, before you say anything, I need you to listen. Because God knows, Knox doesn’t.”

  “Okay,” I say, looking over at Knox, who gently takes my hand.

  Heath reaches into his briefcase, pulling out some papers. He proceeds to tell me how Knox was the only celebrity hacked, how unusual it is for only one to be targeted at a time. Then he shows me some letters.

  They’re creepy, talking about how much they love Knox, how they are meant to be together, how he’ll soon realize what’s right in
front of him. My stomach turns. I knew Knox got this kind of mail, he told me as much, but reading it makes my skin crawl.

  “The police have these?” I ask.

  Heath nods. “The running theory is that whoever sent these is the same person who hacked Knox’s phone.” Knox’s eyes dart up. “We are dealing with a pretty savvy individual.”

  Knox gets to his feet and peers out a window, my Gigi’s yard covered in camera crews. “This is my doing,” Knox says quietly. “None of this would’ve happened if I’d stayed away from . . .”

  “Knox,” I say, getting to my feet and lightly kissing his shoulder. He turns, looking down at me, and for a fraction of a second, I wonder if he’s considering leaving me—to protect me. But then he pulls me into his arms, hugging me tightly.

  “Another thing,” Heath says, interrupting our moment. “The police tested the letters. No fingerprints. No DNA.”

  Goosebumps cover my arms. This isn’t just a crazed fan.

  “Knox,” I whisper. “Please keep security with you. It will ease my mind.”

  Heath leans back, seemingly happy I agree with him. But all we get from Knox is a single, quick nod of his head. He’s only doing this for me. I know that.

  “I want security on Mae, too,” Knox says.

  Before I can object, or tell them Gigi’s protection is enough, Heath chimes in, “I think that’s a good idea. Whoever this is has already proven they’ll use Mae to get to you.”

  Security, phone hacks, nude photos, reporters trampling Gigi’s lawn—I’m fully indoctrinated into Hollywood now. It’s hardly what I wanted, but I want Knox.

  So I’m willing to pay this price. I just hope the stakes don’t get any higher.

  *

  “I can’t believe Gigi’s letting us sleep in the same room,” Knox says, slipping in beside me.

  My old room only has a full-size bed, but Knox pulls me so close, it doesn’t matter.

  “She knows I need you,” I say quietly, a tear rolling down my cheek.

  “What can I do?” he asks, playing with my hair. “It’s killing me that I can’t make this better for you.”

  “I feel so dirty,” I say. “Like all these eyes are on me.”

  “We are doing everything in our power to get those pictures taken down.”

  “I know, but it’s like . . . When the security guys showed up today, I couldn’t look them in the eye. All I could think about was whether they’d seen me naked.” I look up at Knox, the moonlight peeking through the curtains. “It feels like it will always be that way, now.”

  His eyes close.

  I don’t have any idea what this is like for him, knowing other men are looking at me. It’s hard for me to watch him in a pretend sex scene. This has to be killing him, too. He’s protective. I know he blames himself for my life being turned upside down. And it’s not over.

  In a moment of bravery earlier, I checked my messages. The station heads want a conference call with me in the morning. I’m not expecting good news. What happens on that call will probably determine whether we go to California or stay in Haven’s Point until the premiere. Knox wants me at his house because he thinks it’s more secure, but I feel I need the security of my friends and family right now.

  “It’s hard on you, too,” I say.

  “Don’t worry about me,” he whispers, his eyes roaming my face.

  “What?” I ask.

  He answers by kissing me sweetly, his tongue slowly massaging mine. “I love you,” he whispers, his fingers grazing my neck. “My eyes on your naked body, my hands, my mouth—try to think about that instead.”

  I look up into his bright blue eyes. “Knox, I . . .”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not interested in being on the receiving end of Gigi’s bat tonight,” he teases before he turns completely serious. “I know you can’t possibly be in the mood tonight, but I want you to know that nothing will change how I look at you. Ever.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Mae

  Once those photos leaked, any and all information about me was a hot commodity, far beyond even what happened after I was blitzed at the airport. And even though the number of people who know the truth about my job could probably be counted on two hands, it didn’t take long before my identity as Mother Superior became public. I’ve now been suspended from my show. Upper management feels there’s too much publicity surrounding me, and think it’s best that I take a few weeks off. When things calm down, they will “reevaluate.”

  I guess I understand. The suits want Mother Superior, the mysterious, anonymous voice on Sunday nights, not an amateur Playboy centerfold. It doesn’t seem to matter to them that those photos were only meant for one person, not the world, or that they were obtained illegally and published without my knowledge or consent. They care about their image, the brand. So like I said, I guess I understand.

  “Screw ’em,” Everly says, holding her glass of wine up to Gigi. A little while ago, she came over in a show of support, making her way through the paparazzi still camped outside.

  We’re all sitting in Gigi’s den—me, Everly, Gigi, and Thomas. It’s sweet they are here, especially because Knox is off with Heath somewhere working on press releases and a plan of action on how to deal with all this, whatever that might be.

  Gigi dings her glass with Everly then turns to Thomas, who gently squeezes her hand. Gigi is beautiful, but there’s a sadness behind her eyes today. She’s still acting tough, of course. She and I have always had that in common. But on the inside, I know she’s heartbroken. Not because she’s ashamed of me, but because she knows I’m hurt. I think that’s why Thomas came by. I really don’t want a lot of visitors, but I couldn’t deny Gigi. She needs support right now, too.

  “Your father called again,” Gigi says, leaning into Thomas a little. “Checking on you, Mae.”

  I haven’t spoken to my dad since I broke the news to him a few days ago. That was a hard phone call for me to make, telling my father about those photos, knowing how disappointed he would be in me. He didn’t say that, but I know that’s how he must feel. I wonder what it must be like for him to know his military buddies can see his daughter naked with a simple internet search.

  If he could get leave, I know he’d be here right now, but I’m kind of happy he’s not. It was hard enough facing Thomas, so I don’t know how I’m going to look my father in the eye ever again. I’m honestly not sure how I’ll look anyone in the eye again without wondering whether they’ve seen me naked.

  “You know, I have a daughter,” Thomas says, causing me to look up at him. “And nothing could ever change the way I feel about her. Nothing.”

  He said a great deal without saying a great deal, and I barely manage a somewhat tearful thank you when my new security guard, Floyd, comes through the front door. “There’s a woman out front says she works with you. Says her name is Amy.”

  I groan inside. I really don’t want to see her, or anyone else, but she drove all the way here, so I feel like I have to. “It’s fine.”

  He waves Amy inside, and she walks in, motioning to the guard. “He’s new.” I just nod, and she comes over, pulling me into a hug. “It’s crazy out front. I think a hundred people took my picture!”

  “That’s one reason Knox and I both have security now,” I say, thankful that at least they aren’t hanging out in front of Everly’s business anymore. At least if they know where Knox and I are, they focus on us and not on bothering our loved ones.

  “I’m sorry to bother you. I know things are . . . I tried to call, but there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  “Maybe we should give the girls some time to catch up?” Thomas suggests to Gigi.

  Gigi looks at me, and I nod that’s fine, and they all disappear into another room.

  “I’m gonna head out, too,” Everly says. “Timothy has Gracie at work. I’m sure he needs some help.”

  “I miss her,” I say. “What I wouldn’t give to be eating some cheeseballs and fishing
with Gracie right now.”

  “It’s sweet you’re so close to her,” Amy says.

  “Couldn’t love her more,” I say, thinking of how she makes me smile.

  “She misses you,” Everly says, giving me a hug, and saying her goodbyes.

  Amy takes her spot on the sofa beside me. “I guess you heard about my suspension,” I say. “Do you know what they plan to do for the show Sunday?”

  “That’s why I’m here,” she says, looking away. “They asked me to fill in. Just temporarily until things get sorted out, of course.”

  “Oh!” I say, wondering why they aren’t just broadcasting previously recorded shows. When my mom died, they rebroadcast popular segments from our backlist. I guess these current circumstances are much different.

  “I told them I had to think about it. I wanted to talk to you first—friend to friend,” she says. “I’ve been going back and forth about it. It feels weird. I don’t want to betray you. You’ve done so much for me. But then I don’t want them to bring in someone else, either. Someone gunning to replace you.”

  This stings. I’ve never had someone fill in for me on my show. Not once.

  “Trust me, I won’t do it if you don’t want me to,” Amy says. “That’s why I came here. I had to talk to you.”

  I pause for a moment to consider. God, this sucks. But as much as I hate it, Amy’s right. They could put someone else in the seat, someone who isn’t my friend. They also could simply fire me now and find a permanent replacement.

  “I think you should do it,” I say, forcing a smile. “You always had a ton of ideas.”

  “Wow, thanks,” she says. “But actually, I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about my personal life on-air. My divorce. It’s still too raw.”

  I have no idea what happened in Amy’s marriage. We’ve never talked about it, and it’s not my place to snoop. But whatever it is, she’s still torn up about it. I can see the sadness in her eyes.

  “You don’t have to talk about anything personal if you aren’t ready,” I say.

  “You’re absolutely sure you’re okay with this?” Amy asks.