Love, Lust & Friendship

by Elizabeth Stevens

  I sighed. “Oh, come on, Aunt Jel. I just have to–”

  “No!”

  I pointed at Ander. “But, it’s my turn to–”

  “No!”

  “I’ve got him this time!”

  She stared at me. “You’ve got him this time? For realsies?”

  Oh, she spent too much time around me.

  “For realsies, Aunt Jel. He’s going down.”

  “Fine, but I want a perimeter. If she comes off that thing, boys, I want her caught. You hear me?”

  “Aye aye, Aunt Jel!” everyone gathered chorused.

  Finally, she nodded and waved a hand at us. “Well, get on with it.”

  Ander and I re-took our positions and grinned at each other.

  “Gladiators! FIGHT!” Derek screamed and Ander and I went at it.

  It’s not like playing Gladiators on top of the monkey bars was a particularly aggressive pastime. Except for the few times we’d fallen off. But, we’d only broken something three times between us… By falling off the monkey bars. Other breakages had occurred from other pastimes. There was a point at which I think the hospital was getting worried about our home life. Then, I managed to trip over a flat surface and get a tooth through my lip while simultaneously finding a random needle to nearly get spiked with and bashing my head on a cupboard as I got up, and they realised it was just me.

  Anyway, it was sort of good being the short one for Gladiator because Ander had trouble ducking my hits. It was also bad I was the short one because his arms had plenty more reach.

  “No fair, using your powers,” I giggled when he whacked me and I lurched sideways.

  There was a gasp from the people watching and Aunt Jelly’s harsh, “Addison!”

  I wobbled, waving my arms to keep my balance and got my other foot down again.

  Ander chuckled. “Not so easy now I’m big, huh?”

  “The only thing big about you is your ego, sir.” I brandished my noodle with a flourish. “I’ve seen you without your boxers.”

  There was a shocked gasp and some sniggering from the crowd. Ander dropped his arms down, his noodle hanging limply – the pool noodle, no other noodles were involved here. I opened my mouth in a mocking imitation of him and I saw him fighting a smile.

  “Not cool going for the crotch shot, babe!” He shook his head.

  “I’ll show you crotch shot,” I replied, swinging my noodle wildly.

  He swung at the same time. “Yeah, you and what army?” He smirked, then yelled, “Shit, Addy!” as I totally lost my balance and dropped backwards off the monkey bars.

  I heard a huge noise of people yelling and figured at least drunk people bounce, right?

  But, I didn’t hit the ground. Strong arms caught me, then whoever it was overbalanced and I ended up in their lap on the grass. I smelled him before I looked at him. I’d know that smell anywhere. I didn’t know what it was called, but my best friend’s older brother had worn the same thing for years since Aunt Jelly had given it to him as a birthday present when he was like thirteen.

  “Fuck, Addy. You want to be more careful,” Topher’s voice was low and rough in my ear, sending something skittering through me, and I noticed he was holding me tightly.

  “I’m fine, thanks,” I grumbled, annoyed at my reaction to him.

  “Yo, Ads!” someone called. “You good?”

  “Nice catch, Hendo!” someone else laughed. Must have been one of the sport kids, they were always calling people by their last names.

  “Yeah, she totally fell for you, Kit!” came a snigger. Could have been anyone.

  I felt my cheeks heat and tried to loosen Topher’s hold on me.

  “I’m fine, Topher. Let me up.”

  I finally looked up at him and found him looking at me weirdly, all intense and some combination of annoyed and relieved. It didn’t help that his nose practically brushed mine. I swallowed hard and looked away. I tried to force my heart to stop beating so hard and to convince my brain to come back from that sudden vacation it had decided on.

  “You’re not getting back up there,” he said and I knew a Topher-command when I heard one.

  Which meant I no longer had trouble looking at him. “I’ll do whatever I damn–”

  “Addy!” Ander pushed his way through the crowd and dropped beside us, followed by my other boys. “You right, babe?”

  I nodded. “I’d be better if your ass of a brother let me up.”

  “Dude, let her go,” Ander said, shoving Topher’s shoulder.

  “Not if she’s getting back up there, I won’t.”

  “Don’t be such a fucking spoilsport,” Ander protested.

  “She could have been hurt.”

  “We set up Aunt Jelly’s perimeter.” Ander looked around at the kids crowded around us.

  “Fat lot of good that did when everyone moved out of the way,” Topher said in his ‘duh, think about it’ voice.

  “Well not everyone, duh. You caught her.”

  “I’m not always going to be around, Lex,” Topher mumbled, his eyes scanning the watching crowd.

  “So? It’s not like I haven’t broken bones before,” I quipped. “Now, let me up, Toph.”

  “At least come inside and have some water first.”

  “I’m not a baby, Christopher!” I snapped, ripping his arm off my waist and grabbing one of Ander’s hands and one of Will’s to pull myself up.

  But, Topher was up just as quickly as us. “Then, stop acting like one.”

  “I’m the boss of me, Topher. I can do whatever I want.”

  “And when you want to do something epically stupid?”

  Which was pretty well all the time. “I don’t remember asking your opinion.”

  I turned to push back through the crowd to the monkey bars, but Topher gently caught my arm.

  “Addy, come inside for five minutes. Please?” he asked.

  I saw him and Ander exchange a look over my head – literally and figuratively.

  “Just grab one glass of water, Ads,” Ander said slowly, nudging me towards his brother.

  I sighed. “Fine. Fine!” I snapped, pulling myself out of reach of either of them and stomping inside.

  The music seemed even louder than it had been before we’d gone outside and I felt the beginnings of a headache coming on. So, maybe Topher’s water break idea had been a good one. I figured, while I was inside, I may as well pop up to Ander’s room and grab a couple of Panadol out of my bag, too.

  I was heading back out of Ander’s room when I realised Topher was leaning in the doorway, his arms crossed over his broad chest. He was glaring at me like he’d found me rifling through his undies drawer or something. I wasn’t even in his damned room. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t go in there again if you paid me. Not after I went looking for something for Ander once a few years earlier and found condoms and lube in his drawer. Scarred. For. Life.

  “What, Topher?” I grumbled, knowing I wasn’t going to be able to push past him.

  He didn’t say anything, just looked at me like I knew what I’d done. Only, I didn’t.

  “God. Can you be any more condescending?” I grumbled, glaring at him.

  “I probably could.”

  I huffed. “Well, take it to someone who cares.”

  “Oh, you saying you don’t care about me, Ads?” His eyes narrowed as he looked me over.

  “Not when you’re in psycho older brother mode.”

  “Someone has to look out for you.”

  “Ander’s perfectly capable.”

  Topher rolled his eyes and scoffed. “He’s many things, but that he’s not.”

  “I don’t need looking after, anyway.”

  “You’re not as tough as you think you are!” he snapped and I frowned at him.

  “I’m tougher than you think I am. Seriously, if you had your way, I’d never get to do anything fun. I’d still be sitting on that park bench watching Ande
r do everything.” My voice rose in volume, but the guy pissed me off.

  “Why do you always have to one-up every one of them?”

  “Because I can take them.”

  “It’s been years since you’ve beaten them at anything,” he scoffed.

  I’m going to beat you in a second. I stepped closer to him “I can take them, and I can take you.”

  Okay so yeah, growing up as the only girl with a bunch of boys had made me a little more competitive than I might have otherwise been. At least when it came to physical prowess and my very obvious lack thereof. Let’s just say, my fatal flaw was definitely that Short-Ass Syndrome and I felt the need to prove I was just as good as the boys every chance I got. Ander constantly told me I was perfect as I was and that I needed to work on my SAS. I constantly told him to shove it, usually while I was shoving him and proving just how much I did need to work on it.

  Topher snorted derisively, but he even managed to look hot while doing that. “You have to be joking.”

  I poked him in the chest, feeling a lot more confident than I usually did. “You want to go at it? We’ll go at it then, Toph.”

  He took gentle hold of my wrist. “You don’t have anything to prove to me, Addy,” he said quietly, searching my eyes.

  “What?” I asked, blinking in confusion. But, I didn’t pull away.

  “You want to prove it to them, fine. But, you don’t have to prove it to me.”

  My confusion was replaced with anger again. “Where do you get off–?”

  He’d leant down and pressed his lips to mine and I just stood there in shock as my heart jolted. When he pulled away and leant his forehead to mine, I still didn’t move and I didn’t say anything. I just stared into those dark blue eyes and tried to find answers while I told myself my heart wasn’t about to explode from…was that excitement?

  “Just… Shut up, Ads. For once,” he sighed. But, it wasn’t exasperation, it wasn’t his usual level of snark, it wasn’t even his big brother teasing. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but he just sounded amused, like in a good way.

  And, I couldn’t get over the fact he’d kissed me.

  He’d kissed me and I hadn’t actually hated it.

  Then, I blinked again.

  “You did that just to shut me up?” I accused.

  The supposed swoon-worthy smirk lit his face and I frowned further. Our faces were still close, but I wasn’t concerned about that right then.

  “Do you know what, Christopher Mark Henderson? You’d better just get out of my way before I–”

  “Before you what, Sonny?” he asked playfully, pulling out my old nickname, and I maintain that tone did nothing to me.

  “Before I…”

  Topher licked his lip as his eyebrow rose expectantly and one corner of his mouth went with it.

  Suddenly, all I could think about was kissing him again, wondering what it would be like to really kiss him, wondering if I’d finally get what all the fuss was about. That was ridiculous. I’d never thought about kissing him before in my life. I’d thought he was hot, my brain had a tendency to melt a little when he smirked or pulled his shirt off, I’d even admitted out loud I could see what the girls were on about. But, I’d never wanted to kiss him. And, I certainly wasn’t about to start now. Even for the slim chance of finding out what all the fuss was about.

  “Before you what?” he pressed and I dragged my gaze off his lips and up to his eyes.

  “You think you’re so wonderful, don’t you?” I asked him.

  “I know I’m so wonderful, Ads.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You disgust me.”

  “Do I?” he asked with a ton of humour playing in his eyes, as he leant slightly closer, and my chest hitched.

  I didn’t know why I was thinking ‘no’ when the answer was quite clearly ‘yes’.

  I found myself leaning forward as well. “Yes,” I said completely unbelievably before I grabbed the front of his shirt, with my wrist still in his hand, pulled him to me and kissed him again.

  I felt that unidentifiable, warming something skitter through me as I tilted my head to give him better access and his other hand came up and cupped my cheek. My fist tightened on his shirt as my other hand stabilised against his waist.

  It wasn’t like I hadn’t kissed anyone before. I had. But Topher’s kiss wasn’t like any other kiss I’d had. The only words I had to describe it were passionate, hungry, amazing. It was certainly on the total opposite end of the spectrum than the spectacular nothing I’d felt with Ander.

  We took a step and his back hit the doorframe, but that was all it took to jolt me out of whatever had come over me. Remembering who I was with and where we were, I pulled away from him quickly and noticed we were both breathing heavily.

  “Addy?” he asked, looking confused.

  What was that supposed to mean?

  I wasn’t sure if he’d forgotten it was me, regretted it was me, or maybe hadn’t realised I was an actual person that existed outside of his brother until that point in time.

  “Oh, God. We do not do that,” I said, wishing I was less breathless and wishing I didn’t want to do it again. “And, we do not do it in Ander’s room.”

  The muscle in his jaw twitched and he nodded. “Apparently, we do.”

  I pointed a shaky hand at him. “No. We don’t.”

  “And yet, we did.”

  “Past tense. As in not happening again. Ever.”

  He looked at me like he was waiting for me to change my mind. “Really?”

  “Yes,” I hissed vehemently. “You and me is a no-go, Topher.”

  He shrugged, “Fine,” pushed himself off the doorframe and thundered down the stairs.

  I didn’t see him for the rest of the night and I threw myself back into the rest of the party like I usually would, like it hadn’t happened; with dancing and drinking and trying to beat the boys at anything and everything.

  Until Ander and I were lying in his bed after everyone had gone home and I couldn’t pretend any more.

  “You awake?” I hissed.

  He mumbled unintelligibly. We’d both had a big night, but I could almost always drink him under the table. I didn’t think there’d be a need for even tactical chunders – we weren’t totally hammered – but I’d be surprised if we got away without a headache in the morning.

  “Dude?” I nudged him, knowing full well I was waking him up and not caring.

  “Yeah. I’m awake,” he spluttered, his head rising off the pillow for a moment then dropping again. “What?”

  “Your brother kissed me.”

  There was a pause, then he sniggered drunkenly. “What?”

  “Your brother kissed me. Then… I might have kissed him back?”

  Ander rolled over to face me – from stomach to away from me and finally all the way back around. I couldn’t see more than his outline in the dark, but we’d had enough sleepovers for me to know what the movement of the bed meant. “You might have kissed him back?”

  “Uh. Yeah…”

  He sniggered again. “Okay?”

  “You’re not mad?”

  I felt him shrug and flop back onto his back. “Why would I be mad?”

  “Because it was Topher.”

  “It was bound to happen at some point.”

  “What?”

  “Come on. Best friend’s big brother cliché, anyone? I’d resigned myself to it happening at some point. Just don’t make a habit out of it and we’re good.”

  I didn’t say anything and he knew that meant I was thinking.

  “What?” he asked, elbowing me gently.

  “When you say don’t make a habit out of it…?”

  “I mean, don’t go doing anything that’s going to ruin the dream team. Why?”

  Well, it’s not like I wanted to make a habit out of it and I most definitely didn’t want to ruin the dream team. But, there was something about that kiss that pl
ayed on my booze-addled brain.

  “I dunno. It was just–”

  “Ew,” he whined. “I’mma stop you right there. I do not want to know what kissing my brother was like.”

  Of course he wouldn’t. “Right. No. Sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, babe. Just go to sleep. It’ll be fine. Toph will have forgotten it all by morning, anyway.”

  Of course he would, because it was Topher and Topher kissed heaps of girls. I was worrying for no reason. Ander was right; it had been inevitable that Topher and I kissed once in our lives. Or, at least, it wasn’t surprising given the amount of time we inadvertently spent around each other. I mean, I’d even kissed Ander once. So, that was all it was. Done. Out of the way. Never have to worry about it again.

  I felt Ander’s breath steady out next to me and let myself fall asleep as well, totally not thinking about Topher’s kiss and wondering whether or not that was what all the fuss was about.

  Chapter Six

  At that point, I think I’d heard everything about AV club that there possibly was to know. And, still it was never-ending. I seriously wished they had a more secretive first rule of AV club and then I wouldn’t have to hear any of it. Sure, the whole film thing sounded interesting in theory, but all it really did was give Ander more chance to talk about Tess in a capacity he presumed I wouldn’t get annoyed about.

  Still, Best Friend 101; who was I to dictate who my best friend crushed on? So, I was still listening to him going on about how wonderful Tess was on Thursday as he drove us home from school in our baby.

  Ander was about two months older than me and he’d wanted to wait until my sixteenth birthday to get our licenses together. But, I’d told him that was a stupid plan because he could be driving us around that much sooner if he didn’t wait. So, he didn’t. And for my sixteenth birthday, my parents (my dad) gave me money for a car. Aunt Jelly had also given Ander money for a car on his birthday and he’d put it safely away in the bank. So, on the day I got my learner’s license, Ander and I started looking for a car to buy together.

  And, we’d found the perfect one. It was a dark red 1967 Camaro. We’d fallen in love with them after Topher got his. Of course, Topher’s was new and black and shiny, with all the mod cons. But, ours was at least an automatic, unlike Topher and his stupid manual. Although, at that point, the type of transmission was moot because I couldn’t really drive either of them. And, I wasn’t going to be able to in about a month by myself either unless I asked someone to help me log more hours.