Survivor Trilogy Box Set

by T. M. Smith

  “Can I come in?” Mannie shuffled into the room, feet bare, dressed in flannel pajama pants and a black T-shirt. He hesitated briefly, then sat at the foot of the bed. He seemed to consider his words carefully, opening and closing his mouth a couple of times, fingers messing with the collar of his shirt, something that was a habit for the troubled young man. “I…” The single word hung in the air, thick and hazy, and he looked away shyly. “I’m not sure why I’m here,” he confessed.

  “Talk to me, Mannie.” He scooted closer, reaching for the adorable blond’s hand. “I like you, a lot actually, and if we’re going to pursue anything even close to a relationship here, I don’t think we can have any secrets.”

  “I want to, but keeping my secrets…that’s what has kept me sane.” It was probably the most honest thing Mannie had ever said to him.

  Fingers on Mannie’s chin, he lifted his head so he could look the man in the eyes as he spoke. “You’re safe with me, Mannie, every part of you, no matter how dark it may be. Please, take a leap of faith with me. If you give me your trust, I won’t betray it. I promise.”

  There was far too much pain in Mannie’s intense stare as he considered Blair’s words, his promise. Why did every second with Mannie feel like an eternity? Blair thought he might shout in frustration before he finally got his answer, the simple nod of Mannie’s head. He caressed the young man’s cheek and smiled when Mannie closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, sighing contentedly. Closing the distance between them, Blair leaned in and stole a quick, chaste kiss. “All right.” He scooted to the middle of the bed, crossing his legs and motioning for Mannie to do the same, which he did. “I would say start at the beginning, but I already know a lot, so why don’t you tell me the more intimate details you left out of your statement?”

  “You don’t know shit, not really.” Mannie snorted. “I was young and stupid and fell for a man that took pleasure in tormenting me, Blair, but that’s not even the tip of the iceberg. The first time he hit me, I swung back. Growing up in the shadow of my grandfather made me more enemies than friends. I learned how to stand up for myself right about the time I learned to walk. But with Bruce, it was like I’d just laid the challenge of a lifetime at his feet and he accepted. He beat me so bad that first time that I could barely breathe for days after. I would have left then, but Tuan locked me in the spare room and when it was all said and done, Bruce convinced me that it was my fault, that I’d tested him and made him hurt me. He followed that up with words of love and encouragement and took me to his bed and fucked me for hours. Not sex, not making love. No, he twisted me around and shoved my head in a pillow while he took me from behind and teetered back and forth between, ‘Oh, Howard, you’re so sexy,’ and, ‘Yeah, you like that, don’t you, you dirty little slut?’ I mean, it’s no wonder I’m fucked up after having to deal with that shit for years.” Rachel’s words truly sunk in as Blair sat there, helpless, watching Mannie tug at his long hair angrily, clenching his fist so tight that he pulled several strands out without flinching.

  The urge to get on a plane and fly to Seattle to beat the living shit out of Bruce Pearson was strong, only surpassed by the need to be fully present for Mannie while he projectile-vomited the demons he normally kept locked up and hidden away in the darkest crevices of his mind.

  “For three fucking years that man taught me the true meaning of the word ‘hell.’ It was my goddamn zip code!” Arms flailing irately, Mannie continued to spew his story of pain and anguish. Blair slid his fingers under his thighs to stop himself from reaching for Mannie and hugging the shit out of him. “It got to the point where I couldn’t even decide for myself how to feel until I saw what kind of mood he was in. I just kept thinking about how kind and attentive he was when I first went to live with him. He’d tell me I was beautiful and smart, bring me flowers and cook dinner, always charming and fucking cunning.” Grabbing the hem of his threadbare shirt, Mannie angrily wiped away the tears in the corners of his eyes. “One time, Blair, once, the first time, he was so gentle and careful. He held me so close to him and said the most wonderful things I’d ever heard. And I stupidly clung to that one moment in time for three years, foolishly thinking that if I did everything the way he wanted, did just what he asked, that I’d have that flash of pure joy back, and everything would be okay. But it never was, Blair. It was never enough for him. It was like he only got pleasure by causing me pain, by making me bleed both emotionally and literally. Why, Blair? Why me?” Tears cascaded down Mannie’s cheeks, and something inside Blair broke. He grabbed Mannie, ignoring the way he flinched, realizing it was an ingrained response, wrapping the young man in his protective hold.

  “Shhh, it’s okay, let it out.” He held on to Mannie’s trembling body while he cried, wondering if he’d ever allowed himself to grieve over what had been done to him. “Come here.” Tugging the trembling man’s body until he was in his lap, Blair cradled Mannie’s head and whispered words of encouragement into his ear. “It’s all right, you’re okay, it’s not your fault.” All things he’d been taught to say at the academy when consoling victims, but this was different. The spry young man who was afraid of his own shadow had somehow already burrowed his way under the tough exterior Blair Cummings showed the world. He could feel Mannie’s pain as if it were his own, and the only thing he wanted to do was make it better, make it all go away and promise the man in his arms that he would be safe, because he would.

  At some point, he’d slid back until he was leaning against the headboard, with Mannie half on his lap, half on the bed. He was no longer crying, but his body was still quaking with aftershocks, his breathing raspy but even. Arms tight, he held on to Blair, apologizing for being such a fucking mess. Eventually, he drifted off to sleep and Blair took the opportunity to explore the man’s face without interruption. Blair brushed a stray hair away and ran his fingers over the permanent frown lines etched into his brow. As he followed the curve of Mannie’s face, he could feel tiny imperfections, likely a lifelong reminder of his time in hell. A small scar where his eyebrow bled into his cheek, a slight bump in the bridge of his nose, cartilage and bone from being broken and not set right, and a tiny tear in the skin of that left nostril. When Blair ran the tip of his finger over the smattering of blond hair above Mannie’s lip, his nose crinkled and twitched. It was too damn cute.

  “I’ll never let anyone hurt you again, Mannie, if you’ll allow me to make that promise,” he whispered, circling luscious pink lips with his thumb before leaning in and kissing them softly. As he lay there watching Mannie sleep peacefully, features calm and tranquil, his heart fluttered. A rash of goose bumps ran up his arms, igniting a warm, tingling sensation dancing along his spine. It wasn’t fear or hesitation—no, quite the opposite, actually.

  Wow. So this is what falling in love feels like. Fighting the urge to close his eyes as long as possible, eventually Blair fell asleep with Mannie is his arms, dreaming peacefully.

  Chapter 16

  Mannie

  “Yeah, my flight lands tomorrow at two. Well, our flight. I’m bringing someone with me for a little while—I hope that’s okay.” His leg bounced nervously under the table. Blair had gone to the store to grab some toiletries and pick up takeout for dinner, so Mannie was alone at the moment.

  “Who might this someone be?” Tony asked.

  Clearing his throat, Mannie pulled at the scarf around his neck, suddenly very nervous. “Well, about that…there’s a lot I have to tell you when I get back.”

  “All right, now you’re worrying me, mijo. If it’s all the same, I’d rather you tell me now.” Tony’s tone had dropped; he was now wearing his “dad” hat.

  Mannie smiled, shaking his head. “So, Bruce is in jail, Tuan is dead, and I may have a new boyfriend that happens to be one of the agents with the FBI that was working the case.” Might as well throw it all out there at once.

  A colorful mixture of Spanglish came through the phone; the more elaborate Spanish slang Tony always used when refer
ring to the demons of his past were recognizable, as were a few other choice words.

  “Hey, take it easy. He’s a really great guy, Tony. And…I know we haven’t known each other for very long, but, he’s already very important to me.” That was a revelation he’d only just realized as he said the words out loud.

  “Ay, dios mío.” Tony blew out an audible breath. “The law finally caught up with el diablo and his demon, then?” Nice change of subject.

  “It’s like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, Tony. I mean, it’s not gone by any means, all that fear, but if I start panicking, I can usually calm myself down with just the knowledge that they’re both gone, for good.”

  “Oh, mijo, there is a lightness in your voice I don’t think I’ve ever heard. I cannot wait to tell Sharon, she’s going to be beside herself with joy.” The man he looked up to, thought of as a father, sniffled, the sound bringing a tear to Mannie’s eye. “Now, about this agent.”

  Before Tony could interrogate him further, the apartment door opened and Blair came in with several Walmart bags, Vietnamese takeout, and a huge grin on his face. “Gotta go, Tony. I’ll text you all the details, see you tomorrow.”

  Tossing the phone onto the table, he stood, walked over, and leaned in for a kiss like it was the most natural thing in the world. How was it possible that he felt so much for Blair after so little time? “I got those spring rolls you like and pork vermicelli with lemongrass.”

  “Oh, good. Here, let me help.” Mannie took the Walmart bags and carried them into Blair’s bedroom, placing them on the bed beside the suitcase still being packed.

  When Blair asked if he could go back to Arizona with him for a while, he’d quickly agreed. There wasn’t a time in his life he could ever remember feeling as safe and wanted as he did when he was with Blair. Only time would tell how far their relationship would go, but it was something Mannie was willing to work at and that, in and of itself, was a surprise. Since fleeing Washington and making a new life in Arizona, Mannie had resigned himself to being alone for the rest of his. Certain he’d never be able to trust another man again, much less allow one to touch him intimately, he’d written off any chances of a happy ever after or love. Blair changed all that with just one kiss. “If you want one of these spring rolls, you better get out here before I eat them all, I’m starving,” Blair called out from the kitchen.

  Plates and utensils were on the table, the box of rolls already open, one missing. Mannie chuckled and looked up, watching Blair bend to grab two bottles of beer from the fridge as he chewed. Mannie snatched the container of spring rolls and took three, placing the remaining two on Blair’s plate before tossing the empty container into the trash. “Hey, no fair, you’ve got more than me.” The sexy agent spoke around a mouthful of spring roll.

  “Uh huh.” He reached over and wiped the spicy peanut sauce off Blair’s lip, sucking the delicious condiment off his thumb. The agent’s eyes flared briefly before he masked his features. “You already ate one, so we’re even.”

  Once they’d devoured several cartons of food, Mannie rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher before heading into the bedroom to help Blair finish packing. Everything he’d brought was already safely tucked into the faded, threadbare backpack he took everywhere. A duffle, laptop bag, and small roll-aboard suitcase were sitting at the foot of the bed, all ready to go the following day. Blair lay on the bed, breathing slow and steady. Lord, but the man was beautiful. Dressed in nothing but a pair of gray sweats that sat low on his hips, bare chest rising and falling with each breath, Blair was the very picture of tranquility. Mannie couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so…still, content. Faced with the possibility of loving the man lying on the bed before him made him nervous, yes, but it was also a revelation. Blair knew everything about him, all of it, and still, he was adamant that he wanted to pursue a relationship. It was something Mannie didn’t think he deserved, this accomplished, honest man’s devotion. But fuck it all. He wanted, no, he needed it.

  Long and sometimes awkward conversations aside, the kisses he’d had with Blair were the best fucking kisses he’d ever had in his life, and Mannie wanted more. He wasn’t ready to give himself completely over to Blair just yet, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t explore one another, get more familiar with each other’s bodies, right? Toeing off his boots and pulling the well-worn Rolling Stones T-shirt over his head before dropping it on the floor with his shoes, Mannie walked over to the bed and allowed himself a moment to take in the sight before him. Nearly flawless skin stretched over toned abs that led to a defined six-pack and a slight dusting of dark-brown hair disappearing beneath the waist of the soft, gray material. Leaning forward, he braced himself with one hand on the mattress as he slid onto the bed, his legs on either side of Blair’s prone frame. All his weight on his knees, Mannie deliberately traced the path from the hem of the sweats up to the one imperfection on Blair’s body, the scar that resembled a washed-out fishbone just above his hip. Circling the mottled skin, Mannie’s hand shook involuntarily. He knew the story; Blair had been trying to protect his friend, Taylor. Though it was the only time Blair had been bodily harmed in the ten-plus years he’d been with the FBI, it still worried Mannie. What if I fall for this man and he gets hurt, or even killed? Where will that leave me and my broken heart? Stop it! You don’t even know where this is going. Don’t get yourself worked up over something that is out of your control.

  Shaking off the fear, Mannie skimmed his fingers up Blair’s body to his Adam’s apple, then along his shoulder and down one arm. The man’s skin was soft, body firm but inviting. Blair’s hand twitched and Mannie knew the singular exploration was about to become something more mutual, the thought affirmed when he lifted his head and met the agent’s fiery gaze. “Hey, there.” Blair smiled up at him, his hands on Mannie’s hips, pulling his body closer.

  “I didn’t mean to wake you.” Mannie bent and stole a quick kiss.

  Blair’s upper body lifted off the bed as he chased Mannie’s lips when he sat up. “I really don’t mind.” Strong fingers dug into his hip, Blair’s other hand trailing up his arm to his shoulder, around to the nape of his neck. “I’m sure we can find something to do.” He felt the stiffness of Blair’s dick when he thrust his hips upward, his body obeying when the agent pulled him down and stole his breath with a spine-tingling kiss that conveyed his arousal almost as well as the hard cock now sliding along the crease of his ass, separated only by the pants both men were wearing.

  Allowing himself to get lost in the kiss, forgetting about everything but Blair’s lips on his, their tongues dancing erotically, Mannie barely noticed when Blair slid backward, pulling their bodies farther onto the bed. Blair rolled them onto their sides and ran his fingers along Mannie’s spine, the touch tingling his skin. “I want to play, but you stop me if I go further than you want to, okay?” Mannie quickly nodded his agreement, closing his eyes and sucking in a deep breath when Blair slid his hand into his pants, his fingers grazing the sensual path down Mannie’s crease, stopping just shy of his hole. Heart racing, Mannie was grateful for Blair’s self-control. More than anything, he wanted to push the panic and fear deep down into the bowels of his soul, locking them away so he could enjoy everything with the man holding him so tenderly. But was he truly ready to break down the wall he’d erected around his heart and give it to Blair? It pained him that the thought, Yes, wasn’t immediate and all-consuming. But his very protective FBI agent had already shown him he was both gentle and patient.

  “You don’t even realize just how sexy you are, do you?” Something in the low, gravelly tone Blair used tickled his spine. “I want to see you, all of you. Can I take your pants off?” Mannie prayed a time would come when Blair wouldn’t have to ask for fear of spooking him.

  He was safe with this man; in his heart Mannie knew that. Still, it took him a moment to tamp down the niggle of doubt trying to poke holes in the calm façade he was outwardly portraying. “Yes, ple
ase.” He rolled onto his back.

  Likely sensing his unease, Blair moved cautiously, running his fingers under the waist of Mannie’s boxers, tickling his skin before slowly pulling the pants off and tossing them over his shoulder. The way Blair’s eyes danced over his body was nearly as arousing as his touch. Even the way the man stood, staring at him as he stripped naked, fisting his long, thick cock in his hand and licking his lips was so enticing, Mannie thought he might come without even being touched. “Do you see this, see what you do to me, how much you turn me on, Mannie?”

  All Mannie could do was nod. “Good.” Blair smiled lasciviously. “Now, I want to taste.” He climbed onto the bed and licked a path from his ankle to his balls, sucking one and then the other into his mouth. Instinctually, Mannie reached for him, thoughts of Bruce reprimanding him for touching nearly pulling him completely out of the warm space he’d created with Blair. Before he could pull away, Blair’s fingers gripped his thighs, effectively jerking Mannie back from the brink of near panic. He wasn’t even remotely prepared for what happened next.

  “Oh God, Blair!” he shouted as his cock was engulfed in moist heat. “Oh Jesus, oh fuck.” Mannie groaned, thrusting his hips, cursing when Blair’s strong grip pinned him to the mattress. Once again, his body and his mind were working separately, and the realization came a few seconds too late. He tensed, closing his eyes and concentrating on not pulling away.

  “Mannie, we don’t have to…”

  “Goddammit, Blair. If you stop now, I might kill you.” Teeth clenched, Mannie fought hard to control his warring emotions and calm his body down. He really, really wanted this with Blair.