Homebird

by Amy Lane

“You’re beautiful,” Cam said softly, meeting his eyes, and Jamie nodded behind him. “You… you went out and faced the dragon, Crispin. You found a guy who could break your heart, and you let him. And… and you’re bruised and battered, but… but when we drop you off at home, we know you’re going to be okay.”

  Crispin bit his lip and fought back tears. “I’m not worried about me,” he told them, breaking. “I’m worried about him. I can be okay, because… because look at you all here! But he’s out there in the rain alone!”

  And that was when he gave up trying to be brave for all his friends, put his head in his arms, and cried.

  EVENTUALLY CAM drove him home. But before that his friends made sure he took another pain pill and washed it down with soda and then took turns holding him while he cried. Link had been the tenderest, which had surprised him.

  “Crispin,” Link had said under the babble of the table. “I’ve been meaning to ask you—why did you start feeding us vitamin C during the flu?”

  Crispin was too embarrassed and hurt to lie. “You guys were… so much fun. I just… I wanted to feel like a part of you. Even if it was a silent part.”

  Link let out a little laugh. “You’re the best part. We’re a better bunch of assholes with you. Thanks for letting us ruin your life.”

  That surprised Crispin enough to laugh, and while it still felt like the world was ending, he at least knew then that he could make it to the car.

  Cam didn’t say much until they neared Crispin’s neighborhood. “I know what you’re thinking.”

  “Someone had a nuclear meltdown in my cranium?” Crispin asked woozily.

  “No. You’re thinking I broke up with Darla hoping I could get you when Luka ran away.”

  Crispin couldn’t even brain that. “I am not that devious,” he said, too weak to even be indignant.

  “I am. But that’s not why I broke up with her.”

  Crispin had to smile. “Good.”

  “I just wanted you to know. You and me—we’re always good.”

  “Mm.” Something random occurred to Crispin then. “Hey, Cam?”

  “Yeah?”

  “All those romances you bought me for my Kindle—did your sister really tell you about them?”

  Cam laughed softly, filthily. “Nope. She’d die of shame.”

  Crispin couldn’t even laugh. “You asshole. I’m gonna buy you a paperback and get it signed. Don’t ask me how, don’t ask me when, but you’ll get it in a public place.”

  Cam cackled just as he pulled up into Crispin’s driveway, and then they both gasped.

  He was curled up in the porch alcove, his backpack behind his head, eyes closed, huddled under his army surplus jacket against the rain.

  Oh God. Bedraggled and worn, they could see him shivering from where they sat.

  For a moment Crispin couldn’t breathe. “A key,” he whispered. “I gave him books. I should have given him a key.”

  His chest ached. So alone. He couldn’t even think about being angry. About yelling. Sure, a part of him was screaming You left me! But most of him was thinking How could you leave me? Without me you are so alone.

  “I can’t even be mad at him,” Cam said. “I….”

  Crispin took a deep breath, and then another, not sure if he had any tears left. “I’m mad at me,” he said, and whoop. There they were. “How could I let him go?”

  Oh, Luka. So self-sufficient. So able to travel the world with a backpack and a song. A wounded bird, looking for a flock, looking for a nest. Needing someone to grab him by the back of the neck and say Here! Stay here! This is yours!

  “Go make him stay,” Cam whispered. “I’m gonna go read me some romance and have a little faith.”

  “You do that.” Crispin took a deep breath and opened the door, wondering if he had the strength to do all the talking tonight. “I’m going to go grab that man and make him eat.” Millie had brought lasagna—it was probably still on the stove—and suddenly he was starving.

  The rain woke him up a little, pulled him from the place of exhaustion and heartache he’d been in while huddled in Cam’s heated SUV.

  He swung into the alcove and started to crouch down to talk when Luka startled awake.

  “Don’t bend down,” he instructed, shoving at his hair. He hadn’t even tucked it into a queue or a bun. It lay around his face in damp tendrils, and he grimaced. “If you could… please give me a hand up, we may both make it inside.”

  Crispin helped him up, and Luka gave a crooked smile, not meeting his eyes. “Sore,” he said, as though embarrassed.

  “Everything in my body hurts,” Crispin admitted without hesitation. “I…. My head is killing me.”

  “I’m sorry. I… you were probably worried—”

  “Of course I was worried,” Crispin snapped. “You worried about me when I was hurt!”

  Luka shuddered. “It is not the same—”

  “Oh, oh, it is.” Crispin nodded, lip wobbling. He held his hands up to Luka’s chest. “You can’t just wander the world when this is broken.”

  Luka closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to Crispin’s shoulder. “I… I couldn’t even get to the ticket counter,” he admitted. “I cried during the entire ride there. I… couldn’t breathe. You understand? I… I just couldn’t breathe. My chest… it was… still is like rusty nails.”

  “See?” Crispin murmured, stroking back his hair. “Hurt. It’s exactly the same.”

  “Hurt,” Luka echoed brokenly. “All this time I wandered around, afraid of getting hurt. This time it was the leaving that almost killed me. It hurt so bad….” He took a deep breath, but it didn’t help. The tears didn’t stop. “I needed my Crispin to fix it.”

  Crispin threw himself into Luka’s arms, holding him tight enough for the dampness of Luka’s jacket to seep into his skin.

  “We’ll fix each other,” he whispered. “Come inside. We’ll fix each other, I swear.”

  “To stay,” Luka said softly. “Ah, God, Crispin. I’ll never leave you again.”

  “Please—”

  Luka’s mouth on his was warm and salty and permanent. He pulled back and kissed Crispin’s forehead. “Trust me on this, beloved. I’m not strong enough to leave you—not ever again. One step out the door and my heart will always pull me home.”

  CRISPIN LED him into the kitchen and dished up the lasagna, which was still warm on the stove, so his painkiller would settle.

  He offered Luka a painkiller as they sat down, next to each other and not across. “I figure I’m already a little stoned,” he apologized. “This way we can go to sleep full and stoned and wake up well enough to talk.”

  “We need to talk?” Luka sounded tired and facetious at the same time. “God forbid I tell you about my feelings.”

  Crispin grunted and managed a smile. “I love you. I mean, we mentioned that before, but I’m going to put it out there again. You need me.”

  “I so do,” Luka said softly. “I need your little house, and your asinine friends, and your adorable sister and broken brother-in-law.”

  “My big fluffy cat and my giant shared-custody dog?”

  Luka leaned against him and took a bite of lasagna. “All part of the Crispin Michael Henry package.”

  “There’s lifelong leasing available,” Crispin joked.

  “No,” Luka whispered, pulling Crispin’s eyes to him with a flick on the cheek. Crispin swallowed, seeing burning tenderness there.

  “No?”

  “No leasing. Lifetime commitment. Crispin Michael Henrys have hearts that are built to last.”

  “So do Lukas Gabriels,” Crispin told him, swallowing hard. “We can put some miles on our units.”

  Luka smirked, and Crispin had to laugh too. “Well, those units as well.”

  Suddenly they were completely sober. “We can travel,” Crispin promised. “We can hold hands and wander as much as you want.”

  “I want to come back home,” Luka said. “Every time. As long as you are
there, it will be my home.”

  Six Months Later

  “WHAT’S THIS?” Link asked over his cubicle, and Crispin ducked back into his, because Link’s was the last cream-colored envelope he’d delivered.

  “Wait!” Cam said, shooting up. “This is a wedding invitation!”

  “Wait for it…,” Crispin murmured to himself.

  “Wait!” Ray said, standing up too. “It’s more! Can we even do this?”

  Crispin giggled.

  “We’re invited to the honeymoon?” Nick finally caught on.

  “The post-honeymoon!” Crispin stood up too and grinned. “We’re going to New Zealand to get Luka’s stuff out of storage and, you know. Since we’d be in New Zealand, I thought….”

  “Lord of the Rings tour!” Link read excitedly. “You can do this?”

  “If you can do the plane tickets and hotel rooms….” Crispin and Luka had spent nights doing the math. “That’s why it’s in a year. Also, Millie and Todd can bring the baby—if it ever gets born.” Millie was pregnant. In July. And miserable. Crispin and Luka had been working overtime to keep her happy while Todd finished his fieldwork.

  “Done!” Link crowed. “I’ll spring! Oh my God! Crispin—this is the best trip ever! I’ll start looking for costumes as soon as I clear it with Maritza!”

  “Cathy will be so happy,” Ray said quietly. “We’ll start adoption paperwork when we get back. It’ll be, like, a last hurrah, right?”

  Cam nudged Crispin. “Significant others, right?”

  “Yeah,” Crispin said, wondering if Cam was ready to share who he was dating.

  “I’ll tell everybody later,” Cam murmured. “Right now, you’re getting married!”

  “Hold up.” Nick sounded indignant. “The honeymoon is great—but you’re getting married in the States, right? Where’s that happening? I don’t see it on the invite.”

  Crispin shrugged. “All the money is going into the trip. We’re pretty much getting married in our backyard.”

  Luka had suggested it, a sort of quiet pride in his voice.

  General laughter, congratulations, and an early lunch break that went long ensued. Halfway through lunch, Crispin got the text.

  You told them, right?

  They’re so excited!!!!

  Good. You told them where?

  The backyard.

  Also exciting.

  Sure, Luka—my backyard.

  It’s my best adventure ever.

  You’re my best adventure. Love you. See you after work. Luka still worked at the Cave Bar—but now that he had his work visa, he got paid wages as well.

  Come by. Jamie wants to congratulate you. Pause. He says he’s found a beer you can drink.

  Crispin laughed, and the guys gathered around his shoulder to read his text.

  The guys say game on, Crispin texted, not feeling foolish in the least as he touched the phone screen.

  It was like Luka was right there. Would be there at home that night, helping him feed the cat and spoil the dog. On the phone with his friends, with his sister and brother-in-law. In his life. In his heart. In his home and his bed.

  Luka was right there. For as many falls and winters and springs and summers as they could manage.

  They would always be home.

  Yellow

  Amy Lane Lite

  Bonfires: Book One

  Ten years ago Sheriff’s Deputy Aaron George lost his wife and moved to Colton, hoping growing up in a small town would be better for his children. He’s gotten to know his community, including Mr. Larkin, the bouncy, funny science teacher. But when Larx is dragged unwillingly into administration, he stops coaching the track team and starts running alone. Aaron—who thought life began and ended with his kids—is distracted by a glistening chest and a principal running on a dangerous road.

  Larx has been living for his kids too—and for his students at Colton High. He’s not ready to be charmed by Aaron, but when they start running together, he comes to appreciate the deputy’s steadiness, humor, and complete understanding of Larx’s priorities. Children first, job second, his own interests a sad last.

  It only takes one kiss for two men approaching fifty to start acting like teenagers in love, even amid all the responsibilities they shoulder. Then an act of violence puts their burgeoning relationship on hold. The adult responsibilities they’ve embraced are now instrumental in keeping their town from exploding. When things come to a head, they realize their newly forged family might be what keeps the world from spinning out of control.

  Bonfires: Book Two

  Saying “I love you” doesn’t guarantee peace or a happy ending.

  High school principal “Larx” Larkin was pretty sure he’d hit the jackpot when Deputy Sheriff Aaron George moved in with him, merging their two families as seamlessly as the chaos around them could possibly allow.

  But when Larx’s pregnant daughter comes home unexpectedly and two of Larx’s students are put in danger, their tentative beginning comes crashing down around their ears.

  Larx thought he was okay with the dangers of Aaron’s job, and Aaron thought he was okay with Larx’s daughter—who is not okay—but when their worst fears are almost realized, it puts their hearts and their lives to the test. Larx and Aaron have never wanted anything as badly as they want a life together. Will they be able to make it work when the world is working hard to keep them apart?

  The Mannies

  Growing up and falling in love…

  Sometimes family is a blessing and a curse. When Tino Robbins is roped into helping his sister deliver premade dinners when he should be studying for finals, he’s pretty sure it’s the latter! But one delivery might change everything.

  Channing Lowell’s charmed life changes when his sister dies and leaves him her seven-year-old son. He’s committed to doing what’s best for Sammy… but he’s going to need a lot of help. When Tino lands on his porch, Channing is determined to recruit him to Team Sammy.

  Tino plans to make his education count—even if that means avoiding a relationship—but as he falls harder and harder for his boss, he starts to wonder: Does he have to leave his newly forged family behind in order to live his promising tomorrow?

  The Mannies

  Starting over and falling in love.

  Tino Robbins’s sister, Nica, and her husband, Jacob, are expecting their fifth child. Fortunately, Nica’s best friend, Taylor Cochran, is back in town, released from PT and in need of a job.

  After years in the service and recovering from grave injury, Taylor has grown a lot from the callow troublemaker he’d been in high school. Now he’s hoping for a fresh start with Nica and her family.

  Jacob’s cousin Brandon lives above the garage and thinks “Taylor the manny” is a bad idea. Taylor might be great at protecting civilians from a zombie apocalypse, but is he any good with kids?

  Turns out Taylor’s a natural. As he tries to fit in, using common sense and dry wit, Brandon realizes that Taylor doesn’t just love their family—he’s desperate to be part of it. And just like that, Brandon wants Taylor to be part of his future.

  The Mannies

  Learning to trust and falling in love.

  Sammy Lowell has his hands full juggling his music, college, some pesky health problems, and making the uncles who raised him proud. He needs help fulfilling his after-school duties with his siblings. Nobody can be in two places at once—not even Sammy!

  An injury puts Cooper Hoskins in a tough spot—if he can’t work, the foster sister he’s raising can’t eat. But years in the foster system have left Cooper short on trust, and opening up to accept help isn’t easy.

  Luckily, family intervenes—Cooper needs a job so he can care for Felicity, and Sammy needs someone who can see past his illness to the wonderful things he has planned for his life. Each heals the damaged places in the other’s heart. But falling in love is a big responsibility for young men deep in family already. Can the two of them get past their fear of the immediate futur
e to see forever with each other?

  A Few Good Fish

  “A Few Good Fish is a riveting page-turner with high-stakes action scenes, an intriguing plot and two compelling, incredibly likeable central characters.”

  —All About Romance

  A Fool and His Manny

  “I loved every sentence from beginning to end. I got sucked into the story right away, and it held my attention until it was over.”

  —Joyfully Jay

  “Reading this novel is like being enveloped in large, welcoming mommy arms or walking in the door home and getting the welcome you always dreamed about from the family you always wanted.”

  —Scattered Thoughts and Rogue Words

  Stand by Your Manny

  “Stand by Your Manny is a wonderful tale of young love, first kisses and touches, and shows why there’s really no one better at writing families of all kinds than Amy Lane.”

  —Diverse Reader

  “…it is an amazing ride. This is a wonderful addition to a heartwarming series.”

  —Paranormal Romance Guild

  AMY LANE lives in a crumbling crapmansion with a couple of growing children, a passel of furbabies, and a bemused spouse. She’s been nominated for a RITA, has won honorable mention for an Indiefab, and has a couple of Rainbow Awards to her name. She also has too damned much yarn, a penchant for action-adventure movies, and a need to know that somewhere in all the pain is a story of Wuv, Twu Wuv, which she continues to believe in to this day! She writes fantasy, urban fantasy, and gay romance—and if you accidentally make eye contact, she’ll bore you to tears with why those three genres go together. She’ll also tell you that sacrifices, large and small, are worth the urge to write.