Endless as the Stars

by Domina Alexandra

  blackmail me.” Tia smiled and then cleared her throat. “She was begging

  me to take her to the Julia Michaels concert this summer. I never said yes,

  but I was always going to. It’s next weekend.”

  Immediately, tears fell from Carina’s eyes. She wiped them away as

  fast as they came. “You are amazing.” How could she deny her kids any

  time spent with Tia when it was clearly what her kids and Tia needed.

  Tia shook her head. “Nah, I just love your kids. They keep me going.”

  Everything Carina was planning to say tonight would’ve been wrong.

  Perhaps, Carina and her kids did lean on Tia a bit too much, but it was the

  same for her. They all needed each other. And at this moment, Carina

  realized they were no longer friends just because of Bruce and losing him.

  She reached over, squeezing Tia’s hand. “You know. In the past three

  months, we’ve talked and shared things we experienced with Bruce. His

  leaving made us connect in a way that assures me I can trust you with my

  life and my kids’ lives more than I ever acknowledged.”

  “It means a lot hearing you say that. Sometimes, I feel like I’m

  crowding you all up. Not giving you enough space to breathe,” Tia said.

  Carina laughed. “And here I thought we were doing that to you.”

  They both grinned and took a few sips of their wine, letting the

  moment soak in.

  “Is it too soon to say you’re my best friend?” Carina asked, feeling a

  bit shy about that.

  Tia shook her head. “Not at all. I feel the same way.”

  “Good.” Carina sighed in relief. “But please tell us if we’re leaning

  on you too much. I know you haven’t been out mingling with your own

  personal friends as much.”

  Tia smiled. “I’m doing better at balancing everything out. I work less.

  Something I never thought I’d do anytime soon.”

  “That’s good.” Carina grinned, thankful Tia was finally taking days

  off. She grabbed the bottle of wine and headed into the living room to take a

  seat. “Any potential dates?”

  Tia chuckled and sat across from her on the couch. “Dates?” She

  rolled her eyes. “You been talking to my dad?” she jokingly asked. Tia

  shook her head. “No! There’s no one who sparks my interest.”

  “But someone hot like you…” Carina snorted. Carina took a moment

  to admire Tia’s charming wide smile and beautiful brown eyes. She had an

  average build, dark skinned with sloped shoulders, and thick long brown

  dreads free from its ponytail tonight. “I’m sure there are women who line

  themselves up.”

  “Really? You think so!?”

  “Hey, I’ve got eyes. And even when we go out, there are women who

  stop and stare. Sometimes I want to give you space so I don’t get in the way

  of a potential love connection.”

  Tia laughed hard, her eyes wetting with tears. “Come on. This is

  Oregon. They don’t have enough black gay women here. Of course they’re

  curious. Doesn’t mean I’m going to go date the first, second, or third

  woman who approaches me.”

  “Wow. You must be treasure to some of these women,” Carina joked.

  Tia shook her head. “Being a lesbian is hard work. I make it less hard

  by only spending my time with those I know will be worth the time and

  experience.”

  That, Carina could understand. “I’m sure falling for another woman

  can have its challenges when you have so many around you that want to see

  you fail.”

  Tia nodded slowly and studied her with curiosity. “You talk as if you

  understand,” she said.

  It took Carina a moment to respond. She wondered how much she

  could share. “I met Bruce when I was 19. Fell in love with him instantly.

  And you know the rest from there.” She finished her wine and poured a

  second glass. “But my first serious crush was when I was 16. She was my

  math tutor. A college student. I knew my parents would never approve of

  my affection for her, so I kept it to myself. I always knew I liked boys too,

  so I thought there was no point in having them worry about my future when

  I would most likely marry a man. A stupid way of thinking now that I’m

  older.”

  “What?” Tia’s mouth hung open, astonished by Carina’s omission.

  “You ever tell Bruce that?”

  Carina snorted. “Yeah. He didn’t care. He knew I loved him and that

  was enough.” Carina frowned and considered. “I would’ve thought he told

  you that.”

  “Nah.” Tia shook her head. “He never gave away anything personal

  about you.” Tia smiled. “He loved and respected you so much.”

  “Yeah,” Carina whispered. “He was my world.” She let out a long

  sigh. “Wait right here.” Carina got up, rushing up the stairs and came back

  down with some paperwork. She opened the large manila envelope, pulling

  out documents. “I never showed this to you because I didn’t want to put this

  kind of pressure on you, but I realize now I was wrong in not sharing this

  with you.” Carina handed it over to Tia to read.

  Tia looked wryly at Carina but stared down, reading the first page.

  “What is this?”

  Carina pointed to the paperwork at the top. “It’s our will. He never

  got around to asking you, but we both agreed that if we both passed, we’d

  name you acting guardian over our children.”

  Tia’s eyes lifted so fast. Her body jolted, nearly spilling her wine. She

  placed it on the end table and continued to read.

  “He had no siblings. His parents are too strict; he’d never wish the

  hard life he had with them on his kids. My sisters have enough

  responsibilities of their own and my parents… it just wouldn’t work. One

  thing is clear. We wanted you to be a permanent member in our family’s

  lives. And the only way to make sure that happened was to name you as

  their guardian.”

  “I—I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well…I’m still here so that leaves us with the second will he made.”

  Tia flipped through the pages to find the second one.

  “The second one states that he wanted you to be the guardian angel

  over his family.” Carina snorted. “His exact words.”

  Tia laughed. “Guardian angel.” She looked to Carina, searching her

  eyes for any signs of sadness or anger from the will.

  “He asks you to do and be who you’ve been for us in the last three

  months. Someone we can lean on. But he forgot one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “That we should be that for you too. And we do cherish the times

  you’ve leaned on us, even though you try not to.”

  Tia closed her eyes and smiled. “Thank you for showing me this. I

  don’t ever want to let you guys down again.”

  Carina waved out her hand. “Please don’t. You needed to grieve in

  your own way. You’re here now.”

  “Best friends,” Tia said, holding out her glass.

  The peace in knowing Tia would always be around… Carina leaned

  forward, clicking their glasses together. “Best friends.”

  Chapter Seven

  Carina

  Carina heard the front door open and watched as Rina rushed
to her in

  excitement.

  “Mom! It was so much fun. Julia Michaels was like 30 feet from us.

  And Tia got us VIP passes to the backstage. Look.” Rina came up, leaping

  onto the couch with a photo in hand. “See!”

  Carina chuckled. “I see, sweetie.”

  One by one, Rina showed her mom pictures and videos of the concert.

  It would be days before Rina finally calmed down about the concert and

  could be excited for something new.

  It was late. Rina eventually went upstairs for bed, giving Tia one last

  hug.

  Tia smiled at Carina, pointing off toward the front door. She looked

  exhausted. “I should get going.”

  “It’s late. I can tell my daughter took all your energy. Stay the night.”

  “I don’t want to—”

  “You don’t want to what? Cramp my style? Overstay your welcome?”

  Carina shrugged. “Stay. The couch is always yours to take.”

  “Thanks.”

  “I’ll get you some blankets.” Carina stood and headed upstairs. She

  found Rina still looking through her phone and walked in. She sat on the

  bed beside her daughter. “You tell Tia thank you?”

  “Yeah, Mom,” Rina muttered, distracted with the pictures in her

  phone. She hadn’t looked up since Carina walked in.

  Carina bumped her shoulder into her daughter’s. “Hey. We’re

  fortunate to have her. Please make sure you show her how much you

  appreciate her.”

  “Mom.” Rina put the phone down, finally making eye-contact. “I did!

  I told her that I’m happy dad brought her into our life. And sorry for the

  time I was mad at her.”

  “That was mature of you.” She kissed her daughter’s forehead. “Get

  some sleep. It’s late.”

  “K, Mom.”

  Carina headed back downstairs with two blankets finding Tia asleep

  stretched out on the couch, one foot rested on the floor. Her dreads were

  freed from its hair band. She looked so peaceful Carina didn’t want to

  disturb her resting body. Carina took one of the blankets and spread it over

  Tia. She knelt beside her, removing the sunglasses dangled around her

  necklace. Without thinking, Carina brushed her knuckles over Tia’s cheek.

  Carina stood, thankful to have Tia in her life.

  *

  Tia

  “Thanks for letting me stay the night.” Tia put on her shoes, ready to

  head out. After passing out on the couch, Tia woke up the next morning

  with the kids running around.

  “You should come with us,” Carina blurted out. For some reason, she

  wasn’t ready to see Tia leave.

  “Go with you to your family picnic?” Tia asked slowly, as if unsure of

  what Carina was referring to. “With your parents, sisters, and their families.

  Cousins.”

  Carina laughed. “When you say it like that… I know they’re difficult.

  I’m sorry. I realize how stupid it was of me to say that.”

  “Hey. Stupid is not a word to use,” Tia said and sighed. “Honestly,

  I’m not worried about them. Only that they’ll probably give you a hard time

  for inviting me.”

  Carina nodded, understanding what Tia didn’t say aloud. Her family

  didn’t care about Tia’s sexuality until they began hanging out together. “I

  know the kids would be excited if you came. I just know I want you there.

  You’re family to us too.” Carina looked away, feeling a bit vulnerable. She

  didn’t know why she suddenly felt nervous around Tia and tried to hide it.

  “Okay. I’ll come. I should get home and change. You can send me the

  address.”

  “I’ll do that.” Carina smiled and watched Tia leave wondering to

  herself what she was thinking inviting Tia to face her family after Sandra’s

  comments several days ago. There was no turning back now and Carina

  didn’t want to.

  *

  Carina

  “Papa.” Carina gave her father a kiss on the cheek. “I’ve missed you.”

  “¿Cómo está mi chica?”

  Carina smiled to her father. “I’m good, Papa.” She sat beside him at

  the picnic table, taking a tamale from the basket. “The kids are happy to see

  everyone.”

  “You happy?” he asked with an overly curious expression plastered

  over his face.

  “Happier than I was last month,” she stated. She blocked out the

  thoughts that triggered her tears. She smiled, attempting to be strong.

  “Bueno.” Her father nodded then called to Johnathan, asking him to

  come over. “How’s my young man? Are you protecting your mother?”

  “Yes, Grandpa,” Johnathan said. “We all protect Mom. Including

  Tia.”

  “Tia?” Her father’s tone held curiosity. Carina sighed, seeing her

  father’s eyes perk up.

  “Yeah. She’s coming too,” Johnathan smiled. “Can I go play with

  Carlos and Tony?”

  “Go on, sweetie.” Carina addressed her son. When he ran off, Carina

  waited to hear her father make his first disapproval of the day.

  The silence lasted longer than expected until her father grumbled in

  Spanish under his breath. He gave Carina a long look before

  speaking.“¿Qué estás haciendo?”

  “What do you mean?” Carina asked as if oblivious by his inquisition.

  “You spend too much time with this woman,” he argued, waving his

  hand frantically.

  As suspected, her sister Sandra had been feeding her parents intel.

  Carina scowled. “She’s my friend. What’s wrong with spending time

  together?”

  “Too much time,” her father retorted. “And then you invite her to a

  family gathering.”

  Carina didn’t come here to get lectured. She looked up, hearing her

  kids shout Tia’s name. “Papa, you can think what you want. But for me and

  my kids, she is family.” Carina stood and walked toward Tia.

  They met up near the long table where all the food resided.

  “Hungry?” Carina asked, pretending like her father hadn’t just disapproved

  of her relationship with Tia. She reached in for a hug and Tia accepted it.

  “Starved.” They made a plate of food and sat alone at a table. Tia

  glanced around. “Looks like most of your family are happy to see me.”

  “I’m happy to see you. That should count.” Carina smiled, their eyes

  locking for some time. There was something different about Tia that gave

  Carina the impulse to always want to be near her. She felt most happy when

  Tia was around. It was no longer about the reminder of Bruce through the

  stories Tia shared. It was just Tia being Tia.

  “It counts,” Tia said softly. She smiled and looked away.

  “Hi! You must be the famous Tia.” Carina’s older cousin, Tomas,

  offered his hand and sat down with his wife at his side.

  They introduced themselves to Tia making her feel welcomed. Carina

  was thankful for the few relatives she had that genuinely wanted to know

  Tia. They talked for some time, Tia and Tomas debating about the best

  movies currently out, when Carina was waved over by both of her sisters

  and her mom.

  She dismissed herself from Tomas and Tia’s conversation, promising

  to come back. “We thought you’d never
tear yourself away from her,”

  Sandra joked, no humor in her voice.

  “Sandra, don’t be an ass too,” Carina’s other sister Gina stated. Carina

  smiled to her eldest sister Gina, thankful to have her support.

  Carina frowned and didn’t bother walking any closer, standing a few

  feet from them. “If you’re going to start this, I’m turning around.”

  “Your sister means well,” her mother said. Her mother’s Spanish

  accent was thick, English being her second language. Gina gave Carina a

  hug before heading over to her husband.

  Carina walked the rest of the way over to her mom and gave her a hug

  and a kiss. “I really need you both to respect my choices and who I allow

  into my kids’ lives.”

  “Honey. We aren’t worried about your kids with her. We can tell she

  adores them and they her. It’s you we’re concerned for.” Her sister Sandra

  gave a cautious smile.

  “What does that even mean?” Carina couldn’t fathom why they were

  making such a big deal out of this.

  “You care for her,” Sandra said almost accusatory.

  “Of course I do.” Carina stared dumbfounded.

  “A bit too much.” Her sister added, waving her arms frantically like

  her father. Sandra stared at her as if Carina was supposed to understand

  what she was trying to say.

  Carina snorted, finding this conversation ridiculous. “What are you

  talking about?”

  “Maybe you don’t see it because you aren’t ready to.” Sandra sighed.

  “See what?” Carina said a bit too loud. A few of her family heard her

  yell and looked up. Tia looked to her, making sure she was okay. Carina

  smiled and nodded. Their eyes locked for a few seconds and Carina relaxed.

  When she turned back to her mom and sister, their eyes held scrutiny.

  “That, honey! What you just did is our point. She’s confusing you.

  You spend too much time with her.” Her mom spoke as if she needed

  saving.

  “Tia doesn’t confuse me. The only people confusing me are the two

  of you.”

  “The way you talk about her. The way I caught you looking at her

  earlier.” This time her sister didn’t hold back, wanting to make her point.

  “You like her. And maybe because you aren’t ready to see that—which is a

  good thing—you don’t realize it. But I do know, if you don’t put distance