by JA Low
“I wouldn’t say I am traditionally bisexual because I’m not looking to fall in love with a man. I guess I consider myself straight in a relationship and fluid in the bedroom.”
“You’ve never wanted a relationship with a man? What happens if you fell in love with one?” I’ve thought about this.
“I guess, never say never but it’s like, say girls experimenting with other girls but only when they are drunk or in a threesome. Most of them don’t consider themselves bisexual because they don’t want to date a woman, but they don’t mind playing in the bedroom with one.” Isla nods and I can see she is thinking this over.
“And that’s what you're like?”
“Yes. It’s rare for me to play one on one with a man, it is usually in a group setting in a threesome or foursome or so on.” Isla’s forehead crinkles.
“But on the ship…in the shower…” I know what she is thinking.
“I was jealous. You spent all night basically in Tyler’s lap. I hated it. I hated that you two were so close. That I drove you into his arms. I wanted to get away from it so I went downstairs to my room, the guy followed me. Offered himself and I foolishly didn’t say no. I just wanted to escape.”
“Do you think you could give it all up?” The vulnerability on her face says it all, she’s asking if I’m willing to give it all up for her.
“It’s not a need, Issy. It’s just something I do at the club, like a threesome. I don’t need it every single time I have sex but sometimes it’s nice for a change.” Honesty, that is what I have to give her.
“Like on special occasions?”
“Yes.” Isla reaches out and runs her finger along my arm, her nail digging into my skin.
“Why did you keep it a secret from me?” I let out a sigh.
“I was worried it would ruin what we had.”
“Did you not think I could handle it?”
“Yes and no.”
“But I let you bring in that man that time at The Paradise Club, did you…was he…someone you had been with before.” I shake my head; I wasn’t that stupid.
“No, he was straight. It was all about you.” Her head nods as she looks over my shoulder into the distance, probably remembering that night.
“We’re you ever going to tell me?”
“I tried a couple of times but chickened out.”
“Does Oscar know?”
“Yes.”
“Have you and he…?” I know what she is asking, she’s walked in on us before, she’s seen us disappear with girls before, together. This is it. If I tell her the truth, then I could lose her forever.
“Once.” He whole body stiffens. “But it’s not what you think,” I add quickly, hoping she will give me enough time to explain. “It was in a group situation, the girls asked if we would jerk each other off while they sat on our faces. We had taken a heap of drugs during the after party, things got a little crazy.”
“But you never did anything else just…” She can’t even say the words.
“No. We never spoke of it again. We also never did cocaine after that night”
“Not going to lie, it’s a little weird.”
“Axel slept with Stacey and they are fine about it all.” Isla’s eyes widen.
“What did you say?” Oh shit. I thought girls talked. I thought for sure they would have spoken about this. I’m guessing not.
“Oscar, Axel and Stacey had a threesome, it’s happened a couple of times.” Isla’s eyes widen.
“Holy shit. I had no idea.” She shakes her head. “Stacey’s kinky, isn’t she?” Like I should know.
“I’m assuming so for keeping Oscar’s attention for so long.”
“You know more, don’t you? Spill, Connolly.” She pokes her fingers into my chest.
“I was sworn to the grave on this one.” She rolls on top of me, sliding her naked self over my dick. This is torture. This woman is evil. “Fine! But I’ll only tell you if you sit on my dick and stop torturing me.” She doesn’t even hesitate; she slips me between her and sinks down. Mother of God she feels good.
“Tell me.” I close my eyes. Jackson is going to have to forgive me because he would do the same in my situation.
“Jackson, Oscar, Stacey, Olivia and Axel all hooked up at The Paradise Club in Monaco.”
“All together?” My teeth sink into my bottom lip as she kegles my dick. I just mumble something incoherently.
“Jackson said that seeing Stacey and Olivia together was the hottest thing he has ever seen.” My hips move by their own accord.
“He said what? Stacey and Olivia?” I nod.
“Stacey likes girls. She’s like me, plays with them at the club.” Isla starts moving against me absently.
“Our group is full of dirty freaks, aren’t they?” I nod, there isn’t much I can say.
“You and Derrick haven’t?”
“Fuck no.” She relaxes as she moves above me.
“Is that why you’ve pushed me away all these years?”
I mumble, “Yes,” as I try and focus on our conversation and not her warm pussy wrapped around my dick.
“Oscar warned me as well. He told me that if I pursued you he would tell my secret to a gossip magazine.” Isla’s eyes widen and she stops moving.
“He did what?”
“He’s just trying to protect you.”
“Like fuck he is. How dare he. How dare he try and control my life like that. I made a mistake once when I was young and now I have to pay for it my whole entire life. Fuck him.” Isla starts moving against me, anger fueling her movements, my eyes roll into the back of my head, she feels so good. “How dare he take you away from me.” Ice-blue eyes bore into me. “So many years lost, Finn.” I know exactly what she’s saying. “I loved you. I loved you with all of my heart.” Why is she using past tense? “He ruined us.” No, we can still come back from it all. “I can’t stay, Finn. I need to start a new life away from Oscar’s control.” No. No. Oh fuck, I don’t think I can …shit no…oh God that feels so good. Moments later we are both coming, our skin bathed in a sheen of sweat.
“What do you mean, you can’t stay?” I ask now that the blood flow has come back to my brain.
“I love you, Finn.” She bends down and kisses me. “But I need this. I need something of my own.”
“What? No. I just got you back and you’re leaving.” She sucks in her bottom lip.
“I know. Terrible timing. The story of our life really.” A tear falls down her cheek. “I need this for me, Finn.”
“No. I want to be with you, Issy.” I look up at her. She shakes her head. I push her off me and get down on my knee. “Marry me, Is.” Her eyes widen then she bursts our crying.
“I can’t, Finn.” I slump to the floor naked and rejected. “I’m not the same Isla I used to be.”
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, Issy.” My heart is breaking into two.
“Maybe when I get back…”
“Yeah, maybe.” She moves from the bed, picking up her clothes. I watch as she gets dressed in silence. Then she bends down onto her knees.
“I hope that one day you will ask me that question again and if that day ever comes around, I know there will be no hesitation in my answer.” I can’t look at her. She walks away and opens the door.
“Issy, I’m not too proud to beg.” A sob leaves her mouth and she closes the door, walking out of my life for good this time.
209
Isla
Two months later
I hate Google alerts! Happy Valentine’s Day to me. These are not the images I wanted to see or thought I would be seeing today. Finn leaving a club arm in arm, no, more like lips on lips, with some supermodel in New York, where he is supposedly looking for retail space for the next Dirty Texas Records location. Looks like he’s working really hard. I flip the bird at my computer.
“What did your computer ever do to you?” Oh I love listening to the sweet, magical sound of Sebastien’s voice. Two weeks I
have been in Paris working closely with him. It’s been so much fun looking after one person instead of five. He’s not demanding at all. He goes with the flow. He pretty much lets me do anything I want, plus he feeds me the most delicious food I have ever eaten, so much so that I swear I’ve started putting on weight. He’s a pretty cool boss. He’s taken me to his restaurants in Paris, Barcelona, Madrid and Ibiza. I had no idea how famous he was until tabloids started printing gossip about me being his mystery lover. Didn’t matter that I sent them nice emails letting them know I was in fact his new assistant. Don’t let the truth get in the way of a story! Add in a crazy Spanish actress ex-wife and we have our own soap opera.
“It’s not the computer it’s the person on it that I am flipping off. I just wish he could see it.” Sebastien leans over me, his spicy cologne tickles my nose sending my hormones into overdrive. What the hell is going on? I’ve never had a man’s cologne instantly turn me on, I feel like I’m seconds away from pulling him into my lap and sitting on his face. My cheeks turn a deep shade of pink; I can feel it.
“Is that Finn?” His warm breath tickles my neck, sending a million tiny vibrations across my body. This man has some potent testosterone going on if it’s making my lady bits react this badly.
“Yes.”
“And you’re upset because…?” He turns and looks down at me, thick, black rimmed glasses sit on his tanned face looking like some goddamn Latin Clark Kent.
“Because for some unknown reason I used to be in love with him.”
“Used to be?” He gives me a smirk.
“Urgh.” I mentally flip my boss off now. Men! They can suck it. This makes him laugh as he stands up. I swing my chair around and face him, trying to give him my angry face but it just makes him laugh harder.
“So I’m guessing there’s a story there between you both?” I roll my eyes at Captain Obvious.
“One that I left behind. But can still be pissed off at even if it’s ten thousand miles away.”
“The heart wants what the heart wants.” He folds his arms, his bulging biceps almost bursting from his tight shirt.
“I walked away from him. I broke his heart and I guess…” I turn back to look at the screen.
“He is showing you exactly what you walked away from,” Sebastien adds. “I’m guessing the European tabloids about the two of us together may not have helped.” My stomach sinks, I never even thought about that.
“You think it’s revenge?” Sebastien shrugs.
“Who knows. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. I mean, you’re single, aren’t you?” I nod at his question. “I guess he’s just having fun then. He’s exploring a new city, just like you should.”
My stomach makes a funny sound between us. Sebastien raises a brow to me.
“Not my fault your fancy food gives me an upset stomach.” It’s been playing up since I moved here. He looks at me with mock shock. Never tease a chef about his food. “Anyway, don’t forget you have that Valentine’s Day gala at the Louvre tonight. Your tuxedo is dry cleaned and hanging up in your bedroom, your tickets are on your desk in your office and I have a list of eligible ladies that are dying to be on the arm of the very handsome Sebastien Sanchez.” At the moment we’ve been working out of Sebastien’s home until he gets a proper office. Not like his home is hideous, it’s a stunning, sunny, Parisian apartment in a great area. It’s masculine without being a man cave with neutral tones, greys, wood, stone, very earthy.
Sebastien makes a face at my mention of a date. “I’ve narrowed it down to…” I flick through the head shots, “…about three.” I hand him the photos, which he takes reluctantly.
“I’ve already slept with these women.” He hands back the photos and my jaw drops in shock.
“You’re such a slut.” I roll my eyes as I try and find someone else for him.
“Why don’t you come with me?” My eyes widen.
“Um, because we just got the press believing we work together so going to an event like this will further ignite the flames with them.” Sebastien starts pacing.
“But I trust you, Isla. Those women they want me for my money, my fame, my connections. It becomes exhausting. Plus it’s Valentine’s Day, if I take any of those women they are going to assume something more from the relationship because of the date. Doesn’t matter what the event is. They are going to think they are special because I chose them to spend Valentine’s Day with when really it’s just another day on the calendar.”
“Gee, you’re such a romantic.” I flutter my eyelashes at him. He throws at pillow at my head.
“Please, Isla. If you don’t come voluntary, I will demand you to come as your boss.”
“And how do you think demanding me will turn out for you?” I raise an eyebrow at him.
“That’s why I’m asking you first to volunteer, because I know the other option won’t work out great for me.” He gives me his famous sexy smile.
“Fine.” It’s better than moping indoors.
“Thank you so much. Yvette has a dress coming over in about five minutes.” Bastard.
My head hurts. My whole body aches. I think I am going to be sick. Nope, I really am going to be sick. I run to the bathroom and throw up into the porcelain bowl. What the hell happened last night? I didn’t think I partied that much. I wash my face in the sink then dry it on the towel and walk back out into my bedroom and stop. What the actual fuck? Sprawled out with nothing but a white sheet covering his tanned skin is my boss. Naked! Okay, calm down, Issy. You wouldn’t have been so stupid to have slept with your boss. A wave of nausea sweeps over me and I rush back into the bathroom and proceed to throw up again. I complete the same wash, dry routine as before and walk back out into the bedroom hoping that the image before was just an illusion. My eyes land on the snoring figure. The handsome snoring figure. I let my eyes trail down the deep, tanned skin. For a chef he is awfully buff. The sheet has slipped down showing off a perfect round cheek. The kind that you just want to nibble. No I don’t. There will be no nibbling of the boss’ ass. Sebastien moves, rolling over, exposing himself to the morning light. I almost choke on my own saliva. The man has a beautiful…
“Stop looking at my dick.” My eyes widen as Sebastien grins at me.
“Then cover the thing up.” He pulls the sheet over the mammoth obelisk.
“So…” The curl of my tongue rumbles over the word.
“Yeah. Let’s never speak of this again.” Relief falls across his face.
“Thank you. Not saying it wasn’t amazing, because you are a very talented woman.” Okay, make this stop right now.
“Sebastien,” I warn him.
“I was just complimenting you. But we will never speak of this again.” He stands up, naked as the day, and strolls out of my bedroom without a care in the world. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t that wasted to the point of this disaster. Another roll of nausea comes over me and I rush off to the bathroom again.
210
Isla
Ever since that night with Sebastien I haven’t felt right. Smells make me feel sick. I’m always so damn hungry. I fall asleep at nine at night. I just don’t feel one hundred percent at all, plus my period is late. That’s how I find myself with a chemist bought pregnancy test which really pushed the limits of my high school French trying to order one. You can do this Issy.
My heart’s racing as I hold the little white stick in my shaking hand. The clock on the wall ticks loudly, echoing through my body with every second. The thump, thump, thump marches in time with my heartbeat. I’ve done some pretty stupid things in my time but this has to be the stupidest. There’s no coming back from this. Everyone is going to know what’s been happening. This wasn’t in my plan when I gave up everything to do with my old world to find myself, to work out who the hell Isla Eriksen is outside of Dirty Texas and now…now I am going to be pulled back into the past, a past that I thought I wanted left behind. Oscar is going to kill me. As soon as the news comes out everything is going to
change and I’m honestly not sure if it’s ever going to be the same again. What happens if he doesn’t want this? What happens if I don’t want this? Am I going to be able to cope doing this on my own? Where am I going to live? Will it be half way across the world away from my family and friends or back into the bubble that I left? What happens if he doesn’t want this and meets someone else? My stomach rolls, not from morning sickness but from that thought. I shake the images of him happily living his life with someone else from my mind. What happens if he wants me now only because it’s the right thing to do? No. He loves me. He told me that before I left. But you haven’t heard from him since. That little voice inside my head niggles at me. He’s just giving me my space, it’s what I asked for. When has he ever listened to you. No. I shake those thoughts from my mind. The timer on my phone runs out. It’s time. My whole world changes when I turn the stick over. My heart beats double time as I slowly turn the stick over. I blink a couple of times because I don’t actually believe what is staring back at me. I pull the stick closer to my eyes as if they are playing tricks on me, but they aren’t, the two pink lines are clear as day.
I’m pregnant.
And the father is my brother’s best friend.
My hands are shaking as I knock on Sebastien’s office door. How the hell am I going to tell my new boss? Oh, by the way I’m knocked up. He’s probably going to fire me.
“Come in.” I take a deep breath and enter. He can see it instantly on my face. “Issy, are you okay?” He sits up in his office chair and stares at me.
“I have something to tell you and I don’t want you to freak out.” He stays silent but his body stiffens. “I’m pregnant.” Sebastien’s face turns a pale green. Shit. “It’s not yours.” I probably should have lead with that bit of information first. Sebastien’s hands unfurl from his pen.