by JA Low
“Are you sure?” he asks slowly, as if he is trying not to spook me.
“I’m three months pregnant. We slept together only weeks ago.” He nods but I think he might still be in shock. “Sebastien, you’re not the father.” Those words finally hit their target and he shakes off his shock.
“Do you know who it is?” I nod sadly.
“It’s Finn’s.”
“Are you going to tell him?” I shrug because I don’t know. I don’t know anything at the moment. “Issy, you have to tell him. You can’t deny him the chance to know his baby no matter what the consequences are.” Tears start to fall down my cheeks, my damn emotions have started to become all out of whack. Sebastien rushes around and sits in the chair beside me. “I’m here for you. Anything you need, I’ve got it.” I nod and sniffle, then I hand him the ultrasound of my baby. It’s just a blurry image of a jellybean but I love it.
“Aw, look at the little thing.” Sebastien stares at the image. “You are going to make a beautiful mother, Issy.” I burst out crying. Stupid hormones. Sebastien pulls me into his arms and hugs me tight. I wasn’t expecting him to be so cool about it.
Every day my stomach gets bigger and bigger, and every day there is another image of Finn stumbling out of a club with a beautiful woman on his arm. I found out last month that I was having a little boy. Sebastien held my hand as I cried staring at the image on the screen. And every day he tells me I need to tell Finn. But there is a part of me that is so scared, especially as I haven’t heard from him in months, not even a little hey, how are you going? And then there are the images of him publicly enjoying his new life in New York. Maybe he doesn’t want me anymore? Maybe I’ve missed my chance. The baby gives me a kick in the side.
“I know little buddy. I really need to tell your daddy about you. I just…” There’s another kick. “Okay, I get it. Next month we will be in LA and I promise then I will tell him. I’ll make this all right. Okay?” Another kick. Bossy little thing.
Sebastien and I arrived in Los Angeles a couple of days ago and I haven’t had a chance to see any of the crew as we have been busy attending a heap of meetings with regards to the production of bringing his successful Spanish show to America. The meetings have gone really well, the female executives, and some of the males as well, totally fell for his charms. I wouldn’t be surprised if he receives a contract from them in the next couple of days.
“Oh my God, Sienna had her baby today.” I look at the text message coming through from Evan. I was totally bummed that I missed out on the birth of Vanessa and Christian’s twins who came early, they look so adorable in the photos.
“That’s fantastic. Are you going to go and see them?” His eyes drop down to my ever expanding stomach.
“It would be weird if I didn’t.” Sebastien nods. “I guess I can’t hide anymore.”
“How are you feeling?” Sebastien checks with me one last time before we enter the hospital.
“I’m shitting myself.”
“Do you need the bathroom?” This makes me laugh.
“No. It’s a saying. I’m scared.” He takes my hand in his.
“You have me by your side, I’ll make sure everything is alright.”
We make our way to Sienna’s room, we can hear voices down the hall, my hand tightens around Sebastien’s. We both look at each other as he opens the door and we enter the room.
211
Finn
“What the fuck?” I stare at Sebastien and Isla as they walk into the room hand in hand. Are they together? I’ve been following the tabloids and they have been seen together everywhere, many speculating if they really only just have a platonic relationship. I’m guessing by this little display the gossip tabloids were right. It’s been months since I’ve seen her, heard from her. She looks tanned, relaxed, practically glowing, but she’s wearing some weird kaftan dress which swamps her petit frame.
“Holy shit, you’re pregnant,” Derrick calls out, silencing the room. My whole body stills. What the hell did he just say? My eyes land on her stomach. No. No. Isla’s face pales as she looks at Derrick.
“You’re pregnant?” Oscar’s voice rises as he takes a couple of steps toward Isla and Sebastien. His body is strung tight; he looks like he is seconds away from punching Sebastien out.
“You seriously thought you could disguise yourself in that hideous outfit,” Derrick adds, oblivious to everyone else.
“Sienna, Evan, congratulations,” Sebastien says loudly, breaking the tension as he hands over a large bouquet of flowers. What the hell is going on?
“Issy, are you pregnant?” Oscar asks calmly as he moves closer to her.
“Yes,” she whispers, a single tear falling down her cheek. My world stops. Please tell me this is a dream. That the woman I love is not knocked up with someone else’s child. I always envisioned her with my child. And now…
“Excuse me.” I bolt from the room. I can’t. I rush down the halls, the sounds of new babies crying piercing my ears. No. The tears begin to fall. No. Not my Isla. Not with him. It was never supposed to be like this. None of this was supposed to happen. She’s supposed to be with me. Not him. I rush home and lose myself in a bottle of tequila.
The gate to my home buzzes, but I am too fucked up to even care who it is. I must know them as they have the code and a key as they open the door.
“Finn.” That voice. The one voice I have been longing to hear all these months. I ignore her because I’m mature like that. I bury my head further into my bed. The alcohol begins to throb between my temples. “Finn.” She calls out again. I mumble something incoherent into my pillow. Her footsteps echo through the empty house until they stop and I know she is at the doorway to my bedroom. I can feel her presence. “Finn,” she says my name again. I roll over and groan. “Have you…?” She can probably smell it in the air. “Fuck,” she swears quietly. The bed dips as she sits down on the edge.
“Issy. I am happy for you and Sebastien and you will both make amazing parents. But I am begging you to please leave me alone. I can’t…” I place my arm across my face hoping to block the images of them together out of my head. There is silence for a couple of moments then I hear Isla let out a sigh.
“How drunk are you?”
“Not drunk enough to deal with this bullshit.” I feel her hand on my arm as she moves it away from my face. Slowly, I open my bleary eyes and focus on her beautiful face. Fuck, she is beautiful. She should be mine. She should be having a baby with me. She should be here in my bed. She should be planning a life with me not him, not anyone else. My hand comes out and touches her cheek, she moves into my touch. “I’ve missed you.” We stare at each other for what feels like an eternity.
“I’ve missed you too,” she confesses. “Not that your bed has been cold all this time.”
“Neither has yours.” I look down at her large stomach. She glares at me.
“We need to talk, Finn.”
“So talk. I’m all ears.” I sit up in bed. She gets up and goes to my bathroom. I hear some banging and then she comes out with some headache pills and a glass of water and thrusts them into my face. I take them because I’ll need them to get rid of this stupid headache. I gulp them down and place the empty glass on the bedside table. Isla starts pacing around the room looking awfully nervous all of a sudden.
“We have things to talk about, Finn.”
“Okay, so talk.” My patience is pretty thin at the moment.
“I’m not with Sebastien. We aren’t together, not like that. Not like the tabloids say. He’s my boss and a good friend.” If I could put my fingers in my ears and go la-la-la-la without looking like a dick, I would right now.
“So you’ve never slept with him?” I ask; just to clarify it. She stops pacing. Oh fuck, she has.
“We were drunk. I had just seen the images of you on TMZ.”
“So it’s my fault that you fucked your boss.” She shakes her head. “You seem to like to sleep with your bosses, don’t you?” H
er eyes widen with shock at my barb. Tears begin to well in her eyes. What the fuck?
“You have any more hurtful things to say to me?”
“I have a whole repertoire, darlin’,” I bite back.
“Well save them because you're going to need them for what I am about to tell you.” Her face is serious. What the hell is she going to tell me? “I’m having a boy.” The crack in my heart opens a fraction more.
“That’s nice. I’m sure Sebastien will love a little mini chef.”
“Probably not, I think it’s going to be more of a rock star instead.” I frown. I don’t get it. Why would the kid be a rock star? “Or maybe a footballer.” All good things I guess. “Are you seriously that dense? The baby is yours, Finn.” The world goes blank. What did she just say? The baby is mine. We’re having a family. What? No. Isla wouldn’t be that cruel to keep this from me all these months. No. “I didn’t know how to tell you. I kept seeing photos of you in New York partying away. I didn’t think you would want a kid to mess all that up.” I spring out of bed.
“You’re fucking serious right now; that baby is mine?” I point at her stomach.
“It’s a wedding baby.” She gives me a weak smile. I rake my hands through my hair. The baby is mine. We’re having a baby. Oh my God. Isla and I can be…and then it hits me.
“You fucking kept this from me.” My hands ball into fists.
“I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“You pick up the fucking phone and you tell me, Issy.” My stomach sinks. I’ve missed months of this pregnancy. Months with this baby. “After everything I went through years ago. You. You…” I point at her. I never thought Isla could be so cruel. “…I’ve missed so much. How could you take that away from me? How could you?” Isla is crying now.
“I was scared, Finn. I didn’t know what to do. It was a shock.”
“A bunch of fucking pathetic excuses.” I’m pacing now. “You fucked me over, Issy.” She reaches out and grabs my arm.
“I’m here now, Finn. I’m here telling you that you’re going to be a father.” My heart aches over those words.
“How could you?” Tears fall down my cheeks as I stare at her. “How could you?” Isla is a mess as well. This whole situation is fucked up.
“I’m scared, Finn. I panicked and made the wrong decision. I can’t change it but I’m here now.”
“I’m supposed to just forget that you’ve kept something this big from me. No matter what was going on in our lives, Isla, whenever you needed me I was there. I was always there for you. And now, when something this big happens you don’t tell me.”
“I’m sorry, Finn,” she cries.
“I can’t, Issy. I can’t right now. You have broken my heart.”
“He’s kicking. Every time he hears your voice he kicks.” My eyes fall on her stomach. “Do you want to touch him?” I see the pleading in her eyes. I scrub my face in frustration. This situation is seriously fucked up. I can’t help but reach out and give her my hands, she places them on her tight tummy and I can feel movement under the skin. My eyes widen in shock.
“Oh my God.” My hands move around her belly chasing the little thing’s movements. “Does it hurt?” She shakes her head. “Hey, little fella, it’s your daddy.” I get a big kick. My heart bursts with unbelievable love for this little thing. I look up and see the tears falling down Isla’s face and everything comes crashing down around me. “I think you should go.”
212
Isla
It’s been a couple of days of radio silence from Finn since dropping that bombshell on him. I don’t blame him. I fucked up. I know I did. I need to make it right before I go back to Paris.
“Hey, beautiful.” Derrick pulls me into his arms as he welcomes me into his home. “You’ve got yourself in a real pickle, haven’t you?” I nod and bury my crying face into his strong chest. “Come. Let Uncle Derrick sort it all out for you.” He brings me into his living room and settles me down onto one of his sofas. He rushes about making me a tea, and brings out some of his favorite Australian cookies Tim Tams, which I devour in one breath. “Talk to me.” I can see the concern on his face.
“I don’t know what I was thinking keeping it a secret, Derrick. I just…Mom is pissed. Oscar is upset. Finn wants nothing to do with me. It’s just one giant mess of my own creation.” He reaches out and holds my hand.
“The whole situation was probably overwhelming, especially living so far away from everyone.”
“We just found out today that Sebastien got the TV show in LA. So he’ll be moving to LA soon.”
“Oh my God. Seriously. Yes! That means you are going to be so much closer to everyone. You will have support. You know you can come live with me if you want.” I squeeze his hand.
“Thank you. But it might be time that I have my own place, especially with the baby coming.” He nods in agreement. We are interrupted by a knock on the door. Derrick jumps up and grabs it. My stomach sinks when I see my brother walk through the door.
“I thought this would be a safe environment,” Derrick tells me. “Sit, Ragnar. And if you upset the pregnant lady I will kill you.” And with that he disappears into the kitchen. Oscar and I sit awkwardly together, both of us stubborn to a fault.
“I’m sorry, Is.” My eyes widen. “The way I spoke to you at the hospital I…I was in shock.”
“I know it was kind of sprung on everyone. You just need to know that I have a little person coming into my life who is my sole responsibility. You can help, be the baby’s uncle, but you will not control my life like you used to.” His eyes widen.
“You think that’s what I’ve been doing?”
“Yes. Every aspect of my life you have controlled. Why do you think I left?” I see the hurt on my brother’s face.
“I thought I was protecting you. I had no idea I was pushing you away, Issy. I thought I was helping.” Ugh, damn hormones. I move over and pull my brother into a hug.
“I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but…” He pulls away.
“But I need to butt out.” I nod at him. “You know I love you, Issy. And I just want what’s best for you.”
“I know you do. But your love seems a little controlling sometimes.” Oscar hangs his head.
“Shit. Why have you not told me this before? I would have…I would have at least tried to stop it. You’re my family. I never want to lose you.” Damn him. I cuddle him again. Tears stream down my cheeks.
“I love you, Oscar. I’m about to start a new phase of my life and I need you to respect it. Respect my choices.” Oscar nods as his hug gets tighter.
“Damn you, Ragnar, you beautiful beast.” Derrick comes out looking at the two of us. There’s another knock at the door.
“I’ll be right back.” Derrick flitters off and I hear footsteps. When I look up I see Finn, who has turned a little pale seeing Oscar and I in the living room.
“What are you up to, D?” Finn asks him. He just waves him away and motions for Finn to sit on the couches with us. He takes the furthest one away. Oscar frowns at Finn but doesn’t say anything.
“Okay. Thank you all for coming here today. I will be your interrogator, no sorry, your mediator.” What is he playing at?
“Why is Finn here?” Oscar looks at Derrick, who shoots me a look. Fuck. He wants me to tell Oscar that the baby is Finn’s. Shit. Shit. Shit. Finn shifts uncomfortably and I can see the panic on his face.
“I need you to not freak out.” I pull Oscar’s attention toward me. “All those nice things you just said to me. I need you to mean them.”
“What’s going on?” Oscar looks between us all.
“Finn is the father of my baby.” Just like a Band Aid, I rip it off. Oscar’s body stiffens beside me.
“You motherfucker!” Oscar launches himself at Finn. The room turns into absolute chaos as Derrick tries to pull my brother off his best friend. “I told you to leave her alone.”
“Fuck off, man,” Finn says. “I fuc
king love her.” Everyone stops. Derrick pulls a heaving Oscar off of Finn, whose lip is bleeding.
“You are going to pay to fix this shit, you hear me, Eriksen.” Derrick glares at my brother who has kind of broken Derrick’s couch, and smashed a lamp.
“I told you if you went near her I would tell your secret,” Oscar threatens Finn.
“She already knows.” Oscar turns to me, his blue eyes widening.
“I don’t care. I’m honestly more upset that you have tried to keep us apart.” I point my finger at my brother.
“I didn’t want him to break your heart.”
“So you broke it for him.” That hit my brother like an arrow to the heart. “I’ve loved him all my life, Oscar. From the moment we saw each other as kids. There has been no other man in my life that I have loved more than him.” Oscar frowns.
“I thought…I was trying to protect you.”
“You pushed us apart. You put so many barriers between us, Oscar. You gave us so much baggage that you destroyed our love.” My eyes flick to where Finn is standing. “Finn proposed to me when we were in England, but because I was so sick of being under your control I chose to run. I left him when my heart wanted to stay. I broke him that night and I don’t think I will ever be able to fix what I broke.” Derrick is crying. “I was so scared to tell you that he was the father that I kept it a secret. That I denied him those months of being with his son.”
“Issy,” Oscar says painfully.
“I can’t blame you for everything that has happened between Finn and I over the years. But you were to blame for a lot of my pain. Finn pushed me away out of loyalty to you. He was so scared that you would tell his secret to the world that no matter how much he loved me, it wasn’t enough. He was so scared to hurt his family if his secret came out.” Oscar starts pacing around the room.