CLAIRE: (is it really love)

by Grace Gervas

  Genajoinedin."Iknow.It'sjust...Idon'tknowClaire.I'm suddenlyscared;whatifI'mmovingtoofast?IthinkI'mgetting tooinvolvedwithhim,andatthespeedofalight.He'snice really,verynicethatIfeellikehe'stoogoodforme..."shekept tellingandherbestiehadtositmorestraightsoasbemore attentive.

  "OhpleaseGena,you'rethemostself-consciousgirlIknow. Youneverhadthisinsecuritythingbefore,sowhat'sthematter? Andwhatdoyoumeanhe'stoogoodforyou?"Clairereminded her."Pleasestopthatrottenthought;you'regorgeousand incredible,andI'msureHarryknowsthattoo!"

  "You'reanangelbestie.I'malreadyfeelingtheoverflowing confidence!IknewIshouldtalktoyou,becausebetweenus, youhaveturnedtobeanexpertrecently."Theysharedalong andrib-crackinglaughter.

  "Okayguesswhat,ImetDoristodayand..."Clairestarted narratingherhorrorstory.

  "What?Doyouthinkshehassnooped?"Genagasped. "I'mpositive!Shewasdefinitelysendingmeamessage betweenherspeech.WellIguessshewon'tneedtoworry anymore,becauseI'mbacktomysenses."saidClairewitha sigh.

  "Areyou?Areyoureally?"Genaprompted.

  "Yes.I'mcertainthistime,andmayGodhelpme!"Claire decided. OnSunday,thetwometduringafternoonanddecidedtodo someshopping.GenatoldheraboutherdatewithHarrythe otherday,whichturnedouttobesomethingcompleteoutof heranticipation;hetookhertohisparent'shouseanditwas quietahassleespeciallyaftermeetingHarry'smother.

  "YouhavenoideahowstraddledIfeltwhenIstoodbefore hisperfectfamilywithgreatmoralvalues.Iwasoutofspace girlfriend."saidGenaastheyrummagedaroundthemall.

  Claireburstedoutlaughingthewholeway."Shouldn'tyou behappythough?Atleasthe'sdecentenoughtointroduceyou tohisfamily,right?"Sheasked.

  "Ohno!"Sheobjected."IwasnotreadyforthatClaire;you should'veseenhowhisobnoxiousmotherscowledmefrom headtoeasifIwassomesleazywomanfromtheNetherworld. Sheneverlikedmeonebit."

  "Ohplease!" "Isweartoyou!"Genainsisted"Ohgirl,Ithinkthereis somethingcrookedwithmother-in-laws!"Shesaidandher bestiewasjustlaughing."Mayyoupleasestoplaughingalready? Youjustdon'tknowhowterriblemynightwas."

  "I'msorryhoney."Clairekeptlaughing."It'sjust,Ican't imagineyourfaceafterfindingoutitwasactuallyyourin-laws place."Sheadded."Butthenagain,Ithinktheywerejustas startledasyouare;maybeyoushouldgivethemsomebenefit ofadoubt."Sheteasedherfriend,andshealsostartedlaughing.

  "Ohpleasedon'tsaythewordin-laws,itscaresthecreep outofme!"Sheuttered,andtheywentonwiththeshopping whilstlaughingheartilyatGena'sexpense.

  "Doesthislookgood?"Claireaskedwhenshetriedanoffice dress."It'skindoftight!"sheadded. "WellIthinkit'sperfect!"Genareplied."Girlyou'vegota body,andthatbootyfitsperfectlyinthere,youshoulddefinitely takethatdress."shecontrived,andtheysharedsimilarspeech overandoveruntiltheyscratchedtheircreditcards.

  Later,whilegrabbingabiteatsomecoffeehouse;Claire asked,"Soareyoureadyforworktomorrow?"

  "YeahIam!"saidGena."Ohbytheway,doyouknowthat Ryanisoutofthecountry?"

  ThatwasenoughtochangethepaceofClaire'sheartand mood,altogether."Ohishe?"shequipped. "Yeah,that'swhatHarrytoldme."Genasaid."He'llbethere foraweekIguess,hedidn'ttellyou?"Sheasked,worriedly, whilegobblingherfries.

  "No,andhehadnoreasonto!"repliedClaire,pensively;her faceshowednothingbutdiscomfort,butherfriendcouldn'thint onthat,asshewasalreadyengrossedwithherphone. CHAPTER15

  THEfollowingweekwentuneventfully,exceptforonetime,on Wednesday,whenBrunodroppedbyandClairehadlunchwith him.Despitebeingbusywithwork,underatightdeadline,she stillfoundtimegoingwayslowerthanshepreferred.Againshe heardnothingfromRyan,anditsomehowbotheredher immenselywithoutadmittingittoherself.Shekeptbelievingit wasbetterthatway,thatit'sexactlythechangesheneededfor herlifetogetbacktonormal;thenormalbeforegetting entangledwithRyanandhissucklinggames.

  OnFridayevening,Clairedecidedtorelaxwithamovie insideherbedroom.Shewasbored;shewatched,butcouldn't seewhatthemoviewasaboutasshekeptchangingposture hereandthere,withherheadzoningnowandthen.But suddenly,theideapoppedintoherhead;shecalledGenaand askedherifshewasfreethatevening.

  "Iam,butwhy?Wannacomeover?"AskedGena. Whilepacingaroundherroom,Clairereplied"Iwannago out;let'sgotoacluboranywhere."Shesnapped,asseriouslyas shecouldbe.

  "What?Youwanttogotoaclub?You?"Genaexclaimed loudly.

  "I'mcomingtoyourplaceinasec,"Clairesaid,ignoringher shock."waitforme!"Sheinsisted,andwalkedoutimmediately. Aboutanhourlater,shewasalreadyatGena's,andthe latterwasstillflabbergastedabouttheidea,evenifClairewas rightthere,anddeterminedtodoassaid.

  "Soletmegetthisstraight,areyoubeingseriousaboutthis clubbingthing?"Genahadtoinquireagain. "OfcourseIam;Imean,it'sFriday,shouldn'twegetoff somesteamorsomething?I'mgettingdepressedsittingaround, waitingforMondaytoarrive."Clairesaid,whilerummaging Gena'sdresserforsomethingtowear.

  "DepressedoversomeRyan?"Genasnappedwitha provokingsmile. "Idon'tknowGena,butIdon'twanttoentertaintheidea,at all."Clairecontinuedtoinspectthedresser."Hey,Iwant somethingflashy,andsexy,anysuggestions?"sheadded.

  Genasnickered."Thisoughttobegood!"Shemurmured. "Letmeseewhattoputonthatsexybodyofyours."sheshoved Claireasideandtookcontrolofpickingtheoutfits."Youknow what,you'reright,let'sjustgo,havefun,andgetwastedwhileat it!"

  "Yeah,letsdoit!"Shesnapped,allexcited. "I'mgonnacallforanUberbecauseIdon'tthinkI'llbeable todrivelater,andsinceyou'verefusedtorenewyourlicense, noneofuswillbeinconditiontodrive."

  "IthinkI'llhavetoworkonthatsoonerorlater."She mumbled,whilepeelingoffherhideouspyjamas."Drivingyour owncarisimportantsometimes."Sheadded.

  Theytooktheirtimepicking,tossing,andtestingdifferent clothesuntilanhourlaterwhentheyfinallygotreadytogo. "Wow!You'relookingsmokinghotgirlfriend."Genasaid whenClairefinishedputtingonalittlereddressthatcramped hercurvesintoplace.

  "YoulookgreatyourselfSamuraiQueen!"Clairereturned. Withhairflailingfreelydowntheirshoulders,thetwobest friendswalkedintoahotclubintheCity,withheavymusicthat regardedtheminstyle.Genawasaregular,shejusthadashot ofmargaritaandslippedintothedancefloorthatwasalready active.Smilingly,Clairereformedherattentiontothebartender whofinallygrantedhisutmostattentiontoher.

  "Haveyoumadeupyourmind?BecauseI'mnotgivingyou acherrysodawithhowsteamyyoulook"Thecurly-hairedguy behindthecountersaid.

  Shelaughed."WhatmakesyouthinkthatIwantcherrysoda, huh?AndevenifIwere,what'stheproblemwiththat?"She returnedwithashout;itwasquitenoisytobeginwith.

  Theguyleanedoverlaughingly."Everythingiswrongwith that;ItgoesagainsttheFridaynightrule."

  "Ohreally?Fridaynightrule?"Sheeyedhim,sensually,and hefoundhimselfdraggedintothesphereofherterrificeyes. "Yeah,thatone."

  "Areyousureyouhaven'tmadeitup?"Shesmiled.

  Helaughedaloud."Okay,yougotme!"Heslowlywinced back."Sowhatwillyouhave?" "Surpriseme!"SaidClaireplayfully,withherelbowsonthe counter,supportingherheadashergazemethis,froma distance.

  Hewethisplumplipstantalizingly."Asyouwish!"hesaid, beforemovingawayandstarteddoinghismixology. Clairerealizedthatbybeingthere,itwasthebestchoice.At leastshewasabletorelax;watchingpeopleminglingonthe dancefloor,somemakingoutinsomedarkcorners,others chattingandlaughingwhileseatedattheboothswithfaintlight; itwasallworthit.Whenshefinallyresumedherobjectof interest,therewasacocktailglassinfrontofher,withapink liquiddressedwithasliceofpineappleandalittlestraw.She archedaneyebrowatthesightofit.

  "Thatwasquick!"Shetoldthebartender.

  Heonlysmiledarchly."Icallit,"heeyedClaire."Hey gorgeous!"Hesaidinhissoftvoice,andsmiledrelentlessly. "Heygorgeous?"Sheprompted,whilesuckinginthedrink slowly,withoutleavinghiseyes."Areyouflirtingwithmeright now?"sheplainlyasked.

  "NoI'mnot,I'mjustadmiringyoureyes."Theguyreplied, andpulledbackabit,totendanothersoul.

  Clairelaughedabit."He'scute!"Sheutteredtoherself,and heseemedtopiquecuriosityonherwords.

  "Whatdidyousay?"Heaskedoverhisshoulder,while pickingmoreglasses.

  "Isaidyouarenotmytype!"Shereturnedloudly,because oftheinterferingmusic. "Whynot?I'mhandsome,I'mcool,sowhynotyourtype?" Heremarkedoncehe'dservedasmokeywhiskeytoaguynext stool,stillsmiling.

  "Yesyouarecool."Clairereplied."ButIlovefire!"She thoughtaloud,andforonceshelethermindwanderoffto someone'scoldapartment,whereshegottoexperiencea millionemotionsinoneday.That'swhenshefeltahand slippinghershoulderandsomeoneutterlyfamiliarappeared.

  "Heystranger?"Amalevoicesnapp
edher.

  "Nathan?Whatareyoudoinghere?"Shegraspedwhenshe discernedthatitwasherboss. Nathantookaseatcasually,besideher."IthoughtI've madeamistake."Hesmiled."Youlook...awesomeLevy,I watchedyousinceearlierandIthoughtitwassomeoneelse... doublescotchplease!"HesaidtoClaireandbartender, respectively.

  "Um--thanks!Ididn'tknowyoualsocometothesekindof places."Shetoldhim.

  "WellIdoonceinawhile;infactI'mnottheonlyone,the entireteamisoverthereexceptyou."Herepliedpointedly. Clairefollowedhisgazeandsawtherest."Oh,howwouldI knowifIwasn'tinvited?"

  "Wewantedtoinviteyou,butyouknow,wethoughtyou wouldn'twanttohang."

  "Ohplease,doIlooklikeapastor'sdaughteror something?"

  Nathanburstedoutlaughing."You'resofunny!"Andhisscotch waspresented. Clairedecidedtogototheothersanddroppedahi;they hangedabit,beforeeveryoneelseeitherwentforthedance floor,restroom,oranywhereelsebutawayfromthebooth. Decidedly,shereturnedtothecountertogetherwithNathan whokepttalkingofhowtheyendedupthereafterwork.

  "Yeah,wehadafreepassbecausemybrother-in-lawowns thisplaceandwearetheonewhodecoratedit."Heblurted. "Ohisthatso?"sheprompted,withalittleindifference. Afteralittlemoretalk,andanotherroundofdrinks,Gena's phonewasringinginsideherpurse,butClaireoptedtoignore. "Yeah,itseemslikeLydiaisalreadydrunk."sheremarkedwitha laughastheyspottedoneoftheircolleaguesdancingoutofthe songbeat.

  Againthephonerang,andClairefinallydecidedtocheck whoitwas;shefoundoutitwasHarry,andstaringatGena,it wasimpossibletoletherknowfromalltheworkshe'dbeen doing;dancinganddrinkingalternately.Seeinghowpersistent thecallerwas,shedecidedtoanswer,buttheycouldn't understandoneanother;Harrywaspracticallyscoldingand Clairecouldn'tunderstandthewordhehadsaid.

  "Itsimpossibletomakeadecentphonecallinhere, perhapsyoushouldstepoutside."Nathansaidsuggestively. "Yeah,itwasuseless."Shereplied,andluckilyGenawas jostlingherwaythere. "Youshould'vejustignoredhim."SnappedGena,once learnedaboutthecall."HeisthemostannoyingguyIknow, howdarehecallsmenowafterignoringmycallsthewhole day?"Sherattled,anditseemedlikeshewasabittipsy.

  "OkayGena,sitdownandrelaxabit."Clairesaid."You're drunkandyoushouldcalmdown!"Sheforcedherontothe barstool.

  "NoI'mnotdrunk!"Genalashed."Wait,I'llshowhimwhatI reallyam.Alawyerornot,noonemesseswithGenaMontero!" Shesquirmed."DoyoumindtakingaselfiewithusClaire's boss?"SheregardedNathanwhohadbeenobservingthemin silence.

  "Um--noproblem!"Nathanansweredhesitantly. Clairefrowned."WhatareyoudoingGena?"sheaskedher friendwhowaspullingtheothertwotogetherandsnappeda photo. "Wow!thisisgood,and...sent!"Genamutteredaminute later.ClaireandNathanexchangedanamusedglances,while shakingtheirheadstothesides.

  **** HARRYhadjustpickedRyanfromtheAirportthatnight,assoon astheSKprivatejetlanded.Thetwowereridingbacksmoothly withRyanasthedriverhimself;heloveddrivingcarssince young,thathelearnedtodriveattheageoftwelve.Theywere talkingabouthistripandfewdetailsaboutthecompanyupon hisabsencethatweek.Duringtheentiretime,Harrylooked angryashekeptstaringhisphonewithoutlettingitoutofhis sight.

  "What'swrong?Areyouexpectingacall?"Ryanaskedhim casually.

  "No!it'snothing!"Harryreplied,curtly;buthisfacespoke completelytheopposite.

  Ryanletoutamockinglaughter."Doyouknowhow suspiciousyoulook?Isitawoman?"Heaskedhimyetagain. "Ohcomeon!Whywouldyouconcludeit'sawoman?" Harrysnapped,evasively. "I'veneverseenthatlookonyourfacebefore,andI'msure ithasnothingtodowithwork.So,areyoureallyseeingGena now?Seemslikeyoutwoaregettingserioushuh?"Ryanteased him.

  Harrysnarled,enraged."Stopkiddingarounddude!Doyou knowwherethosetwowomenarerightnow?Yes,including Claire."HebarkedanditpiquedRyan'scuriosityforonce. "Checkthis,"Harryhandedhimhisphone.

  Ryanstaredatthepictureofthosetwowomen,including hisownsubjectofinterest;Claire.Hisbrowsfurrowed,in apprehensionofwhatshewaswearing,andmostespecially whenhedetectedapresenceofNathanPanther;hisjaw clenched.

  "Doyouknowtheplace?"Heaskedseriously.

  "IthinkIdo.It'stheonlyclubGenagoesto,fromwhat she'dtoldme"Harryreplied.

  "Okay!"wastheonlythingRyansaid,beforechangingthe gearandacceleratedthesilverSUV. Howorwhentheywereabletodoit,wasn'tinquestionatthe moment;RyanandHarrybrokeinsidetheclub,andstarted lookingaroundinsearchforthetwowomentheyboth particularlyknew.Itdidn'ttakemuchlongerforHarrytosee Genaswayinghipsonthedancefloor,andasforRyan,heknew exactlywheretofindClaire.Thelatterwalkedtowardsthe counterwherehisglisteningeyesrestedonNathanPanther, besidethesamewomanhe'dmadehispresencethereupon. "AmIinterrupting?"Heannouncedassoonashegrabbeda

  spotinascandalousmanner.Claire,whohadbeenlaughing heartilyatNathan'sexpense,wasnearlyonvergeofdropping herjawoffthefloor.

  "Ry--Ryan?"Shegaspedandstoodupherfeet.Thinking perhapshermind,withalittlealcoholinherbloodstreamswas playingtrickonher,butthearrogantlook,mingledwith somethinglikeangeronthefaceofhis,Clairegrasped immediatelythatitwasreallyRyan.

  "HiPanther?MindifIstealyourcolleagueforaminute?" RyanregardedNathan,ignoringClaire'sastoundedlook. Withsimilarstartledlook,Nathanreplied."Ofcoursenot, Mr.Stevens!"

  "Thanks."Ryansaid."Shallwe?Miss.Levy?"Heturnedto Claire,withhisusualinsolentsmilethatkeptherbloodboil. "Ryanwhatareyoudoinghere?DoyouactuallythinkI--" Clairestartedtocontradict,butheleanedclosetoherearand whispered;

  "Youdon'twanttocreateascenehere,doyou?" Asoftbreathescapedherlungs;consideringthelegitfact thatsomeofhercolleagueswerepresentattheplace;sheknew goingagainstRyan,atthatmoment,wasn'tatherbestinterest.

  "Fine,letmeatleastclearthecheck."Sheansweredcalmly, andswiftlyturnedtothecounterwhileopeningherWallet. Nathanheldherhand."IsaidthisisonmeLevy,welcome totheteamtreat?"Hesmiledwarmly,andClairereturned exactly.

  "ThanksNathan,IguessI'llseeyouonMonday;andtoday wasfun."Shetoldhimknowingly,beforefacingthenearly icebergofaguynexttoher.WiththatlittlegestureofNathan PantherholdingClaire'shand,andpayingforherdrinks,Ryan's jawclenchedbutheneverlosthiscool.

  "Shallwe?"Heurged;withgreatdealofreluctance,Claire obliged.

  "Ohno,Gena!"shesnappedfewstepslater.

  "Don'tworryabouther,she'sprobablyoutside."Returned Ryan. "Whatareyoutalkingabout?"Shesnorted,anditwasless ofanargumentuntiltheyfinallysteppedawayfromtheheavy music,andspottedGenaandHarryarguingoutside,nearthe parkinglot.ClairelookedatRyan,andheonlyshrugged.

  "Letthemsorttheirownissue,"saidhehaltingly,"because wehaveourstosolve."headdedpointedly.

  "Hah!"Clairegasped."Ofcoursewedo,soletmereturnmy friend'spurse,sothatwecanalsodothesame." Andwiththat,shefollowedGena,disregardingHarrywho seemedtobehavinghisfillfromallthedrunktalktalkfromthe Asianwoman.Clairebuttedin,andkindlyaskedhimtogive themaminute.

  "Sure,goahead."Harryrepliedwithgreatcivilityand steppedaside,towhereRyanwas.

  "Areyouokay?"Clairehandedherpurse.

  "OfcourseI'mokay.DoyoureallythinkfewMargaritashots couldtakemedown?"Genaspoutedandherfriendlaughed. "Actuallyitwasmorethanafew,"SaidClaire."butanyway, whatnext?doyouwantmetostickaround?BecauseIdowanna stickaround!"Sheaddedinalmostascare.

  ItwasGena'sturntolaugh."Why?Areyouscaredtobe alonewithhim?"

  "Honestly,Iam.Isthatweird?Imean,noteveninmy wildestdreamhaveIexpectedtoseehimhere." "Weirdlyfair,butno,IcanhandleHarryallbymyself.After all,hewantsustogetthisoverwithbeforethenightends,andI wantthesameIguess."repliedGena.

  "Heissosweet,unlikesomeoneIknow!"Clairesaid,and shotadaggeratRyan."WellIguessI'lljustgetgoing,andplease beniceGena,theguyistrying!"

  "I'lltry."Genasaid.Theysharedafriendlyhugbefore parting,withClairereturningtoRyan,andHarrytoGena afterwards.Whatfollowedwasastaringcontestbetweenthe othercrazycouple.

  "Ihaveplentyofquestionsrightnow,"Clairesaid,witha pause."butI'llonlyaskone."shesighed. "Goahead..."Ryanreplied. "What'sthemeaningofthis?" "Ofwhat?"

  "StopplayingdumbwithmeRyan!I'mtalkingaboutyou comingallthewayherejusttoruinmynight."shebarked."I understandHarry'sattitude,becausehehasagoodreasonto, butyou?Whatmadeyoucomehere?"

  Heraisedoneeyebrowather."Ialsohaveagoodreason, you!"hesnapped."WhatwereyoudoingflirtingwithPanther?" "Doingwhat?"Sheyelled."Iwasn'tflirtingwithhim,and evenifthatwasthecase,ithasnothingtodowithyou?" "Ohitsurelydoes!EverythingaboutyouClairemattersto me,doyougetit?"Hesnapped. "NoIdon'tgetit!"Sheexclaimed."Ithoughtwe'redone withtheshitRyan,whenyoudecidedtomut
eforoveraweek andlefttoGodknowswherewithoutawordIthoughtitwas overbetweenus,andIwasrelievedthatatlasteverythingis backtonormal.Butguesswhat,hereyouare,onceagainto messwithmylife!"Shescreamedamidsttheparkinglot,andfor oncesomedrunkencouplepassedbywhichshutherdown momentarily.

  "That'swhatIthoughteither."Hesaid."Butitallchanged whenIsawthepictureofyou,andthat...andthatPanther!" ThatremarkmadeClairestiflealaugh.Thepictureseemed tohaveaffectedRyanmorethanhe'dleton,andforsome stupidreasons,thatsimplefactbroughtheragrandfelicity.At easthewasjealous,shethought.

  "Andsowhat?Doyouwantmetoappraiseyouforyour heroicactofruiningmynight?BecauseIwasreallyenjoying myselfthere;Nathanisfuntobearound,butyoucameand--"

  "Doyouwanttogoback?"Ryanretorted;hisvoicewascalm, andhiseyesveryserious."Ifthat'swhatyouwant,youcango ahead!Iwon'tstopyou."headded.

  Sheswallowed,loweringherguardsforonce.Seeinghim actingassuchwasararescene,andforthefirsttimeshefelt somekindofadmirationtowardshim.Shehesitated,nibbled herlips,andeventhoughtforawhile,beforereplying;

  "No,Ijustwanttogetoutofhere,it'sgettingcold."She openedthealreadyunlockedcar,andslippedintothe passengerseat.Ryanfollowedheraminutelater,withhislooks indifferent.

  TheSUVhittheroad,andtheridewasrathersilentasbothkept theirthoughtstothemselvesinthemeantime.Clairefound herselfstaringathim,butunabletoutteraword.Ryankepthis sightfixedlyontheroad,withoutshowinganyofwhateverhe wasthinking.Thesilencestartedtobringaboredom;andeven withhereyesstickingtotheslidingbuildingsalongsidethetwolaneasphalt,Clairefelttheurgetofurtherinquireabouthistrip, andthereasonwhyhestoppedcommunicatingwithher.

  "Imissedyou!"Thewords,thatcameasastartle,pierced Claire'searsandsheglancedathim.

  "What?"Sheprompted.

  "IsaidImissedyou."Ryanrepeated,bygracingherastare thistime. Therewasaflutterofjoyforher,butshedidn'twantto showit."Ifyoudid,thenwhydidn'tyoudoanything?"shetold him,withaperfectindifference.

  Hesmiled."BecauseIwantedtodoasyouwant;toleave youalone."

  "Andthenwhatchanged?"Clairereturned.