CHAPTER XXVII
THE DOG-ON DOG AGAIN
As the conductor left the Mallorys to their own devices, it rushedover him anew what sacrilege had been attempted--a fool bride hadasked him to stop the Trans-American of all trains!--to go shopping ofall things!
He stormed into the smoking room to open the safety valve of hiswrath, and found the porter just coming out of the buffet cell with atray, two hollow-stemmed glasses and a bottle swaddled in a napkin.
"Say, Ellsworth, what in ---- do you suppose that female back therewants?--wants me to hold the Trans-American while----"
But the porter was in a flurry himself. He was about to servechampagne, and he cut the conductor short:
"'Scuse me, boss, but they's a lovin' couple in the stateroom forwardthat is in a powerful hurry for this. I can't talk to you now. I'llsee you later." And he swaggered off, leaving the door of the buffetopen. The conductor paused to close it, glanced in, started, stared,glared, roared: "What's this! Well, I'll be--a dog smuggled in here!I'll break that coon's head. Come out of there, you miserable or'naryhound." He seized the incredulous Snoozleums by the scruff of hisneck, growling, "It's you for the baggage car ahead," and dashed outwith his prey, just as Mallory, now getting new bearings on Marjorie'scharacter, spoke across the rampart of his Napoleonically folded arms:
"Well, you're a nice one!--making violent love to a conductor beforemy very eyes. A minute more and I would have----"
She silenced him with a snap: "Don't you speak to me! I hate you! Ihate all men. The more I know men the more I like----" this remindedher, and she asked anxiously: "Where is Snoozleums?"
Mallory, impatient at the shift of subject, snapped back: "Oh, I lefthim in the buffet with the waiter. What I want to know is how you dareto----"
"Was it a colored waiter?"
"Of course. But I'm not speaking of----"
"But suppose he should bite him?"
"Oh, you can't hurt those nigger waiters. I started to say----"
"But I can't have Snoozleums biting colored people. It might not agreewith him. Get him at once."
Mallory trembled with suppressed rage like an overloaded boiler, buthe gave up and growled: "Oh, Lord, all right. I'll get him when I'vefinished----"
"Go get him this minute. And bring the poor darling back to hismother."
"His mother! Ye gods!" cried Mallory, wildly. He turned away anddashed into the men's room with a furious: "Where's that damned dog?"
He met the porter just returning. The porter smiled: "He's right inheah, sir," and opened the buffet door. His eyes popped and his jawsagged: "Why, I lef' him here just a minute ago."
"You left the window open, too," Mallory observed. "Well, I guess he'sgone."
The porter was panic stricken: "Oh, I'm turrible sorry, boss, Iwouldn't have lost dat dog for a fortune. If you was to hit me with aaxe I wouldn't mind."
To his utter befuddlement, Mallory grinned and winked at him, andmurmured: "Oh, that's all right. Don't worry." And actually laid halfa dollar in his palm. Leaving the black lids batting over the startingeyes, Mallory pulled his smile into a long face and went back toMarjorie like an undertaker: "My love, prepare yourself for bad news."
Marjorie looked up, startled and apprehensive: "Snoozleums is ill. Hedid bite the darkey."
"Worse than that--he--he--fell out of the window."
"When!" she shrieked, "in heaven's name--when?"
"He was there just a minute ago, the waiter says."
Marjorie went into instant hysterics, wringing her hands and sobbing:"Oh, my darling, my poor child--stop the train at once!"
She began to pound Mallory's shoulders and shake him frantically. Hehad never seen her this way either. He was getting his education inadvance. He tried to calm her with inexpert words: "How can I stop thetrain? Now, dearie, he was a nice dog, but after all, he was only adog."
She rounded on him like a panther: "Only a dog! He was worth a dozenmen like you. You find the conductor at once, command him to stop thistrain--and back up! I don't care if he has to go back ten miles. Run,tell him at once. Now, you run!"
Mallory stared at her as if she had gone mad, but he set out to runsomewhere, anywhere. Marjorie paced up and down distractedly, tearingher hair and moaning, "Snoozleums, Snoozleums! My child. My poorchild!" At length her wildly roving eyes noted the bell rope. Shestared, pondered, nodded her head, clutched at it, could not reach it,jumped for it several times in vain, then seized a chair, swung itinto place, stood up in it, gripped the rope, and came down on it withall her weight, dropping to the floor and jumping up and down in afrenzied dance. In the distance the engine could be heard faintlywhistling, whistling for every pull.
The engineer, far ahead, could not imagine what unheard-of crisiscould bring about such mad signals. The fireman yelled:
"I bet that crazy conductor is attacked with an epilettic fit."
But there was no disputing the command. The engine was reversed, theair brakes set, the sand run out and every effort made to pull theiron horse, as it were, back on its haunches.
The grinding, squealing, jolting, shook the train like an earthquake.The shrieking of the whistle froze the blood like a woman's cry of"Murder!" in the night. The women among the passengers echoed thescreams. The men turned pale and braced themselves for the shock ofcollision. Some of them were mumbling prayers. Dr. Temple and JimmieWellington, with one idea in their dissimilar souls, dashed from thesmoking room to go to their wives.
Ashton and Wedgewood, with no one to care for but themselves, seizedwindows and tried to fight them open. At last they budged a sash andknelt down to thrust their heads out.
"I don't see a beastly thing ahead," said Wedgewood, "except the headsof other fools."
"We're slowing down though," said Ashton, "she stops! We're safe.Thank God!" And he collapsed into a chair. Wedgewood collapsed intoanother, gasping: "Whatevah are we safe from, I wondah?"
The train-crew and various passengers descended and ran alongside thetrain asking questions. Panic gave way to mystery. Even Dr. Templecame back into the smoking room to finish a precious cigar he had beenat work on. He was followed by Little Jimmie, who had not quitereached his wife when the stopping of the train put an end to hisexcuse for chivalry. He was regretfully mumbling:
"It would have been such a good shansh to shave my life's wife--I meanmy--I don't know what I mean." He sank into a chair and ordered adrink; then suddenly remembered his vow, and with great heroism,rescinded the order.
Mallory, finding that the train was checked just before he reached theconductor, saw that official's bewildered wrath at the stoppage andhad a fearsome intuition that Marjorie had somehow done the deed. Hehurried back to the observation room, where he found her charging upand down, still distraught. He paused at a safe distance and said:
"The train has stopped, my dear. Somebody rang the bell."
"I guess somebody did!" Marjorie answered, with a proud toss of thehead. "Where's the conductor?"
"He's looking for the fellow that pulled the rope."
"You go tell him to back up--and slowly, too."
"No, thank you!" said Mallory. He was a brave young man, but he wasnot bearding the conductors of stopped expresses. Already theconductor's voice was heard in the smoking room, where he appearedwith the rush and roar of a Bashan bull. "Well!" he bellowed, "whichone of you guys pulled that rope?"
"It was nobody here, sir," Dr. Temple meekly explained. The conductortransfixed him with a baleful glare: "I wouldn't believe a gambler onoath. I bet you did it."
"I assure you, sir," Wedgewood interposed, "he didn't touch it. I washeah."
The conductor waved him aside and charged into the observation room,followed by all the passengers in an awe struck rabble. Here, too, theconductor thundered: "Who pulled that rope? Speak up somebody."
Mallory was about to sacrifice himself to save Marjorie, but she metthe conductor's black rage with the withering contempt of a youngqueen: "I pulled the old rope. Whom d
id you suppose?"
The conductor almost dropped with apoplexy at finding himself withnobody to vent his immense rage on, but this pink and white slip."You!" he gulped, "well, what in----Say, in the name of--why, don'tyou know it's a penitentiary offense to stop a train this way?"
Marjorie tossed her head a little higher, grew a little calmer: "Whatdo I care? I want you to back up."
The conductor was reduced to a wet rag, a feeble echo: "Back up--thetrain up?"
"Yes, back the train up," Marjorie answered, resolutely, "and goslowly till I tell you to stop."
The conductor stared at her a moment, then whirled on Mallory: "Say,what in hell's the matter with your wife?"
Mallory was saved from the problem of answering by Marjorie's abruptchange from a young Tsarina rebuking a serf, to a terrified mother.She flung out imploring palms and with a gush of tears pleaded: "Won'tyou please back up? My darling child fell off the train."
The conductor's rage fell away in an instant. "Your child fell off thetrain!" he gasped. "Good Lord! How old was he?"
With one hand he was groping for the bell cord to give the signal,with the other he opened the door to look back along the track.
"He was two years old," Marjorie sobbed.
"Oh, that's too bad!" the conductor groaned. "What did he look like?"
"He had a pink ribbon round his neck."
"A pink ribbon--oh, the poor little fellow! the poor little fellow!"
"And a long curly tail."
The conductor swung round with a yell: "A curly tail!--your son?"
"My dog!" Marjorie roared back at him.
The conductor's voice cracked weakly as he shrieked: "Your dog! Youstopped this train for a fool dog?"
"He wasn't a fool dog," Marjorie retorted, facing him down, "he knowsmore than you do."
The conductor threw up his hands: "Well, don't you women beat----" Hestudied Marjorie as if she were some curious freak of nature. Suddenlyan idea struck into his daze: "Say, what kind of a dog was it?--ameasly little cheese-hound?"
"He was a noble, beautiful soul with wonderful eyes and adorableears."
The conductor was growing weaker and weaker: "Well, don't worry. I gothim. He's in the baggage car."
Marjorie stared at him unbelievingly. The news seemed too gloriouslybeautiful to be true. "He isn't dead--Snoozleums is not dead!" shecried, "he lives! He lives! You have saved him." And once more sheflung herself upon the conductor. He tried to bat her off like a gnat,and Mallory came to his rescue by dragging her away and shoving herinto a chair. But she saw only the noble conductor: "Oh, you dear,good, kind angel. Get him at once."
"He stays in the baggage car," the conductor answered, firmly and ashe supposed, finally.
"But Snoozleums doesn't like baggage cars," Marjorie smiled. "He won'tride in one."
"He'll ride in this one or I'll wring his neck."
"You fiend in human flesh!" Marjorie shrank away from him in horror,and he found courage to seize the bell rope and yank it viciously witha sardonic: "Please, may I start this train?"
The whistle tooted faintly. The bell began to hammer, the train tocreak and writhe and click. The conductor pulled his cap down hard andstarted forward. Marjorie seized his sleeve: "Oh, I implore you, don'tconsign that poor sweet child to the horrid baggage car. If you have ahuman heart in your breast, hear my prayer."
The conductor surrendered unconditionally: "Oh, Lord, all right, allright. I'll lose my job, but if you'll keep quiet, I'll bring him toyou." And he slunk out meekly, followed by the passengers, who wereshaking their heads in wonderment at this most amazing feat of thismost amazing bride.
When they were alone once more, Marjorie as radiant as April after astorm, turned her sunshiny smile on Mallory:
"Isn't it glorious to have our little Snoozleums alive and well?"
But Mallory was feeling like a March day. He answered with a sleetychill: "You care more for the dog than you do for me."
"Why shouldn't I?" Marjorie answered with wide eyes, "Snoozleums neverwould have brought me on a wild goose elopement like this. Heavenknows he didn't want to come."
Mallory repeated the indictment: "You love a dog better than you loveyour husband."
"My what?" Marjorie laughed, then she spoke with lofty condescension:"Harry Mallory, if you're going to be jealous of that dog, I'll nevermarry you the longest day I live."
"So you'll let a dog come between us?" he demanded.
"I wouldn't give up Snoozleums for a hundred husbands," she retorted.
"I'm glad to know it in time," Mallory said. "You'd better give meback that wedding ring."
Marjorie's heart stopped at this, but her pride was in arms. She drewherself up, slid the ring from her finger, and held it out as if shescorned it: "With pleasure. Good afternoon, Mr. Mallory."
Mallory took it as if it were the merest trifle, bowed and murmured:"Good afternoon, Miss Newton."
He stalked out and she turned her back on him. A casual witness wouldhave said that they were too indifferent to each other even to feelanger. As a matter of romantic fact, each was on fire with love, andaching madly with regret. Each longed for strength to whirl round withoutflung arms of reconciliation, and neither could be so brave. And sothey parted, each harking back fiercely for one word of recall fromthe other. But neither spoke, and Marjorie sat staring at nothingthrough raining eyes, while Mallory strode into the Men's Room asmelancholy as Hamlet with Yorick's skull in his hands.
It was their first great quarrel, and they were convinced that theworld might as well come to an end.
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