by Kat Stiles
His eyes were so full of genuine concern I nearly lost it again. I buried my face into his chest and didn’t let go for a long time. After I did, it was to kiss him, not gently, but passionately. I ran my fingers through his hair, and pulled him closer, kissing him deeper. The rain continued to fall, and it felt liberating, like an affirmation from a higher source that this moment, this amazing kiss and the love we shared was everything…the whole point of existence.
Tommy’s eyes searched mine. “Are you going to be all right if I go?”
I bit my lip, trying to stop the tears from coming back. “I don’t want you to leave.”
“Well, unless you plan to sneak me into your room…”
A spark of hope ignited in my brain. “Really? Can you do that?”
“Are you serious? I mean, I was kinda joking. Aren’t you afraid to get into trouble?”
“I don’t care anymore,” I said, “but I don’t want you to get into trouble.”
Tommy shrugged, and I got the feeling it wasn’t the first time he didn’t care about getting into trouble. “Demetri will cover for me.”
Grinning like an idiot, I handed him my cell phone.
He dialed his number. I couldn’t hear the actual conversation, but I did make out Demetri’s voice.
“I need to stay with Em tonight,” Tommy said.
Then I heard the sound of Demetri’s hearty laughter.
Tommy rolled his eyes. “We’re not going to have sex...” he mumbled into the phone.
Demetri barked some command, to which Tommy protested. “She’s going through… She doesn’t want to be alone.” There was another pause before he continued. “She’ll be okay.”
Demetri yelled something, and Tommy sighed. “I don’t think she’s up for you right now.”
“What?” I said.
“Nothing, he wants to talk to you,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“No, it’s fine.” I motioned for him to hand me the phone. “Yes?”
“Congrats on finally getting to sleep with him,” Demetri said.
“I figured you would be happy for him.”
“I am,” he said. I could practically hear his grin through the phone. “I’ll cover for you on one condition.”
“And that is?”
“You name him after me. You know, if it’s a boy.”
I didn’t have it in me to produce any witty comebacks. “Okay.”
“Cool.”
I sighed. “Is that all?”
“Eager to start, huh? Well, I hope you feel better, Em.”
I almost started to cry again at the sincerity of his voice. “Thanks. I…I really appreciate this.”
We said goodbye, and I stashed my phone back in my purse.
I was surprised at myself. A couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have dreamed I’d be daring enough to attempt a stunt like this. But staring in the face of death, it was hard to be concerned about rules.
On the way to my house, the clouds finally burst in a typical Texas downpour, the rain cascading in sheets. Within seconds, we were both completely drenched.
We sprinted the rest of the way, and I brought him around to the side of my house. I sighed in relief at seeing the lights—I could tell my sister was in her room. I stopped at the window that belonged to my bedroom, encased in the shadows towards the back. I whispered, “Wait here and I’ll let you in.”
I slipped on the porch steps in my frantic rush, but caught myself before I fell. In one motion, I was able to unlock, enter, and shut the door and relock it, miraculously without waking anyone. I stopped by the bathroom to get a couple of towels on the way.
Once I made it inside my room, I dashed to the window and fumbled with the lock before I managed to open it. Tommy slid through, dripping wet. I handed him a towel and he tried to dry off as best he could, but his clothes were still soaked through.
While I dried my hair, I noticed him scope out my bedroom. It suddenly occurred to me how juvenile it appeared, decorated with pink accents and a pale gray carpet. The corner of the room set aside for stuffed animals cinched the little girl motif.
His lips formed a careful, innocuous smile. “This room is…”
“I guess it’s outdated. I haven’t really changed anything since fourth grade.”
“I was going to say cute.”
I looked into his eyes. “Thank you. I mean, for being here with me.”
“No problem. Do you have an extra blanket for me?”
“My comforter should be warm enough if you get cold.”
He scratched his head. “Don’t you want me to sleep on the floor?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous, I wouldn’t make you sleep on the floor. There’s plenty of room on my bed.”
He grinned. “So first you wanted to go parking, and now you want to sleep with me? This relationship is spiraling out of control.”
I smiled back at him. “You were the one who said we weren’t going to have sex, remember?”
“Yeah, I guess I did say that.” He moved in closer. “What was I thinking?” Still grinning, he cradled my head in his hands and then kissed me slowly.
With the air conditioning on full blast, my wet clothes became very cold. Without a thought, I took off my shirt. It’s not like I was naked—I wore a tank-top underneath, though it was rather form-fitting. But it was dry, and that was more important. I was unzipping my jeans, when I caught a glimpse of Tommy’s face. All the color had drained from it, and his mouth gaped open.
“Are you okay?”
His mouth finally closed, and a few more seconds passed before he actually spoke. “I’m f-fine.” He stared at my breasts with a perfectly awestruck expression.
“Do you need me to put on another shirt?”
He didn’t answer right away. Panicked, I started rambling. “I used to sleep in flannel pajamas and still be cold but lately I get so hot, and I—”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to…”
“No, I’m fine.” He took a deep breath and then smiled. “Wondering if I’m dreaming.”
I got a pair of small cotton shorts out of my dresser and changed out of my wet jeans. I could feel his eyes staring at me the entire time.
He was shivering when I rejoined him. I helped him out of his shirt. His jeans were soaked through, too, and I knew it would be uncomfortable to sleep like that. I didn’t give it a second thought—I undid his belt, like it meant nothing at all. About to unbutton his jeans, I paused at the sight of a huge grin on his face. “You are wearing underwear, right?”
“If I say no, will you stop?”
“I don’t want you to catch a cold.”
“By all means, proceed.”
And at that moment the gravity of the situation hit me. I was actually taking off his jeans. What am I doing? What scared me the most was I wasn’t sure. Part of me wondered what it would be like, to be with him. And with the threat of death hanging over my head, it seemed even more logical to stop and consider what normally would have been a fleeting thought.
I lost my nerve, and my hands fell to my sides. What could he wear? “I think I have a pair of oversized sweatpants that might fit you.” I started to rifle through one of my dresser drawers when I felt his breath on my ear.
“It’s okay. I’m sure you’ll keep me warm tonight.” He stood what would have been uncomfortably close with anyone else, but with him it was the perfect distance. Seeing him without a shirt had the same effect on me now as it did the first time. And his damp hair took on a waviness that made him even more irresistible.
“I meant what I said.” He looked into my eyes and touched his hands to my shoulders. “We’re not going to have sex.”
I glanced down. “I know this is going to sound crazy, but I was half-wondering if we should.”
His face contorted into this strange, conflicted expression, as if he’d eaten a Sour Patch Kid for the first time. Then he sighed. “Does this have anything to do
with Roz’s vision?”
“I was thinking,” I began, looking at the floor. Even saying the word petrified me. “Sex is one of those things you should do before you die.”
“Which is exactly why we’re going to wait. I won’t let him hurt you.” He wrapped his arms around me. “I want you to be ready—there’s no need to rush.”
I held him tighter, grateful and relieved, yet almost disappointed at the same time. “You really don’t want to sleep with me, huh?” I asked playfully.
“You have no idea how much I want to,” he muttered.
I laughed. “Demetri’s convinced I’m the one who’s the sex maniac.”
“Well, with guys it’s like the condition is understood.”
“Is that right?” I pulled back and looked at him. His vibrant eyes gazed into mine, and the small smile that surfaced made me melt.
“It’s hard not to get excited around you.” He combed his fingers through my hair. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, before his eyes fixed on my lips. “And so incredibly hot…”
Then his lips touched mine. Maybe it was the fact I was already excited, maybe it was the energy in the room—I’m not sure, but the kiss that followed was electric. The heat surged inside, warming me.
“Do you want me to leave these on?” He motioned to his jeans.
“Of course not. You must be freezing.” I adjusted the alarm clock while he undressed and then settled on my bed. “I’m so glad you’re here with me.”
“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” He situated himself next to me.
His gaze traveled from my head downward. He first touched my face, and I caught a hint of that mechanical scent I so adored. He traced along my shoulder, then my arm, and down to my hand, leaving a lingering trail of warmth. Then he stared into my eyes. As I leaned in to kiss him, I guided his hand to my chest. In an instant, the kiss turned passionate. His whole body quivered, and the intensity of his energy turned on the heat within me. My heart pounded out of control, my breaths became shallow. He broke off the kiss, and I discovered I wasn’t the only one breathless.
He breathed deeply, before his gaze fixed to my chest once more, where his hand remained in place. He positioned his other hand on my other breast and squeezed both carefully, like he was afraid to hurt me. “They’re so soft.”
I smiled. “I know you’ve been dying to find out since you fell down that day.”
He enclosed me in his arms, in an unexpected embrace. His emotions were overflowing, a mixture of gratitude and happiness. It was never sweeter to be connected to him than it was at that moment—a feeling of pure adoration.
I held onto him, resting my head along his neck.
And then he whispered, “I am so in love with you, Emily Milford.”
A couple of tears rolled down my cheeks.
“Don’t cry, beautiful.” He kept holding me with one arm and freed the other to stroke my hair.
I should’ve known he’d feel my tears. I wasn’t sure why I cried. For a second I thought it was in happiness. But then it wasn’t that. It had more to do with frustration, that I couldn’t tell him how much I loved him. That I felt the love within me, but I couldn’t say it. I continued to silently cry into his chest.
The heat from my hands on his back relaxed him in minutes. The energy fed his body, and it wasn’t long before he drifted off to sleep. My own eyes became tired, and in his arms, in the perfect warmth and comfort of his body, I fell asleep.
* * * *
I awoke to the harsh beeping of the alarm clock.
Five is too damn early.
During the course of the night, I had rolled over and my back was now facing Tommy. His arms were wrapped around me, and I giggled when I realized his hands were comfortably situated on my breasts.
“Oh.” He released me and sat up, blushing. “Sorry. Must’ve done it in my sleep. Guess it’s kinda like a new toy.”
“It’s okay. It was nice.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I mean everything, your being here and all. Staying with me,” I explained. “Did you sleep okay?”
His hair was sticking out in all directions, but it somehow still looked good, in a crazy, rebellious kind of way.
“I’ve never slept better,” he said, as he shook his hands through his hair and tried to smooth it out. “Didn’t wake up once.”
I knew better than to even attempt to fix my hair. “Maybe we should do this more often,” I said, half-yawning and smiling at the same time.
“Definitely.” He wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug. “Hey, is that the doctor’s journal?”
I followed his eyes to my nightstand.
“Yeah, interesting read,” I said.
“Mind if I take it?”
“Be my guest,” I said, and collapsed back on the bed.
“Why don’t you try to catch a few more hours?” He gently rolled me to my side and began a massage. The relaxing motion of his hands rubbing my back in large circles managed to knock me out.
When I awoke again, he was gone.
Spending the night with Tommy was healing to me. In that zen-like calm, my impending demise didn’t cross my mind once the entire time I spent getting ready for school. It was in that blissful state I decided to wear the cute off-the-shoulder top, the same one I wore the day Tommy asked me to be his girlfriend. Then I finished out my look with some makeup and a few curls in my hair.
Roz was already at the bus stop. Her arms were about to close in on me, but then she stopped and gaped.
“Wow.” She eyed me curiously, walking around me as if I were a museum exhibit. “Em, you look beautiful. Is that a new necklace?”
I still wore the necklace from last night. “Yeah, Tommy gave it to me.”
“Very nice. And your shirt is lovely.” Her forehead wrinkled. “It seems familiar. Have you worn it before?”
“Only with Tommy. I don’t think you’ve ever seen it.”
“Oh,” she said then continued in a playful tone. “And what did he say when you wore it?”
“Not so much what he said as what he did… Let’s say he liked it.”
A devilish smirk appeared. “I’ll bet.”
This time when we boarded the bus, I noticed practically everyone on the bus stared at me. Most of them appeared shocked, but a couple of boys grinned. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. Roz sat next to me and laughed.
“What?”
“You can’t hear them talking about you?”
“You are so making that up.”
“I swear. I heard someone said your name as I passed them.” She suddenly sported a satisfied grin.
“What now?”
“I finally get to tease you about it. See what happens when you unleash your inner hottie?”
I laughed. She was right. I could feel the increased energy around me. The desire was more powerful than usual. So this is what it feels like.
At school, I noticed a few stares and unexpected smiles on my way in. While I turned the dial to open my locker, I felt my hair being moved to the front of my shoulder.
“You wore it to school.” Tommy’s lips kissed my shoulder, and the heat it produced traveled through my entire body.
I turned around. His eyes took me in, and I could feel his desire for me. He moved closer and closer until I felt my back against my locker.
“I can’t believe the prettiest girl in the school is mine,” he whispered, before he pressed his lips to my neck. “You look incredible.”
I wrapped my arms around him. “Thank you.”
I closed my eyes at the feel of his warm hands tracing around to the arch of my back. He kissed me again, and the heat resurged, flushing my face and traveling down my arms. My skin reveled in the calming warmth, and my heart continued to beat faster. The peaceful yet thrilling sensation was nothing short of phenomenal.
* * * *
That feeling stayed with me, making the morning speed by. Besides a few lingering stares from a couple of b
oys (and a few dirty looks from some of the girls), the day progressed like any other. Until lunch rolled around, that is.
Roz and Tommy were already at the table when I made it to the cafeteria, but they were sitting on opposite sides from where they usually sat. Tommy motioned for me to sit next to him.
“Musical chairs?”
Roz smiled. “He wanted to sit next to you today. Hmm, I wonder why?”
“More for protection than anything else. You should hear what they’re saying about you, beautiful. Lucky I didn’t get into a fight today.” He intertwined his fingers through mine.
“It’s only a shirt,” I said.
“I don’t think it’s the shirt they’re excited about,” he said.
Roz laughed. She focused on my shirt, and her brow furrowed. Then she gasped.
“What is it, Roz?” Tommy said.
“I–I remembered where I’ve seen your shirt before.”
I gulped. There was only one possible reason she would react that way. “From your vision.”
She nodded.
I didn’t need to question her further. Today I would die.
Tommy’s arms closed around me, pulling me in closer to him. “I won’t let him hurt you, Em. It’s going to be all right.”
My mind raced, wondering what to do. Do I go home? Should I call my mother? Should I call the police?
“We know he’s going after my mother, right?” I said. “She usually gets home at five.”
“Yeah, maybe you could—” Roz started.
“What are you talking about?” Tommy said.
“We did a vision recall last night,” I said. “After what happened at the session with the doctor yesterday—”
“You went to the appointment?” Tommy’s eyes got big. “Have you got a death wish or something?”
“My mother wouldn’t listen, but she went with me. Anyway, the doctor couldn’t get inside her head. He didn’t hurt her. And then Roz heard him say in the vision ‘you’ll do nicely,’ like I wasn’t who he came for.”
Tommy stared absently at the table. “And now because you went to the appointment…”
“Why do you think I was so screwed up last night?” I said quietly.