Eva shakes her head. “Just a year? You separated? Like, you weren’t together? Why? What happened?”
Mrs. Calloway pours herself another glass of wine. I’m slightly envious of how quickly she’s going through the bottle. “Your father lost his job,” she tells her. “He lost a lot of money and was fired. It wasn’t a mistake. He was doing things he shouldn’t have been doing. Money. It was always about money. He could have gotten arrested. We about lost the house because of this. You and I came here for a good year, while everything got sorted out.”
Eva looks down at her hands. I can tell she’s embarrassed over her father. I can tell she’s appalled by what she’s hearing. I’m actually really nervous about how she’s going to react. I love Eva, but there’s no denying she can go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. I wince as I wait for her to lift her head.
“And it did?” is what she asks. “Everything magically got sorted out?”
“Sure did,” Calvin replies. His arms fold over his chest.
“Mom?” Eva questions.
“It did,” she answers. “Because that’s when your dad met Henry Channing. Henry hired your dad as a business partner, took care of what your dad lost with the company that fired him, paid for our missed mortgage payments and put our family back on track financially.”
Eva’s looking down at her untouched plate of food. When she looks up, I can tell she’s livid. I cringe, waiting for her to explode.
“We live the life we live, because of Henry Channing?” she asks. “You and Dad are still married, because of Henry Channing? We didn’t lose our house, because of Henry Channing?” Then she turns to Calvin. “And you, you and Rose left Flagler, because of Henry Channing? Why? Why’d you leave?”
Calvin takes a big sip of his wine. “Henry Channing might have helped your family out, but by doing so, he changed your father. Once you and your mom moved back home, your father didn’t want either of you coming over here anymore.”
“We still did,” Mrs. Calloway makes clear, saying this to Calvin. “We still came over all the time,” she then says to Eva. “Your father was never home.”
“Yes,” agrees Calvin. “You came over, but it wasn’t the same. And as soon as that hideous mansion,” he points across the Halifax, “started to get built, Rose and I knew with them across the water we needed to get out of Flagler for a bit.”
“So, you left?” I say to Calvin, not believing what I’m hearing. “You left because of Henry Channing? Because of his control over Eva’s family?”
He nods. “We left because we had already lost our son. We didn’t want to sit here and watch as Henry Channing took away the other family we had grown to love.”
Mrs. Calloway is staring at Calvin, her eyes narrow and she shakes her head. “I wouldn’t have let that happen.”
He points to Eva. “You let it happen. With Eva.”
Mrs. Calloway looks over at Eva and puts her head in her hands.
“We traveled for a bit,” Calvin says to Eva and I. “Saw America, a lot of national parks.”
“Did you keep in touch with them?” I ask Calvin, pointing to Eva and her mom.
He and Mrs. Calloway both nod in agreement.
“We did,” Mrs. Calloway replies. “I spoke to Rose at least once a week.”
“What happened to her?” Eva asks.
My head swivels to Calvin.
“Heart attack,” Calvin replies, ripping the band-aid right off the wound. “We were thinking of coming back to Flagler when it happened. We were clear across the map, in Oregon, but we were making our plans to come home. The Lord had other plans for Rose though.”
“I remember her cookies,” Eva looks up at Calvin. “You guys talking about them, I remember them. I remember helping her make them. Did I do that?”
“You did,” her mom answers.
“How long after she died, before you came back home?” I ask Calvin.
“About a month?” he answers. “Audrey called a few times after Rose passed away, but it was that last phone call, that one made me realize it was indeed time to get back.”
“The one when she told you about Bodhi,” Eva states.
There’s sudden silence. Neither Calvin nor Mrs. Calloway say anything else. Both Eva and I glance between the two of them, waiting for one of them to confirm what Eva just said.
“Mom?” she questions.
“Yes,” she replies. “It was that phone call I told Calvin about Bodhi, but it was also that phone call I told Calvin I was worried about you.”
“Me?” she exclaims. “Why me?”
Mrs. Calloway looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath. “You had just broken your leg. You stopped seeing Bodhi and Lenora. You were so depressed and angry,” she lists. “You barely spoke to me. You barely left your room, and …”
“And?” Eva questions. “And what, Mom?”
“And you started hanging out with Porter Channing,” she answers, avoiding Eva’s glare as she does.
Eva pushes her plate clear across the table. It almost falls to the ground before her mom stumbles to catch it. “I had no choice!” she yells. “He was always over! You and Dad acted like he was part of our family! And anytime I tried to leave the house by myself, Dad told Porter to go with me!” she says in disgust.
“I know, Eva,” Mrs. Calloway says. “I realize this now. But I never acted like Porter—”
“I wanted to be with Bodhi and Lenora,” she interrupts her mom.
“I know,” agrees Mrs. Calloway.
“And I’m sure I would have much rather of been with Calvin and Rose too,” Eva makes clear. She turns to Calvin, “So, what were you going to do when you came home? Kidnap Porter? Save me from those awful three years where he never left my house? Rescue me from the year I spent being his girlfriend? Because you didn’t! It still happened!”
Calvin’s eyes are large. “I could only do so much …”
“I didn’t trust Henry Channing,” Mrs. Calloway explains to Eva. “I never have, and I never will. I didn’t trust Porter either, but I couldn’t watch your every move. I had your brothers, and you were so angry at me and I couldn’t get you to even talk to me—”
“So?” she says to her mom. “So?” she turns to Calvin, waving her hands in the air. “So, you came back to …?”
Calvin smiles. “I came back to meet my grandson, the boy the girl I considered to be a granddaughter seemed to have taken a liking to while I was gone. The boy I had no clue existed. And, I came back to be a second set of eyes for your mom. I came back to keep you as safe as possible from the greedy, dirty hands of Henry and Porter Channing.”
chapter eighteen
Eva
D inner was a complete disaster. I don’t even think I ate anything. I was too busy getting run over by every word my mom and Calvin spoke. My emotions are all over the place right now, and I just want to disappear for a while. The old Eva would hide out in her room, curled up in a ball on her bed while she waited for everyone to go to sleep. Then she’d sit on her dock for hours, alone, trying to process everything. The new Eva, the one I’m desperately trying to become, considers asking Bodhi to just take me to his house for the night.
He disappears to help Calvin clean up after dinner though, leaving me sitting there with my mom. I’m sure he’s hoping it would give her and I a few minutes alone to talk, but I promptly leave the table before she can even say one word, and walk down to the dock by myself. I stay there for as long as I can, staring out into the Halifax, trying to collect my thoughts. The sun has almost set by the time Bodhi wanders down and finds me.
He doesn’t talk at first, just takes a seat right next to me and puts his arm around my shoulder. I lean in, smelling his familiar sunscreen and salt water smell. This smell, him, it’s like instantly my emotions have calmed down. He kisses my forehead. The sun has disappeared by the time I say anything.
“She’s lying,” I finally speak. “My mom, she’s lying, or maybe she doesn’t know.
”
“What do you mean, babe? What’s she lying about?”
“Henry Channing.” I look up at him. “She said my dad met Mr. Channing when she and I were living over here. That Mr. Channing hired my dad as a business partner.”
“Yeah?” Bodhi agrees. “I’m still confused.”
“The picture, Bodhi. The picture of our dad’s with Owen Edwards and Mr. Channing …”
“Oh!” he gasps. “You’re right! Your dad has known Mr. Channing for a while.”
“He has. At least since I was a toddler. He didn’t just meet him when I was five or six.”
“And your mom?” Bodhi questions. “Do you think—”
“I want to think she doesn’t know,” I interrupt him. “That she has no idea my dad already knew Mr. Channing before he hired him on as a partner. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt, even though she doesn’t deserve it.”
Bodhi cringes a little with my words. “It doesn’t sound like she knows.”
“Yeah, but still, she never trusted Henry Channing. She never trusted him or Porter, yet she let me leave with Porter every day, for years. And she had Calvin … what? Spy on me? I mean, is that why every time I was on the Halifax, so was he? Was he watching me?”
“I don’t know,” Bodhi sighs. “Shit!” he suddenly exclaims.
“Shit, what?”
He looks nervous. “Remember a few nights ago, when I walked out from over there?” he points to the connection to the two docks. “And you were here?”
“Yeah.”
“It was Calvin who told me you’d be out here.”
“What?” I gasp.
“I mean, not those exact words,” he makes clear. “But I think he knew you’d be sitting here.”
“Nothing surprises me anymore. God, she kept so much from me. Why?” I cry out. “You really want me to dust this all under the rug and forget about it all? All the shit my mom kept from me?”
Bodhi puts his hand on mine. “Maybe she didn’t think you’d listen if she tried to talk to you? Maybe she thought it would make the situation between you and her, worse? I think she was scared to death that she’d piss you off. I kind of think your mom has been afraid of you since the accident, Eva. Maybe even before.”
I let his words settle for a minute. He’s right, again. “Maybe,” I agree, and then I look up at him and narrow my eyes. “That’s two for two now.”
He laughs. “Don’t get used to it.”
“Why the secrecy though, about Calvin and Rose?” I ask him. “Telling me about them, why would that piss me off?”
“Mr. Channing?” Bodhi guesses. “Maybe she never talked about them or the time you spent with them, because of Mr. Channing? Because for some reason he didn’t want you around my grandparents.”
“Goddamn Channings,” I groan.
Bodhi laughs. “Goddamn Channings.”
We sit on the dock until it’s dark, and only then does Bodhi convince me it’s time for us to head back in. I’d stay out here all night if I could, but I also want to go to sleep and forget about this entire day. It feels weird going towards Calvin’s house instead of my own, but then again it feels oddly comfortable. Calvin greets us in the kitchen as we walk inside. He’s sitting at the counter, sipping what looks like tea out of a mug with seashells on it. I’d bet a lot of money there’s alcohol in that mug too.
“Audrey’s upstairs, getting the boys down,” he says, pointing above him. “I’m going to head to bed myself. Bodhi, your room,” he points down the hall where Bodhi and I slept last night. “That’s your room whenever you want to stay here, okay?”
“Thanks,” Bodhi replies.
“Eva, there’s another guest room upstairs that was your room when you lived here,” Calvin tells me. “If you sleep in there or not, take that up with your mother.”
I smile. “Hey, Calvin?”
“Yeah?”
My voice cracks a little as I speak. “Have you been … watching me these last few years? Spying on me?”
He laughs under his breath. “No, Eva. I respect your privacy.”
I nod my head.
“But I don’t give a shit about Porter’s,” he continues right away. “I might have been keeping tabs on him these last few years.”
I can’t help but laugh a little.
“And I know you like to sit on your dock every night, but that’s only because I wandered down a few times myself years ago, and always saw you sitting there. I don’t stay,” he tells me quickly. “But I might check every night, to make sure you made it through another day.”
My eyes fill up with tears. “Okay,” I reply, and then I lean in and give him a hug. I’m not sure why, it just feels like the right thing to do. He pats me hard on the back as I say, “Thanks for saving my life, and for watching out for me.”
“Jesus, Eva, don’t make an old man cry. I’d do it all again. Goodnight you two.” He then turns and heads for the opposite side of the house.
Bodhi and I stand in the kitchen, unsure of what to do next and what’s acceptable in a house that isn’t either of ours, especially with my mom above us. My mom, who I should probably find and talk to before the night ends.
I point towards the stairs. “I think I’m going to go talk to my mom for a bit.”
He nods in agreement and gives me a quick kiss. “I think that’s a great idea.”
But I don’t want him to assume that I won’t come back down at some point. I want to be with him tonight, not by myself, and I want him to know that. “Will you be up for a while?”
“Of course,” he smiles in return. “Come find me when you’re done?”
I nod my head and give his hand a squeeze before heading for the stairs. As I round the top few steps I stand there, looking at the dimly lit hallway. Trying to remember a time when I lived here and slept behind one of the doors staring out at me. I don’t have any memories of that time, but I’m almost certain I know which room I used to sleep in.
My mom quietly comes out of a door at the end of the hall. She jumps a little as she sees me standing there and closes the door behind her. She points to the loft area across from where she is and I walk over and meet her there.
“I was coming to find you,” she whispers.
“Here I am.” She sits down on the couch and pats the spot next to her. I throw myself down. “Mom,” I say straight away, before I lose the courage I’ve suddenly found. “We can’t do this to each other anymore.”
She nods in agreement.
“I’m so pissed,” I continue. “Pissed about everything. I’ve been so mad for years, but I don’t want to be. I don’t want to be angry all the time anymore.”
“Honey,” she says, grabbing my hand. “I don’t want you to be angry anymore.”
“You can’t keep things from me then, things about my life, that I should know,” I tell her. “And I can’t keep things from you, about my life, that you should know. Look at where it’s gotten us. Nowhere.”
“I agree completely,” she replies. “I’m so sorry, honey. I wish I could go back and change it all. I know I screwed up.”
“Screwed up isn’t the word I would use. You just shouldn’t have kept so much from me—and I shouldn’t have kept so much from you …” I pause before continuing and then I sigh, “I guess we both screwed up.”
“You had your reasons for not wanting to tell me what was going on,” she quietly says. “I understand that. I should have questioned it more …”
I nod my head. “I thought you knew everything, that I would make it worse by bringing anything up—and that you and Dad were one person working together all this time.”
“We were not.”
“I know that now,” I stress. “I wish I would have known it then.”
“I wish you would have been comfortable enough to tell me everything that was going on,” she says.
I glance up at her. “Mom, I didn’t know I had that option.”
She just nods her head and wipes at her
eyes.
“Did Dad know how much you hated Mr. Channing?” I ask her.
She lets out a small chuckle. “No, he does now. Trust me, he does now. And Porter, I honestly thought you liked him. He got you out of your bedroom and you started living again once you two started dating. I secretly enjoyed seeing your face, and I thought maybe there was a side to him I didn’t know about. One that was better than the one I saw in person.”
“Maybe at first, when everything was new. But it didn’t last long that’s for sure.”
My mom hesitantly puts her hand on my shoulder. It makes me sad that she’s afraid to touch me. “I’m so sorry you had to stay with him for as long as you did,” she says to me. “I’m sorry for what he did to you. I’m sorry I let that happen behind my back.”
“It’s not your fault. I just didn’t know who to talk to about it all.”
“Which is my fault,” she replies. “You should have been able to talk to me.”
I stay silent for a few moments. I don’t want to make her feel any worse than she already does. I did at first, but not anymore. I’m not sure how to fix this though. There are so many things about our relationship that need to heal. Everything is so raw and wounded right now, even if in her eyes everything she’s ever done has been to protect me or make me happy. I can’t just flip a switch and act like everything is normal again, even if that’s what I want. Not when I spent years feeling like I was completely alone.
She sits there and runs her fingers through my hair.
“Mom? Where do you think Dad is?”
Her fingers stop moving. “To be honest, I think he’s trying to fix his mistakes.”
“Do you think he’ll come back home?”
“I do,” she nods. “He will. He’s disappeared like this before, Eva.”
I look up at her. Here we go again. “What do you mean?”
Her body tenses sitting next to me. “Your dad, he’s suffered with depression and anxiety for a while. Work gets to him, yet he won’t quit. I’ve seen a trend with his business trips, the longer ones. They seem to always follow a rough patch at work. I think sometimes he needs to disappear for a while, so that he can come home and continue living the life he wants to live.”
Confession Page 20