Lady

by Roosh Valizadeh

  Lady

  Roosh Valizadeh

  © 2019 by Roosh V

  http://www.rooshv.com

  All rights reserved.

  Printed in the United States of America.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  BOOK I: YOU

  Happiness

  Human Nature

  Why Feminism?

  Finding Yourself

  Strong And Independent

  University Education

  BOOK II: MEN

  Bad Boys

  What Men Want

  The Dream Girl

  Beauty Bait

  Lady Bait

  Meeting The Good Man

  Dating

  Single And Over 30

  BOOK III: RELATIONSHIPS

  Commitment

  Maintenance And Care

  Failures And Break-Ups

  Conclusion

  To my sister

  Prologue

  “You hate women!” This accusation has been thrown at me hundreds of times. Because I’ve been critical of women in my writing, and I’ve wanted to improve them in some way, I must therefore “hate” them. Personally, I know I don’t hate women. I’ve spent a big chunk of my life learning how to better connect with them, and I’ve given advice to tens of thousands of men with the aim of making women feel attracted to them. It’s still impossible to refute the accusation that “I hate women,” because you cannot prove to someone that hatred disguised as critique does not lie buried within your soul. If one follows this line of reasoning, anyone who has criticized anything at some point must have done so out of hatred, meaning that I also “hate” men, every country I’ve traveled to, exercise, pugs, and even myself.

  My “hatred” of men must be especially strong because most of my work has had the aim of unlocking inner barriers that prevent them from becoming stronger, more interesting men that women find attractive. This work stems from my own transformation from a 22-year-old college graduate who knew nothing about women to a 39-year-old man who has had just about every imaginable experience with them. My advice to both men and women is ultimately borne from idealism: if men can embrace their natural masculinity, and women can embrace their natural femininity, things would be better for everyone, and we could avoid the negative aspects of modern culture, such as meaningless hookups and sterile relationships. Perhaps my ideal of how the sexes should relate can never be achieved, but I think we can get pretty close.

  At this point, I’m supposed to convince you that I’m an “expert,” and that you will be doomed to a life of unhappiness and loneliness if you don’t follow my advice, but I am not an expert. I have no fancy psychology degrees. I’m merely a man who has lived richly without delusions and come to see the truth of male-female bonding. My hope is that you’re about to read what you have subconsciously identified as the truth but have not been able to articulate. I doubt I’ll reveal anything that isn’t already contained within your being. The task of a teacher is not to implant new ideas into a student’s mind but to set out reality so plainly and clearly that the student naturally discovers the truth on his or her own.

  Lady marks the first time I’m writing directly to women instead of men. This is a challenge for me because each sex prefers a unique style of communication. Men prefer direct communication that is dense in facts and logic. We place a high value on the quality of information as opposed to the quantity. Women are different. They engage more in indirect communication that is full of hints, suggestions, and metaphors that contribute to an overall mood or feeling. A conversation with a woman is like a ballet that can have multiple interpretations, a fact that has frustrated men for millennia. Women prefer to receive communication indirectly, dropped delicately from the noise, while avoiding negative emotions that make them feel like they are being threatened or judged. Men prefer to get to the point quickly and directly, at the risk of hurting the feelings of others or even their own.

  In preparation for writing this book, I skimmed other books that were written for women. The writing was quite soft and flowery, with an annoying over-abundance of metaphors. Within each page I found myself saying “Get to the point!” but I understand that the point isn’t the point—it’s more to do with keeping the female reader in a favorable emotional state. As a veteran writer, I think I could mimic this style, but I fear you will miss my conclusions or misinterpret them. Therefore, you may encounter passages that challenge your mood, your worldview, and how you see yourself as a woman. Your first instinct will be denial, that what I’m writing is simply not true, and then you will feel angry. You may even yell “He hates women!” as a self-protection mechanism to avoid accepting that you may possess flaws or blind-spots that are hurting you. This is okay. Accept the information you want and discard the rest that feels painful, although I’m confident that, in time, you will be able to accept the truths I share.

  In life, there is a time for hearing “sweet little lies,” as the Fleetwood Mac song tells us, and there is a time for knowing the truth so that you can improve your life. I would rather tell you the hard truth and have you resent me for it than tell you sweet lies that merely entertain you or don’t challenge you enough to solve your problems. That said, if at some point you throw this book across the room and send an email to me saying that you wish I would die, I won’t take it personally. I’m writing this with a softer hand than I use in my books for men, but it will ultimately be up to you to judge whether it was soft enough.

  I’ll end this prologue by sharing why I decided to write a book for women, years after becoming infamous as the “world’s biggest misogynist,” a term the Washington Post has used to describe me. First, I kept getting emails from women thanking me for my writing. Most of them were in their late twenties or early thirties, and had reached a stage where they had uncovered the lie that they would be fulfilled by dedicating most of their lives to careers for the purpose of accumulating material possessions instead of focusing on family. These emails, which have increased in frequency over the years, tell me that I would help women better if I addressed them directly.

  The second reason I’ve written this book is that the men I’ve aided with self-improvement are faced with a culture where women haven’t improved themselves, and who have in fact declined. I’m telling men to increase their value to be the best men they can, but after they complete this tough personal journey, they venture out and discover that women are worse than they were a few years ago. Sadly, there are no positive role models for women in entertainment, mass media, government, and the universities. These institutions teach women how to be impulsive, masculine, vulgar, and promiscuous while pushing them to become enslaved in the rat race to prove that they are “as good as men” or that they don’t “need” a man. This makes it virtually impossible for a woman to create a loving family.

  I admit there is something amusing about the “world’s biggest misogynist” attempting to help women be happier, but it makes sense from my perspective. If the establishment is harming women by encouraging them to lead a degenerate lifestyle that is a one-way ticket to getting hooked on anti-depressant pills, the opposite of what it says may very well be the answer. If the establishment is promoting a feminist author for her book on “female empowerment,” and she appears on all the mainstream talk shows, you should do the exact opposite of what she says. On the other hand, if the establishment is rabidly denouncing a writer as being hateful to women, without providing a logical reason why, that man may be speaking the truth.

  Ultimately, my mission with this book is to help you have a better life as a woman, at the risk of hurting your feelings or forcing you to accept that you’ve made mistakes in the past. As a man who has made countless mistakes, particularly in my pursuit of casual sex for more than
a decade, I know that it’s what we learn from our mistakes that will enable us to live better lives. It’s okay to accept that we’ve messed up in the past, but now are getting on the right path, wiser than before. So let’s get started.

  Book I: You

  Happiness

  I chafe when people ask me, “Are you happy?” It’s complicated, I want to reply, because we should question if happiness is a goal worth pursuing when it’s so easy to adapt to any emotional state we face, whether negative or positive. The problem with seeking happiness is that you have to keep adding “happy things” to your life until inevitably you cannot obtain anything new that will exceed the highs of before.

  Imagine that right now I give you a new mansion with no strings attached. How will you feel when you first walk into the mansion? Unless you already live in a mansion, you will feel like you just won the lottery, and thank me profusely for changing your life as you dream of all the lovely furniture and decorations you plan to fill the house with.

  Fast forward five years. You’ve spent almost 2,000 nights in the mansion and have become accustomed to it. What happens when you walk into the mansion now? Because you’ve adapted to it, nothing happens. You don’t feel an emotional rush or a surge of happiness. You long ago took the house for granted, just like you take for granted the air you’re breathing in right now. If the goal of your life really is happiness, you will continually have to swap your mansion for an even bigger mansion to experience new bursts of happiness.

  When I was in my early twenties, I would get a high every time I slept with a new woman. I concluded that if I slept with a lot of women, I’d be really happy, so I structured my life to have a constant supply of new women. As you might expect, I adapted to casual sex. Then the sex had to be novel in some way—the girl had to be from a different country, or I had to speak to her in a foreign language, or I had to sleep with her within a certain time frame as if I were competing in an Olympic event. By the time I came up with the idea to sleep with two new girls in one night, I knew that I had hit a wall.

  If your goal is perpetual happiness, you will be forced to seek out an escalating ladder of situations or objects that merely give you bursts of happiness, and when those bursts fade because of your ability to adapt, you will seek out a new set of situations or objects to experience a renewed burst. This cycle will repeat itself until your ability to experience new bursts of happiness diminishes and you hit a wall, as I did. Then you will begin the pity party of “I have bad luck” and “Life is not fair,” even though, objectively, you have clothes, food, shelter, and enough disposable income to enjoy the type of leisure that most people in the world do not.

  Most women feel unhappy because it’s becoming difficult or impossible for them to have new experiences that produce more novelty, excitement, luxury, or fun than their past experiences. This happens soon after a woman has passed the peak of her beauty or fertility. Once a woman’s beauty starts to decline, she will find it harder to be happier than when she was young and received more positive attention from men. For men, peak happiness usually coincides with the height of their wealth, health, or fame.

  One clue that you’re pursuing distorted happiness is having goals that, once you attain them, result in you setting a new goal that simply involves chasing more of what you have just gained. For example, if your goal is to earn a salary of $100,000 a year, what will happen if you hit that goal? If you’re like most people, you will then aim for a higher salary, such as $200,000. If your goal is to get 100 likes on a selfie, what will you do once you hit this number? Aim for 200 likes or more. Setting numerical goals puts you on a never-ending treadmill, because numbers can go to infinity, and you will always know many people who have reached bigger numbers. If you allow your mind to convince you that your happiness depends on hitting a certain numerical goal, you will eventually become a slave to numbers, and you won’t be any happier in the end.

  Even non-numerical goals can be dangerous. Today, your goal may be to live in a certain style of apartment in the center of the city, but once you’ve lived there for a while, you will ache to live in a bigger, more luxurious apartment in an even better area. Today, you may want a certain outfit that you saw a celebrity wearing, but after buying it, you come down from your high and want to buy another outfit. Once you’ve achieved a level of material security, such as having food and shelter, objects that exist outside of you cannot consistently provide long-term fulfillment or happiness. Instead, they keep you running on the treadmill. This also includes sex and altered mental states produced by alcohol or drugs, both legal and illegal.

  It may be hard to accept that the material world cannot make you happy, because society has trained you since you were a child to seek happiness through material fulfillment, especially through money, physical pleasure, and fame, but the message of “If I can gain this thing, I will be happy” is an illusion. The reality is this: “If I can gain this thing, I will be happy for a brief moment, and then I will want to gain another thing.” It’s only once you get off the treadmill of materialism and realize that nothing outside of you can provide lasting happiness, all because of your human ability to adapt, that you can begin to be content with life.

  How has happiness become the goal of our culture if pursuing it does not lead to sustained happiness? The answer is money. If I can convince you that you’re not happy, but that you will be happy if you buy my shiny new product or use my social app, isn’t it in my best interests to teach you that happiness can be gained only through materialism? There are trillions of dollars at stake in the consumer economy, mostly based on selling you happiness, and when you consider that most of the world’s wealth is controlled by a handful of elite individuals and corporations, it’s not hard to see why it’s so advantageous to convince everyone that happiness can be bought.

  Believing in the idea of “If I can gain this thing, I will be happy” keeps you running on a treadmill for your entire life, working just hard enough to buy a new condo, car, or electronic toy. If I were a member of the elite club and had a big stake in corporations that produced gadgets, makeup, and clothing, why would I teach you that happiness is actually more of a spiritual essence or feeling when doing so would cost me millions or billions of dollars in lost profit? Instead, I would pay my allies in the media, government, and universities to attack and isolate any man or group that says materialism is a foolish pursuit, or that there is something wrong with the current way of doing things. I wouldn’t want anyone to rock the boat if I was getting rich off the deception.

  An important question worth asking yourself: why should you be happy? Where is it written or mandated that human beings should exist in a state of emotional happiness? If you believe in God, you know that we lost our chance to be happy when Eve ate from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, and if you don’t believe in God and accept that evolution explains how humans came about, imagine how easy it would have been to kill constantly happy humans who were more likely to miss the serious threats to their existence in a primal environment of scarce food, poisonous snakes, and falling trees. A happy human in a dangerous environment would soon be a dead human, unlike one who is more careful and alert.

  Whether we were created or evolved, there is no indication that the goal of our existence is happiness. We must conclude that happiness is a modern construct designed to sell you products and keep you running on the treadmill. It’s quite an ingenious scam. As a member of the elite, I can pay people in Hollywood, the advertising industry, and the media to push the idea that happiness is a worthy goal that can be attained through products or entertainment. Then I have my partners in big companies employ women under the guise of “equality” while dangling the stick of “empowerment” so women will work hard for a meager wage, all because they believe they need products and other forms of stimulation to be happy. When the treadmill fails them, and it will, I then get my friends in pharmaceutical companies to sell these unhappy women anti-depressants that turn them
into automatons that have just enough strength to continue working at their unfulfilling jobs. At the same time, journalists can write articles about how “strong” women are having casual sex with men they barely know under the influence of alcohol, and gush about the fun “egg-freezing” parties they throw in their late thirties.

  All the while, strong families are not being created, which means I don’t have to worry about tribes of strong men with loyal sons overthrowing the status quo. Both men and women have become weak, cosmopolitan, and atomized. They chase consumer products while enslaved to soul-destroying jobs, various substances, and cheap sex.

  Human Nature

  If we’re not meant to be happy, what is the purpose of our lives? The most reasonable answer is to exist according to our nature. If you’re a man, this means doing masculine things, and if you’re a woman, this means doing feminine things. To complete the circle of masculine-feminine polarity, your instinct is to seek the complement to your femininity and pair-bond or reproduce with the masculine. Of course there’s more to life than merely surviving and reproducing. We like to laugh, listen to music, appreciate good food, marvel at beauty, play games, and engage in other activities that make us feel part of our tribe or culture, but it’s hard to enjoy these activities to the fullest if our primary purpose is not being satisfied.

  The second aspect of our purpose is to overcome difficulties in harsh environments. Either God created us to live in a world that was harder to survive than it is today or, because we evolved in a life-threatening environment, our DNA equips us to deal with dangerous situations. Our problem is that modern society has made it too easy to merely survive, to the point where there is practically no chance that we will starve to death or be killed by the elements.