Men are increasingly skeptical of girls who claim they have male “friends” when they have probably used the friendship tactic themselves to get inside a girl’s pants. If at least one party in a friendship is sexually interested in the other, which is true 99% of the time with the man wanting to sleep with the woman, what you have is not a friendship but an extended courtship.
Imagine what would happen right now if you sent a text message to all the male friends in your phone that says, “Hey, I’m feeling lonely today. Can you come over with a bottle of wine at 10pm?” At 9:59pm, there would be a queue of excited men outside your front door. Instinctively, women know that their male friends would have sex with them if they could, but women—and their devils—love the fawning attention, so they maintain the charade that these men are only “friends” who have no sexual interest in them. I refuse to tolerate this sham, along with many men who are serious about settling down. If you want to have a lot of male friends, stay single, but don’t try to deceive a man who is ready to take the next step.
Just as important as limiting contact with horny men and staying faithful is not lying. The problem with lying, apart from being immoral, is that when a lie is discovered, it drastically erodes trust in the relationship, and once trust is gone, the relationship is poisoned. It may seem easy to tell your man a few lies today, but he will discover them in due time, and when he does, he’ll wonder what other lies you might have told him, and he won’t believe anything you say in the future. Lies about the other men you know or your sexual history are especially damaging because a man can’t help but start to question your fidelity. If this happens, it will be impossible for him to see you as a potential wife.
Men are also increasingly becoming aware of the tactics women use to cover up their misdeeds. For example, when a woman is putting herself in a position to cheat, she’ll start acting jealous or accuse her man of cheating to deflect the heat from herself. I once had a girlfriend get furious with me for watching a YouTube video of a fully clothed girl doing a sexy dance. I later found out that she was concealing the extent of her relationship with a male “friend,” which was far worse than me watching a non-pornographic video clip. Putting pressure on me was a way for her to relieve the guilt of her impropriety, but it gave me a clue to examine her behavior more closely.
Not every man is a human lie detector like me, but the lies that are discovered begin to drain the life out of a relationship. If you’re only interested in casual relationships, things will probably end before any of your lies are discovered, but when it comes to life-long relationships, the truth will be exposed at a gigantic cost when you least expect it.
The last important feature of maintaining your relationship is to take care of his home, or if you live together, your shared home. Remember that a man wants a woman who makes his life easier when it comes to cooking and cleaning. In exchange, we’ll sacrifice our lives for yours and eternally protect and provide for you. That’s a pretty good deal!
Early in the relationship, you won’t be doing much homemaking, but as you start spending more nights at his place, you’ll have the opportunity to make him drinks, cook, and tidy up around the house. If you move into his place (the verdict is out if this is a good idea before marriage), you should be doing most of the cooking and cleaning. The more homemaking you do, the more he’ll see you as a wife, unlike the booty-call girl who comes over, has sex, and leaves the place in worse shape than it was before she arrived.
A sign that I have a keeper on my hands is when a girl picks up her dishes after spending time in my home for the first time. If she’s making me clean up after her at such an early point in the relationship, when she should be trying to impress me with what a great catch she is, I know I’ll have to clean up after her for the rest of my life. No thanks.
If you have children, taking care of them will also fall within the homemaking component. Some fathers will want to be hands-on in the early stages of infancy while others prefer to play with a clean baby who is not crying. Don’t be disappointed if your man doesn’t want to become deeply involved until the child starts walking and speaking.
To summarize, you need six qualities to maintain a healthy relationship so that a man will see you as a future wife. These qualities are also useful in maintaining a happy marriage as well since the dynamic is almost the same, at least until children enter the picture.
The first quality is to treat him as a leader. Your man does not want you to speak down to him or treat him as if you’re his co-worker.
The second quality is to respect a man’s alone time, and not confuse it with him being disinterested in you. It may seem weird to you, but men need to be completely alone and unmolested to regain the energy they expend when spending time with you or other people.
Third, you need to keep him sexually satisfied in a way that triggers his hunting instinct. Don’t hesitate to be creative and kinky, especially after a year into the relationship when the initial spark begins to fade.
Fourth, you must maintain your appearance. It’s much easier to leave a woman who is getting fat and unsightly than it is to leave one who is aging with elegance and grace. If anything, you should be improving your appearance as the relationship goes on.
Fifth, don’t cheat or lie. Lying may get you through a sudden jam, but it will catch up with you and cause the relationship to end when you least expect it.
Lastly, take care of the home and children. If a man feels that you’re lightening his load by maintaining a clean home and feeding his belly, he’s far likelier to want to be your husband.
If you can excel in all of the above areas, it’s almost guaranteed that a man who is in his settle-down stage will decide to marry you despite the punitive nature of divorce law. I know it’s idealistic to expect you to excel at all six qualities, but the more of them you have, the better.
A problem may arise if one of the qualities conflicts with your personality or nature. Maybe you’re too co-dependent and can’t give a man his alone time. Maybe you have a thyroid problem that causes weight gain. Maybe you hate cleaning and would rather hire a maid. If you don’t have one of the qualities, try to overcompensate with another. We all have our flaws, but you shouldn’t be so flawed that a man sees you as only a source of sex. Sex will keep a man happy for a while, but it won’t be enough to get him to marry you.
My last long-term girlfriend solidly hit three of the six qualities. She understood the importance of my alone time, kept me sexually satisfied, and maintained her appearance (she actually improved her appearance over the course of the relationship). Unfortunately, she had trouble treating me as a leader. She took so much pride in being “intelligent” that she attempted to challenge me on most of the decisions I made, which I found exhausting and frustrating when more than 98% of my decisions were correct. She was also lazy about the home. She had to be pushed into cleaning and cooking. I don’t mind taking care of my woman, but at times I felt that I was feeding and nurturing her instead of the other way around. Most severely, I had issues with her cavorting with other men behind my back. I have no proof that these interactions were sexual, but they eroded my trust in her.
If she had respected my leadership, been honest, terminated her relationships with the men who wanted to sleep with her, and taken more care of the home, I’m confident that we’d be married today. My hope is that you already have shades of these six qualities, and you can bring them to the forefront without too much strain or effort.
Failures And Break-Ups
Unless you find a man who belongs to a tightly knit community, such as church, there won’t be any external forces to keep you and him together. If there’s a crisis in the relationship, his family and friends will take his side, and your family and friends will take yours. No one will intervene to act as a mediator. The culture won’t help either, because it bombards both of you with never-ending messages of promiscuity, fun, and novelty, thereby ensuring that a conflict won’t be resolved.
&nbs
p; I know that when I’m dating a woman, I’m also dating all the things that directly and indirectly influence her. Essentially, I’m dating the entire world. When you’re in a relationship with a man, you’re really in a relationship with his best friends, his favorite websites, his parents, his social networking feeds, his favorite music, and so on. If these influences are pushing him away from monogamy and towards hedonism, the relationship won’t have a chance.
You cannot isolate your man from the world. If he doesn’t consciously and deliberately block out negative influences, your relationship will fail. This is why I believe that religion is so valuable for those who want monogamy, because no other factor can exert such a positive influence when it comes to marriage.
If a woman doesn’t have religion in her life, I will be concerned that she won’t place a high value on having a monogamous relationship and a stable family. Even if she is otherwise a good person, my experience shows that merely believing that God exists won’t be enough to block out hedonistic influences—she must also be making sacrifices for the sake of her religious beliefs, such as attending church often or limiting her individualistic behavior in some way. If not, she will be prone to making decisions that feed her devil. The same applies to men—after all, I fed my devil for more than fifteen years.
It is now clear to me that religion provides the glue that is necessary to keep a man and a woman together. Love and passion are not enough. Without a godly aura enveloping your relationship, the chance of failure is wretchedly high, probably because we were not made to find our life partner through the mechanism of dating, a custom that is barely 100 years old. We were given biological tools to make us bond with one person, perhaps at a young age, and ride out that relationship for the rest of our lives. The modern dating scene, however, tells us that we must shop around and bond with several dozen people until we find “the one,” but this strategy weakens our bonding glue as time passes, and we end up bitter, jaded, and isolated.
Religion and family are so intertwined that developing a relationship with God is the best way to increase your chances of finding a husband. Otherwise, you’re in the casino playing the slot machines, hoping to hit the jackpot before you lose all your money, and this is assuming you don’t get addicted to the rush of the game, of meeting new men and having them fawn over you.
The advice I have given you, particularly on screening men to find out whether they are in their settle-down stage, will provide you with the best chance of succeeding without the aid of religion. It’s my wish that you don’t experience relationships that fail after you’ve invested your time, love, and energy into them, but you’re probably in a similar situation as me in that you’ve failed a number of times and need a way to move forward. The best you can do is to step inside the bright lights of the mating casino, fully armed with the advice and knowledge I’ve shared with you, and hope for a bit of luck so that you walk away a winner.
There are two common ways a long-term relationship can fail. The first is if your man gets cold feet about marriage. He may decide that the costs of marrying you outweigh the benefits. This could be because you are lacking in the six qualities that make for a good wife or he is worried about the consequences of divorce.
Not every man is cut out for marriage. Some don’t believe that being with one woman will make them happy or that marriage is an essential part of a man’s life. You will experience a lot of pain if the man you love decides not to marry you, but it’s important that you don’t waste any more of your time with such a man by thinking that he will “see the light” if you spend a few more months (or years) together, or that you will somehow persuade him to take the plunge.
If a man doesn’t make the big leap and propose marriage by the end of the second year of your relationship, I don’t see the point in waiting much longer. He must appreciate your needs and the fact that you have a biological clock. I’m always amazed when I hear of relationships that have gone on for five years or more without the man proposing marriage, but I can’t entirely blame the man in these cases—he is comfortable having sex with the same girl and sees no reason to escalate his commitment if his girlfriend didn’t expect marriage within a reasonable timeframe.
Ideally, you will demonstrate such stupendous wifely value that a man who wants a wife will rush to take you off the dating market and put babies in you. If you’re merely “good enough for now” and fun in bed, he will never be motivated to marry you. This is why you need the proposal within two years so you will still have enough time to find another man if he decides to say no.
The second way a long-term relationship can fail is if your man cheats on you. The severity of the cheating can be judged by looking at when it happened. If it’s less than a year into the relationship, before the sex became boring, this is a strong sign that he isn’t in his settle-down phase and still has a high need for sexual variety. This is a deal-breaker, and you should end the relationship.
If the cheating happens much later, perhaps after you’ve had children and the passion has declined substantially, it’s likely that he desired physical novelty, especially if his cheating didn’t coincide with a decrease in his commitment to the family. If everything else is perfect in the home, and he hasn’t been treating the family badly, it’s more likely the cheating had a purely physical motive, and not a reason for you automatically to end the relationship.
Cheating is wrong, but I believe you should give your man a second chance if he cheated many years into the relationship instead of at the beginning. If I were a woman who was completely satisfied by my husband’s apology, groveling, and chocolate gifts, and he is otherwise doing his duty in the marriage, I’d be more likely to forgive and forget than if I were in a relationship that hasn’t yet made it to the altar. Since a man usually cheats for physical reasons, putting an effort into staying attractive and being creative in bed will decrease the likelihood of him thinking that being with another woman would be beneficial.
A man should be less forgiving if a woman cheats because it often stems from emotional reasons after her heart already checked out of the relationship, whereas a man usually just wanted a cheap orgasm. Also consider the worst-case outcome of either partner cheating: a man who impregnates his mistress will have to pay her monthly child-support payments, a terrible outcome, but a cheating woman may have another man’s baby and trick her husband into raising that man’s child as his own.
You’re not likely to contemplate suicide if your man impregnates another woman, but a man will think of killing himself if it turns out that the child he loved and helped to raise is not his. I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter if a man cheats on you, but female infidelity carries a higher price than male infidelity. This is why I advise men not to be forgiving of a cheating woman, no matter at what stage of the relationship she cheats, because doing so is practically the same as agreeing to be a cuckold. Besides, if a woman is cheating, it is likely that she will end the relationship soon because her heart is no longer in it.
If a long-term relationship ends, whether by your hand or his, you’ll have a hard time dealing with it. Since a part of you grew with that man, a break-up will be like ripping off a piece of your skin, leaving a wound that refuses to heal. I wish I could give advice that will decrease the pain of a break-up, but there’s nothing you can do to speed up the healing process besides grieving openly and giving yourself the time you need to restore your emotional health. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol or other men is not effective and will make the situation worse. Instead, it’s best to understand what went wrong, admit any mistakes you made, and let the sadness work its way through you until the sunshine appears once again.
The problem with not accepting any responsibility for a break-up that was at least partially your fault is that you’ll inevitably adopt an “all men are pigs” attitude and become bitter. The men you meet in the future will sense this negative attitude, making it less likely that they will put you in the potential wife box. If your ex
was largely to blame for the relationship failing, criticize his behavior instead of all men: “He took me for granted and behaved in a way that hurt the relationship, but that doesn’t mean that all men would have made the choices he did.” The best coping mechanism is one that doesn’t make it more difficult for you to connect with a good man in the future.
A man who just lost a girlfriend will be advised by his friends to sleep with a lot of women, but this doesn’t work if those women are inferior versions of his ex, which is likely to be the case. The man will be reminded of her even more, keeping his wound raw. It’s even worse if you sleep around because it lowers your wifely value for the right man who is bound to come along in the future.
Hopefully, you won’t experience any serious relationship failures from this point on, but if you do, avoid the irrational conclusion that you’ll never meet anyone again and are destined to be forever alone. Instead, take about six months off before starting again. Follow the advice in this book by maximizing the bait you put out to single men while fielding offers from the ones who are attracted to you. Always look on the bright side: you’re a woman who will be hunted even if you put in only a little work to make it happen, unlike a man in the same position. Make yourself an attractive catch and wait patiently until the universe sends you the right match.
Conclusion
The hardest part of creating a family is meeting the right man, which is why much of this book is dedicated to overcoming that challenge. Once you’ve identified a man with the right values, and he is ready to settle down, there won’t be many obstacles in the way of getting married besides the normal problems common to any intimate relationship.
The success of your mission to get married depends largely on the work you do before you meet a man, where you optimize your value and embrace the feminine to allow a masculine man to see you as his ideal wife. This involves discarding many of the bad habits and beliefs that you’ve accumulated from living in a world that has become bleak and sterile. It’s not your fault that our broken culture has made it difficult for you to bond with a man, but you’ll have to deal with the reality of the era you’re living in if you want to avoid missing the boat to becoming a wife and mother. Following the advice in this book will at least enable you to attract and find a man who also wants to avoid the most damaging aspects of the culture.
Lady Page 15