Down to Sleep

by M K Farrar

Because you acted like my parents, but Anthony never acted like my brother.

  “I don’t know. It just is. Maybe because Anthony was only really in my life for ten years.”

  “Eleven years,” she corrected.

  “Okay, eleven. But you and Dad are still here.”

  “That’s still hurtful, Natalie.” Her tone was reproachful.

  “I’m sorry. Forget I said anything.” But the damage was already done.

  Damn, why hadn’t she predicted this happening? She should have prepared Kyle and already had a story lined up—perhaps told him that Anthony had died, but that her parents didn’t like talking about it.

  Kyle had stood silently while the conversation had taken place, and she still felt like she owed him some kind of explanation.

  “I’m adopted,” she told him. “When I was six years old, my mum and dad took me in. I’m sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you before. Perhaps I didn’t want you to think that I was...defective in anyway. What does it say about a person when their own parents didn’t want them?”

  Her mother butted in. “We wanted you,” she said. “In fact, we chose you, which says even more about you that we should choose to have you, exactly how you are, over every other child. When a person has a baby, they have no idea how that baby is going to turn out, but by six years old, you were a fully functioning little person, and we loved you right away.”

  Kyle nodded. “Your mum is right. Nothing you could ever do or say would make me think any differently about you.”

  A sharp ball of pain blocked her throat, and she tried to swallow against it. She didn’t deserve all of this, all these kind words. They might say this now, and believe it, but she knew it wasn’t the truth. If they knew the truth about what had happened with Anthony, none of them would ever want to see her again. She would never be able to tell them. Never.

  “So, how did Anthony die?” Kyle asked her mother. “I hope you don’t mind me asking. That must have been really hard for you all.”

  Cynthia placed her hand to her heart. “It truly was. There were days when I thought I wouldn’t get through it. If we hadn’t had Natalie, maybe I wouldn’t have.”

  “Don’t say that, Mum,” she begged.

  If they hadn’t had her, Anthony might have still been alive.

  She should have known it was going to be a mistake bringing Kyle down here. What a stupid thing to do. She’d wanted to share her happiness with her parents, wanted them to love him as much as she did, to show them she could be a normal, functioning adult, who had other functioning adults who liked her, too. She hadn’t considered all the questions, or that Kyle would want to dig into her past.

  “It’s true,” Cynthia continued. “I know how awful it was for you, too, though. The two of you were so close.” She turned to Kyle. “Natalie was there when the accident happened. She saw the whole thing. She even tried to save him.”

  Kyle looked to her with a thousand questions in his eyes.

  “It was an accident,” Natalie said. “He fell from a bridge and hit an exposed rock. He broke his neck in the fall and then drowned. It was terrible.”

  “It was,” Cynthia agreed, wringing the bottom of her shirt. “The most terrible moment of my life. I haven’t celebrated a birthday since.”

  Kyle frowned. “Why?”

  “It happened on Mum’s birthday,” Natalie explained. “That’s why we were by the river, having a picnic. It was supposed to be a family day out.”

  “You know what teenagers are like.” Cynthia shook her head and sighed. “The older they got, the less time the pair of them wanted to spend with us. I’d just wanted us all to be together again. What a huge mistake. I’ll never forgive myself for it.”

  Natalie stroked her mother’s arm. “Don’t be silly, Mum. In no way was it your fault. It was just an accident, remember.”

  The lie tasted bitter on her tongue.

  Kyle’s face was pinched. “I’m sorry to have brought all this back up again. It’s clearly still very painful for you all.”

  “Let’s change the subject. You came here for a lovely dinner, not to listen to all our doom and gloom.” Her mother flapped her hand and shook her head, as though shaking off the past.

  “Yes, let’s,” her father agreed.

  The rest of the day went smoothly, and they all deliberately avoided the topic of Anthony. Natalie was grateful for that in a way none of them could appreciate. Because Kyle was driving, she was able to have a glass or two of wine with dinner, and she managed to relax. After helping her parents clean up the dishes, they were soon kissing them goodbye and driving back up the motorway.

  “That went well,” Kyle announced.

  She flashed him a grateful smile. “Yes, I thought so, too. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Anthony and that I was adopted sooner.”

  He reached out and squeezed her thigh. “Hey, that’s what these dates are all about, aren’t they? Getting to know each other? I wouldn’t have expected for you to come out with all that stuff within a few days of meeting.”

  A knot of anxiety loosened inside her. “I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

  Kyle took his eyes off the road, and they exchanged a smile.

  An hour later, they hit Bristol, and he navigated the roads towards her place.

  It was dark by the time he pulled up outside her flat.

  “I really hate dropping you off here, Nat,” he said, frowning. “It just doesn’t feel safe.”

  “It’s fine, I promise.”

  “Come back to mine instead. It’s got to be better than living here.”

  She put her hand on the passenger door handle, ready to get out. “I said it’s fine.”

  She didn’t know why she felt defensive, but she did. He was insulting her life, what she’d managed to achieve by herself. Maybe his house and where he lived was better, but just because someone had money, it didn’t make them a better person. She’d lived here quite happily for almost a year now, and she’d never had any problems.

  Except for people putting newspaper clippings under your door.

  That had been one time, and it had most likely been a mistake and meant for someone else.

  He pulled her back in and kissed her, lips lingering. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you?”

  She was torn. A part of her did want to go back with him. Things had gone well with her parents, and he hadn’t been angry with her for not telling him that she was adopted, or that she’d had a brother die when she’d been a teenager. Plenty of men would have been put out at her secrecy, but he’d been more than understanding. But at the same time, the way he looked down on where she lived bothered her, and she wanted to show him that she was a grown woman who was more than capable of living alone and being independent.

  “I am tempted, but I’m going to have to take a rain check. I have to work a double shift tomorrow, and I really need to get some sleep.”

  He pressed his lips together, his nostrils flaring. “That job is beneath you, you know. You’re an intelligent woman. You could do so much better than working in a pub.”

  She barely managed to hold herself back from rolling her eyes. “You clearly have been spending time with my parents.”

  He laughed and held up both hands. “Guilty.”

  She reached out to open the door and then paused. “Thank you for today. It meant a lot that you were so good with my folks.”

  “They were nice. I enjoyed myself.”

  “So did I,” she admitted.

  Chapter Nine

  Natalie didn’t get back from her double shift at the pub until the early hours. She’d worked all day, which meant she’d constantly been on her feet. She was exhausted and desperate for a shower to wash off the stink of the pub, followed by collapsing in her bed.

  Pausing on the street outside the house, she hovered the key above the lock, frowning. The front door was already open a crack. Had Mina and Sajad not shut it properly when they’d got home? She couldn’
t remember a time before where they’d be reckless when it came to security. They weren’t the type to go out partying and do something silly like not close the door after them.

  Natalie gently pushed the door with her fingertips, and it swung open. She went to her own front door and made sure it was still locked—which it was—and glanced towards the stairs which led to her upstairs neighbours’ front door. It was gone one in the morning, and she could hardly go up there and comment on their lapse of judgement, but something made her want to check. Maybe it was instinct, or just a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, but she knew she’d never be able to go to bed without checking.

  Natalie hesitated. Should she call the police? But if she did, what would she say—that a door had been left open? It was hardly a crime, and she had no proof that anything untoward had happened. Another thought popped into her head. She assumed Mina and Sajad had every right to be in the country, but what if they were here illegally? She might be calling the police right to their door when all they’d ever wanted to do was keep their heads down and stay out of trouble. She didn’t know enough about them to know for sure that they had the correct work permits to be here. She didn’t even know what Mina did all day.

  Her stomach twisted at the possibility of getting the couple into trouble just for an open door. She couldn’t call the police—not without first seeing if there was actually something to call them about.

  Carefully, she placed her belongings down on the hallway console table and went to the first step. She peered up, her hand on the stair rail.

  She wasn’t able to see their front door from the bottom. The stairs turned a corner before hitting the top landing. The light was on in the entrance hall down here, but there was no light on at the top, and she didn’t much fancy climbing up into darkness. Even though there was a possibility of waking them by switching on the light, she still found the switch and flicked it on. The stairwell was immediately flooded with light, and she froze, her breath held, wondering if someone would demand to know what she was doing.

  But there was no shout of annoyance or concern.

  Natalie sucked in a breath and gripped the handrail tighter. She took the steps steadily, straining her ears for any sign that she’d woken someone. Despite the kind invitations by Mina, she’d never been up to this flat before.

  There was a scent in the air she recognised but couldn’t place. What was that?

  She reached the top landing and rounded the corner. She stopped short. The door was ajar.

  Something was wrong, she was sure of it. Could they have come home drunk and not closed the doors properly? If it was anyone else, she’d have thought that was the most likely option, but she wasn’t even sure if Mina and Sajad even drank alcohol.

  Natalie placed her fingers to the door. It swung open at the lightest touch. “Hello?”

  The rest of the flat was in darkness as well.

  They were probably going to think she was nuts, wandering around their flat in the middle of the night, but she’d explain she had been worried about them. She was sure, in the end, everyone was happy to think they had their neighbours looking out for them.

  Maybe they weren’t even here. She’d assumed they’d left the doors open when they’d come home, but perhaps they’d been on their way out. They might have had a big argument and one of them had stormed off and the other one had chased after them, not having time to grab a set of keys, which would explain the open doors. She’d never heard them fighting, though, and the floors here didn’t do much to muffle sound.

  This felt beyond weird. She fought the urge to turn around and go back downstairs to her flat and pretend like she hadn’t noticed the door was open, or that it was out of character. She was tempted to call out, but at the same time, she didn’t want to frighten them if they were simply asleep in bed, and she was creeping around their place like a stalker. She also wanted to turn on a light, but again, doing so would alert them to her presence.

  You want them to know you’re here, don’t you?

  Did she, though? Deep down, she’d only planned on making sure they were both curled up soundly asleep in bed, and that leaving both doors open had been a mistake, and then she’d quietly back out and close the door behind her, and imagine none of this had happened. Perhaps in the morning, at a more reasonable hour, she’d have a quick chat with Mina about security. After all, this wasn’t the safest part of the city in which to live.

  The light that had slanted in from the top landing diminished with every step she took deeper into the flat. Like her place downstairs, the rooms had been reconfigured to create a one-bedroom flat. What would once have been bedrooms were now a kitchen and a living room, though each of the doors were pulled almost shut, and she couldn’t tell which was which. Was their bedroom at the rear of the building?

  What the hell are you doing? Turn around and leave.

  What would Mina think when she woke up in bed to find Natalie standing over her? Natalie was going to scare the life out of the other woman, and Mina had only ever been nice to her.

  The hallway had no windows, so there wasn’t even any light coming from outside—streetlamps or the moon—and the light from the upstairs landing was having little effect. Natalie reached out to either side, feeling for the hallway walls to guide her way.

  Taking smaller steps, shuffling along now, she kept going, aiming for the door at the back where she was sure the bedroom would be located. All she needed was a peep, just to make sure everything was all right, and then she’d be able to get the hell out of here, shut the door behind her, and go to bed.

  Her right toe nudged something soft, but solid.

  Natalie froze.

  The smell she’d been aware of on her way up the stairs had suddenly grown stronger.

  Tears of terror pricked her eyes. What was that? Her vision had grown used to the gloom. She had to look down, but she didn’t want to. She was suddenly taken back to that moment all those years ago after Anthony had fallen, where she’d not wanted to see the result of the fall.

  “Mina?” she called tentatively, her voice too loud in the ominous stillness. “Sajad?”

  Panic prodded her in the back, her heart racing, her breathing shallow.

  She used her foot to explore the solid form blocking the way. She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. No, please, no.

  Stepping back, she patted along the wall around the area she would expect to find the light switch. Her fingers met with cool, smooth plastic, and she flicked on the light.

  “Oh my God!”

  Natalie reared back in horror but was unable to tear her gaze from the scene in front of her.

  Sajad lay twisted at the waist on the hallway floor. His brown eyes stared up at her, but they were unseeing. His t-shirt and boxer shorts were soaked in blood. Stab wounds covered his body, even across his hands and arms, where he must have been trying to defend himself.

  She realised what the smell was now, suddenly able to place it. Blood. Like when she passed the butcher on the high street. The stink of something slaughtered and chopped into pieces.

  Her stomach lurched, and she turned away and clamped her hand over her mouth.

  Oh God.

  Mina! Where was Mina?

  She might be hurt and in need of help. The way Sajad was blocking the hallway made her think that he might have been trying to protect Mina.

  “Mina?” She found her voice. “Mina, where are you?”

  Holding back another surge of bile, she stepped over the body. Her black boots slipped in the blood, and she cried out and grabbed at the wall, only just managing to stay upright. Her vision was blurry with tears. She was only vaguely aware that she was now leaving bloodied footprints on the hallway carpet, and that the police probably wouldn’t be happy with her disturbing any evidence.

  What if the killer was still here?

  She hadn’t thought of that. She could be about to walk right into him, still holding the knife he’d used to stab Sajad t
o death. Suddenly, every doorway felt like a threat. The killer could be hiding behind any one of them.

  Natalie fought the urge to run. Only the thought of Mina kept her in place. She might still be alive. What if she needed Natalie’s help and instead of helping, Natalie turned and ran and left her to die?

  She also needed to call the police, and she remembered her handbag which contained her Nokia. What the hell had she done with it? She must have dropped it onto the hallway table downstairs. What a stupid thing to do. Did the couple have a landline? She could call the police from that phone.

  First, she needed to find Mina.

  She reached the end of the hallway and stood in front of the door she’d assumed to be their bedroom. Her hand shook violently as she lifted it and slowly pushed open the door.

  She’d been right about the room being the bedroom, and she’d been right about Mina being in here, too.

  Mina lay splayed out and motionless on the double bed, her wide-open eyes staring up at the ceiling. Her nightdress was bright red, and more blood was splattered across the sheets. A single glance told Natalie there was nothing she could do for the woman.

  Natalie staggered from the room, thinking only that she needed to find a phone. There was her mobile, but it was downstairs. For all she knew, the killer might be waiting for her down there, or even be hiding in her flat. She had to call for help. She’d have thought she’d be screaming the place down in this situation, should she have been asked ahead of time, but she found herself in a frozen silence, mute with horror.

  Phone. A phone. You need to find a phone.

  Where would they have kept their landline? She hadn’t seen it out in the hallway, but then she’d been focused on Sajad’s body.

  She deliberately didn’t look at the body in the hallway and instead pushed open the nearest door. It led onto a small but tidy lounge.

  There! On the side table, next to the sofa.

  Her hand trembled badly as she dropped to her knees beside the phone and picked up the handset. She punched in nine-nine-nine and held the handset to her ear.

  “Emergency,” a calm female voice said, “which service do you require? Fire, police, or ambulance?”