A Season of Change

by Beth Wiseman

  “Are you sure?” She hesitated but took the phone. “I would feel safer, I think.” Shrugging, she looked down. “I am probably being silly. Maybe it was Esther checking to make sure I’d locked my door like I said I would.”

  Benjamin gently cupped her chin and raised her eyes to his. “I don’t think you’re being silly. I believe in those gut feelings. You just have to hit 9-1-1 for the police. I’m sure you know that but—” He still had hold of her chin, and their eyes were locked. Her lips were slightly parted. “I want to kiss you.”

  “I know. You stare at mei mouth constantly.” Grinning, she said softly, “Honesty. The best policy, they say.”

  “Do you want me to kiss you?” Benjamin lowered his hand but kept his eyes on hers. He had caught her looking at his mouth too. Or he thought he had. He hadn’t been shy or nervous around Rose since he’d started getting to know her. But right now, his heart rate was skyrocketing.

  She tapped a finger to her chin. “Hmm . . . I suppose that would be all right.” There was a heartrending tenderness in her gaze that said permission granted.

  In less than a second, he claimed her lips with the same passion as the first kisses, but this time it was backed up by more than physical attraction. As he cupped her cheeks and drew her closer to him, there was an intimacy so sweet and tender that Benjamin felt even more protective of her than only a few moments ago. He eased out of the kiss and rested his head against her forehead. For a moment they just stood there until Benjamin broke away and touched the phone in her hand. “Please keep this close by tonight,” he said, looking into her eyes.

  “Okay,” she said softly.

  He kissed her gently. “I’ve never met anyone like you.”

  She stared at him for a long while, a sober expression on her face. “I’m a gut kisser.”

  Benjamin bent at the waist and laughed. “Ya, you are,” he said when he straightened. “Or maybe not.” He shrugged. “Let me see.” His lips quickly recaptured hers, and he was more sure than ever. He was falling for Rose.

  As he forced himself to ease away from her, he said, “There’s no worship service tomorrow, but I’ll try to call you from our phone in the barn first thing in the morning. I suspect I’ll be missing you by then.”

  “Watch for mice,” she said as she raised an eyebrow and grinned.

  He tipped his hat. “Will do, ma’am.”

  * * *

  Rose stood on the porch until Benjamin’s buggy was out of sight, then she went inside the house. Lloyd was sitting in one of the rocking chairs that faced the porch window.

  “Wie bischt,” he said coolly as he propped an ankle up on his knee. “Is that your boyfriend?”

  Rose froze. Where are Esther and Lizzie? She heard noise in the kitchen. “Nee,” she said as she scurried in that direction. Lloyd couldn’t have seen her kissing Benjamin unless he had gotten up and gone all the way to the left side of the window. Maybe he only saw them pull up in the buggy and Benjamin walking her to the door.

  Lizzie was taking a roast out of the oven, surrounded by potatoes and onions, no carrots. “Sorry I’m late and you had to start supper.”

  After Lizzie set the large pot atop the stove, she raised her apron and blotted the sweat on her forehead. Then she smiled, minus her dentures. “You must have had a gut day.”

  “Ya, I did. His mamm wants to cook for me Wednesday night.” Blushing, she looked down and wiggled her toes. “And he kissed me again,” she said in a whisper.

  Lizzie lightly clapped her hands together. “I knew it. I knew he was the one.”

  Rose tapped a finger to her teeth. “Did you forget something?”

  “Nee, I didn’t.” Lizzie pressed her lips into a straight line. “Those dentures are giving me fits.” She glanced toward the living room, then leaned closer to Rose’s ear. “I don’t much care what that man thinks. He gives me the creeps, always loitering nearby but not making himself known. I’ll be glad when he’s gone.”

  “I’m locking mei bedroom door at night,” Rose whispered. “I think I heard him jiggle the doorknob to my bedroom. Benjamin loaned me his mobile phone in case I need to call for help.”

  Lizzie’s jaw dropped before she snapped her mouth closed and pressed her thin lips together, the lines on her forehead growing deeper. “Ach, we’re not going to have that in this haus.” She shook her head. “There’s a baseball bat under mei bed for people like Lloyd.”

  “Nee, I don’t want any violence. I might have imagined what I heard.” Rose wanted Lloyd gone, but she didn’t want him in the hospital. “Lizzie, can you meet me in the barn right after dark? I think I might know a way to get Lloyd to leave on his own.”

  “The barn? What in the world for?” Lizzie frowned. “There are mice out there, especially at night.”

  “Exactly,” Rose answered, grinning.

  “Well, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’ll be there.” Lizzie nodded toward the pot on the stove. “If you can carry that roast to the dining room, I’ll get the bread and chowchow.”

  “Of course.” She positioned two pot holders on either side of the roast. “You can still include the carrots, even though I don’t like them. I know they are usually served with roast.”

  “We work around my dietary preferences, and Esther can’t eat certain things because of her stomach ulcer. So we can work around your dislike of carrots.” She chuckled. “I still remember the day you first arrived and carried on about how much you didn’t like carrots.” Lizzie stared at her, so Rose waited to lift the pot. “You seem so much more relaxed. To put it bluntly, you don’t talk as much.” She held up a hand. “You know I say that with lieb.”

  Rose’s lack of communication had more to do with childhood thoughts assaulting her lately. “I guess I’m just happy.” That part was true, too, and when she was with Benjamin, she did tend to be more relaxed. Although the timing of her childhood recollections was inconvenient. She wanted to bask in the happiness she felt when she was with Benjamin all the time, without unwanted thoughts slipping into her mind.

  “Ach, you’ll end up leaving us too.” Lizzie sighed. “But I’m very happy things are working out with you and Benjamin. And I get credit.”

  Rose smiled. Sometimes matchmaking seemed like a competition between Esther and Lizzie. “Ya, you do.”

  “The food smells wonderful.” Lloyd sauntered into the room. Despite the compliment, his flat expression was hard to read—until he eyed Rose up and down and grinned. “Can I do anything to help?”

  “Nee, just have a seat in the dining room. Everything is ready.” Rose lifted the pot and followed behind him. After she set it down, she went back to the kitchen.

  “I guess we should eat with him,” Rose said, flinching. “By the way, where is Esther?”

  “She went with Gus to go see Evelyn and Jayce. The boy obviously took the news about Gus hard.” Lizzie paused, but her eyes didn’t reflect the venom usually visible when it came to their renter. “And apparently, Gus wanted to thank Evelyn for the casseroles she left in the refrigerator.”

  “He thanked me for the appetizers I put in his refrigerator. And before that, I saw him talking to Naomi. I guess he is making the rounds and thanking everyone.” Rose went to the sink to wash her hands.

  “Not everyone,” Lizzie said as she took a bowl of salad from the refrigerator.

  “What do you mean?” Rose said as she dried her hands.

  “He didn’t thank everyone. I left him two loaves of bread on the counter. And I got up extra early to bake them.” Lizzie frowned. “And before you say anything, I did that for Esther. She’ll wear herself out trying to do for that man. If she knew he didn’t have bread, she would make him some.”

  Rose tipped her head to one side. “You don’t fool me, Lizzie. You care about Gus, whether you admit it or not.”

  With the salad bowl in her hands, Lizzie shook her head. “Nee. I care about mei schweschder.”

  Rose took the salad dressing from the refrigerat
or and followed Lizzie to the dining room, sure that she wasn’t being completely truthful about her feelings for Gus. He had been a fixture around the inn going on fifteen years. They would all feel the loss.

  * * *

  Esther sat on the couch by Evelyn. Jayce remained standing across the room while Gus cleared his throat and looked at Evelyn.

  “Thank you for the casseroles you left at my home. And I’m sorry for being mean over the years.” Gus frowned, and before Evelyn could respond, Gus said, “Jayce, let’s talk on the porch.” He motioned for the boy to follow him.

  After the men were outside, Evelyn’s eyes widened. “Wow. You’ve come a long way with him.”

  Esther smiled. “I encouraged him to thank everyone for the food they left at the cottage. But I didn’t tell him to apologize for being mean. He added that on his own, and he also told Naomi the same thing.”

  “Jayce is taking Gus’s illness very hard.” Evelyn sighed. “They give each other a hard time, but there is a strong bond between them. I think it has to do with the night Jayce slept on Gus’s couch, long before we were married. He was upset about his father, and he told me recently that on that night, he told Gus he wished he were his daed. So despite their playful sparring, if Gus doesn’t receive the miracle we are praying for, Jayce is going to be very hurt.”

  Esther didn’t want to think that far ahead. She was going to keep praying for the miracle and working with Gus on how to treat others more kindly. She’d noticed that Evelyn had been whispering, and suddenly she knew why. From their spot on the couch, they could hear everything being said out on the porch. Both women stayed quiet.

  “Doctors don’t know everything,” Jayce said.

  “Well, kid, they seem to in my case.”

  “I had a friend when I was growing up who recovered just fine from leukemia. Having the disease isn’t a death sentence.”

  Esther glanced at Evelyn, then looked back at her lap. They shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but they were so close to the window, it was impossible not to hear.

  “Kid, I’m seventy-six years old. I’ve got stage four leukemia, along with a bunch of other issues that surely would have killed me soon enough anyway.” Gus paused. “And I don’t believe in miracles, just in case you were going to throw that in.”

  “Well, if it’s all right with you, I’ll be praying for one anyway. You’re like my—”

  Esther took a tissue from the pocket of her apron and dabbed at her eyes after Jayce couldn’t even finish his sentence.

  The men were quiet for a while, then Gus cleared his throat.

  “I’m only doing this chemo to buy myself a little more time,” Gus said. “Esther thinks she can transform me.” He paused. “She can’t, but it seems important to her to try.”

  Esther caught the tear sliding down her cheek with the tissue, and she was touched when Evelyn reached for her hand and held on tightly.

  “I need you to do something for me after I’m gone. Now, listen, because this is important. I’m telling you now in case I get all slobbery and can’t talk or something later.”

  “What is it?”

  “I need you to look in on Esther, make sure she’s okay. I reckon Rose Petal will run off with her new beau, and Esther will be stuck with just that crazy sister of hers, along with whatever renters stay at the inn. And don’t let any weirdos rent my cottage.”

  “I promise to make sure Esther and Lizzie are okay. I would have done that without you asking me to anyway.”

  “Yeah, okay, whatever. That’s all I wanted to say.”

  “Well, what if I have things to say?” Jayce’s voice cracked, and Esther’s heart was breaking.

  “Let’s don’t do this, kid. Don’t get all sappy on me.” There was another long pause. “I gotta go.”

  “Wait. That’s it?” Jayce’s voice quivered, and it sounded to Esther like he was about to cry.

  She wanted to go outside and give him a hug, but when she looked over her shoulder, she could see between the partially opened blinds. Gus had beat her to it. She inched over so Evelyn could see Gus hugging Jayce.

  “You’ll be all right, kid.” Gus patted Jayce on the back.

  “I’ll still be praying for that miracle.”

  Esther and Evelyn quickly turned away from the window when Gus and Jayce moved toward the front door.

  “Let’s go, Esther,” Gus said as he walked into the room.

  Esther sniffled, hugged Evelyn and Jayce, and followed Gus to his truck, unable to hold back her tears as she climbed inside the cab.

  Gus got in, closed his door, and frowned at her. “Now, Esther, I can’t be having this all the time, you crying and carrying on.” He stared at her, scowling even more. “So, stop.”

  Esther wiped her nose, raised her chin, then looked straight ahead as Gus started the truck. She stayed quiet until they were back at the inn.

  “I will continue to pray for a miracle,” she said firmly before she exited the truck and slammed the door.

  She didn’t stop when Gus called her name. By now, there was a flood of tears spilling down her face.

  * * *

  Rose was glad Lloyd said he had to be somewhere and left right after supper. Lizzie met her in the barn as planned after dark. She suspected Lloyd would leave first thing in the morning, if not sooner.

  After she had bathed and changed into her nightclothes, she locked her bedroom door and took out her keepsake box from under the bed.

  She fluffed the pillows behind her, stretched out her legs, and placed the box in her lap. As she stared at it, her fingers drumming against the stained oak, Rose recalled her brother making it for her and giving it to her on her sixteenth birthday. Abram was probably the most sentimental of all her siblings.

  Finally, she unhooked the small latch and gingerly opened the keeper of her memories, which was about the size of a shoebox. There were letters from her mother and siblings, all of which she’d written back. There was an angel pendant hanging on a broken silver chain. An English friend had given it to her when she was a teenager. She used to wear it tucked beneath her dress, until her father saw it one day and yanked it from her neck. There was a small rock she’d painted to resemble a ladybug because someone in school told her ladybugs were lucky. She pawed around other memorabilia, but it was her mother’s very first letter that she wanted to reread. It had arrived about two weeks after Rose left Ohio.

  Wie bischt, Rose.

  I hope you are doing well with Big Roy and Katie Marie.

  Rose recalled the short time she’d spent with her cousins before she moved to the inn and began working for Esther and Lizzie. Her cousins didn’t really have room for her.

  Although I don’t understand why you left. I’m lonely here in this big haus by mei self. Some folks call you selfish for not considering how your leaving might affect me. Of course, I tell them that I am fine without you. But you are gone, presumably in search of a husband since you couldn’t find one here. I hope you find what you are looking for.

  Mamm

  Rose had written her back, apologizing for her selfishness and for leaving. She’d wished her mother well and asked her to write back often. Looking back, she wasn’t sure why she’d made the request. The letters between Rose and her mother were infrequent and formal. She had more communication with her brothers and sisters, and she enjoyed hearing about their children.

  As she had done so many times in the past, she took her notepad and a pen from the drawer of her nightstand. Then she thought about all the things she wanted to say to her mother. She practically had the words memorized, but each time, she’d thrown away the letter and opted for polite formality. Not this time.

  Dear Mamm,

  Wie bischt. I hope this letter finds you well. I have decided to tell you the real reason why I chose to leave home, although in my heart, I feel you must know why. I left because I couldn’t face you any longer without voicing mei true feelings, which would have surely gotten me kicked out of the haus anywa
y. It seemed easier at the time to just leave with my emotions unresolved. But I am realizing that if I am going to move forward and rid myself of the emotional scars I carry with me, then I need to tell you how I feel as part of mei own healing process.

  She paused as she thought about the timing of her actions again. Was this something she needed to put behind her before she could move forward? Sighing, she went on.

  I often wonder if mei bruders and schweschdere have ever talked to you about the things that went on when we were growing up, but I have not asked them. The only reason I knew discipline in our haus was different than in other families is from the few times we were allowed to sleep over at a friend’s house. Away from home, it was obvious our family wasn’t living the right way, despite your proclamations that everything Daed did was to right our wrongs in the eyes of Gott.

  But, Mamm, if you apologize for allowing those things to happen, I will forgive you. And in the process, perhaps I will heal, and you and I can have a closer relationship.

  I lieb you,

  Rose

  She tapped the pen to the pad for a few seconds. What if she was wrong about her mother? What if her mother had suffered at the hands of her father and Rose and her siblings just never saw it? It seemed unlikely that they wouldn’t have noticed something during all their years at home. But she decided to add a P.S. anyway.

  P.S. Mamm, if Daed treated you badly, please tell me. I don’t want to accuse you for your lack of intervention if you also suffered at the hand of Daed.

  She put the letter in an envelope and addressed it to her mother, but she didn’t seal it. Tomorrow, she would read it again and decide whether or not to mail it. Her chest tightened just thinking about actually sending the note.

  After snubbing out her lantern, she lay back, closed her eyes, and thought about more pleasant things to lull her to sleep. Benjamin. The kisses they shared. The fun they had fishing.